Bipolar Check in thread #14

raspberrytorte · Nov 05, 2016, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

olanzapine and clonazepam bring me down from mania. feel a little better. IP. not quite safe still due to obsessions. still feel like a god, like i know EVERYTHING. maybe i am having a spiritual awakening. Still can rationally see that I am probably unwell but feel more powerful and insightful than ever. Mind plotting away at dark things but I'm cheerful. kinda weird. and intense.

Anyone else feel this way sometimes? the god like thing...like i can see all my suburb, then city, then country, then whole world and then universe.

Yes. I thought I could touch everyone's thoughts with my own and save the world by spreading positive energy, in that way. I could see the entire universe moving in the sky and thought I was in control of the universe. It was ridiculous.

raspberrytorte · Nov 05, 2016, 11:46 PM

I am so freaking out right now. Smoking like a chimney when I'm supposed to be cutting back. Pacing around. I don't know how the future is going to play out and I hate it. I applied for disability and if I don't get it I have no idea what we're going to. Live here forever?! I want our own place again. My husband is going to have to work seventy hours a week in order for us to make it without me working.

And no. I'm not being a baby about the not being able to work thing. I tried it. I pushed myself too hard, and it ended up complete disaster.

I don't know. I'm just having serious, full fledged freak out!

My doctor put me on a super high dose of vitamin D because my vitamin D levels were pretty much non existent. I feel a million times better, other than being irritable as ****. I did a lot of yard work today. I hate yard work. I hate raking. I wanted to do the entire, massive lawn! Sorry. I know that's a pointless thing to say. I can't sleep either. Last night I was up all ****ing night. It was maddening. I hope I'm able to sleep tonight. But with how worked up I am right now I doubt it. I hate this. This is just sucky. This ****ing sucks. Just FUKK!!!!!!!

raspberrytorte · Nov 05, 2016, 11:48 PM

Oh duh. I have some zzzquil. I should try taking that. Maybe that would make me pass out. I mean. It usually doesn't work but I could try. I hate that **** though. It tastes bad. It makes me want to ****ing puke.

Nov 06, 2016, 07:08 AM

yesterday was bad. very, very, bad (I sort of blame myself for it, will create another thread)

today just feel like ****. have a lot of memories concerning last night

Cocosurviving · Nov 06, 2016, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I almost ended up in the hospital today. I probably should have been there. I don't want to trigger anyone though. It all started when my boyfriend did something that betrayed me. I went into rage, nearly harmed myself (and had thoughts of acting out physically towards him), but he held me back physically so that I couldn't make any attempts. I eventually took some deep breaths and left to go home, but I was shaking and have been very erratic ever since. I sped so fast on the way home I thought I was going to crash and was screaming and screaming. It was traumatic for me. I gave so much to him thinking I can trust him.

I took a few benzos to calm down. The whole incident brought up everything bad I've gone through in the past. It hasn't helped that my BP symptoms are not well managed. I plan to call the pdoc ASAP, but tomorrow is Sunday, so she is not in the office. I know this whole incident will have me messed up for a while now. I told him I need space before being able to talk to him, but I know I can't get myself involved with him anymore and subject myself to more pain.

(((((hug))))

Cocosurviving · Nov 06, 2016, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I am so freaking out right now. Smoking like a chimney when I'm supposed to be cutting back. Pacing around. I don't know how the future is going to play out and I hate it. I applied for disability and if I don't get it I have no idea what we're going to. Live here forever?! I want our own place again. My husband is going to have to work seventy hours a week in order for us to make it without me working.

And no. I'm not being a baby about the not being able to work thing. I tried it. I pushed myself too hard, and it ended up complete disaster.

I don't know. I'm just having serious, full fledged freak out!

My doctor put me on a super high dose of vitamin D because my vitamin D levels were pretty much non existent. I feel a million times better, other than being irritable as ****. I did a lot of yard work today. I hate yard work. I hate raking. I wanted to do the entire, massive lawn! Sorry. I know that's a pointless thing to say. I can't sleep either. Last night I was up all ****ing night. It was maddening. I hope I'm able to sleep tonight. But with how worked up I am right now I doubt it. I hate this. This is just sucky. This ****ing sucks. Just FUKK!!!!!!!

(((((hug))))
I really hate your family is in this situation. I do not work so I know how tough things get. I hope something works out.

