Fear of losing hope

Do you fear doing something (and maybe also you just don't want to do it) because it's the only thing that gives you hope?

I fear therapy for this reason. I also fear stability.

I also fear myself but I'm already being myself, so that's different. I do fear becoming someone else, though.

I'm hopeless, aren't I?

I had an appointment with my NP where I saw the first signs of hopelessness. I'm afraid that's gonna be a problem.

But this is not about me. What do you fear, because it gives you hope?

being free from all mental illness.

i wouldn't know what to do with myself.. wouldn't have a clue. i'd get up and be like, hmm, what do i do with myself now?. i never had a plan for my life- then i'd spend the next 10 or 20 years mourning the years i've lost.

also making a friend that lasts more than 1 week. again, that's a concept that scares me.. i'd be like what?. no one's ever cared for me before- how do i deal with this.

Too complicated for my peanut brain. I wish I could lie, but I don't fear anything.
Maybe not want you want to hear, but true.

I like that: staying psychotic/manic. Fearing nothing.

Or maybe you are superman. Or like the Buddha.

I'm just getting some hope back and yes I fear that this won't last...I feel like there isn't anything left to go wrong though so maybe uphill is the only place I have left to go. .I hope and pray that is so

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What is hope? I honestly don't feel that at all, about anything. I can't remember the last time I did.

I fear I won't have hope again. My therapist and I discussed this today. I'm scared, fearful and oh so so tired. When I was diagnosed last June with BP, I had hope. I thought I finally had an answer to what was wrong with me and that I would magically find the right meds and ride off into the sunset. Boy, was I WRONG! My "hope tank" is about empty. I love hope! Hope is up there with hypomania! It's a wonderful feeling! I haven't felt it in a really long time. Does that answer anything or is that just confusing?

You blew my cover. I ain't no Buddha guy. I ain't got no mental powers. It's all brute force.
And I like it!!!. Superman has a capital S in front. Don't sin again.

I fear my stability. I really am having a hard time retraining my brain because now I feel free and somewhat normal. I don't know what to do with myself. Plus now that I'm stable I fear I'll decompensate out of nowhere.

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No, I completely understand. Sometimes I wish I was still pretending I wasn't such a hopeless idiot. I still do, quite often, but maybe not enough, the reality without it is worse and I just need to keep having irrational beliefs.

But maybe it's just a last hurdle. It should be. Maybe it's only a matter of time and I can function best when not manic or depressed or a mix of both. I should slowly work to overcome the fear of being on my own, without a struggle, without mania or depression, or the fear alone will cause mania. Maybe it's nothing more than taking the time to adjust. But maybe my personality is not something I can change or live with.

It's horrible. Life is meaningless without psychosis.

I'll just pretend there's hope. Or maybe successful treatment of the "problem" is worse than the "problem" itself.

this is a little off topic kinda ... my life stress almost all comes from work ... the longer I wait for something the worst it gets ... what I have learned to do is not look forward ... If I can not know what is coming till it hits I have no trouble handling it ... so I take it one day at a time ... sleep better not worrying about the morning ... my advice is take a deep breath ... if the world is not exploding around you ... enjoy the moment ... revel in the now ... tomorrow will come but worrying about it now will not help .... live for right now ....

I don't know what to say, other than the way I call it, you're being hard on yourself.
It's part of thinking that you know everything that goes on inside your head, when you don't.
Nobody really knows. All modern medicine and studies can do is guess.
Give yourself a break. From over analyzing, from thinking beyond.
Leave that stuff for when you're healthy. Entertain that wonderful mind of yours with more mudane things. Vape, listen to pop music, throw a rock see how far it goes. Or what breaks. Something that non supergenius do.

Maybe this sounds weird, but the one thing I long for is to be happy, but at the same time I fear what that might feel like. And I'm not talking manic/hypomanic happy.

I felt that way many, many times. So often before being diagnosed. But after being diagnosed when the only thing my pdoc at the time would give me for sleep was zyprexa and I kept gaining weight on it. I felt completely hopeless. Well I brought my sister in with me and it really made him mad. I was like I know there's another way and I want you to help us find it. He was like we just can no longer work together. He kept telling me that going up on trazadone was useless. Anyway I got a new Dr. She slowly decreased the zyprexa and increased the trazadone. I'm stable now! I've lost 22 lbs and still losing. I've never felt better. I still have my physical problems but I have hope again! Don't give up! You can find the right cocktail and get stable too. Don't give up!

I used to feel that way. But I like stability now. So much is finding the right combo of meds. If you're numb imo you're too medicated. I finally found the right combo and I've never felt better. I fought taking an ap. But I'm on 6 mgs of invega and its working. I don't feel numb, can still cry. It took 5 yrs to get here tho....good luck to you.

Thank you Rose

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I fear that I may not be able to handle the stress of working again. I'm stable now. But I don't have many responsibilities. I hope I can handle it but I fear I won't be able to. So I'm going to start with volunteering. See if I can manage that. If I can then I want to go back to college and get a degree in administration work. That's what I used to do but things have changed. I so hope I can work again. That psychosis and back injury and surgery really effected me. So we'll see. My family says that for right now just enjoy the stability.

I love being stable. I don't fear that at all. I wish I could be stable. That would be fantastic.

No problem.

I agree with you about the fear of losing hope. Another thing I fear losing is my family, especially my parents. As they get older and ready to retire I fear their time is short. If I lose my parents there will be no reason for me to exist.

There is a reason for you to exist. You are needed. Even here you are needed. You have a unique perspective. You are worthy of love and respect. Don't sell yourself short. If you have trouble making friends try meetup.com

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I can relate to this. I've been "professionally mentally ill" for like 12 years now. All the appointments, hospitalizations, attention to symptoms, self care. I'm definitely stuck in a rug, but what else do I do with myself?