[MujerTriste]

I am in a depression right now, over 4 months of hell. I am normally a really good employee and I do a great job. Now I can barely get through work when I actually show up. I am calling in sick all the time and I cant focus when I am there. I don't talk to my co-workers and I isolate. I try to find places to hide so no one will see me cry. I don't want to end up on disability but I am so afraid I will loose my job for calling in sick all the time. Does anyone have any advice on how to hold down a job while deeply depressed?

[BipolaRNurse]

I hope you're seeing a good psychiatrist and getting therapy at the very least.

I wish I could help you more, but maybe knowing you're not alone will make you feel a little better. I recently filed for disability because my last three jobs ended badly and I realized I can't work anymore, even when I'm stable and all is well. Too much anxiety and distress.

Your situation is different. You're in the middle of a longstanding depressive episode, which can be helped with treatment. It won't always be like this, and I bet you won't have to file for disability because you really are capable of holding down a job. If you weren't, you probably would have gone out on medical leave or quit (or been fired) by now.

Please, if you're not being treated for your depression, get help! And if you are, you need to see your doctor for an adjustment in your meds and perhaps some additional therapy, because no one should have to live the way you're living right now. Good luck.

[Blitter2014]

I, like bipolar nurse, came to a point where I realized that I could no longer work for an employer, and worked for myself. That worked ok for the last 10 years, as I could decide not to work when I was having a bad day. The last 18 months have been a real struggle and in the last month we (my wife and I) came to the realization that I could no longer work, even for myself.

Having said all that, you have been up til now holding down a job. That is something to be really proud of. You mention that the last four months have been a living hell, but before that you were a really good employee. With that in mind, it might be worth talking with your employer, and telling them how it is. Not only will it give them some insight into what is going on, but they maybe able to lighten your load for a while. It will also help them to see that you are aware of your behavior and it is not due to 'slacking off' but that you are seeking the necessary help and are hoping to get back ontop of things.

As far as your own health and gettting well again, its the same things as bipolar nurse mentioned. Surround yourself with a good team of people who can give you the medication and support you need, stick to your routines the best you can, practice mindfulness and other coping strategies, and most of all, give yourself a break. You are allowed to have depression, it is ok, and it is not always going to be like this.

[MujerTriste]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I hope you're seeing a good psychiatrist and getting therapy at the very least.

I wish I could help you more, but maybe knowing you're not alone will make you feel a little better. I recently filed for disability because my last three jobs ended badly and I realized I can't work anymore, even when I'm stable and all is well. Too much anxiety and distress.

Your situation is different. You're in the middle of a longstanding depressive episode, which can be helped with treatment. It won't always be like this, and I bet you won't have to file for disability because you really are capable of holding down a job. If you weren't, you probably would have gone out on medical leave or quit (or been fired) by now.

Please, if you're not being treated for your depression, get help! And if you are, you need to see your doctor for an adjustment in your meds and perhaps some additional therapy, because no one should have to live the way you're living right now. Good luck.

Thanks you guys. I truly appreciate your help. It's nice to know you are out there. I actually quit my last job before this could happen. I am also a nurse and the cardiac floor was too much for me. I am now at a new less stressful job but the fact remains I am still a nurse and I have to take care of people. I get sick to my stomach thinking of going into work and having to help people when I can't even help myself.
My depressions can last up to a year or more. I am only at 4 months, I don't know how I am going to get through it.
My Pdoc who is also my therapist is adding med after med. I am now on 3 different mood stabilizers and a very low dose SSRI. I know she's a good doctor but I am starting to feel like giving up. I feel like they don't know anything about the brain and it's all trial and error while my life falls to pieces.
With all the mental health stigma in healthcare I think my boss would fire me if she thought I was mentally ill. She could find another reason for the books (like calling in sick too much). I don't know, I think I am going to loose everything and never be functional again.

[MujerTriste]

Is your wife pretty understanding about your BP disorder and not working? I don't know how to bring this up to my wife because she has always thought of me as this high functioning person because I met her when I was really good. She has never seen me like this and I try to hide it from her as much as I can. I won't shower all day and cry non stop until its time for her to come home. Then I put on makeup and try and act like my "normal" self. I am so worried she will leave if she really knew how I can be.

[brokenandalone1234]

I have the same problem. I give up a lot on jobs because I can't communicate well with others. I tend to never make friends with my coworkers for fear of them getting to close. I hide a lot to cry too. It got me fired from my last job plus if I am not go go go at work I can't focus.

[MujerTriste]

Originally Posted by brokenandalone1234

I have the same problem. I give up a lot on jobs because I can't communicate well with others. I tend to never make friends with my coworkers for fear of them getting to close. I hide a lot to cry too. It got me fired from my last job plus if I am not go go go at work I can't focus.

