[bipolar angel]

Doing ok..sorry for everyone who has been having rough week-hope it hets better.feeling more frustrated because intellectually i know i need to organize bills,pay them,figure out finances,organize house clutter/do cleaning...but emotionallt having some depression/anxiety-cant stop it/control it,ugh..so i take meds do therapy but cant stop the physical/emotional feelings...anxiety is pain in my butt!

House is clean, bills are paid. Called around to get copies of my medical records and documents to fight for my life and my rights. Lots of serious life threatening family issues to battle......doctors to stand up to.....ex husbands to contend with. Pain, sickness, injury and insults all piled high and weighing me down. Hoping I can maintain momentum and not crash and burn. I'm about to receive an onslaught of abuse for standing up....must stay strong. Spoke with a caring, validating and understanding women on the phone today whose kindness helped restore a little faith in humanity. All is not lost, and perhaps is actually soon to be found. Or perhaps I'm fooling myself and abusers will continue to get away with abuse. Time will tell.

[Naynay99]

I had a day.

Worked. Took a nap.
My cat is sitting in my lap purring, keeping watch.
I haven't accomplished much of anything in weeks other than breathing.
I can't seem to figure out how to function properly here on planet Earth.
I used to know that the world was round, but Depression has managed to convince me that it is actually flat, and that I am about to fall off the edge...

Anyhow, wishing everybody a nice weekend.
Here's hoping tomorrow is better.
Keep kicking as$ and taking names.

[rwwff]

Its kinda funny, mood wise, work wise, life wise; things seem to be leveling out nicely, but core features still remain, I'm still paranoid and my sleep is still pretty broken up with lots of full wakings during the night.

Next appointment is in a few more days, and if I'm to make any further progress, I'm seriously going to have to look across the desk, at the most helpful person I've ever met, and tell them that I'm more afraid of them than any other person on Earth, and my emotional belief tells me that my fear is completely justified. Yet... I know I need their help. I know rationally, that they are worthy of implicit trust. And the dissonance between the two, now that I've placed them in contact within reality, is nearly overwhelming.

[scatterbrained04]

Not doing well today. Got up and went back to bed. Feel too insignificant to say more.

[hopeless2015]

Need to take a shower and go get groceries, not feeling it right now. It's a dreary day, I need some sunshine right now

[xRavenx]

It's a darkish, rainy day here and is supposed to be like that for the next 4 days. It is getting annoying how every weekend lately is either freezing cold, snow, or rain. Every blue moon when it's a nice day outside is when I am working until 7-8 pm. I'm in bed, probably gonna stay here all day. I am hoping my mind won't take me to a dark place since it's hard to take control of my thoughts and feelings lately. At least by staying here, nobody can bother me or hurt me. I guess I'm in the mood to just shut the world out.

[Moose72]

I have been up and at em since this morning. Took my youngest out to eat then he played beautifully at his piano repetoire class. Then we were on to his musical practice at church where I dipped him off. His dad picked him up later. I took a nap now bored.

[bioChE]

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for the past few days. Pretty much determined that Wellbutrin is not for me, at least in this stage of my life. It worked for me years ago, but now it just messes with my mind. I went off of it and am still waiting for things to settle back into "normal". Even if that's slightly depressed, it's better than what the WB has been doing to me over the past couple of weeks.

Day has been pretty good so far, looking forward to a decent evening.

[Nammu]

Grey damp day, again. Cough hanging on. Bah humbug.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Grey damp day, again. Cough hanging on. Bah humbug.

Maybe that's why I came home and got into bed? (Minus the cough). I'm supposed to hang out with a friend later but I don't know when.

[MobiusPsyche]

Want to sleep the day away but when I tried, I couldn't fall asleep. My therapist is great by checking in on me given my feelings this weekend.

[Naynay99]

I actually woke up at a respectablish hour- 1030/11 am. But all I did was feed the cats and move my body into the living room recliner. Watched bad tv and fell asleep.
Still depressed and also having some physical **** going on so I am somewhat miserable.

I Have to go pick up a friend in a little while, we have plans to go out to eat. It's 430 pm and I'm still in my pjs and this will be my breakfast. I know leaving the house and seeing ppl helps but all I want to really do is stay in bed with my cats. Ugh.

I am waiting impatiently until the day (hopefully very soon) when I can finally say that thedepression has left the building and that I feel fxckng fantastic and life is great...even if just for a little while.

Take it easy

Checking in while I still can. The boss is at her first colonoscopy as I type. She smokes heavily and I am too spooked to research links between smoking and colon cancer so that I can properly worry about it in advance and find its proper place in my elaborate hierarchy of anxieties.

