[bizi]

Went to hear a blue grass jam session tonight for an hour. it was fun, they added me to their email list so I will know when they play again. It is supposed to be every monday nights from 6;30-9 but they would play later if people want to stay and play until 10.
There was this older lady there, helen sang with the most authentic blue grass voice, loved her singing!
now if I could just try new experiences with out having to drink a couple of beers before hand.
bizi

[Naynay99]

I'm Still struggling. I keep asking the universe, God, et al why it hates me so much. WhAt did I do that was so awful??

I'm so tired and just want off this fuucking ride already.
The amount of energy it requires to keep breathing is ridiculous. I am a mess
I'm trying to be positive, but it's too hard.

My best friend has disappeared and no longer has time for me. I have tried several times to get together w her but she is always too busy. So I have stopped even trying to reach out. Am I really that awful a person that people can't stand to be around me?

I'm afraid I am going to disappear. I have nobody on my side. I am trying and I am failing miserably at life. I can't do this much longer without losing my fuucking mind for good.
Sorry for this downer check in.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

I'm Still struggling. I keep asking the universe, God, et al why it hates me so much. WhAt did I do that was so awful??

I'm so tired and just want off this fuucking ride already.
The amount of energy it requires to keep breathing is ridiculous. I am a mess
I'm trying to be positive, but it's too hard.

My best friend has disappeared and no longer has time for me. I have tried several times to get together w her but she is always too busy. So I have stopped even trying to reach out. Am I really that awful a person that people can't stand to be around me?

I'm afraid I am going to disappear. I have nobody on my side. I am trying and I am failing miserably at life. I can't do this much longer without losing my fuucking mind for good.
Sorry for this downer check in.

You did not do anything to deserve this. Some things just happen. I am sorry you are struggling. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all go away. I am sorry your friend disappeared. It's very sad. Are you seeing someone? Are you on medication? We are here for you. If you need to talk just PM me. You are not alone. We are here for you. I am here. Please be Safe. May I offer you a gentle hug and a soft embrace. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

And, God still loves you!

Amanda

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

I'm Still struggling. I keep asking the universe, God, et al why it hates me so much. WhAt did I do that was so awful??

I'm so tired and just want off this fuucking ride already.
The amount of energy it requires to keep breathing is ridiculous. I am a mess
I'm trying to be positive, but it's too hard.

My best friend has disappeared and no longer has time for me. I have tried several times to get together w her but she is always too busy. So I have stopped even trying to reach out. Am I really that awful a person that people can't stand to be around me?

I'm afraid I am going to disappear. I have nobody on my side. I am trying and I am failing miserably at life. I can't do this much longer without losing my fuucking mind for good.
Sorry for this downer check in.

(((hugs))). I've been there before. Actually, I am going through something very similar. You are not an awful person. These feelings are natural when something like that happens, but please know that you are appreciated here. and we are on your side. Try not to blame yourself! It's not your fault.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by fishin fool

I feel good for a while and then a wave of depression comes over me for like
an hour or so and then I feel ok again. I don't know anymore.

I know how frustrating that is. Lately I've been ok then crash into depression in the afternoon. Then I'm fine in the evening. Wth...hope the ride stops for you.

[Wander]

Did my online test today (instead of tomorrow) as I felt I was ready. Got 83%! So happy. And that was with a hypomanic mind. But the hypo obsession did make me study heaps. It is only worth 10% of the grade but it is a good start. Rest tonight form study then back into it.

Feeling great but it is only 6pm and I usually tank around 7-8pm. Might see my doctor tonight, which would be great as I need to ask him if i should work this weekend. I am concerned about working nights due to agitation and dark mood and being too hypo. Don't want my colleagues seeing me this way. Hopefully med changes will shake me out of this mixed/rapid cycling phase. But on top of the world right now so all is well.

