eden1515

maybe it is a discharge meeting??? Please post when you are up to it.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I hope it went well. My guess it's treatment planing.

Well the meeting was a disaster i wasn't actually allowed to go but my mum came back fuming a doctor who i asked specifically not to have any involvement in my care in any way shape or form decides to tell my mum all this bs that is not true about me and tells my mum she is a terrible parent and has no clue what is going on because she is no longer involved in my care and pretty much was a waste of everyones time the psychologist here went in though and he also thought she was ridiculous. So i still have no idea what is happening but last night everything started getting really fast again i was with one of the spirits that is good and is a friend and they said i should stop taking the meds for a few reasons and i promised i would but i did take it this morning and now i feel bad

keep taking your meds.
sorry the meeting did not go as planned.
bizi

I really want the meds out of me right now i was trying to ignore it so hard but i cant the meds are hurting me and i cant trust the doctors and I really screwed up big time

Even if you stop the meds instantly, they won't be out of your body instantly. Might as well deal with the fact that you'll have to buck up and deal with them one way or another.

In IP you have no choice, and the only way they'll let you out is if you're med-compliant. There is no other option. If not, they'll have you committed and if you think things are bad now, you've got a long way to go yet)

Once you've gone through that and assuming you're med compliant and have been released, this is the point at which you start having options.

But just know that right now, in the mental state you're in, you have one option. Take the meds and try to behave like a normal human being. To do anything else is either stupid or psychotic - from my experience it's usually been a mix of both. I've been there.

Good luck. One more thing - if you want to go home as quickly as possible, stop using the word angel. Real to you or not, just keep it to yourself.

Hey, Eden. I'm not going to give you pointers on how to get more quickly out of the hospital because the hospital is exactly where you need to be. Everytime you get out, you become even more psychotic with more entities.

Harming others or yourself is not an option. You have to stick with the hospital and do exactly as your doctors and care team say. You need to begin to realize that all these entities are not real.

I'm going to get very afraid for you if you just go back home with all the entities, and invent even more.

Please comply with your treatment. Everyone is trying to make it so that you understand the truth about your psychosis.

Lots of gentle hugs, Eden.

It seems that every time someone here mentions that you're sounding better, you relapse in terms of your language/how you express yourself here. I hate to say it, but you have to want to get better. You've shown you can start on that path, now it's a matter of staying on it.

it isnt like that it is just hard they have been giving me home leave and every time i go home everything just comes back in full force like really strongly how i am feeling has nothing to do with what people here think of my progress at least not in that way.

i have been trying so hard to do what everyone else thinks is right to do but i cant be honest with myself and say that i agree i have been trying so hard to ignore what i think about the situation but i cant keep lying to myself i am scared and i do think this medication will/is hurting me and i do want it out of me desperately but i stopped complaining because i gave up trying to fight the doctors cause i thought it would get me out faster but it is not doing anything i dont know what to do.

Just stay in your treatment, eden. That is the only thing you must do. Just continue with the hospital treatment.

You need to give this some time to start working. Your delusions have had several years to develop; now, it will just take some time to reverse all that. Maybe a few months. This is something - the only thing - for you to do.

I think you're where you belong. As long as you're thinking these people are hurting you and you're seeing spirits. You need the meds why can't you see that? I'm sorry but this is frustrating

It's super frustrating... psychosis is frustrating, and it doesn't make any sense, and as frustrating as it might be to us ("why can't you see that you're sick when we keep telling you?!") it still doesn't make sense to her... because she is sick.
I've found that more often than not, when a person is in a psychotic state, the more you tell them that they're sick and psychotic, the more resistant to listening to you they become and the stronger the delusions can become, because you're just feeding into those persecutory beliefs by acknowledging them more and more. Unfortunately, sometimes people just need to wait it out until the meds start working, which can sometimes take awhile. The longer a person has been sick, the longer it will take to change that brain chemistry again. I wish there were a quicker, easier fix.

This is such an amazing community of people and we ALL want to help. I wish there were more we could do. I wish that telling people what reality is would make them believe it. I wish it were a faster, easier road to recovery with any mental illness... especially bipolar disorder.

That's just my $0.02...

Good luck, Eden. There's not much I'm certain of these days, but what I am sure of is that nothing is permanent. Things will start changing for you, getting better. Hang in there.

I agree, searching.

of course you are right.
We want to fix her.
We need to be patient....it can take weeks for meds to work and we really don't know when she started taking them.
bizi

Good point about when a person is psychotic, then those trying to help are seen as part of the problem. I've been there, and know there's truth in it. Hope she can be rational and accept the help offered.

ok like i have been taking the meds for at least 3 weeks and like last week i felt more settled but today and yesterday i have been feeling super hyper and awake and buzzed and my head has been going fast and i feel magical again and like i am feeling really good again but like it is the weekend and the doctors didnt see me all of last week so they have no clue but i dont care they are starting to talk discharge and i want out. i am not even actively hiding anything they just havent seemed to notice.

This sounds like something you need to tell them, in case one of your meds is causing it.

Unfortunately, recovery isn't always linear. It can mean 1 step forward, 2 steps back, etc. But what's going on now sounds like something they need to know in order to help you with best accuracy.

Please comply with their treatment, eden. This is a crossroads for you. A time to consider your future, and have it be the best possible way to carry on.

yes tell them what is going on>
bizi

I talked to one of the nurses she said she would tell the doctors to see me on monday. She said i might need more meds and stuff and that i need support in the community and that i need to keep taking my meds when i get out eventually. She also said i need to sleep more.

This is good advice.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

That sounds very reasonable, and she sounds like a great person to be involved with your care. 💗❤💚💙💚❤💗

I didnt get to see the doctors today and i had a bit of a meltdown about something else. I feel weird.

Do they let you keep a pencil? Maybe you could keep a journal about day to day events and changes, that you could mention when you see your doctors.

Yes i have been keeping a journal. I am getting discharged in 2 days that will mean just over 7 weeks in hospital.