[Standup2me]

Not, I can so relate with you
People and noise overwhelm me too

I messed up. I forgot to take my night meds last night. I took them out and put them on the table, then they were gone from the table so I assumed I had taken them. This morning I found them on the floor. So that explains why I didnt get a wink of sleep and I was super anxious all night. by 5.30am I was panicing so I took some ativan, then found the meds and quickly took my morning dose. I feel absolutely awful. I have no one to turn to, I really need a hug but I have no one. I worry I will have a panic attack and kill myself or go completely bonkers, I dont want that to happen but I feel like it will. Terrifying. If all else fails I will turn to xyprexa, but there goes my productive day.

[Notnrml85]

Originally Posted by Supanova

I messed up. I forgot to take my night meds last night. I took them out and put them on the table, then they were gone from the table so I assumed I had taken them. This morning I found them on the floor. So that explains why I didnt get a wink of sleep and I was super anxious all night. by 5.30am I was panicing so I took some ativan, then found the meds and quickly took my morning dose. I feel absolutely awful. I have no one to turn to, I really need a hug but I have no one. I worry I will have a panic attack and kill myself or go completely bonkers, I dont want that to happen but I feel like it will. Terrifying. If all else fails I will turn to xyprexa, but there goes my productive day.

I have has several nights/days like this. I am so sorry you've had to deal with it too. It really sucks and the only thing you can do is force yourself to be with other people (supportive people, if possible) until you feel safe by yourself. I would use whatever coping skills you know till your meds start working again and call your p doc.

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[lonelychick]

Feeling a little better, but still not great. I know something is wrong with my brain. Normal people don't think like I do. There are issues I don't want to address but I'm afraid I might have to soon because it's starting to affect my work. My manager keeps asking me if I'm all right. She's the best. I wish I could tell her.

[usehername]

I managed to sleep from sometime in the morning until 1pm - very unusual for me. No idea how much sleep I got, but I can't sleep now. I wish I could control my sleep.

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[Blitter2014]

I have hit that time of the day where I start worrying about sleep and the nightmares. It takes two or rhree hiurs in rhe morning for the clouds of depression to lift, then I enjoy the day....until this time of night. Another 3 weeks my pdoc tells me.....just hang in there. Can do. Sleeping still scares me.....

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[Skitz13]

More energy today, probably because I'm starting to sleep, been to the market and have made dinner in the slow cooker.

Yesterday was good, today will be even better.

[r010159]

I was depressed again. The more I chart my moods, the more I think a mild depression is my baseline, even when well medicated. At least I feel OK more times than compared to when I am depressed.

[Standup2me]

Ah, Lonely, is there such a thing as normal anymore?

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Ah, Lonely, is there such a thing as normal anymore?

In this world where we are more connected than ever before via text, email, phone, mobile, instant everything, facebook, face palm, instgram, instant twit,....

I think lonely is the new 'normal'

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[pawn78]

I'm hypomanic, but the Lamictal is keeping me balanced and sleeping, and stabilizing my mood from going off the deep end. So I don't fear it this time, I am enjoying my hypomania, in a controlled manner with sleep and medication of course!

[r010159]

I took advantage of someone that I rely on today. I will have to pick up the pieces. I just do not want to be angry at myself and depressed about this. That will not do me any good. I do have a plan. The end is not near. I need not be foreboding about what I feel is impending doom.

I hope this terrible cycle does not continue! I really do not!

[tigersassy]

Got a tattoo I've wanted for years last night. Had like 4 hours of sleep now up and at em for work. It's a wonderful day.

Tig

[Skitz13]

A friend insisted I go out and "party" last night because I haven't been out. Had 2 beers, couldn't keep up the "everything's great" persona and took off.
Made me feel even worse.

Today I see my T. New one since February. Feel like canceling. The last T I had, I had for 2 years, saw me through so much. She was amazing, also had her own MI issues. She really got me, man I miss her.

This one's really nice but just doesn't get it but this is the end of the road for me. No where left to turn so I have to stick it out.

