Hi, I don't have bipolar disorder first of all. A few of my family members do though. And one other person that I know. What is it like to be bipolar, especially when you're not medicated? I don't know much about this issue aside from the fact that it causes a lot of mood swings that can go from high to low very quickly.

And I think that there are 5 different bipolar stages. Idk about that for sure. I heard that some people don't take meds on purpose because they love the high they get when they're high. Do people with this issue have a lot more energy when they're on a good high for lack of a better word?

What happens during the highs usually, and what happens during the low times? I can only relate to the depression, but nothing else. I know that I can look up this info, but I'd rather hear what it's like from other people. And I'd like it all explained to me quickly and easily as well I'll admit-

Last of all, how does it affect your relationships with other people? Does it bother them? Do you lash out at people that you're close to, or shut them out? I don't mean to offend anyone. I'm just going by what I heard, so correct me if I'm wrong about any of this!

[Ocean Swimmer]

Love your kitten picture.
Mania is a little different for each person. It depends on how much you sleep, if at all and for how long you've been awake.
4 days and nights without sleep will make even stable people psychotic.
So mania can cause unusual decisions. Usually bizarre.
Who do you need to get along with that's bipolar ?
There are support groups thru NAMI DBSA for family members.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

check out PsychEducation | Treating the Mood Spectrum It's really comprehensive and while it's not a patient's perspective it is very good at describing aspects of bipolar

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Love your kitten picture.
Mania is a little different for each person. It depends on how much you sleep, if at all and for how long you've been awake.
4 days and nights without sleep will make even stable people psychotic.
So mania can cause unusual decisions. Usually bizarre.
Who do you need to get along with that's bipolar ?
There are support groups thru NAMI DBSA for family members.

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Thanks- Just not being able to sleep for one day is enough to drive me nuts! My dad and my sister are both bipolar and unmedicated. My dad is much worse than my sister in some ways as he is also a control freak and a narcissicst.

Anyways, I have very little contact with either of them these days since they're both toxic, especially my dad. My mom has other issues. I just know one person who I'm getting to know who admitted to being bipolar w/o me asking them. So that's why I'd like to know more about what it's like and what to expect.

Sometimes this person emails me a lot, and sometimes I don't hear from them for awhile. Is that a normal thing for a bipolar person to do? This person has been busier than usual lately, so maybe I'm just worrying to much. I tend to worry a lot. I have anxiety issues.

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

check out PsychEducation | Treating the Mood Spectrum It's really comprehensive and while it's not a patient's perspective it is very good at describing aspects of bipolar

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Thanks for the link. I'll check it out soon.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

This is a fictional movie, but pretty accurate from my understanding of BP high spectrum (it can be a spectrum illness just like Aspergers/autism, etc), and others have agreed. "Infinitely Polar Bear". Really good movie, and he was nominated for a Golden Globe for the role. He played it based off the stories of a few people in his family that have it. All of our experiences are different. My mania happened about 3-4 times a year and it included binge drinker, etc. I was not myself. The rest of the time I dealt with mostly anxiety and depression (back and forth).

[BipolaRNurse]

The experience of bipolar is as varied as the people who have it. No two cases are alike. For example, I have a friend whose depressions are dark and deep but she's never had suicidal ideation, while my own are equally nasty but I get to wanting off the planet and have to have my husband hide the gun and take over my meds. Another person I know will screw anyone or anything when she's manic, while I do things like spend my family into bankruptcy and over-commit myself to projects, volunteer work etc. It's just different for each of us, so it's hard to tell someone "how bipolar feels" in the general sense.

Originally Posted by Hashi/bipolar mom

This is a fictional movie, but pretty accurate from my understanding of BP high spectrum (it can be a spectrum illness just like Aspergers/autism, etc), and others have agreed. "Infinitely Polar Bear". Really good movie, and he was nominated for a Golden Globe for the role. He played it based off the stories of a few people in his family that have it. All of our experiences are different. My mania happened about 3-4 times a year and it included binge drinker, etc. I was not myself. The rest of the time I dealt with mostly anxiety and depression (back and forth).

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That's interesting. I deal with anxiety and depression too, but I know for sure that I'm not bipolar.

