[cocoa]

Hi everyone, I'm a 37 year old mother of two. My son is 13 and my daughter is almost 12. I was dignossed with bipolar after I had my second child. After bipolar causing havice in my life, I was finally able to move on. I made a mess of my first marrage and for sometime now I have been well. Ive gotten my life together and remarried.
My husband also has 2 children but is unable to see them because of his nasty ex-wife. He has done nothing wrong but is sad that his daughters are not part of our life.
We would love to have a child of our oun. I would love to have a baby but my clock is ticking and I have conserns.
I am worried that if I get pregnent I will get unwell again because I don't want to take meds while im pregnent. My other consern is passing the illness on to the baby. Mental illness does run in my familly and there is a chance I could pass the illness on. I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone. Deffinatly not my child. I do beleave my son has it even though he has not yet been dignossed.

If anyone has any advise for me or has dealt with this desission themselves, I would love to here from you.

Thanks, Jacqui :-))

[darkeyes]

This is something you must decide, and also weigh the risks, for yourself and the unborn. Is there anyway you can be just satisfied with your existing children? I was able to only have one, and I adore him, I went through a period I missed not being able to have another one, but I got through it, and life continues, I do not want to sound cold or minimize your concern, but coming from a person now 47 with only one child now 17, I am thankful for at least one child I was blessed with. This is truly a choice of your own, you will hear different opinions from others, and some you may not like, so be prepared that this may happen.
Yes, Bipolar is genetic, and can come in many different severities to mild, there is also treatment, not a cure but putting things in a "remissive" state.
The next thing is to ask yourself, do want to risk going off meds. and having things go awry? Do you want your existing kids have to see you in this condition if things go wrong, being off meds? Another thing, when meds are cut off know one can be sure if a potential episode(s) will occur, and some can be more severe than other times before, it is a extremely hard decision, I personally (being Bipolar myself) would for go it, try to get involved with something that can be rewarding, true it isn't going to replace having a child, but in time it helps.
Again this is your own choice, so many things to think about and the possiblities of things that can happen, you may even want to discuss this with your doctor(s) and a therapist, perhaps they can give you some input about this.
I myself would be satisfied with the fact I have the child or children I have already, and not take any uneccesary risks, that would negatively affect myself or family.
That is entirly my own opinion, so do not let that insult you or offend you, this is just my own personal feelings.
If you are in deep question of what kind of outcomes there could be you and your husband need to really think very deeply about this, even go for counselling before getting pregnant.
I wish you lots of love and luck with this, it is such a difficult decision I am sure, so it is important not to run into anything and then have regrets down the road.
Please take care now,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[cocoa]

Thanks so much "darkeyes", for your honesty. I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm so glad for you that you are happy with having one child and adoption is such a wonderful gift to a child.
I do have a fue questions for you though if you won't to answer them.
Did you know you had bipolar when you got your child?and
Were you unable to conseive a child yourself or was it just what you wanted to do? Adopt I mean?

I agree with all you have said. I have been thinking about my options for a year now and I'm still so unsure what to do. Everything you said, I have alread though about over and over. Its just I don't know what to leason to , my HEART or my HEAD. and sometimes thay are telling me the same thing and other times there differant. I have discused it with my physitrist and she is unsure about what I shoud do as well. We have discused all the pro's and con's. She said see will support what ever dissision I make.
I also think about how I can be a better mother this time. I wasn't dignossed before my first 2 and I was quit unstable untill I was dignossed and on the proper meds. If I did have a child I would have somethings in my favor this time around.
1) I know so much about my illness now and I am older and am able to make better choices for my children now. I feel I am a great mom now where in the past when I wasn't dignossed, I wish I could have done more for them.
2) I can go right back on my meds. this time and get better control with hard work and meds.
Yes I know, I could get real bad before I get better and that is one of my bigest conserns. I do have a great support system though and that is half the battle.
Anyway, I'm sound like i'm tring to convince you of this and I'm really not. Like I said I do agree with your oppinion and I thank you for it. Every bit of help is welcome.