[Wander]

Duplicate post

[Sunflower123]

Feeling better today. Going out to lunch for my brother's birthday (pleasant) and I'll be forced to get out of the house. However, sister I only see at birthdays and holidays because she is toxic and angry will be there as well. I have much anxiety even thinking about it.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Feeling better today. Going out to lunch for my brother's birthday (pleasant) and I'll be forced to get out of the house. However, sister I only see at birthdays and holidays because she is toxic and angry will be there as well. I have much anxiety even thinking about it.

I hope everything goes well today. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hug...

Amanda

[Naynay99]

Hey. Feeling a little better than last night. Thanks for the hugs.
I Made it to work. Barely. Rolled out of bed and found some clean-ish clothes. I really need to do laundry, among every other chore known to man.

Still feel like crap. But at the moment I don't feel like walking into traffic, so hey, small improvements. I am gonna attempt to do the dishes today after work. And then go to my support group meeting. So I do have some sort of plan for the day. I am probably gonna do a half arse job teaching today, but I'm pretty good at faking it. I do have paperwork to do this week that I keep putting off bc it is overhelming me.
Anyway, have a good day.

[hopeless2015]

Made myself go to the gym and work, trying to cut back on smoking but it's hard. I need to week back and get off. Cold turkey isn't working and the chantix Dr called in is $400, can't afford it. I need to do this and I'm really struggling. If I don't quit I'm going to keep having problems with bronchitis and possibly end up with major lung issues. I've been so sick lately I shouldn't even want to smoke so I obviously have a major addiction

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Made myself go to the gym and work, trying to cut back on smoking but it's hard. I need to week back and get off. Cold turkey isn't working and the chantix Dr called in is $400, can't afford it. I need to do this and I'm really struggling. If I don't quit I'm going to keep having problems with bronchitis and possibly end up with major lung issues. I've been so sick lately I shouldn't even want to smoke so I obviously have a major addiction

Best of luck in kicking the habit. You might want to go the route of getting a vaporizer and starting with a high nicotine e-liquid. Then you can get lower and lower concentrations of nicotine until you're finally off.

[hopeless2015]

Thanks, that's a good idea. My husband just bought an ecig, I can't afford one right now (we don't share finances because I'm a mess with money) right now just trying to cut back every day till I'm off, but it will help if he's not smoking to.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Thanks, that's a good idea. My husband just bought an ecig, I can't afford one right now (we don't share finances because I'm a mess with money) right now just trying to cut back every day till I'm off, but it will help if he's not smoking to.

You can get a pen vaporizer battery and chamber for less than $20. I'd recommend buying liquid online since it's much cheaper than your local shop. I use an eGo Aio vaporizer and have found it to be a nice setup and not too expensive. A good reliable online shop (with fast shipping) is My Freedom Smokes. Their branded e-liquids are very economical.

If you forego the cost of a couple packs of smokes, you can get a vape setup and be on your way to freedom. Tastes and smells better, too.

[Sunflower123]

Went out to eat with part of my family for my brother's birthday and I was very anxious to the point of panic about going. Had a really good time. Now was that because everyone was on their best behavior or because I had a huge pina colada with a side shot of rum (rarely drink)? We may never know but it turned out well.

[Daonnachd]

I've got my four hours of work today which will likely be quiet and calm (I work in a cemetery.). Then I go to see my T this afternoon.

[xRavenx]

Had to leave work early due to a really bad stomach ache. I am home, feeling slightly better, but very tired. I was getting some anxiety during the day too (heart palpitations) for no real reason that I can think of. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better after resting.

[Unrigged64072835]

Quiet day today. Did two loads of laundry and the kids took a bag of my old stuff to Goodwill. I wrote a poem and marinated the chicken for dinner tonight. (I finally remembered!) Will be cooking that soon.

Most of the day, though, was spent shopping online. I hate it when I buy clothes, because I usually don't stop until I run out of money. It's like a bad habit.

My husband now has to have two molars pulled because they're growing crooked. Going to be a fun time driving because the dentist's office is in a busy part of town.