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

The experience of bipolar is as varied as the people who have it. No two cases are alike. For example, I have a friend whose depressions are dark and deep but she's never had suicidal ideation, while my own are equally nasty but I get to wanting off the planet and have to have my husband hide the gun and take over my meds. Another person I know will screw anyone or anything when she's manic, while I do things like spend my family into bankruptcy and over-commit myself to projects, volunteer work etc. It's just different for each of us, so it's hard to tell someone "how bipolar feels" in the general sense.

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Sorry to hear that. It sounds like it effects each individual a lot more differently than I origionally thought.

[ToxicCupcake]

"Depressive episodes with irritable episodes"
"Depression that doesn’t respond to antidepressants (or gets worse, or “poops out”)"
"Depression with periods of severe insomnia"

Wow. I'm so glad you posted that link, Beyond. The paragraphs that start with the lines above describe how I feel more than anything else I've ever read. My pdoc actually told me she was "leaning towards" a bipolar diagnosis, but never really clarified it.

Thank you.

TC

[Row Jimmy]

For me, being BP without treatment is like being a rattlesnake - coiled, unpredictable, dangerous. You never know what you're going to get. You feel good when the sun warms you up but get edgy when things don't go your way.

Many people choose not to take medication because they crave the manic high of BP. It leads to a flurry of creativity and a lot of people thrive on it and miss it when they take medication to slow down their minds. The meds can change the way we function and that frustrates people. On the low side, people tend to crash after the highs and that's the depressive side of BP. Thus we have the highs and lows.

Many people go off their meds or stop treatment mid to long term because they believe they "have it beat" or they were mis-diagnosed. This is a common concern with many people who are BP, alcoholics, or suffer from other similar conditions.

BP has significantly affected my relationships with other people, especially my family. For me, my BP was accompanied by substance abuse so not only did I have the highs and lows, I also had the aberrant behavior associated with being drunk or high......a bad combo with BP, IMO. I would lash out at them and become paranoid about all sorts of things, blaming everyone else and the world for my problems when the issue really centered on how I reacted to external challenges (which we all face).

In a lot of ways, my BP doesn't allow me the capacity to deal with "life" so I need some help with that. And that's OK.

[Keegan2015]

When I'm manic I feel full of energy, I sleep for maybe 3 hours per night but wake up feeling well rested (even though I'm really not). I'll take up several projects at once and often only complete one or two of them -- the others will remain half finished and then be abandoned.

Back when I was untreated and severely manic a lot of people that I came across definitely suspected that I was using meth / cocaine / stimulants -- I would speak very rapidly """".("pressured speech" as its called) and quickly switch between topics. basically I would ramble but think that I was speaking coherently. Occasionally, for some reason, I would also speak in a fake heavy southern accent (don't ask me why).

I've also had auditory and some visual hallucinations during mania, but not everyone gets this. I've also become highly delusional in the past (thinking i was being stalked by government agents, believing I was being gang stalked on the streets, etc.)?

I don't suffer as severely from depression as some others do, but the depressive episodes last longer than the manic episodes (4-6 months usually) and are marked by alcohol abuse, self-loathing, lethargy and suicidal ideation.

As far as relationships go, I've definitely alienated a lot of friends with my bizarre and erratic behavior. For a while I was on really bad terms with my family with them threatening to kick me out of the house and cut off all financial support, though now we're back on good terms.

[LorrieTorrie]

When I'm manic I like to start projects. I start so many that I never even finish one. I also spend like crazy on things I don't even need. I have cost my family so much. I'm so ashamed. When I'm depressed the shame hits me hard and I start to think about "disappearing."

I think I may be on a pretty good combo of meds now, and I hope things are starting to work out for me

Originally Posted by Row Jimmy

For me, being BP without treatment is like being a rattlesnake - coiled, unpredictable, dangerous. You never know what you're going to get. You feel good when the sun warms you up but get edgy when things don't go your way.

Many people choose not to take medication because they crave the manic high of BP. It leads to a flurry of creativity and a lot of people thrive on it and miss it when they take medication to slow down their minds. The meds can change the way we function and that frustrates people. On the low side, people tend to crash after the highs and that's the depressive side of BP. Thus we have the highs and lows.