Again, thanks so much, Jacqui :-))

[darkeyes]

No, my son is not adopted, he was planned for a long time, we just waited till we can afford a house rather than the aprtment scene. And I was not dx with Bipolar, showed no signs till a marital trigger, 4 years ago, also my brother has been Bipolar (dxed) since the 1960's, a genetic thing I suppose, he has done excellent after some bad times, etc.
He has accepted it and has been on maintenance Lithium for over 30 years, leading a "normal" life after 2 divorces in his past.
Pdoc's claim my marital thing (husband betrayed me) and the stress of moving, sickly parents (lost my father a year and a half ago, have a mom with dementia living with us (nightmare in itself) and now husband's job at stake, are all big triggers, especially Bipolar, rather slightly (mild) or severe, so I stay on meds and do talk therapy, both are a regular thing for me, I accepted my imperfection and have worked hard at keeping things maintained/balanced so I too, can live a "normal" life, it has been worth the effort
I know what you mean about the conflict in your head and heart. Not that I am minimizing your emotional dilemma and pain, but have you thought of getting a pet? They are great alternatives to having a child, and they'll love you forever, I know I love my dog, better than many people I have known, ha!ha!
Again, I wish you lots of love and luck with this, but put yourself first, if you go off meds/treatment that can be risky and just think of the impact it may have on your children and other loved ones, do you really want to gamble with this?
This can only be your decision, it has to be hard for you, but I wish you lots of strength in whatever you decide.
Best wishes,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[pepperanne]

No! It's not worth it!!

[mj14]

Jacqui, I know someone who has bipolar that caused her severe problems, such as multiple suicide attempts, before she was treated. She has two children, and she and her husband handled it by being very vigilant and having firm rules for while she was off her meds. For instance, if her husband thought she needed to go to the hospital, she had to go...it was entirely his call, because he could see the signs that she was having trouble easier than she could see them herself.

I don't know what the "right" decision is, but I wanted to pass along a case where someone successfully had children while dealing with bipolar.

mj

<font color=green> If she spins fast enough then maybe the broken pieces of her heart will stay together, but even a gyroscope can't spin forever</font color=green>

[family]

I am 53 and BP/PTSD and chose not to have children. I am divorced twice and on my own the past 10 years. I think being a parent would be the most rewarding and enjoyable experience of life. Yet I think my decision to not be a parent was the most unselfish of my life. I knew what experience I was giving up then as I do now. My life has been a full time job. My energies go to making a good life for me and maintaining good relationships with family and friends. I don't have enough to give to a husband, let alone children. Children deserve so much more than I have to give. I have more than enough love for them, but not the energy nor stability to nurture them daily. Sometimes my heart still hurts for not having a child, but when I watch the stresses of my siblings and friends raising there children, I know for me, I made the right decision.

[gloria]

This is such a personal choice, I don't dare tell you yes or no. It is your and your husband's call.
Outweight the prons and cons and you'll find the answer.

gab

[inthedark]

I think that is a personal decision. I am bipolar II, and am 3 months pregnant. I am doing very well with just taking an anti depressant. My psychiatrist specializes in women's issues/mental illness. She told me that she see's no problems until after the baby is born, and then I will probably need a mood stabilizer again.

Hi everyone (if anyone remembers me) It has been a long time since I have been here

http://www.feebleminds-gifs.com/smiley-faces-37.gif

[cocoa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hi everyone, I'm a 37 year old mother of two. My son is 13 and my daughter is almost 12. I was dignossed with bipolar after I had my second child. After bipolar causing havice in my life, I was finally able to move on. I made a mess of my first marrage and for sometime now I have been well. Ive gotten my life together and remarried.
My husband also has 2 children but is unable to see them because of his nasty ex-wife. He has done nothing wrong but is sad that his daughters are not part of our life.
We would love to have a child of our oun. I would love to have a baby but my clock is ticking and I have conserns.
I am worried that if I get pregnent I will get unwell again because I don't want to take meds while im pregnent. My other consern is passing the illness on to the baby. Mental illness does run in my familly and there is a chance I could pass the illness on. I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone. Deffinatly not my child. I do beleave my son has it even though he has not yet been dignossed.

If anyone has any advise for me or has dealt with this desission themselves, I would love to here from you.

