Depression is worsening by the minute. Ritalin seems to alleviate *some* of the depression, but it is not a panacea and I don't plan to use it as one. I just use it to get through the day.

At night and in the mornings when the Ritalin is not in effect, I am left with my own thoughts and that's when the depression just festers.

Last night, everything almost ended.

[xRavenx]

My heart goes out to all of you who are struggling.

Today, I am observing that I am not crying as much as I was since actually slightly decreasing one of my meds, but I'm quick to snap and have a ton of anxiety. Lately, I realize how many people who just don't care about me....and it sucks. It is that time of the month for me, so as you ladies know, Bipolar mood swings + PMS is a terrible combo. Plus, I'm stuffing my face with jelly beans.

[Flutterby11]

I still feel weird i think i want to go exploring for some reason also i was feeling quite powerful yesterday and confident i feel like things will be ok i am not sure how to explain it but i want to do a lot of things and experience things oh there is so much to do! but feeling kind of on the good side today

[Lifeischallenging]

So...Tomorrow is my appointment with the pdoc. I hope they don't raise my dose. But they are probably going to. I'm also going to ask them why they did not fill my prescription. I have to call out of work for that appointment as well. I really don't care either what they think. Myhealth is just important as my boss's. In other news, I haven't really been keeping up with my physical therapy to much. I just finished doing some. Work went fine. They changed something on me. Which I am not to excited about? They moved the express register from the far end on register 12 to down near self scan on 5. I don't like that. I was told its to encourage customers to use SCO. I also haven't been feeling so hot over the last week. I've been vomiting and my back hurt alot. It felt like I didn't want to do anything even though it felt like I felt fine.

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling kind of defeated this morning. Like my life is always going to be misery or at least feeling "meh."

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Feeling kind of defeated this morning. Like my life is always going to be misery or at least feeling "meh."

Im sorry you're having a rough time. Hugs coming your way.

[Sunflower123]

Going to pdoc in less than an hour. Have a few things to discuss (like why am I on 7 medications and still struggling? I should be flying). Mixed episode over thank goodness. Feel ok and chilled out this morning. My daughter is coming home today. Happy about that.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Im sorry you're having a rough time. Hugs coming your way.

Thanks. I'm really struggling with getting myself out the door to work this morning. See pdoc tomorrow morning. Mostly on vacation from work all next week. Not sure if that will help or make worse.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Thanks. I'm really struggling with getting myself out the door to work this morning. See pdoc tomorrow morning. Mostly on vacation from work all next week. Not sure if that will help or make worse.

I know how hard it can be to get yourself out the door. You're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk.

[Moose72]

My bedroom ceiling is dripping!! I have to wait till 9 to call the apartment office. I hope this doesn't ruin my weekend.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My bedroom ceiling is dripping!! I have to wait till 9 to call the apartment office. I hope this doesn't ruin my weekend.

That sucks. I hope it can be worked out without too much inconvenience.

[Wander]

Just saw my pdoc this evening. He recommended I stay on my meds until I stabilise then we can begin reducing. We are aiming for a Monday discharge if I improve. My doctor is worried about my drastic change in moods and impulsivity. If this continues I have to stay IP but i have been here 2 week and want to be back at home. Druggegd up on 400mg of seroqul intstant releases must go........

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

That sucks. I hope it can be worked out without too much inconvenience.

It turns out the landlord answered right when they opened and put in a work order right away. I'm at home waiting for them to come over. I hope this is taken care of today! This means I can't go work out or go shopping like I'd planned. Maybe later today? I need some shirts for this weekend. Should be at the gym now, but they won't enter the apartment with kids here. My 17-yo is on the couch with her blankets and clothes in a ball on the floor next to her and plates and pop cans ... When confronted with the mess she said, "Its MORNING!!" UGH.

[AmandaBroken]

Just waking up. Going out for coffee.

[Alokin]

Originally Posted by AmandaBroken

Just waking up. Going out for coffee.