Many people go off their meds or stop treatment mid to long term because they believe they "have it beat" or they were mis-diagnosed. This is a common concern with many people who are BP, alcoholics, or suffer from other similar conditions.

BP has significantly affected my relationships with other people, especially my family. For me, my BP was accompanied by substance abuse so not only did I have the highs and lows, I also had the aberrant behavior associated with being drunk or high......a bad combo with BP, IMO. I would lash out at them and become paranoid about all sorts of things, blaming everyone else and the world for my problems when the issue really centered on how I reacted to external challenges (which we all face).

In a lot of ways, my BP doesn't allow me the capacity to deal with "life" so I need some help with that. And that's OK.

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Wow, that's a great desription! Thanks! Sorry to hear about what you went through and are still going through- At least you're aware of your issues and you're working on getting better now it seems like- I hope that you're doing better now!

Originally Posted by Keegan2015

When I'm manic I feel full of energy, I sleep for maybe 3 hours per night but wake up feeling well rested (even though I'm really not). I'll take up several projects at once and often only complete one or two of them -- the others will remain half finished and then be abandoned.

Back when I was untreated and severely manic a lot of people that I came across definitely suspected that I was using meth / cocaine / stimulants -- I would speak very rapidly """".("pressured speech" as its called) and quickly switch between topics. basically I would ramble but think that I was speaking coherently. Occasionally, for some reason, I would also speak in a fake heavy southern accent (don't ask me why).

I've also had auditory and some visual hallucinations during mania, but not everyone gets this. I've also become highly delusional in the past (thinking i was being stalked by government agents, believing I was being gang stalked on the streets, etc.)?

I don't suffer as severely from depression as some others do, but the depressive episodes last longer than the manic episodes (4-6 months usually) and are marked by alcohol abuse, self-loathing, lethargy and suicidal ideation.

As far as relationships go, I've definitely alienated a lot of friends with my bizarre and erratic behavior. For a while I was on really bad terms with my family with them threatening to kick me out of the house and cut off all financial support, though now we're back on good terms.

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Whoa, I never knew that things could be that bad! Having a bad epidsode sounds like it's easy for most people to suspect that you're on drugs. I for one never knew it could be that bad until now! Thanks for sharing!

Sorry to hear about your issues with your friends and and family- I'm glad to hear that things are better for you now- Do you think that meds help?

Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie

When I'm manic I like to start projects. I start so many that I never even finish one. I also spend like crazy on things I don't even need. I have cost my family so much. I'm so ashamed. When I'm depressed the shame hits me hard and I start to think about "disappearing."

I think I may be on a pretty good combo of meds now, and I hope things are starting to work out for me

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Thanks for sharing. I see a pattern here now. A lot of people seem to have a ton of energy during their episodes. Sorry to hear about what you went through. I'm glad to hear that you seem to have found the right combo of meds that are working out for you now-

[Keegan2015]

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

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Whoa, I never knew that things could be that bad! Having a bad epidsode sounds like it's easy for most people to suspect that you're on drugs. I for one never knew it could be that bad until now! Thanks for sharing!

Sorry to hear about your issues with your friends and and family- I'm glad to hear that things are better for you now- Do you think that meds help?

Thanks.

Yeah I mean knowing what I know now, if I had met someone acting the way I did while manic I definitely would have thought that they were on speed or something. I had people point blank ask me, "How *****ed up* are you right now?" more than once.

Initially medication did not help me, I started treatment for the first time at the peak of a manic episode and despite trying different combinations of drugs and dosages I ended up being hospitalized about 3 months later. After getting out of the hospital I went unmrficcated for about 6 months and fell into a pretty bad depression. now I'm on lithium and it seems to be working well for me so far but I think this also has to do with some very positive lifestyle changes I've made recently as well (quit abusing alcohol, got back on proper exercise regimen, healthier diet, etc.)

[Victoria'smom]

I'm mean unmedicated. OFF meds depressed I totally stop responding to anything. I'll just lay down and go away for days/weeks (no food, bathroom, anything). I'm often psychotic on both sides of the spectrum. Depression feels like the flu without it getting the cough. I sleep 12+ hours, stop talking. Even on meds I have delusions and hallucinations just not homicidal or suicidal.

