Grrr...

You distracted me from my magical madness. You shifted me from my mirthful musings. This must be a good thing, right? Now where was I? HeHe

I started to share this song:

(It'll have to be a surprise now folks) but then decided I am done. I am boring you to death if you are still reading. Plus, remember my thread from last week...? What, did that cross a line? Come on now, I wasn't even serious! See what I did there? You probably don't. But if you happen to catch it is uproarious!!!

Good night my friends!

I'm sure you all are tired of hearing from me but unfortunately I like the sound of my own voice. I took the girls shopping. It was stressful. My one year did not cooperate at all in the store where I needed to do some exchanges. I completely understand how frustrating it is to hear a baby crying but I was clearly doing ALL I could to calm her down. Well this B word pops her head out of the dressing room door just long enough to give me a witchy glare and then promptly closed the door. Well, she is glad she so quickly closed the door and that I had 3 kids with me because I was FUMING! What a witch! UGH! Either she's never had a one year old or she has seriously forgotten. They are unpredictable and that is part of the package. Anyway, the girls thought I was a riot. Apparently they have never seen someone bust a move. . Also, I didn't take the very good advice of leaving my debit card home but I did take cash also. The good news is, I spent no money on me. In fact, I got a store credit for over $20. The bad news is I spent way to much on our moms and the girls made out like bandits. My husband wasn't mad though. We did cancel the date night we had planned for tonight. That's about all for now. I can't think of a song to post right now. . Hope everyone is having a good night. I will try not to lose my mind again tonight, teehee and if I don't sleep again tonight I will call my pdoc on Monday.

Abba - Dancing Queen

Awe, I love that song. Makes me happy.

I have so much energy. I just took a very long shower (with no psychotic occurrences. ); shaved the legs; painted the nails; plucked the eyebrows; took care of myself, YAY! Tomorrow, I'm dressing up...in my brand new clothes and jewelry. It's my day. As for tonight, I have no idea what to do. I haven't had a drink since last weekend and it has become a weekly occurrence (that's all). I have thought about making a beer run. My husband would not approve (but he is snoozing). Other than that, I don't know what to do. I can't go running and most anything I do would wake my kiddos or my nephew who is spending the night. They are both upstairs and downstairs. There aren't enough posts to keep me occupied on here and I am going to try not to lose my mind on here again (although last night was really fun. I haven't laughed so hard since I can't remember when). I'm not in the mood to read a book or write. I have taken my pulse twice in the middle of this post. It's amazing the things I find amusing when I am not exactly grounded. Is it possible to dance the night away if you are by yourself? I believe I have done it before. I am trapped though and it is frustrating. I am enjoying singing and drinking in my music. It livens me; it's like it is just a part of me. My heart beats with each song. And it brings me great joy. Every kind of secular and christian music just makes me sing. Anyway, I feel free, like a bra burner from the 60's...I am a hippie reincarnate. It is a wonderful feeling. Love to you all!

Right now I am listening to Eyes Wide Open by Jars of Clay:

How are you going now? Still riding the high?

I found a song for you......and now I can't remember. Scrolling through my phone......Coffee Cup Zach Sobiech and Sammy Brown

Hey Cash.

I have been where you are. Mania is like a fire. It starts contained, can get out of control, and might just burn everything down if you're not careful.

I have to say though that I am really enjoying your posts. I believe I know a lot of how you are feeling and i know that it really just helps to unload and vent the goofy *** gobbledygook bubbly lava inside. I wish I had done it here last time I was like this instead of all over my normal friends! I feel like reading them some of your posts and being like see! It's not just me!

There is something beautiful and perfectly illustrative of a certain aspect of mania in your posts. There is a thread of sparkle and magic and seductive heat in mania that is undeniably intoxicating and dare I say enjoyable. But it is a terrible beast. That is also undeniable. The paradoxical nature of the universe.

Please keep bringing us you mania. Just please make sure you bring us what follows as well. I believe it is so important to keep talking. Stay open. Let us know what is going on with you even when it starts to get bad.

Cash you are Manic. What is wrong with you (as you keep asking) is that you are Bipolar and you are Manic. I know how hard it can be to be totally honest with the husband but you really need to. Like really really need to. And your pdoc. Read them some of your posts.




