I'm not well

No call yet!

Plzst- my serouqel just says as needed for sleep. I am not one to take my prn so this is a big deal that I am being proactive. I understand no one is my Dr here and they're support but they can still give their opinions. Last time I saw him he taught me what they know about schizophrenia, dopamine, and anti phsycotics with graphs and everything. He also told me that I'm not allowing myself a good enough quality of life. Being proactive, taking my meds, and asking question is a huge step for me. I don't feel it would be Irresponsible to give me there opinion or give me information. I have seriously drained everyone including myself. I'm not allowing myself around the children as they don't deserve my short temper. I've even frustrated my husband. My mother in law has become really worried. She called my sister in law finding out how she help. I can't tax my support system all at ones. This is hardly 'up' for me but even this I can't afford.

I'm not sleeping, my head feels like it's going to explode and is buzzing, ext...... My biggest concern is becoming parinod of my husband again, or completely embarrassing myself in front of my in-laws or worrying them to the point they want me hospitalized.

50 mg of Seroquel isn't a lot, so if you had to take it as a prn more than once in the day I think you will be fine. BUT - I can't say for sure, because I don't know about your medical history or what other medications you could be taking that might interact. The maximum listed daily dose of seroquel is 800mg. But most people are on a lot less than that. My thought is take an extra 50 mg prn if you feel like you need it, and get in touch with your pdoc ASAP and tell them what's up. But that is just my opinion, and I could be wrong. Also, don't mix it with grapefruit juice, because that can increase the seroquel level in your blood quite a bit.

Right now the seroquol is still in my system from last night. I'm thinking if I get to hyper bouncing of the walls or irritated at the kids. If my teams going to call it'll be today but the thing is I've already withdrawn from the abilify (that I didn't have a script for), welbutrin and the hell it is to drop the viibryd in half. So I don't see a point in calling me back.

Has anyone gained weight on prolonged use of a low dose of seroquel?

Not really, it was opposite for me I was on 100 mg of seroquel for a while then had it dropped to 50 because I couldn't function. But I lost about 15 pounds because I just couldn't eat. And thats in 2 months, they just switched me to abilify which seems to be helping me a lot better. My happy is better but my irratable is bad talk to pdoc about adding latuda maybe have you tried that?

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please don't take offense to my reply. I wasn't implying anything, really I wasn't. I was just saying that there are so many factors to consider that's all. What is good or works for one person may not work for another. I'm a nurse and I've seen first hand how careful you have to be with dosage especially when there are other meds on board. So I apologize.

Plzsti I wasn't offended just trying to catch you up on the last three years and how PC has supported me.

With latuda I don't have the time to mess with new meds. This will be the last time I see my pdoc. Then I'm without a pdoc until sept. 10th. Unless they transfer me to a new pdoc for 2 months. That will answer his/her phone or email. He'll give me a couple of choices but when it comes to AP's he refuses to tell me what he would do in my position. Which is sooooo aggravating because I value his opinion.

I hear ya. I would like to ask you a question. How do you find Latuda? The doc wants me back on a mood stabilizer and refuse to go back on Lithium. My daughter is on Latuda and really likes it but before I make a decision I'd like more opinions.

I'm not on Latuda. hiddenfriend suggested it to me but I dont have time to mess with meds. I have a friend that swears by it.

So no one called today. I'm really questioning whether I have BP or not. What if I'm just emotional and *****y? What if its just a sugar problem? What if its everyone around me who's the ones that are sensitive? What if they are just upset I can think faster? They don't understand that I don't need to poison my body with food and drugs. Wtf am I doing to my child giving him these. What if the meds are causing the symptoms. I'm constantly telling t that I'm more dangerous medicated. She doesn't believe me. The seroquel sucks, you can servive without sleep for a while. I've done it before and the added 8 he's you can get a lot done. Yes I'm having thoughts that are 'strange' to others but who gets to say what is strange.

mania
I sometimes think just like you miguelsmom, that is sometimes how I think when I'm manic.
I wish I could tell you what to do, but I don't know. Can see a therapist soon?

If it was mania I'd have to have 3 of the following and it has to be bad:

Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity

Decreased need for sleep (e.g., one feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)

More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking

Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing

Attention is easily drawn to unimortant or irrelevant items

Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation

Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

----_---------------------
I only have 2 and there not that bad. I see my therapist in 10 days. She's going to want me on a full time AP. They can't make me take meds can they? What if its borderline and they're driving me for no reason?

"I only have 2 and there not that bad. I see my therapist in 10 days. She's going to want me on a full time AP. They can't make me take meds can they? What if its borderline and they're driving me for no reason?"
__________________

I say this gently, because I get paranoia as my treatment-resistant psychosis, especially when mixed. Could the last bit there be a little paranoia? You said earlier you have been on an AP.

they're driving me for no reason? I meant they're medicating me for no reason?

Can questioning your DX be psychosis? Psychosis is a hospitalization offence. I've been on an AP about a month. If I skip a day I don't sleep and T ingrained "slow down, sleep, seroquel". So I take the seroquel because that's the only way to get that unstuck. The last time I took the seroquel full time was end of march. When I thought my family was trying to kill me but I was stable. Then I had a little semi-lawful stint with abilify for a week and a half until I realized I gained 4 lbs.

I guess anything can be paranoia. I have to talk t about my DX and medication. She hates those conversations. I have the feeling that she doesn't think I'm medicated enough.

I remember back when your signature line was along the lines of "If I ever want off my meds or out of therapy, somebody please kick me". Well.....let's just say you were doing a lot better then, and for a lot longer. For months now your posts have concerned me, as well as a number of other members, and I think maybe it's time to realize that when multiple people are telling you the same things, you would do well to listen.

