How do you find God without ending up back in the hospital?

So, this should probably be in the Spiritual Support section but I want to hear what my bipolar friends think. I have been struggling deeply with my spirituality and relationship with God since my release from the hospital in January. He has been silent. I have been living a very mundane dreary life since then, with no real purpose, just sort of existing.

Till it happened. I think God actually spoke to me. He put me on a path to see the truth in certain relationships in my life. Perfect example is I met someone online who blew me away, I was immediately smitten. We had several wonderful chats and I was starting to fall hard for him. But I was feeling empty. You know how we get at the beginning. If we aren't constantly texting or whatever we feel a hole in our hearts. Anyway, one night, late, I watched a movie called Christian Mingle on Netflix. It was a wonderful little movie how a young woman finds God then the love of her life comes back to her.

And then I thought to myself. Why not just start a conversation with God? Talk to Him like I used to. So I asked for him to hear me and guide me on the right path. Well the next day, a friend asked me to look at her pictures from her trip on Facebook. Now I avoid Facebook like the plague and I haven't logged in, in months. So I log in, and in the list of friend's suggestions there's my online guy in the arms of his GIRLFRIEND. Facebook must have pulled him from the contacts in my phone. How bizarre is that? So I confront him, he admits it, begs me not to tell his partner, yadda yadda, the end.

So now I am left here with all these questions in my head. Did God actually look out for me? Was this a total coincidence? I also feel empty and hollow. I want to welcome God into my heart but everywhere I look online they say you have to except Jesus in order to find God.

I can't do that.

You don't understand. I once had a very personal relationship with Jesus. There have been so many times where I have seen him. he has spoken through me and I have searched for him. All this led me straight back to the hospital. Every time I go on a spiritual quest, something happens. I am on my meds, taking them everyday, then out of nowhere an episode occurs with me powerless to stop it. I can't do it. I can't accept Jesus and find God.

So I feel soul less, helpless, hopeless. I am desperate. I want so badly to have a relationship with God again, but how do I do that and not go crazy? I am so confused and angry all at the same time. I know He is there looking out for me, its obvious. But I am so afraid to TALK to Him.

Does anyone feel the same way? Does your spiritual path lead you to mania and straight back in the hospital? I could really use some advice, hugs and prayers.

Yes. It has led me to ip. After my most recent episode I felt like he has completely abandoned me and I feel like I have lost my soul. Seriously. The connection I had is gone. I used to pray at night and really feel a connection. I can't seem to regain that connection. I feel like I went too far too the other side and just lost myself in it. I don't know. I went to church sunday and I teared up in the begining. But, the feelings still there. I have to do some soul searching. I was considering finding a shaman. I don't know the answer to this. I think we have to do some digging.

I don't have answers but you are in my thoughts.

Dear LadyShadow,
I haven't logged on to Pschcentral for nearly a month but your post grabbed my attention. I was a believer when I was young but mostly a doubter now. The one exception was when I actually survived a very serious attempt (It was my one and only attempt and I work everyday to ensure I don't get that way again). But now, nearly a year and a half later, the feeling has faded.
Life was much simpler and had more meaning when I believed that Jesus Christ was my saviour! But I can't pretend to have feelings that are not in my heart. I respect and am happy for those who believe and hope you once again find your way back to the spirituality you once had.
Regardless of where your spiritual path leads you, I sometimes read your posts and notice they all have a lot of heart and soul. So whether or not there is a god, there is a wonderful spirit inside of you. Maybe "God" just lives inside of all of us! I don't know. Obviously, spirituality is a struggle for many on PsychCentral because we ruminate way more than we should about all kinds of things.
Sincerely, Myst

Wow that's so interesting about the Facebook thing! I personally would take that as a sign. Whether or not it's Jesus giving you the sign is irrelevant- the sign was there when you needed it and helped you make a healthy decision.
I felt extremely connected and saw all sorts of coincidences and signs before I went inpatient. I maintain that some of these were real, some of them were part of my illness. I still see coincidences/signs now that I'm stable but not as much, and I'm okay with that, because I think that part of the reason I was seeing all that was that a part of my brain opened up and I was TOO connected. It was beautiful but impossible to maintain.
I'm sorry you feel that your God has abandoned you. Someone once told me God is like the wind, we can feel him or her but we can't see him/her.
I don't know what you are looking at online, but Jesus is not the only way people find God- I am Catholic and it is for me, but I also believe that God is present in most if not all religious and spiritual paths.
Have you looked into Buddhism? I don't consider it a religion per se, and have no issues reconciling it with my other beliefs- to me it's more of a philosophy, and it's tenets have made my life a lot more bearable.
So that was a long way of saying to keep searching.