Gabyunbound · Nov 06, 2016, 04:10 PM

I'll be going into work tomorrow because I don't want to leave them in the lurch again (like I did on Friday) but I cancelled Wednesday. I'd have to get up at 3:30 for that shift and that along with the somnolence with falling asleep at the wheel feels like a recipe for disaster. I'll be talking to my mother on the phone (she's on the East coast) during my morning commute tomorrow and hope that keeps me awake.

But I'm getting blood tests on Tuesday and hope to have the results on Wednesday. If it's just the thyroid then I could get meds and have it resolved fairly quickly, if not, then more testing.

I'm afraid I'm screwing myself at work, but I have to take care of myself. I can't do that schedule and that's what's available that day (Wednesday).

I'm still very depressed, but took Seroquel last night and feel slightly better. I don't even know whether to take it on Monday or not, I need it for mood, but am afraid it will make sleepiness even worse. I'm at a loss.

As it is, I have no work the following week because all they had were extremely early schedules which I can't do right now.

Balancing work with mental and physical s*** is horrendous. I need to keep my job, but I need to take care of myself as well. It's a hellish balance.

Nov 06, 2016, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I'll be going into work tomorrow because I don't want to leave them in the lurch again (like I did on Friday) but I cancelled Wednesday. I'd have to get up at 3:30 for that shift and that along with the somnolence with falling asleep at the wheel feels like a recipe for disaster. I'll be talking to my mother on the phone (she's on the East coast) during my morning commute tomorrow and hope that keeps me awake.

But I'm getting blood tests on Tuesday and hope to have the results on Wednesday. If it's just the thyroid then I could get meds and have it resolved fairly quickly, if not, then more testing.

I'm afraid I'm screwing myself at work, but I have to take care of myself. I can't do that schedule and that's what's available that day (Wednesday).

I'm still very depressed, but took Seroquel last night and feel slightly better. I don't even know whether to take it on Monday or not, I need it for mood, but am afraid it will make sleepiness even worse. I'm at a loss.

As it is, I have no work the following week because all they had were extremely early schedules which I can't do right now.

Balancing work with mental and physical s*** is horrendous. I need to keep my job, but I need to take care of myself as well. It's a hellish balance.

My heart breaks for you being in this situation. Keep taking care of yourself. I hope your blood tests answer your questions and it's a quick fix.

Coffeee · Nov 06, 2016, 04:17 PM

I'm feeling better. Was strangely cheerful this morning despite interrupted sleep and the time change. Lots of energy. Made a fine breakfast of French toast and bacon and sausages with my hubs. Now I'm a bit more relaxed. Nothing planned for today just veg out.

hopeless2015 · Nov 06, 2016, 04:46 PM

It's been a good weekend. Got groceries done this morning and picked up around home a little. H ran the vacuum while I was at the store...looks much better in here. Have soup in the crockpot for supper. Been a lazy afternoon...took a little nap lol

OctobersBlackRose · Nov 06, 2016, 05:00 PM

It's starting to hit me.that tomorrow is my past appointment with me current psychiatrist, I.still don't know how I should feel, sad, angry, happy for.her, which I am. I'm also really nervous about who my new psychiatrist will be, we're assigned psychiatrists where I go for.services, so I have no choice in who I get, but do have a right to change if the new one doesn't work out for any reason. I know I got to let my concerns.be known, but I suck a.verbalizing my concerns.with people, Hell even weighting them is hard too. I'll try my best though to get out what I want to say tomorrow. I just wish I had more.than a weeks welp not even that, like 5 days notice cause I found out Wednesday morning after my case.manager told me that my psychiatrist is.retiring. So I don't know, I don't know what to feel, I guess I'm just really nervous for tomorrow, my appointment is at 1:15pm tomorrow, so I have to wait all this time and ruminate about all of this. I mean I only seen her since January of this.year, but we.meshed, she was.the first psychiatrist I could trust, she took my symptoms seriously, and worked with me through med changes, and for awhile I.seen her every two.week, now it has been six weeks since my last appointment. I just hope my new psychiatrist is nice and takes.me.seriously, and doesn't change my meds around on me since I'm now on a good combo of Geodon and Lamictal. But I don't know, this is all so sudden, I don't like.change, but I got to deal with it, I guess.this is where.my distress tolerance skills will come.into play especially radical acceptance...

Well here's to things hopefully going well tomorrow.