I always have to have coffee to go out for coffee!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

It turns out the landlord answered right when they opened and put in a work order right away. I'm at home waiting for them to come over. I hope this is taken care of today! This means I can't go work out or go shopping like I'd planned. Maybe later today? I need some shirts for this weekend. Should be at the gym now, but they won't enter the apartment with kids here. My 17-yo is on the couch with her blankets and clothes in a ball on the floor next to her and plates and pop cans ... When confronted with the mess she said, "Its MORNING!!" UGH.

I'm glad they got right on it. I hope it does get taken care of today. Your sentence about your 17-yo made me giggle. I have a 17-yo daughter as well and can totally relate.

[hopeless2015]

Managed to make it to the gym today, at work and struggling to concentrate! Still trying to cut back on smoking but I'm all stressed out so it's not going to well. I've told everyone I need to wean off and quit by this weekend since I've been sick several times since February so they keep asking me how it's going and I'm ashamed of myself for not doing better. I need to do this. O may have to try cold turkey again. I don't know, it's hard and I'm stressed and I'm beating myself up. I need to get my head in the right place that's for sure. Sigh....venting

[rwwff]

Trying very hard to believe, at least for now, that down need not follow "up"; or that my little dose of abilify will give me just enough edge to dodge it, or maybe "up" got squished quick enough that nothing bad will happen.

or otherwise stated, I hurt my ankle and feel a bit gloomy, and don't want gloomy to turn into... it.

[scatterbrained04]

Made it to work and was ok once I got there. But my mood and concentration started tanking right after lunch. Couldn't concentrate to work last 2 hours of my work day. Now I'm in bed at 4pm feeling overwhelmed by the thought of cleaning my kitchen and cooking dinner soon. Might cave and get take out, but I really shouldn't. Have been eating so unhealthy lately and feel guilty about feeding it to my son. Pdoc appointment first thing in the morning. No idea what I will say or what I want out of it.

[Unrigged64072835]

Looks like the class I'm taking this summer is online. I can now put off trembling about classrooms and hallways. Need to go back tomorrow to change residency, and take a course of how to do things online. My husband has more stuff to do because he's just starting college and he also has a learning disability.

Bought a Chromebook for school and been having problems with it accessing my desktop. Will have to do some workarounds to get things done. I'm using it for schoolwork.

Our roof leaked again. We're going to have to spring to have it redone. Don't know when, though. We had a lot of rain and high winds today.

Anxiety was up when I got home. Took my meds and worked on the computer. My husband is taking a nap because he was exhausted by noon. He keeps getting up real early for some reason. Don't know what I'm doing for dinner.

[hopeless2015]

I'm so agitated, I'm thinking about drinking again tonight, not a lot but a few beers....i think I'm going to.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

I'm so agitated, I'm thinking about drinking again tonight, not a lot but a few beers....i think I'm going to.

Hugs for you and everyone who needs one...

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm glad they got right on it. I hope it does get taken care of today. Your sentence about your 17-yo made me giggle. I have a 17-yo daughter as well and can totally relate.

They haven't come over yet. I'm hoping they will tomorrow. Yes well N2 did pick up eventually- and on her own!

[xRavenx]

...I think I am going to try to break the cycle of isolation and call a friend of mine, who I am in a casual/flexible dating situation with. I've been avoiding contact with most people in my personal life, and it feels weird not talking to him since it's been the longest amount of time that's gone by without any contact between us. I'm a little nervous, because I wonder if either 1. he's not reaching out to me intentionally or 2. he's feeling a little rejected that I haven't been in contact, when I know he's going through his own challenging times, so it's very possible he could think he's bothering me by reaching out (when really I wouldn't feel bothered at all).

It makes me very, very anxious thinking about it, which is stupid, since we have a close bond. It's not like I should be afraid of him. Maybe it's just the trigger, being hurt in the past. What I'm really hoping is to see him this weekend since I think I need that connection, but no guarantees it will work out with our schedules. I guess I just want to break the silence, but I do miss him.

On top of it all, I'm so incredibly tired of this week and can't wait until it's over.

[Lifeischallenging]

So everything is fine. I got an increase on my lithium. I am now at 1050mg instead of 900. I also have to go for lab work sometime in the next 3 weeks as that is when I will be seeing the pdoc again. I really need to look for another psychiatrist though. This guy takes to long. He keeps me wait for hours. I've been feeling fine today though. No vomiting. I don't really feel sick now.