Thought process
Mania
It's your (person I'm near) fault I mad.
Your (person I'm near) the idiot, asshole (Insert derogatory name calling here) that I need to spell things out for when all I want to do is kill you (literally).
You (person I'm near) are plotting against.
I feel so powerful.
Self harm would feel so nice!
I want to see what inside my arm looks like.
who need sleep?
This house is so dirty.

Depressed
DH is going to kill me.
I need a tummy tuck maybe if I start one the hospital will finish it.
He's only with me because x,y,z
I'm a horrible mother
I should OD
All consuming thoughts of my death.

Originally Posted by Keegan2015

Thanks.

Yeah I mean knowing what I know now, if I had met someone acting the way I did while manic I definitely would have thought that they were on speed or something. I had people point blank ask me, "How *****ed up* are you right now?" more than once.

Initially medication did not help me, I started treatment for the first time at the peak of a manic episode and despite trying different combinations of drugs and dosages I ended up being hospitalized about 3 months later. After getting out of the hospital I went unmrficcated for about 6 months and fell into a pretty bad depression. now I'm on lithium and it seems to be working well for me so far but I think this also has to do with some very positive lifestyle changes I've made recently as well (quit abusing alcohol, got back on proper exercise regimen, healthier diet, etc.)

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I'm so glad to hear that you found the right combo of meds! Being on the right meds has helped me a lot for my conditions! It also seems like quitting drinking and having a healthier life style helped you out as well! Keep up the good work!-

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm mean unmedicated. OFF meds depressed I totally stop responding to anything. I'll just lay down and go away for days/weeks (no food, bathroom, anything). I'm often psychotic on both sides of the spectrum. Depression feels like the flu without it getting the cough. I sleep 12+ hours, stop talking. Even on meds I have delusions and hallucinations just not homicidal or suicidal.

Thought process
Mania
It's your (person I'm near) fault I mad.
Your (person I'm near) the idiot, asshole (Insert derogatory name calling here) that I need to spell things out for when all I want to do is kill you (literally).
You (person I'm near) are plotting against.
I feel so powerful.
Self harm would feel so nice!
I want to see what inside my arm looks like.
who need sleep?
This house is so dirty.

Depressed
DH is going to kill me.
I need a tummy tuck maybe if I start one the hospital will finish it.
He's only with me because x,y,z
I'm a horrible mother
I should OD
All consuming thoughts of my death.

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Wow, sorry to hear that! I can be like that too, but I do eat, and I do go out and take showers, go to the bathroom, force myself to do errands, etc... but the depression is similar in the way that it makes me tired and not want to do much of anything at times. I hope that you're doing better now.

[Row Jimmy]

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

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Wow, that's a great desription! Thanks! Sorry to hear about what you went through and are still going through- At least you're aware of your issues and you're working on getting better now it seems like- I hope that you're doing better now!

It sort of comes from experience and advice. I have a good friend who has BPD and suffers from all sorts of addictions. He always warns me that it will never go away and to be vigilant against thinking we have it beat. In many ways, my diagnosis is a blessing because it sort of gives me an "excuse" for my past behavior. So now I'm aware of what I need to do. He and I lean on each other for support.

I used to be a jerk and a friend - my running buddies loved me for my antics but my family wasn't impressed. I got lucky because my wife forced me last year to get an analysis of my condition.....and voila! BP2! Her concern came from my bouts of anger and my drinking.

I just dove headlong into it and quit everything, including my friends. They don't understand and never will. Most of them think I just need to "chill out" or "drink a few beers" to manage it. I could down a bottle of wine in 30 minutes. I passed out in my driveway (on the asphalt) at 4AM about 5 years ago.....at age 45. I jumped off a bar and sliced my shin open.

It was all getting me nowhere but I didn't realize it at the time. That's the curse of BP, yes? I would think "well, this is who I am" and just went on with my life. I was successful, I provided well for my family, and never did anything super-caustic like being unfaithful. But I was self destructive, angry, paranoid, and miserable to be around when I was agitated (which was often). To a degree, it was who I was! But I could take some corrective action to address some of the negative behaviors that made me such a jerk.