God spoke to you through Facebook, accessing your contacts, showing you your cheating suitor's photo with his girlfriend! I love it! You can call that a miracle and evidence of God speaking to you, and it did you a favor, sparing you from the heartbreak of being played.

You don't have to look for God. God is inside us and everywhere.

I understand what you mean. I am so lost for answers. I did try to pray myself, and did in fact Talk to God after this post and was left a crying mess. Its like I can hear him inside of me, and I know that's just the illness talking. I will do some soul searching thank you. I do hope you find God on your quest too. I hope one day your prayers are answered.

Thank you so much sweetheart! That means a lot.

Thank you so much! I am glad I am not just posting out into the void and no one is paying attention, lol. You're right I don't know what the answers are but everything I write and communicate comes directly from my soul. I have been gone away from this place a while too. I kinda just lost myself out there on the internet, but I am glad I found my way back home.

Thank you!! I will keep searching. I have looked into Buddhism, but I don't feel it can help me find God. I don't know. I have a very heavy heart, with so much love and feelings and hope and I want to accept God into my life. At least you still have the coincidences. This is the first one I have gotten in 8 months, when I used to feel connected all the time. I get what you're saying about being TOO connected. I feel that's what happens to me too. It's so impossible to maintain cause well you're just nuts! You see things you hear things, you're all powerful and the Spirit of God is working through you. Oh how I miss that!

Thank you for that!! He did show me didn't He? He is inside us, you're right. I just have to listen.

I am sorry you feel this way and are going there this but if Jesus was not in my life I would be a lot worse off, I don't go to church and I am not religious but God is number one in my life and I am very grateful for all his blessing, I may have some illnesses but I don't blame Jesus for them because it is not from him he loves me and he loves all of us, If it wasn't for him I don't think I would be alive today, He has been looking out for me threw thick and thin, I am sorry you are struggling but Jesus is not the enemy

You misunderstand me. I didn't say I thought Jesus was the enemy. Far from it actually. I would love to welcome him back into my heart and into my life and be able to talk to him again. The thing is when I am praying and connecting and feeling him in my heart and in my life, I become manic and end up back in the hospital. Its like he speaks through me, and literally lives in me.

You have a different connection with him and that's great! More power to you. I just end up in the hospital when I start to let the Spirit come through me. I take it too far. I become TOO connected as someone else had mentioned. And I can't break the bond or come back down to reality without being heavily medicated.

Its a horrible dilemma for me, because I want to keep my mental health but I also crave a relationship with God again. It looks like I can't have both.

Saying a prayer for you

that's easy.. there is no god. the idea of god is manmade, and detrimental to the longevity of our species. its also detrimental to those who suffer from grandiose delusions.

Rise above religion.. focus on science!

I am sorry I must have misunderstood and that is terrible you are going threw this, I don't know what advice to give you and I wish I did, Have you ever thought of talking to a pastor or some one that you trust with this spiritual problem, I don't want you to think I am crazy but some times when people try to get closer to God the enemy will attack because he does not want you closer to God, I have had other people I know say the say thing so I know I am not crazy, It is true we live in a spiritual world with good and evil, Doctors and Scientists don't believe in God or the spiritual world, If you bring it up to them they will think you are crazy and delusional, I will be praying for you and trust your heart that is the Holy Spirit you are feeling

All I can really say is that I can relate. My spirituality can take me to far and I go into a delusion about it. Right now I'm OK. Perhaps it's the meds idk. (Hugs)

Wow you sound so much like me. I am a Christian and if I get to "close" to religious stuff I wind up looney and in the hospital with a ton of religious delusions. It sucks don't it? I cant even listen to praise and worship music because that's how my mania starts and I am afraid to do it.

As far as God talking to you. He don't talk to me either when I am stable. I talked to my husband about this and he said God don't talk to him either and its normal. Its probally rare for God to say something to people, He didn't even do that in the bible (except when Jesus was on the earth) very much, but I do think He works in His ways. Like the facebook thing, yeah I think that was from God.

As far as Jesus, since I am a Christian I think of Him as God, or the Son of God but they are the same guy. I know the trinity is confusing and I don't have a good grasp on how He can be three persons in one.

Sorry this is happening to you. I do feel your pain. Hope you find what your looking for. Hugs

I find this quite rude and arogant. she is looking for answers and seems quite lost in her spiriual quest. Why do you feel the need to make this statement? Does it make you feel smarter?

There was study that claimed people who prayed and believe in God live up to 10-15 yrs longer than those who dont. I have seen first hand how much faith helps some people. I find it hard to believe there is no higher power and science cant prove everything.

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i'm well aware science cant give all the answers, sorry but i'd rather say I don't have them and, and cant have them all, than make **** up to fill the gap.

not to mention science has the power to predict the future, what the hell has your religion done in that aspect.

and it is just like a religious person to bash the views and put others down because they don't think like you. way to be Christ like...