(I want everyone to know I am not trying to glorify mania is any way and don't anyone be mad at me or at least tell me they are miffed by what I say because it will trigger me to feel like crap. I'm very sensitive right now. Ha like that's news around here. Right)

Also I have a really hard time telling my husband the whole truth. I don't want to have my fun ruined or I feel embarrassed or I feel like I'm letting him down or like he will worry too much or like he just won't get it and it will piss me off. So I definitely need to take my own advice sometimes too.

When you have kids it makes everything higher stakes. Show him some of these posts. He sounds like he is a nice guy.

I actually think you have described it perfectly Capriciousness.

Mania will seduce you and make you chase dreams. We'll be the life and soul for everyone around us. Flights of ideas turn into unwise investments which seem perfect at the time. I won't lie, if I could be a little hypomanic all of my life, my, all the things I could do.

The problem is that it is not a sustainable mood and things get unpleasant so fast. Suddenly everyone bugs you, the only way you can stop the thoughts racing in your head is to drink or worse until you're in the gutter. There's always going to be that crash and burn that puts us in a pit of despair for months at a time. Where you just need a reason to breathe.

It's not worth the misery that it causes others or that it leaves you in. Be honest to yourself and those around you who care for you, even when you can't look after yourself.

Thanks for checking on me. Hehe...still riding the high!

I've never heard this and I love it. I will have to listen to it a few more times to let the music and lyrics sink in but what I heard, especially her voice, I enjoyed. Thank you!

I know what you mean about mania getting out of control. It has happened many times. So far I am enjoying life (plus a bit b*****y to my family). There is no need to tell my husband as it is fairly obvious. I may take some posts to my pdoc; that is a good idea since I am not overtly manic (namely, no pressured speech); just thankfully, not to that extent. I am very good at making an idiot of myself however. Also, my sleep is still very chaotic. I am sleeping some. I will go a couple of days with no sleep and then crash and sleep for hours and hours. Normally I just sleep 4 or less hours a night if I am manic. I haven't called my pdoc because it hasn't gotten out of control and because I am still sleeping some nights. However, when I haven't slept I tend to be very confused and downright silly and annoying. Today, I wrecked into a car. Just rolled right into it as it was parked. I wasn't on the phone or anything, just wasn't paying attention. That part is bad. Thank you for making me feel comfortable!

Oh no. Cash I am worried. Driving is a big deal.

It just doesn't feel severe right now. It feels manageable. It feels enlightening. It feels beautiful. It feels sexy. It feels brilliant. And, I think I am a better, more interested mom. And, I think I'm a better, more captivated wife. I don't think my family would disagree. And, what if it doesn't turn bad? What if it just stays beautiful, remains euphoric? Nothing negative effects me, not even that wreck I just mentioned. It just rolls right off of me like water on a leaf.

I wasn't going to tell my husband since there was no damage but he is a mechanic so I was concerned he might notice something. He just said he was worried about the kids riding around with me but he was glad I drive the safest car on the road (I drive a Volvo xc90--he is a Volvo mechanic). He says he knows I am an "airhead" sometimes so what can he do? He told me to be more careful and to treat "that nice car he bought me better." I don't understand why he patronizes me so much sometimes and seems oblivious to reality.

I am fine driving. I AM just an airhead sometimes and I am sure that is all that's wrong.

In the mood for some upbeat oldies. I'll think of more that strike me right later.

How Does That Grab You Darlin - Nancy Sinatra



Venus - Shocking Blue

I hope that is the case for you although we all know how bipolar works. How are your thoughts?

Cas ,

Can you please not drive around with your kids in the car?

You say it wasn't a big deal hitting another car.. I am betting that other person thinks it's a big thing, Car damage is no fun to deal with.

I know your loving this outstanding high... There is no point in me pointing out eventually you will come down and I do hope for your sake and your family its a tolerable landing.

Take care

My thoughts? They are quite manageable but like a freight train at the same time. They are gliding through my brain like a dream...real but unearthly. I feel awed by how alluring my thoughts have become. It is wonderful.

oh how i drool!

i would give anything for a bit of mania right now, i could use the reassuring that i am bipolar

stay calm! land safely

I noticed that you mentioned flushing your meds? Are you still taking them?

I'm struggling with medication compliance at the moment myself, although I've always taken them when I get the racing thoughts and feelings you describe.