Thanks, Jacqui :-))


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

" UPDATE "

Hi everyone and thanks so much for all of your advise and input on my choice to have a baby.
I've made my dissision!
After much talk with my husband and disscussing all the pros and cons we dicided to give it a go. We figure with all we have been through and more to come, if it is ment to be it will be our blessing.
You see the thing is, when i was in my early 20's and had my two children in my first marrage i had a " TUBAL".
Well the surgen said i only have clamps on and all my tubs are long enough and in tact .
WELL ON OCT.27TH THE CLAMPS ARE COMING OFF. yay
Its called a " TUBAL REVERSAL OR TUBAL REANASTOMOSIS "
It is day surgery and i will be layed up for a week or so but i'll get through, its worth it.
I will try and get pregnant. If it is ment to be it will happen and if not i think i will be ok with that as well.
So wish me luck. I really feel im making the right choice but i'm a little nervise about the sergery.

JACQUI <font color="brown"> </font>

[saudade]

Hi, Cocoa.

Do you really have to have a baby? Are you preganant already? You plus husband have four, right? Do you like, really need more?

I'm sorry as I know just how blunt it sounds. I can't lie, though, so since you've asked for advice, here is mine: enjoy the ones that you already have because they are still young and need a lot of attention.

Be well.

[Genesis]

I think it's great if you feel it's the right thing to do in your life. If you know you are able to physically and mentally handle more, I think it's a wonderful thing to have a big(ger) family.

[SweetCrusader]

I support your decision! I think it's awesome! How lucky you are to be able to have a baby.

I hope I have a baby someday.

((((hugs to the future mommy))))

Angela

[cocoa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hi, Cocoa.

Do you really have to have a baby? Are you preganant already? You plus husband have four, right? Do you like, really need more?

I'm sorry as I know just how blunt it sounds. I can't lie, though, so since you've asked for advice, here is mine: enjoy the ones that you already have because they are still young and need a lot of attention.

Be well.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

well to answer your question, no i don't have to have a baby i would like to. Im not about to start listing my many reasons why because the dissision has been made. I asked for avice months ago and my last post was to let everyone know my dissision . My happy dissision.

Ive been healthy mentally for a long time now and im an expert on my on condision. As far as having 4 children already goes and why not injoy them, well i enjoy my daughter and son emencly. Their the thing i think of when i wake up each day and my last thought when i fall asleep.

As far as my husbands 2 children go, they unfortunatey haven't been in our lives for over 4 years now. We refuse to mentally harm thoughs beautiful little girls anyferther for the sake of a nasty bitter ex-wife but she's another story. Thoughs girls will find us when they are grown but in the mean time we send many letters gifts ext. My husband cries for his daughters a lot and if i can bring some joy into his life i will.

Jacqui

[cocoa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think it's great if you feel it's the right thing to do in your life. If you know you are able to physically and mentally handle more, I think it's a wonderful thing to have a big(ger) family.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thanks so much, yes i think its the right time for a baby.
I apreaseate your support.

Jacqui

[cocoa]

SweetCrusader

Thank You for your kind words and your support. I'm sure if i get pregnant we will be so happy and my kidds will absolutely love it. I'm not going to tell the kidds unless i do get pregnent. I just don't want then to be dissapointed if i can't get pregnent but hopefully all will go good.

Jacqui

[saudade]

I'm so sorry; I was completely unaware. Please do accept my apologies as I might have come across all wrong.

My bad totally, I'm really sorry. :-)

[cocoa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I'm so sorry; I was completely unaware. Please do accept my apologies as I might have come across all wrong.

My bad totally, I'm really sorry. :-)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Apology excepted, I wasn't mad by any means, i just wanted you to understand.

Jacqui

[darkeyes]

Sounds like you have made a decision? If things are all clear with meds., well being and all then it truly must be time, and I am wishing you lots of luck
My previous replies were of caution but remember I did say it had to be your decision, while considering the past things you mentioned. The good thing is how you gave it all lots of thought I am sure, and that is most important for you, the baby, the rest of the family.
I hope your decision will bring lots of good health and happiness, lots of luck

DE

[cocoa]

Thanks DE

i'm very happy with my dissision. Thanks so much for all your kind words.

