Possible trigger:

I feel like killing myself

And no one would care, as not even my own family cares. All they do is yell at me anyway and tell me how I need to "grow up and do something useful instead of staying in your room". Well, I'm depressed and I just want to be left alone.

Then my dad, several times a week, will come into my room and "remind" me that I'm useless

[Naynay99]

Just got up a little while ago. Mood is crap.
I feel like shiit but I can't miss work this week- I have impt stuff due and next week is spring break. But all I want to do is sleep, though lately even sleep isn't giving me much peace. Ugh.

I know this won't last forever but it sure as hell feels like it right now. I think i am gonna go to the deli to grab some lunch, and then somehow start cleaning. I don't even know how or where to begin.

As the mess has just gotten worse! It's embarrassing that I can't function well enough right now to keep up with anything. And I honestly don't think I can handle my parents visiting. I don't want to ruin Easter. Or have them see all of this and then be worrying 1000s of miles away. I just feel like such a broken pathetic mess. I don't know why i am still here sometimes.

Take care all.

[Naynay99]

Blue- I would care.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Possible trigger:

I feel like killing myself

And no one would care, as not even my own family cares. All they do is yell at me anyway and tell me how I need to "grow up and do something useful instead of staying in your room". Well, I'm depressed and I just want to be left alone.

Then my dad, several times a week, will come into my room and "remind" me that I'm useless

That is not the answer. Do you want to talk? I am available right now... I know things are tough right now for you. But things will get better...

Amanda

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

And no one would care, as not even my own family cares. All they do is yell at me anyway and tell me how I need to "grow up and do something useful instead of staying in your room". Well, I'm depressed and I just want to be left alone.

Then my dad, several times a week, will come into my room and "remind" me that I'm useless

I am sorry you are going thru this hello now. Are you still taking your meds?
I know that you ultra rapid cycle, this is emergency talk.
Do you have a plan or are you just venting?
bizi who cares about you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Possible trigger:

I feel like killing myself

And no one would care, as not even my own family cares. All they do is yell at me anyway and tell me how I need to "grow up and do something useful instead of staying in your room". Well, I'm depressed and I just want to be left alone.


Then my dad, several times a week, will come into my room and "remind" me that I'm useless

Blue, you can't claim that no one would care. I would care. You're a valuable addition to this forum and have provided perspectives and support to me and others. I appreciate that.

I am sorry that you're depressed, and that your family is getting you down. I hope starting your new job will give you some relief. Why don't you consider moving out and getting your own place or finding some roommates? I know you're paying down student loans, and when I was doing that I had a house with roommates so the cost wasn't that bad. At least you would feel some independence.

As for what to say about the depression, my number one suggestion would be the same as yours. Call and talk to your psychiatrist. He's going to be the best equipped to handle the situation and work with your meds.

FYI, it could be the Ritalin. Stims seem to affect you more than the average bear, and that's the first thing I would look at if I were you. You can go a day or two without it to see, that's an easy trial and you can go on and off stims easily. I'm not trying to be your doctor, just giving something to think about.

Hang in there. Deep depression sucks, but be assured there is a corner you will turn, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for you. Stay strong. We care.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Possible trigger:

I feel like killing myself

And no one would care, as not even my own family cares. All they do is yell at me anyway and tell me how I need to "grow up and do something useful instead of staying in your room". Well, I'm depressed and I just want to be left alone.

Then my dad, several times a week, will come into my room and "remind" me that I'm useless

Blue know that we care for you. If you don't feel safe please get help. If you want to talk I'm here to listen.

[scatterbrained04]

Just trying to make it until I see pdoc Friday. Not sure what I'll say.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Possible trigger:

I feel like killing myself

And no one would care, as not even my own family cares. All they do is yell at me anyway and tell me how I need to "grow up and do something useful instead of staying in your room". Well, I'm depressed and I just want to be left alone.

Then my dad, several times a week, will come into my room and "remind" me that I'm useless

(((Hugs))) Blue, you are not useless. You are appreciated here and cared about. Keep posting, as long as that helps you. We're here.

[Unrigged64072835]

Keep posting, Blue. You've got a raw deal going on. You need to get to somewhere where people at least respect you.

Went to church and picked up new sheets for the bed. I had second thoughts with one set as I was putting them in the dryer. It then reminded me of hospital scrubs. Not a good idea.

So now just chilling out until I need to feed the cats and make dinner. I forgot to marinate the chicken again and will need to figure something out. I have plenty of backup stuff so I can make something. Ugh.

Doing okay mood-wise. Not up or down, just being fluid and going with the flow.