I have a really hard time making friends. Or keeping them. I have lived in the same city for 16 years and I don't really know anyone. I feel pathetic. I push people away, I am afraid they will find out I am Bipolar, I cancel plans all the time, I never call people back. I absolutely dread hanging out with people. I feel so sad about it because I used to be an outgoing person and very well liked by others. I feel like this disease has taken a lot from me. How do bipolar people make and keep friends? How do they make plans with people and keep them? How do they allow people to get close?

[Crazy Hitch]

I've lost 3 jobs due to this mental illness.

Last one was a month ago when I'd been going through a slight depressive phase and didn't know my thyroid was no longer functioning. I was constantly tired, sometimes in tears and probably not concentrating very well.

My employer knew about my bp because I disclosed it last year. Bad bad bad mistake.

I received a letter of performance and conduct concerns and had to respond to the accusations.

I left before any of that happened. Some of the allegations were just so far stretched and distorted it was an absolute joke. It was clear to me they really didn't "want" me there because I was probably viewed as too much of a hassle. So I don't know exactly when I'll be working again because I'm pretty much not going to get a good reference from them. Urggghhhh. I was there for 3 years.

Seeing a new psychiatrist who has changed my meds. Let's hope that works because I'm not out of the black hole just yet!

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by MujerTriste

Thanks you guys. I truly appreciate your help. It's nice to know you are out there. I actually quit my last job before this could happen. I am also a nurse and the cardiac floor was too much for me. I am now at a new less stressful job but the fact remains I am still a nurse and I have to take care of people. I get sick to my stomach thinking of going into work and having to help people when I can't even help myself.
My depressions can last up to a year or more. I am only at 4 months, I don't know how I am going to get through it.
My Pdoc who is also my therapist is adding med after med. I am now on 3 different mood stabilizers and a very low dose SSRI. I know she's a good doctor but I am starting to feel like giving up. I feel like they don't know anything about the brain and it's all trial and error while my life falls to pieces.
With all the mental health stigma in healthcare I think my boss would fire me if she thought I was mentally ill. She could find another reason for the books (like calling in sick too much). I don't know, I think I am going to loose everything and never be functional again.

I know that's a scary feeling. I feel the same way. I have a (very) part-time job as a writer for a nursing website, and the thought that I may never again be able to do much more than that is downright terrifying, especially seeing as how I'm the breadwinner.

There IS a lot of stigma surrounding mental health issues in the healthcare field. I've never understood that.....you'd think we'd be more compassionate towards people with MI, but we're worse than most.

I'm glad you're getting therapy and meds. My pdoc is my therapist as well.....kind of nice to have one-stop shopping in a sense. But I wonder if it isn't time for yours to consider hospitalization---as you know, sometimes it takes more than a med tweak or two to stabilize someone. I don't know how you feel about being admitted, but it's something to think about if something doesn't change for you soon.

If you don't mind my asking, what is your less-stressful nursing job? I never found mine.....might've lasted longer if I had.

[MujerTriste]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I know that's a scary feeling. I feel the same way. I have a (very) part-time job as a writer for a nursing website, and the thought that I may never again be able to do much more than that is downright terrifying, especially seeing as how I'm the breadwinner.

There IS a lot of stigma surrounding mental health issues in the healthcare field. I've never understood that.....you'd think we'd be more compassionate towards people with MI, but we're worse than most.

I'm glad you're getting therapy and meds. My pdoc is my therapist as well.....kind of nice to have one-stop shopping in a sense. But I wonder if it isn't time for yours to consider hospitalization---as you know, sometimes it takes more than a med tweak or two to stabilize someone. I don't know how you feel about being admitted, but it's something to think about if something doesn't change for you soon.

If you don't mind my asking, what is your less-stressful nursing job? I never found mine.....might've lasted longer if I had.

Haha. yes "less stressful" than cardiac nursing.... RN Case Management. Its a very weird aspect of Nursing. Dealing with both patients and insurance companies. I am new to it but what is better is that if I screw up at work no one will die. And I am not passing meds etc... But it's still hard to show up, and I always feel guilty that I am not giving my patients the best. I am per diem so I thought that would help me show up to work. Making my own schedule etc... But it didn't

[HALLIEBETH87]

I was dog sitting last week and the stress and chaos sent me into cycling...

[Disorder7]

I've lost many, many jobs. I really don't know who I could use as a reference if I applied somewhere.

I'm currently self-employed and it's going pretty well. Although there are times when the stress makes me feel like I'm going to implode. But it's still better than working for someone else, and having to answer to someone. Lack of control is not good for me. Maybe it's a PTSD thing.

As for friends, I don't have those. I push them away when I'm depressed.

[MujerTriste]

I hope it works for you too. Meds are an ongoing issue. I have never come out as Bipolar to anyone at work and very few people in my personal life. It's so hard. It seems like no one understands. I hope we get better soon