Bi-Polar Daily Check-In Thread #5

lonelychick · Jul 16, 2014, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigersassy

Really feeling odd. Not bad or negative. I just feel like I'm buzzing against my skin on the inside. My brains even more all over the place now (after yoga) than it was before too. Not sure if this is normal, but then again what is normal about me. I made it thru my 30 min beginners DVD, felt like I couldn't be that's still and deliberate to the point I felt my body trembling with the effort. Time for dinner/meds and then bath and write and bed if I can.

This can actually be a side effect of some meds. I can't remember what it's called, but I read about it in Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison. The book itself can be REALLY triggering though (it's about suicide) so don't read it if you're not safe, but there is information out there if you need it and I'm sure it's in other places as well. It was something I'd dealt with off and on for years, but never knew was something other people had until I read that snippet in her book. It used to make me feel absolutely crazy. I was on and off so many different meds at the time though that I never even thought it might be related to them. I thought it was just me. Anyway, it can totally be something worth looking into if it's bothering you.

pawn78 · Jul 16, 2014, 10:05 PM

I'm doing really well with my mood. Very, very happy and content. Part of me is afraid that I might "crash" soon. I have been working really long hours, and not sleeping enough. I just feel like I have so much to do everyday, and I'm extremely motivated, so it is difficult for me to just stop and rest.

r010159 · Jul 16, 2014, 10:38 PM

I have returned from a trip to San Diego. My daughter and I had a good time. Now she is back to being a teenager again: whining, grumpy, difficult at times. Life is back to normal again.

Jul 17, 2014, 02:23 AM

Heheh, r010159! When my son was 13, we took a big trip -- 3 weeks, cross-Atlantic. I was happy high-energy hypo. He was a delight. I thought…. ahhh if only he were like this all the time. He probably had a similar thought.

Not entirely sure still what the scent thing was the other night. It hasn't happened again. But I am thinking I'm in hypo regardless. Did a MAJOR bathroom scrub yesterday (walls, ceiling, the whole bit). It was only about a bazillion degrees in there. Mind you, I HATE the heat. The night before, at 3 am I was still wound up and said something that's still hilarious. Other stuff as well. Not all good though. VERY agitated this morning at work.

BF just told me I need to shower and get to bed (you need to get some sleep!). He knows. He always does. Before I do.

Blitter2014 · Jul 17, 2014, 03:02 AM

Better today.
Still too needy. Wife tells me she feels like a security blanket and Im suffocating her. Finding it hard to cope, but will keep on trying. Tomorrow hopefully better again

tigersassy · Jul 17, 2014, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lonelychick

This can actually be a side effect of some meds. I can't remember what it's called, but I read about it in Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison. The book itself can be REALLY triggering though (it's about suicide) so don't read it if you're not safe, but there is information out there if you need it and I'm sure it's in other places as well. It was something I'd dealt with off and on for years, but never knew was something other people had until I read that snippet in her book. It used to make me feel absolutely crazy. I was on and off so many different meds at the time though that I never even thought it might be related to them. I thought it was just me. Anyway, it can totally be something worth looking into if it's bothering you.

Thanks. This isn't the first time it's happened. I'm not sure, but I think I remember feeling like this before my meds. It doesn't happen often, but it is something to look into.
Slept for a while like 6 hours or so not counting the "waking up" staring at the inside of my eye mask. I'm so not wanting to go to work still not focusing well and have so much to do today. Want to drive cross country and move to a new state. Trying to maintain a bit of control of these urges. Should call Pdoc office and see what they say about all of this, but I don't want to talk to someone who has no idea what brought me in in the first place. One more day of having to get up at 3:45am for work. So Saturday I might be able to "rest" longer, don't want to, but I know I should.

Standup2me · Jul 17, 2014, 02:59 PM

Skys are very dark
It is cold, damp and windy
No green skys, so no tornado coming

Life is good, we needed rain.
Drops of hope from the sky

tigersassy · Jul 17, 2014, 06:31 PM

Brain and body fighting each other cue migraine with circus music as background. This it's my life. Been "sleeping" since bout 4pm cause migraine. Feeling better but took a tylenol pm to sleep through the night so I don't have this same issue tomorrow since I'm wide awake now and its been 3hours.

