eden1515

(((((hugs)))))

I saw my normal psychologist today he said i still need to be in hospital and that there is something going on that really needs addressing that is different to what everyone thought before and he wants me to go to the other ward i was at before the one where i cant get away with things as much. The doctors at this ward want to discharge me it may even be tomorrow i want to leave but i am scared i will end up in hospital again. Ugh this is too much effort.

but it will all be worth it eventually.

keep hanging on

Ugh the doctor wants me to start lithium or something idk what to do i just want to leave i am feeling panicked again.

((((((( hugs )))))))

What hospital are you at that allows you to use your phone?

I have never been inpatient anywhere that allowed us to have our phones.

Anyway.

I hope you're feeling better.

I don't have any wisdom worth words, but I really hope you're feeling better.

well i am in Australia to start with.

doctors said they cant say exactly what is going on with me but mentioned something called bipolar affective disorder which i dont know what that means exactly and a whole bunch of other stuff but basically said it is about managing things for me and that none of this will ever go away i am so tired and i want to cry all the time i was fine the stupid meds ruined everything now i am back in the hole again and ugh i want to scream i cant do this i cant keep doing this i am trying so hard i even told the doctors a whole bunch of stuff but i should have just listened to the angels. i dont feel good.

I think it's great that you are telling your doctors a lot of stuff.

No one has an easy pathway to becoming sick, or having these illnesses. You are so brave, Eden. Keep being brave. It isn't easy one bit. But you have to keep being brave and look forward to a real future.

Hey Eden, lithium is a great mood stabilizer. If your moods are going up and down (as your writing suggests) it may be very helpful to you. Good luck with whatever you choose, I know being in the hospital is not fun.

yes it takes time to get straightened out.
try to take it day to day. YOu are in a safe place where you can't hurt yourself.
listen and learn as much as you can, talk to a nurse or aide and get to know them if you can, have them be a support person for you. lean on them if you are able.you need support.This will get better but it will take you time.
bizi

they changed their minds about the meds they want me to stay on abilify because apperantly that deals with psychotic symptoms i still feel really bad though and i went out on day leave yesterday and i self harmed but no one knows and like i feel really sad and i am not coping like the doctors are saying the meds have done something but then why do i still feel terrible all the time is that what they have done cause then i dont want to take them. i feel like i am going to cry.

Crying is very good for you, cry as much as you can. You are being separated from all your delusions and hallucinations. They have been your constant companions and it hurts like heck to start understanding that they are not real.

We are here, and you can post and let us have progress reports.

i still think most of them are real though i think they are just hiding cause it isnt safe here. but mostly lately i really think the doctors are trying to poison me with the medication and i have stopped eating because i am scared of what could be in the food. i really dont know what to do i cant even take panadol for a headache i am really scared i told my nurse and he said that no one was trying to hurt me but i cant get this out of my head and i am scared. i feel like i need to get out of here i thought i would be out by now i really didnt think it would take this long i want to scream and i am so tired but i cant sleep and everything hurts again.

The best way to stop feeling like you want to scream is to continue with the meds, and be honest with your care team. If you don't do that, you have no future. That's the sad truth. You'll be on your own, and possibly even homeless and forgotten, living on the streets somewhere, doing God knows what, just to survive.

So, keep being brave, Eden. You can do this. Take your meds and eat your food. It is not being poisoned.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much, Eden.

I was wondering how much you think your BPD diagnosis plays a role in this? BPD, which from your signature you've been diagnosed with, is often diagnosed in conjunction with Bipolar Affective Disorder, which a doctor there told you you have. No doubt, the two together can be very difficult to deal with.

please eat, you don't want this to be another problem for you.
THEY ARE NOT POISONING YOU!
You are safe there.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I was in a psych ward here in Australia last year.

The reality is, you will eventually get out, at some stage. You're not going to be in there forever. Fact.

Secondly, nobody's got time to be putting stuff in your meds or your food.

The only way to get out of there is to take your meds and try eat healthily.

i am trying really hard i am hoping they will discharge me soon i have been in for over 5 weeks now i saw my psychologist today he said that he think i am bipolar and he said that the treatment they are giving me at the hospital is for bipolar. i dont know how to feel about this. he said i was psychotic when i first went in but not as much now. i feel like it wasnt that bad was it? idk i still feel weird ugh idk anymore.

Sounds like you're doing a lot better, Eden. Your posting is much more clear and coherent. 5 weeks is a long time, hope you're out soon.

yes eden you were that bad, being psychotic is classic bipolar 1 symptoms. alot of us here are bipolar 1 and have had experience with psychosis. You are not alone. We only have your best interests at heart.
Stay on your meds eat and sleep as best as you can.
bizi

Eden, you were definitely really in bad shape -- very much in psychosis. You have sounded much more coherent and calm in the last week or so. The meds are helping. Keep taking them. Keep being honest with the doctors and nurses. Keep eating and getting good sleep.

So i am meant to be having this big meeting thing in like 20mins and my mum is coming the hospital psychologist will be there and possibly the social worker and the doctors and i am so freaking nervous i have no clue what it is about or how long or what will be discussed with my mother present and i am just really scared right now i feel like it is some kind of an ambush.

They are only having a meeting about how to proceed with your care. No one wants to hurt you. Everyone wants to help you.

That would make me very anxious too but I am sure they are all there for your best interests. Let us know how it went and how you are. Thinking of you.

You sound like you are improving!
Good job!


WC