[Sunflower123]

Back with to the land of the living. Now to tackle my bedroom. Fingers crossed.

[Moose72]

Took my youngest out to lunch after his haircut and church. Cost more than I figured but at least I could pay for it. Haircut was cheaper than I thought. Kids are on vacation. No idea what to do with them. Can't go out to eat!

[pirilin]

Doing better. More at peace. But I'm not the spiritual kind. I need action!!!.

[Wild Coyote]

It's a sunny day here. It helps.
Increased my stimulant dose today. It helps.
(I feel much less tense/anxious on a stimulant. Strikes me as odd.)

I am sorry so many (even one member, really) are suffering right now.

I am grateful for the members lending insights and support to the community.

It takes a village.


WC

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's a sunny day here. It helps.
Increased my stimulant dose today. It helps.
(I feel much less tense/anxious on a stimulant. Strikes me as odd.)

I am sorry so many (even one member, really) are suffering right now.

I am grateful for the members lending insights and support to the community.

It takes a village.


WC

Big Hug...

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( Bluebicycle ))))))

You are loved.

You mean a lot to me and to other members here, I am sure.

I know it hurts when family does not understand and does not share enough compassion.

You could leave or you could stay and work on your family relationships, trying to reach a better understanding.

We all want our families to understand and to care. Sometimes family members can reach an understanding, sometimes not.

Not many in my family extend themselves to try to understand my challenges, even though I have gone the distance to understand their challenges/needs. I tend to be more open and compassionate. I remain open to a change in the dynamics, should it ever become possible.

Don't entirely give up on your family. They love you. (I know of many parents not willing to allow their adult children to live with them. Your parents care, they just don't "get" all you need them to understand,) We all/each have some limitations and sometimes need more information to gain insight enough to offer compassion.

Decide what's most helpful to you and set goals for yourself when you can do so.

You have a lot going for you. You are very intelligent and able to pursue your career, etc. You are lovable. (We all love you and care about you.)

Severe depression sucks. It's draining, frustrating, disheartening, and more. It can, eventually, cause us to want to check out. We can become desperate for relief from the related distress. (I am going through this right now, too.)

I hope the depression shifts for you and life will look more hopeful.

Please be safe, Blue.



WC

[Sunflower123]

Feeling kind of blah today with either anxiety or nervous energy. I have 3 appointments today, it's raining cats and dogs and my daughter took my rain gear to NYC. I'm going to walk in looking like a bedraggled rat with leopard print rain boots. Gggaaahhh!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Feeling kind of blah today with either anxiety or nervous energy. I have 3 appointments today, it's raining cats and dogs and my daughter took my rain gear to NYC. I'm going to walk in looking like a bedraggled rat with leopard print rain boots. Gggaaahhh!

Your description is cute!

I hope you can ditch the nervous energy. trading it for peaceful energy, and will have a good day!


WC

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Your description is cute!

I hope you can ditch the nervous energy. trading it for peaceful energy, and will have a good day!


WC

Tehehe. Thank you. I hope you have a good day as well.

[gina_re]

Just checkin in....I feel awesome!! The complete opposite from where I was before. And not in a hypomanic type of way, I just have the ability to function without the cloud hanging over my head. Hope all is well with you all, and if not, hugs to you!

[Daonnachd]

Got word this morning from the hospital where I get ECT that we qualify for financial aid. It's not a surprise, but I'm glad they agree with what I knew. This means I may be able to continue with ECT treatment, after all.

[AmandaBroken]

I am struggling. I have so much to do. I had a terrible nightmare last night and I feel very drained...

[bioChE]

I feel good. Like gina, not in a manic way. I'm being productive at work and also don't have a dark cloud hanging over my head. Thankful for the stability, at least for now.

Best of luck to everyone suffering.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Got word this morning from the hospital where I get ECT that we qualify for financial aid. It's not a surprise, but I'm glad they agree with what I knew. This means I may be able to continue with ECT treatment, after all.

I am glad you can continue treatment.
It seems like more than enough to deal with the depression, without also having to be concerned with affording treatment. It's something we all must deal with, unfortunately. My insurance has changed so much, I am now very, very anxious about affording care and meds. Ugggh!

Happy things have worked out in your favor!


WC

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am glad you can continue treatment.
It seems like more than enough to deal with the depression, without also having to be concerned with affording treatment. It's something we all must deal with, unfortunately. My insurance has changed so much, I am now very, very anxious about affording care and meds. Ugggh!

Happy things have worked out in your favor!


WC

Thank you for the positive words. I don't usually hear enough, especially in my own thoughts.

All the best.