Curiosity77 · Jul 17, 2014, 10:59 PM

I saw my therapist today. He's been away for the past 2 months, so it had been a while since I'd seen him. Talking to him helps me feel more connected to myself and the things that are important to me, but it also makes me question and second guess a lot of things in my life. I know what kind of a life I want, and I know what kind of a life I have now, and there is so much separating them. Every time I see him I want to stop my meds and live more spontaneously and be more free. He makes me feel like that is possible, and I want it so much. My pdoc doesn't think I will ever get there, and a waiver between my T and believing my pdoc. My T says I should wait until next year when my work monitoring is over, and then he will connect me to a homeopath who can help me come off meds. But even he thinks I should wait and not do it now, and he is pretty against meds generally. I know I talk about the same thing on here a lot, so I appologize for taking up so much space. I know that I need to be compliant right now, and I am, but I really miss the energy and chaos I used to have. I'm stable, but things seem so boring now. I would rather feel intensely bad than feel nothing intensely at all - and it's the feeling nothing that is really getting to me. It's fear that keeps me on my meds, because I'm afraid of getting really sick and destroying my life again. But I don't want to do things out of fear. I want to take more risks.

Standup2me · Jul 18, 2014, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tigersassy

Thanks. This isn't the first time it's happened. I'm not sure, but I think I remember feeling like this before my meds. It doesn't happen often, but it is something to look into.
Slept for a while like 6 hours or so not counting the "waking up" staring at the inside of my eye mask. I'm so not wanting to go to work still not focusing well and have so much to do today. Want to drive cross country and move to a new state. Trying to maintain a bit of control of these urges. Should call Pdoc office and see what they say about all of this, but I don't want to talk to someone who has no idea what brought me in in the first place. One more day of having to get up at 3:45am for work. So Saturday I might be able to "rest" longer, don't want to, but I know I should.

Tig, you've said what I think so much. I just want to disappear and move to some isolated place and run away from the world. It is so tempting sometimes

tigersassy · Jul 18, 2014, 11:00 AM

I slept. I slept for almost 12hours. Thank you tylenol pm. Hopefully this means I can avoid the migraine that comes from not sleeping. I don't want isolating if I move I want fast paced activity. I'm still running on full speed. Everything is still bright and shiny.

cashart10 · Jul 18, 2014, 10:06 PM

Today has been another great day. My mood is very elevated and I'm filled with so much passion. SO SO SO much passion. Tantalizing passion. Passion that makes me move from head to toe, inside and outside. Passion that burns a fire inside my heart. I can just feel EVERYTHING and it is so freaking wonderful. OH my gosh! I can just feel everything. I want to go driving but my husband insists I can't; he's afraid of where I might end up. But I want to go. I long to go. I want to get the keys and go anyway but I hate how that will make him feel and I know he is filled with good intentions. So I just feel stuck. I want to move but hardly can move. I don't want to exercise. I can't express myself while exercising. BAH! But, I can still dance, so I will, probably all night.

pawn78 · Jul 18, 2014, 10:24 PM

Dance, baby, DANCE!

cashart10 · Jul 18, 2014, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pawn78

Dance, baby, DANCE!

lol...I love it!

TheatreKid · Jul 18, 2014, 10:31 PM

I'd suggest another 3 AM dance party tonight but I really shouldn't be awake for another 3 AM.

cashart10 · Jul 18, 2014, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

I'd suggest another 3 AM dance party tonight but I really shouldn't be awake for another 3 AM.

Lol...it would me most fun, if you guys are around, it's on.

I haven't started dancing yet, but I wasn't kidding, lol. I love to dance and it is the only way I know how to get rid of this much energy. If I get started I may not ever sleep though, lol.

TheatreKid · Jul 18, 2014, 11:21 PM

Well, it's after midnight and I'm still up. Around 5 PM I was tired and thought about a nap but didn't nap in case it made me stay up tonight.... should have just napped while I could.

pawn78 · Jul 18, 2014, 11:27 PM

I am dancing all over my apartment blasting music and doing dishes. Long live mania!

TheatreKid · Jul 18, 2014, 11:33 PM

Ha ha. I'm a little worried I'm headed in that direction since this is the second night I'm not sleeping. It's going to be a busy weekend for me too.

I would blast music but the people who live upstairs would kill me. Want to come do my dishes?

pawn78 · Jul 18, 2014, 11:36 PM

I actually hate doing dishes with a passion! But it's got to be done, and I might as well use my energy for something productive.
Btw, I'm not totally reckless, I'll be going to bed to sleep 7-8 hours soon.