Had some anxiety this afternoon so I tried to sleep it off. Mood has been okay.

[AmandaBroken]

Still having Issues...

[Moose72]

Been trying to see how my youngest can go to Interlochen next year. But the Summer 12-Week program is hella expensive! I think it would be great for him though. There are scholarships...

I'm just slowly trying to clean my apartment. Having a friend over Saturday briefly. He says he doesn't care what it looks like- that he's not an inspector- but I care. I did the dishes but I look at the rest and I just want to go to bed! Bed time is in 2 hours and I'd love to just take a long "nap".

I went to visit my FWB yesterday evening. That was very enjoyable, but this friend above is beginning to be more than friends so I'm wondering what to do about that. We are spending Saturday and Sunday morning together. Haven't seen each other in over a year!

Other than that, I went to the gym today and that was good. I'm having issues with the shoulder press (I can't get through all the reps). But otherwise, its good.

[CherryGlazer]

Find myself slipping, and more concerned about how it affects my life on the outside, than whatever mental hell I'm experiencing on the inside.

I am going f_cking nuts. I don't know how much longer I can take this b_llshit

I'm severely depressed. I need help... really badly... but I've got a therapist appt tomorrow morning at 7:45am. I really can't take this sh_t anymore. I'm hanging on by a thread, man.

but what the f_ck is my pdoc going to do? f_cking drug me up on more f_cking seroquel?? i'm on the f_cking max lamictal dose, and he won't increase my f_cking lexapro dosage. so what the f_ck?

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I am going f_cking nuts. I don't know how much longer I can take this b_llshit

I'm severely depressed. I need help... really badly... but I've got a therapist appt tomorrow morning at 7:45am. I really can't take this sh_t anymore. I'm hanging on by a thread, man.

but what the f_ck is my pdoc going to do? f_cking drug me up on more f_cking seroquel?? i'm on the f_cking max lamictal dose, and he won't increase my f_cking lexapro dosage. so what the f_ck?

I am so sorry that you are feeling this bad blue.
What do you want to see happen with your meds?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Naynay99]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I am going f_cking nuts. I don't know how much longer I can take this b_llshit

I'm severely depressed. I need help... really badly... but I've got a therapist appt tomorrow morning at 7:45am. I really can't take this sh_t anymore. I'm hanging on by a thread, man.

but what the f_ck is my pdoc going to do? f_cking drug me up on more f_cking seroquel?? i'm on the f_cking max lamictal dose, and he won't increase my f_cking lexapro dosage. so what the f_ck?

Blue- Hang in there. I don't know exactly how your pdoc can help, but I hope he can do something to give u some relief. I feel sort of in the same boat. I see my pdoc Friday, but I feel like we have exhausted all of the meds I can take. So I get that feeling of futility. But hang on- i know it doesn't feel like it will right now but the depression will lift. ((Hugs))

Me- I went to my support group tonite. Was ok. My mood is sort of all over the ****ing place. I see my T tomorrow, which I suppose is a relief but I sort of feel like I am too depressed to get anything much out of therApy right now. Idk.
I decided i needed a change of avatar. I was gonna put Charlie Brown with his mouth open yelling good grief but this one of Lucy seemed less negative.

I have a bunch of dr appts this week and next week. I'm sort of scared that something is really wrong with me. I don't get how I can have recurring sui ideation while at the same time freaking out bc I think I am gonna die from some disease!!

I see my gp tomorrow so will see bloodwork results. And I see my pdoc Friday I'm curious as to what he is gonna recommend, since I can't take a stimulant. I'm worried that this is as far as psychiatry can take me, and that I need to look for non med treatments to bridge the gap towards sanity.

I did see my best friend today. I was telling her what was going on with me and she was shocked we hadn't talked for like a month. She has a bunch of stuff going on so I suppose her neglecting to return my calls wasn't really about me. Which is reassuring I guess.

Sending out hugs to all who are struggling. I'm Still here and fighting the good fight.

[Flutterby11]

still feeling weird