I was at my friend's place, let's call her Melanie, when it was announced on the news that a bill had been passed in the state legislature that benefited special needs students. Melanie belted out her rousing support and I told her I was puzzled, as she had shown no similar compassion for her own bipolar niece, whom she had once described, to my silent horror, as "so useless that she might as well kill herself". Ol' Lefty should probably have kept his crazy mouth shut at that point, but I couldn't help it. Fortunately, and to my relief, Melanie saw my point, agreed with me, and pledged several times that she would "think about it". Her half sentence "If it was a physical illness..." was a positive sign. Melanie had achieved the understanding of the parity of physical and mental illness and may look upon her niece with new compassion. Society has benefited from my being a complete jerk.

Warmest support to all of you in your struggles, word to my brother bioChE: nothing disappoints quite like a stalled antidepressant. Wellbutrin stalled on me 15 years ago, and I count my relationship with Wellbutrin as among the many precious relationships that my illness has sabotaged.

[bioChE]

Thanks for the kudos, Lefty. I can use them right now. Just trying to be in my right mind, whatever that is.

[LadyShadow]

Tough day. This has been the worst it's been in a long time. Feeling really crappy and craving a drink. No one knows. No one sees. I am screaming at the top of my lungs with no voice or sound.

[bioChE]

Accidental duplicate post.

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to another park to see if the lilacs were out. They were not, but plenty of daffodil and crocus instead. Also cardinals, robins, sparrows, and a frog. I will probably work on the photos tomorrow.

Slept off and on this afternoon. I didn't sleep well and still feel tired.

Husband made roast chicken while I did two loads of laundry.

Feel pretty blah even with the stuff in the park. Just waiting for everything to bloom.

Hope everyone feels better soon.

[bipolar angel]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

House is clean, bills are paid. Called around to get copies of my medical records and documents to fight for my life and my rights. Lots of serious life threatening family issues to battle......doctors to stand up to.....ex husbands to contend with. Pain, sickness, injury and insults all piled high and weighing me down. Hoping I can maintain momentum and not crash and burn. I'm about to receive an onslaught of abuse for standing up....must stay strong. Spoke with a caring, validating and understanding women on the phone today whose kindness helped restore a little faith in humanity. All is not lost, and perhaps is actually soon to be found. Or perhaps I'm fooling myself and abusers will continue to get away with abuse. Time will tell.

Stay strong ElsaMars!!good for you standing up for yourself. Glad you got cleaning/bill paying/reg stuff done...trying motivate myself! Dont get weighed down...people here will help raise you up!

[bipolar angel]

Feeling better since spkit my elavil to am/pm and same for my neurontin...dknt know why that works better for me sometimes...it just does. I worked today...shoukd been done by 11:30..by 1:30pm just could not do any more paperwork..tired. at least motivated to go to work,do kaundry,dishes,sort mail...but nit enough motivation to do the rest of my ling list.yeah,the anxiety is gone for now.

[Lifeischallenging]

Hey all, I thought I would check in. I'm starting to feel like no one cares on here. I feel like everyone thinks listening to me is foolish. I hope things on here change soon. But its hard for me to think that way, when I don't even trust any people at work. I have to wonder if thats sad? I'll post again maybe.

[Naynay99]

Hey.
I was gonna post a new thread and then decided to delete it all because it was just a bunch of pointless word vomit being authored by my depression. The big D may be be quite convincing at telling me I am a worthless piece of crap, but he doesn't write a very compelling post.

I am sitting here watching the hunger games with 2 lap cats, surrounded by messes in every direction, feeling exhausted by just the idea of having to keep breathing in and out over and over again.
Thinking of all of you fine folks out there and hoping u r doing okaY or soon will be.

[rwwff]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

I am sitting here watching the hunger games with 2 lap cats, surrounded by messes in every direction.

Scratch an ear or two for me! MEOW!!

[VerMOZZica]

Not too much going on here today.There wasn`t much to do because I cleaned the house yesterday.So mostly I was just feeling bored and blue today.I`m grateful though because I`ve had way worse days.

Originally Posted by TheHPEnthusiast1987

Hey all, I thought I would check in. I'm starting to feel like no one cares on here. I feel like everyone thinks listening to me is foolish. I hope things on here change soon. But its hard for me to think that way, when I don't even trust any people at work. I have to wonder if thats sad? I'll post again maybe.

Hang in there.....are you currently depressed? When depressed I feel that everyone hates me and is mad at me or that they just don't understand how much I'm hurting. I'm currently very sick and caught up in my own baggage so I'm not as active as I sometime am able to be. I don't know you, but I do care that your hurting. Keep posting and giving people the chance to support you. (((Hugs)))