Originally Posted by Row Jimmy

It sort of comes from experience and advice. I have a good friend who has BPD and suffers from all sorts of addictions. He always warns me that it will never go away and to be vigilant against thinking we have it beat. In many ways, my diagnosis is a blessing because it sort of gives me an "excuse" for my past behavior. So now I'm aware of what I need to do. He and I lean on each other for support.

I used to be a jerk and a friend - my running buddies loved me for my antics but my family wasn't impressed. I got lucky because my wife forced me last year to get an analysis of my condition.....and voila! BP2! Her concern came from my bouts of anger and my drinking.

I just dove headlong into it and quit everything, including my friends. They don't understand and never will. Most of them think I just need to "chill out" or "drink a few beers" to manage it. I could down a bottle of wine in 30 minutes. I passed out in my driveway (on the asphalt) at 4AM about 5 years ago.....at age 45. I jumped off a bar and sliced my shin open.

It was all getting me nowhere but I didn't realize it at the time. That's the curse of BP, yes? I would think "well, this is who I am" and just went on with my life. I was successful, I provided well for my family, and never did anything super-caustic like being unfaithful. But I was self destructive, angry, paranoid, and miserable to be around when I was agitated (which was often). To a degree, it was who I was! But I could take some corrective action to address some of the negative behaviors that made me such a jerk.

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I'm glad to hear that your wife made you get the help that you needed. And that you were willing to listen to her concerns. Some people can be extremely stubborn.

My dad and my sister are in deep denial about their disorder. They think that they can control their behavior, but it's obvious that they can't. When things go wrong, it's always someone else's fault for being the "crazy" one, ugh! Also, I heard of some people never wanting to get on meds because the highs are just to good to give up.

It's good that you never did anything that you truly regretted. It sounds like you're doing great now by being able to support your family, being a better person, becoming healthier, etc....

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

My highs include hypomania, irritability, anxiety. I can be really productive - I've learned lots of new skills when hypo, and (like many others here have said), I've started all kinds of new projects. For a long time I had closets and draws and boxes full of supplies for some new thing I was going to do. For example, I learned to knit. Then I knitted hooded sweaters with pockets for all 6 or 7 (at the time) kids on one side of the family for Christmas. I didn't sleep much, and they came out beautifully! I felt wonderful. And then I crashed, shortly thereafter, and was in a depressive state for probably 6-8 months. Maybe longer, I can't really remember. I have a hard time really remembering much of anything in terms of personal experiences. I think that has to do with my brain wiring, also.

When I'm high, the pressured speech is a major issue for me. There's so much going on in my brain, I can't say it all fast enough, and the connections between things happen so fast, that by the time I get it out of my mouth I've often skipped several connections, so people get lost in what I'm trying to say. I also get irrationally angry at a minute's notice. I'm highly reactive to any perceived slight. I can scream and yell with what others might consider little provocation (and pretty much anyone, myself included after the fact, would acknowledge that my reactions are WAY out of proportion to the situation). I get so angry I want to hit or break things, but I'm aware enough and just in control enough to prevent that...mostly. Sometimes I hit myself instead, just to relieve the urge. I don't think I've ever done that in front of my kids, but my husband has witnessed it.

The same statement that might make me irrationally angry when I'm high will make me severely guilty and make my self-loathing skyrocket when I'm low. I have a lot of the same thoughts as others about being a terrible mother, a terrible spouse. I think it would be better if I was just gone. I fantasize about leaving or about dying. I have suicidal ideation, sometimes to the point where it scares me. But I'm too ashamed to mention that to anyone in real life. Sounds like you already understand a lot of the rest of the depression issues.

I have a very understanding and caring husband. He forgives me, even when I've been terribly ugly to him. He likes to talk about things right away, but has learned that I need space before I talk - that helps me to control what I really want to say at the peak of either my highs or my lows, so that I don't say things that aren't true and that I will regret. Most of the rest of my family/friends don't know I have BP. I've only recently told one of my siblings, and I'm regretting it.