I've questioned my diagnosis too. (Haven't we all?) In fact, last fall I pretty much had myself convinced I wasn't bipolar at all, that I was merely going through an existential crisis and had finally snapped out of it. (This was in the middle of a particularly severe and persistent manic episode.)

So I asked my family and friends what they thought of my theory, and they all said I was full of $#!+. Then I brought it up to my pdoc and he started talking hospitalization. That was after HE told me I was full of $#!+. I guess I was pretty far out there, I don't really remember a whole lot about that time, but I do recall that once he put me on a 2nd AP, I came back to earth. Then the depression hit, and that forever dispelled any illusions about NOT being bipolar.

I suspect you haven't had that come-to-Jesus moment yet, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that you indeed are BP and need consistent treatment.
I know your eating disorder complicates matters, but there are APs out there that are weight-neutral. I'm a nurse, not a doctor, but I agree with your T that you are under-medicated for the severity of your symptoms.

I agree with bpnurse // your posting seems really off lately.. we all care so please talk to your Pdoc or T and allow them to help you get back on track .

** hugs**

indeed are BP okay then, I'm just out of it right now. BP nurse, ~Christina, and anyone else - how long have I been " off"?

manic episode I don't like the sound of that. If it is its a semi weird one.

we all care so please talk to your Pdoc or T I'm still mad at them for not calling me back. You guys are kinda making me worried they'll want me to be in the hospital. Plus I see t the 2nd and pdoc the 5th. I don't have time for the hospital anyway.

I'm trying to keep just one thread so its easier for me to follow and others.

Last time I was in pdoc office was the only time he mentioned an AP at all. I said no then started to take it anyway. Then i gained 4lbs and stopped. T has to deal with me and all my moods. I've been okay with APS for a while, I forget why but I vaguely remember you BP nurse convincing me. However even when it comes up in therapy I look like a deer in head lights, freeze and shut down.

I leaves to go home in a little then I'm off to fl. So

I know, nobody has time for the hospital, but if you don't get the right kind of treatment, the hospital will become necessary. I've never been inpatient either and it scares the hell out of me just as it does you, so I'm no expert on what the experience of it is like. But I think it's always better to avoid it if possible, so you have to be proactive in getting yourself treated.

I think you might be like me in that you probably "present well" at your pdoc's or T's office, and are able to convince them you're not as sick as you really are. For example, I can be in utter chaos internally, but I've always got a smile for the office staff and a few smartass jokes for my pdoc. (He's got my number now, though---he knows when I'm FOS, and medicates me more aggressively than he used to because he knows I'm sicker than I think I am.)Unfortunately we do ourselves a disservice by not being completely truthful with our providers, and we end up paying for it in terms of inadequate care.

You need to let it all hang out with your treatment team. Let them know what it's really like to live inside your head. We've been watching you come undone over the past 3-4 months, and probably farther back than that. It's like watching a sad movie unfold before our eyes and there's nothing we can do about it, except of course be supportive and gently attempt to help you get straightened out. I don't envy you your situation one bit, and I'm very concerned about your stress levels. However, you'll cope with it better if you have adequate amounts of brain chemicals circulating.

Sorry for rambling. You are someone I've been worried about for some time and I just want to know you'll be OK.

you probably "present well" i do and I warn them early that I look better then I really am. That's why I write so much to my T. I know the style of writing I use here and between friends tend to have a more urgent tone then when I write to myself or her. I have no idea how much translates to my file. I know not a lot on her end. I know that they both view my symptoms differently.

I don't have time to play with drugs, or feel drugged but I don't have time to become aggressive ( well at this point I mean more aggressive and irritable). I'm the one figuring out how to move 6 households across the country. I need to be able to make on the spot calculations and desicions with In the sentence. If I can't pull off this years of planning go out the window. I need to pull of cool and confident in front of everyone while coming completely apart. I need to keep it together.

I know I was depressed since October through end of march. Then I was stable but not and now I guess (hypo)manic.

I'm sure I am much sicker than I think because I'm the most healthy in my family.

I would agree with BPNurse 3-4 months of decline... I hope you can stay safe .. hospitals arent a vacation but there arent a death sentance either .. They help .

Miguel'smom

I can empathise with struggling with knowing if you're 'sick' or 'fine' or whatever, and being confused with feeling one thing but having people you trust saying another. I honestly don't know how you will pull off this huge move you have coming up - most 'normal' people would struggle with that too! I understand about 'presenting well' too - even when I tell Ts/pdocs that I minimise minimise minimise, they still buy the BS. In fact my (now ex-) CMHT think I'm faking the whole thing, while people on PC and my family say I'm delusional! IDK?!

I think that you NEED to talk to T and pdoc as your appts are still over a week away. I know that you are trying, but ring and ring and ring until they call you back. I'm wondering if they're even getting your messages from reception because you said that you rarely ever call and so they should know that something is wrong for you to ring. You need help asap to help keep you out of the hospital and ruining the move you have coming up, and I really hope that you get it and that things improve for you soon

*Willow*

In fact my (now ex-) CMHT think I'm faking the whole thing, while people on PC and my family say I'm delusional! IDK?!

I'm calmer today. I don't look like I'm detoxing tonight. I slept a lot on the drive today. We got one household moved in. Tomorrow we deal with our housing situation and start getting my sister over here. I picked up my meds and they messed them all up so who knows. I'm going to call tomorrow because I need to change my therapist appointment.

So 3 days before seeing T.... I'm good, I'm sleeping, a bit to quiet, relaxed, wtf . I'm good, took myself down to no seroquel , 100mg lamictal every other day and 20 viibryd every other day. This is utterly ridiculous. I can't even remember what's been going on that I need to tell T.

I saw my sister and got through things here and I'm driving home tomorrow. We have to come back in the beginning of July to move a cousin and sign our lease then I'm off cross country.