Seems like such a waste of everyone's time when It just doesn't seem like it helps but I have an obligation to my kids so I soldier on...

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by Plzsti

A friend insisted I go out and "party" last night because I haven't been out. Had 2 beers, couldn't keep up the "everything's great" persona and took off.
Made me feel even worse.

Today I see my T. New one since February. Feel like canceling. The last T I had, I had for 2 years, saw me through so much. She was amazing, also had her own MI issues. She really got me, man I miss her.

This one's really nice but just doesn't get it but this is the end of the road for me. No where left to turn so I have to stick it out.

Seems like such a waste of everyone's time when It just doesn't seem like it helps but I have an obligation to my kids so I soldier on...

Your kids no doubt do and will love you for your self sacrificing attitude. I hate seeing T when you know they're just not right for you. But someone told me if 'I get just one sentence' to take with me after the session, then its been worth it. Now thats what I aim for, just one sentence.

Hang in there......and be proud of yourself for living your family enough to put them ahead of your own self. You should be....

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[charo224488]

Originally Posted by Blitter2014

I have hit that time of the day where I start worrying about sleep and the nightmares. It takes two or rhree hiurs in rhe morning for the clouds of depression to lift, then I enjoy the day....until this time of night. Another 3 weeks my pdoc tells me.....just hang in there. Can do. Sleeping still scares me.....

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I can relate to this- I have horrible nightmares nearly every night and always remember them. I dread going to sleep. Nothing helps. My doc says they are just meaningless dreams, but he doesn't understand how they affect waking life, too. Best of luck to you.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Blitter2014

I have hit that time of the day where I start worrying about sleep and the nightmares. It takes two or rhree hiurs in rhe morning for the clouds of depression to lift, then I enjoy the day....until this time of night. Another 3 weeks my pdoc tells me.....just hang in there. Can do. Sleeping still scares me.....

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I'm really sorry you're still struggling with those nightmares. I get being afraid to sleep. I don't get the nightmares but it's been my experience that during my cycles I at some point turn into a person I don't even know.

I'm afraid to sleep while going through these mixed episodes because I'm afraid that one morning I'll wake up and "me" will be gone.

[Standup2me]

I want a life without confusion

[Blitter2014]

I woukd like to feel happy wirhout Mania.....just contented and smiling. ....without all the consequences and irresponsible actions.....you know like a ' normal person'. As Data would say....."to be functioning wirhin normal operating parameters"

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[swheaton]

Feeling down, but at least the anxiety is quieting. I just need sleep.

[r010159]

Originally Posted by Blitter2014

I woukd like to feel happy wirhout Mania.....just contented and smiling. ....without all the consequences and irresponsible actions.....you know like a ' normal person'. As Data would say....."to be functioning wirhin normal operating parameters"

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Yes, this is what I want!

I feel much better after crashing for two hours with depression. Always happens in the morning. No morning jobs for me!

[usehername]

I was awake earlier... Now I am numb and sleeping. It is easier to sleep while awake than while asleep. Didn't do anything useful today. APs ate me. Who is this "me" anyway? She's lost in the crowd...
Can APs cause depression? I couldn't move today. Didn't want to talk to my boyfriend... I did clean my daughter's room... I guess that's something.
How is this better than last week's frenetic (albeit pointless) activity??

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[Curiosity77]

I told the guy i have been dating for the past few weeks that i have bipolar. I didn't give him any details, i just said i take medications and i am well. He said he isn't worried about it. He asked a few questions, which i gave general answers to. I didn't want to freak him out with the whole story. Hopefully that was the right time to tell him.

I feel pretty good about how the relationship is going. It's still early days though.

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[tigersassy]

Missed my antidepressant dose last night, kindda on purpose. I'm sure I'm hypo. I'm not going to be able to afford the viibryd in 2 weeks when I need a refill. Maybe I should just cut the dose in half stretch what I've got until the next check.

Tig

[Blitter2014]

Saphris cloud seems to lift a little earlier each morning, though still having trouble constructing sentences without stumbling for words. Feeling more capable, though very aware of not pushing myself too far too fast at the moment.

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