I tend not to be able to maintain lots of relationships; I have a couple that are strong, and otherwise it's based on proximity/convenience - I would term those more friendly acquaintances or 'light' friends. Other issues contributing to relationship management: my anxiety can be debilitating; I may not be able to make plans with someone for months, making it hard to communicate with them because I don't want to offend by always saying no. I can perseverate over what someone else says/does or what I say/do to the point where I can't behave normally around them anymore. And then there's simply that I don't have the energy to keep up with lots of people, so I limit how many friends I actively try to maintain. Also, I use alcohol to self-medicate during both highs and lows, so that's not always awesome - I'm usually able to keep from getting totally wasted, but the more I dull my brain's workings, the easier it gets to function around others sometimes. Until I think about it after the fact and then perseverate (see above).

These are my experiences as someone who does not take traditional medication for BP. I have family members who have/had BP, and their experiences are/were different. My father was promiscuous, bought sports cars spontaneously when we didn't necessarily have the money to, was the life of every party; he was very dramatic and died in an accident where the cause was never discovered - I believe sometimes that he may have intentionally crashed. His sister is barely able keep a roof over her head or stay employed. I don't know nearly enough to know what else she deals with, but I know that there are stipulations about her inheritance that depend on someone managing her finances for her because she can't do it dependably. If you didn't know the various ways BP can manifest, I don't think anyone would group my dad, my aunt and me together under the same umbrella.

Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo

My highs include hypomania, irritability, anxiety. I can be really productive - I've learned lots of new skills when hypo, and (like many others here have said), I've started all kinds of new projects. For a long time I had closets and draws and boxes full of supplies for some new thing I was going to do. For example, I learned to knit. Then I knitted hooded sweaters with pockets for all 6 or 7 (at the time) kids on one side of the family for Christmas. I didn't sleep much, and they came out beautifully! I felt wonderful. And then I crashed, shortly thereafter, and was in a depressive state for probably 6-8 months. Maybe longer, I can't really remember. I have a hard time really remembering much of anything in terms of personal experiences. I think that has to do with my brain wiring, also.

When I'm high, the pressured speech is a major issue for me. There's so much going on in my brain, I can't say it all fast enough, and the connections between things happen so fast, that by the time I get it out of my mouth I've often skipped several connections, so people get lost in what I'm trying to say. I also get irrationally angry at a minute's notice. I'm highly reactive to any perceived slight. I can scream and yell with what others might consider little provocation (and pretty much anyone, myself included after the fact, would acknowledge that my reactions are WAY out of proportion to the situation). I get so angry I want to hit or break things, but I'm aware enough and just in control enough to prevent that...mostly. Sometimes I hit myself instead, just to relieve the urge. I don't think I've ever done that in front of my kids, but my husband has witnessed it.

The same statement that might make me irrationally angry when I'm high will make me severely guilty and make my self-loathing skyrocket when I'm low. I have a lot of the same thoughts as others about being a terrible mother, a terrible spouse. I think it would be better if I was just gone. I fantasize about leaving or about dying. I have suicidal ideation, sometimes to the point where it scares me. But I'm too ashamed to mention that to anyone in real life. Sounds like you already understand a lot of the rest of the depression issues.

I have a very understanding and caring husband. He forgives me, even when I've been terribly ugly to him. He likes to talk about things right away, but has learned that I need space before I talk - that helps me to control what I really want to say at the peak of either my highs or my lows, so that I don't say things that aren't true and that I will regret. Most of the rest of my family/friends don't know I have BP. I've only recently told one of my siblings, and I'm regretting it.

I tend not to be able to maintain lots of relationships; I have a couple that are strong, and otherwise it's based on proximity/convenience - I would term those more friendly acquaintances or 'light' friends. Other issues contributing to relationship management: my anxiety can be debilitating; I may not be able to make plans with someone for months, making it hard to communicate with them because I don't want to offend by always saying no. I can perseverate over what someone else says/does or what I say/do to the point where I can't behave normally around them anymore. And then there's simply that I don't have the energy to keep up with lots of people, so I limit how many friends I actively try to maintain. Also, I use alcohol to self-medicate during both highs and lows, so that's not always awesome - I'm usually able to keep from getting totally wasted, but the more I dull my brain's workings, the easier it gets to function around others sometimes. Until I think about it after the fact and then perseverate (see above).