Nov 06, 2016, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

It's starting to hit me.that tomorrow is my past appointment with me current psychiatrist, I.still don't know how I should feel, sad, angry, happy for.her, which I am. I'm also really nervous about who my new psychiatrist will be, we're assigned psychiatrists where I go for.services, so I have no choice in who I get, but do have a right to change if the new one doesn't work out for any reason. I know I got to let my concerns.be known, but I suck a.verbalizing my concerns.with people, Hell even weighting them is hard too. I'll try my best though to get out what I want to say tomorrow. I just wish I had more.than a weeks welp not even that, like 5 days notice cause I found out Wednesday morning after my case.manager told me that my psychiatrist is.retiring. So I don't know, I don't know what to feel, I guess I'm just really nervous for tomorrow, my appointment is at 1:15pm tomorrow, so I have to wait all this time and ruminate about all of this. I mean I only seen her since January of this.year, but we.meshed, she was.the first psychiatrist I could trust, she took my symptoms seriously, and worked with me through med changes, and for awhile I.seen her every two.week, now it has been six weeks since my last appointment. I just hope my new psychiatrist is nice and takes.me.seriously, and doesn't change my meds around on me since I'm now on a good combo of Geodon and Lamictal. But I don't know, this is all so sudden, I don't like.change, but I got to deal with it, I guess.this is where.my distress tolerance skills will come.into play especially radical acceptance...

Well here's to things hopefully going well tomorrow.

I hope your new doctor is wonderful. Good luck with your appointment....let us know how it goes if you're up to it. We are routing for you.

jtassar93 · Nov 06, 2016, 05:42 PM

Starting to feel it. The hallucinations and paranoia are getting worse. Out of seroquel and Valium. Got a T app tomorrow so hopefully will get some answers.

OctobersBlackRose · Nov 06, 2016, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I hope your new doctor is wonderful. Good luck with your appointment....let us know how it goes if you're up to it. We are routing for you.

Thank you, I'll definitely post tomorrow about how.things went.

Nov 06, 2016, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtassar93

Starting to feel it. The hallucinations and paranoia are getting worse. Out of seroquel and Valium. Got a T app tomorrow so hopefully will get some answers.

We're all worried about you. Remember to bring your notes tomorrow and good luck. I hope you get advise and instructions to stay safe and minimize the discomfort you are experiencing (((hugs)))

jtassar93 · Nov 06, 2016, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

We're all worried about you. Remember to bring your notes tomorrow and good luck. I hope you get advise and instructions to stay safe and minimize the discomfort you are experiencing (((hugs)))

Thank you. I will bring my notes. There are a lot lol. My T prefers it when I speak, but she's just going to have to read this note. <3

Nov 06, 2016, 07:06 PM

I have a virus. I have been in bed for 3 days.

bizi · Nov 06, 2016, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I have a virus. I have been in bed for 3 days.

I am sorry that you have been ill>
((((HUGS))))
bizi

jtassar93 · Nov 06, 2016, 08:46 PM

I'm terrified of tomorrow. I've never been in the hospital before. Everyone says it's not as bad as it sounds but I'm still scared. I don't know what to expect... I don't know what to bring, what I'm allowed to bring, what I'm going to do all day....lay there? Can a bring a kindle?,the food...I'm picky, how often my meds will be changed... I just don't know

Nammu · Nov 06, 2016, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtassar93

I'm terrified of tomorrow. I've never been in the hospital before. Everyone says it's not as bad as it sounds but I'm still scared. I don't know what to expect... I don't know what to bring, what I'm allowed to bring, what I'm going to do all day....lay there? Can a bring a kindle?,the food...I'm picky, how often my meds will be changed... I just don't know

Many hospitals are online and have a short info section that explains the routine and what to bring and not bring. If you can't find one for where you are going maybe call and ask. Some places will let you have a nook and other will not.

it will help you get stable.

Wander · Nov 06, 2016, 09:29 PM

yesterday i was dark manic and obsessed with death. About an hour after I woke up from broken sleep I went euphoric and am high as a kite with no darkness. Loving it. Feel like a god as I know everything and am hyper aware of all sights, sounds and smells and people around me. intoxicating. Want to change the world for good. bit anxious but clonazepam fixed that. Saw nurse, she was happy for me but seemed concerned i would get too high. My mind is amazing. processes so much info, more than i can consciously think. Im loving this. hope it stays

jtassar93 · Nov 06, 2016, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

Many hospitals are online and have a short info section that explains the routine and what to bring and not bring. If you can't find one for where you are going maybe call and ask. Some places will let you have a nook and other will not.

it will help you get stable.

My hospital doesn't have any information online :/ I guess I'll figure it out when I'm there and have my mom bring me my stuff. Will they go through my purse? I'm not going to hide anything and don't even have a phone to bring.