Jacqui

[Kayleigh]

If you decide you really want a baby, please look in to adoption or something. I know that if I could, I would make it so that I was never born, or that a child with no mental issues was born in my place. I'm a pretty big strain on my family. Never knowing how I'm going to feel today sucks so much, I hate it so much! I know adoption would be a lot different than actually having a baby, but, I have friends who adopted, and I know they couldn't love their kids more! If you're this worried about all these possible complications, and having a child who has to go through all the crap of a mental disorder, why not instead just make someones already existing life that much better with a loving family to call their own? Also, if you're older, and want to not have to wait 18 years until this kid can become independaint, adoption is still a cool choice, because you don't have to adopt a baby. Back to my friends, they adopted a toddler, and she's so cute! They were older when they adopted her and so instead of an infant (they adopted 2 infants much earlier in their life) they took a toddler (you can adopt older if you want, a choice all your own). I can confidantly say on their behalf they are quite satisfied with their choice. And again, I'll have to say, it is in the end, your call, and I don't know too much about life (I'm only 18, but have a few seriously older friends for my age) but I know enough adopted people (my old best friend was adopted!) who are just in such a good place, that I can't help but recommend it to people who are thinking about having kids, but worried about the risks of pregnancy or some such related issues. If you know adoption isn't your thing, you can totally discard what I think, because it only works if it's something both you and your husband really REALLY want. (It's also expensive and time consuming and stressful, but I'm sure you can talk to anyone who has adopted a child, and they'll tell you it was totally worth it!) Just planting the idea in your head, if it wasn't already there. I hope you make the decision right for you and your family, God bless you, and I wish you the best!

[MrH0kie]

First and foremost, congradulations about starting down the path, if for no other reason than to be doing something rather than worrying!

I have been diagnosed with DID for about a year and a half now. When I was first diagnosed, one of the immediate things that came to mind was if I should father a child. As a only child and one of the last in my family line, its always been something in the back of my mind to want a family. But with everything that's happened, and I passed it on to not only my children, but the entire line? It really put me in a pickle.

Luckily, I married a very sensible and wonderful woman. When I talked to her about it, she calmly said, "Would you love it any differently?". From there, it made perfect sense. I am lucky enough to have a family that loves me, crazy or not. When the time comes for a new addition to our family, then it'll be fine. So long as it has me and the family to love and care for him/her.

On another ramble, I know my father has been going over a similar question. His mother was diagnosed with something, although exactly what is rather unclear. When everything starting coming about with me, I know he's been rocked pretty hard. Unfortunately, my folks are a distance away, and aren't as involved in my life as much as I'd like. About the only thing they have to understand what I may be going through is the awkward conversation with my wife, which almost never happens because they are nervous, or WebMD, which to quote one doctor, "repeats worst fears above actual fact". I know they love me, no matter.

What I'm trying to get across (I know, tough to see through the rambling) is that if you are lucky enough to bring more life to your family, no matter the bad, the good will always outweigh, for no other reason than just love and happiness.

*breathe* Okay, I'm done.

[cocoa]

Hi Kayleigh

Im sorry to here you wish you were never born. Maby in time you will grow to feel differantly. You know i've gone over all the prows and cons many times and the answer is still the same. My husband and i would love a child. Adoption is great but not for us. My husband was adopted and had a bad experance. For that adoption isn't in our cards. Im glad it worked out great for your friend though.

As far as being worried goes, i'm not worried about having a child. Just the tubal reversal but that will be over soon.

You mentioned the " crap of mental illness "
I've gotten over that long ago. I am who i am and i intend to make the best of my life and that of my families. I think what really works so well for me in my life is my strength to make the best of each and every day.
As far as being born with my illness. Ive asked myself that question as well. I may have bipolar but im so glad i was given a chance at life. If i was asked the question of not to be born or be born with this illness, i chose LIFE.
Thanks for your oppinion and well wishes. My dissision has been made and if i get pregent, well time will tell. I'm just hoping for the best.

Jacqui

[cocoa]

Hi MrHOKie

I'm so glad to here you have a loving and caring wife. It really helps when the support is there.

Its funny what life throws at us some times but your right when you say, just do something rather than worrying. My life is full and rich already with my 2 children who seem to be growing up so fast. I'm sure if we are blessed with a little one, it will bring a lot more love into our happy home.

Jacqui

[cocoa]

HI EVERYONE

ITS TUESDAY NIGHT THE 26 AND TOMORROW MORNING AT 8:45 I GET MY OPPERATION. MY TUBAL REVERSAL THAT IS. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE YOUR SUPPORT. MUCHLY APRECEATED.

WISH ME LUCK! I HOPE ITS NOT TO PAINFUL!

JACQUI :-))