These are my experiences as someone who does not take traditional medication for BP. I have family members who have/had BP, and their experiences are/were different. My father was promiscuous, bought sports cars spontaneously when we didn't necessarily have the money to, was the life of every party; he was very dramatic and died in an accident where the cause was never discovered - I believe sometimes that he may have intentionally crashed. His sister is barely able keep a roof over her head or stay employed. I don't know nearly enough to know what else she deals with, but I know that there are stipulations about her inheritance that depend on someone managing her finances for her because she can't do it dependably. If you didn't know the various ways BP can manifest, I don't think anyone would group my dad, my aunt and me together under the same umbrella.

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Thanks for the detailed response! Wow, sorry to hear that you're dealing with all of that! You're so lucky that you have such a wonderful and supportive husband! Mine isn't anywhere near as supportive by far! As a matter of fact, he tends to act like my issues are all in my head, and that my social issues are always my fault, always, no matter what, ugh!

Do you take medication to control your up and down moods or not? You made a wise choice by not telling anyone but one person about your issues. Most people don't understand what it's like to suffer from mental illness. Even if they suffer from it to some degree themselves ironically.

It's like it their issues aren't as severe as yours are, it's easy to dismiss you as being out of control, crazy, or whatever. They don't want to even try to help you most of the time. It's very frustrating to deal with, and sometimes I think that even though some people don't know about my issues, that they can tell something is off, and that they tend to avoid me because of that. Idk. Hopefully that's not the case.

As for your sibling, why do you regret opening up? Did they tell anyone else about your problem or dismiss it as being all in your head, or something like that? That's happened to me, ugh! Do you think that any of your friends might suspect that something is off? Regarding your family, I'm a little confused about things. It sounds like your dad was bipolar as well as a few other family members. Is that what you were trying to say?

It sounds like the ups and downs of being bipolar tend to be unpredicatable in nature. Can anyone ever predict when an episode is coming on or how long it might last for? Sorry if that sounds stupid, but I don't know much about this issue apparently. It does sound as if it has quite an impact on friends and family-

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Yes, I was saying both my dad and my aunt had/have BP. I think their aunt did as well, and potentially their father (my grandfather), but I don't know for sure. I was trying to convey that even though we all had/have BP, none of our symptoms really present the same way. BP doesn't look the same from one person to the next, even within the same family.

I regret mentioning it to my sibling for a couple of reasons. One, because I'm a VERY private person, and just mentioning it left me feeling extremely vulnerable. Two, because after I mentioned it, there has been absolute radio silence on the topic since - not even an acknowledgement. A by-product of having had the conversation via email, perhaps, but now I perseverate on how it was received, whether this sibling told our other sibling (they're very close), whether they associate me now with our aunt or great-aunt who are pretty unstable, whether they'll dismiss things I say/do now as just a part of the illness, etc. I come from a family that is pretty focused on success, and I know at least the sibling that I did not tell believes (or at one point believed) that mental illness is simply a matter of will, of mind over matter. Your comment about people thinking it's all in your head really struck home with me. Someone on here had a signature once that said, "I know it's all in my head...THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!!"

I think my husband might be more supportive because he has never experienced anything like depression, and he lived through a few bouts of it with me that took up over 6-7 years of our early marriage. I found a great description of it on the blog Hyperbole & A Half that did a pretty good job of describing what it's like. Once he read that, he understood the depression more.

As to the medication issue, I take some supplements that have really helped me to even out the ups and downs. They seem to cycle a little more frequently now, but they're not as low for as long (nor as high for as long). It doesn't feel stable - I still distrust how I'm going to feel an hour from now or tomorrow, but a lot of my symptoms present just in the physical sense now (anxiety, particularly), without the mental crap that typically goes along with it. It's not a perfect solution, and I still get all my symptoms, but they're better than they were, I don't need a prescription, and I'm not worried about what I'm putting into my body. I don't know if this will always work for me, but for now I'm hanging in there.