[Wander]

Originally Posted by bizi

set my alarm for 4am. tomorrow leave for florida for a week, will be off line.
bizi

Hope you have a wonderful holiday. How is the hypomania going? HUGS!!!

Decided on a catchy personal motto: "F_ck the sunshine.", but can't decide if it's positive or negative. "F_ck the moment", "Get f_cked up in the moment", and "Just f_ck it" were all close contenders.

The pain that I feel every morning when I wake makes no sense. I don't want to talk to any of my friends or relatives. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.

I should be forcing myself to write something every day, but I haven't been writing D_ck. Hell, I don't even know D_ck anymore. I want to write a story about someone who delivers comestibles, contraband and other conveniences to the eight-figure condos in Waikiki, but I need to know more about exactly how this is done. There's only one way to find out.

Next mood swing in 20 minutes.

[ByMySide]

This pneumonia is still kicking my butt. I get tired very easily. I'm still coughing a lot. And tonight in particular, I'm having a hard time falling asleep.

My coworkers and supervisors have not made my job any easier since going back to work.

I'm super irritated right now.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wander

Hope you have a wonderful holiday. How is the hypomania going? HUGS!!!

Thank you wander. I have zyprexa to take if needed and enlisted my sister to help since my husband is not going to be with me.
hypomania continues.
thanks for asking.
hardly got any sleep last night.
need to bring ear plugs, my sister snores.
bizi

[scatterbrained04]

Trying to stir up some motivation. Not going so well at the moment.

[hopeless2015]

Slow start to the day. I'm sore from working out the last three days but it's all good. I've done just a litt le bit of dusting around the house and my motivation is gone...ugggg

[pirilin]

I'm chilling from a trip to Vegas. Maybe I'll tell the story later.

Feeling a lot better

The voices yelling in my ear telling me to kill myself have gone away. (I was trying to drown them out with music, but they kept yelling at me and telling me to stop ignoring them.) I'm also no longer paranoid or delusional. It took a while for people to convince me I was experiencing delusions, but now that I've come to accept certain things as being "fake", I'm feeling a lot better

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Feeling a lot better

The voices yelling in my ear telling me to kill myself have gone away. (I was trying to drown them out with music, but they kept yelling at me and telling me to stop ignoring them.) I'm also no longer paranoid or delusional. It took a while for people to convince me I was experiencing delusions, but now that I've come to accept certain things as being "fake", I'm feeling a lot better

So glad you are feeling better!

WC

just your average saturday.

nothing good happened, nothing bad happened.

let my journal go a bit this week (I didn't think it would honestly take me long)

maybe an entry will be posted tomorrow with what I remember from the week

[Unrigged64072835]

Did grocery shopping and two loads of laundry. Wrote one poem. Other than that I haven't done diddlysquat.

[Naynay99]

I have yet to leave my comfy bed today except to go to the bathroom. Probably not the healthiest. But I had such great dreams! I caught up on lots of missed sleep and read my book and pet my kitties and am probably not changing out of my pjs all day.
I could feel bad about not accomplishing anything, but I have decided to let myself be lazy and waste time and live in my head too much today. Today I am taking a holiday from self loathing and being self critical of not getting **** done around the house.
I am tabling all misery until tomorrow evening.

Go juice: gone.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Go juice: gone.

Try my Monster Energy supplement replacement: Guarana, Vitamin B, and Taurine. Great way to refill the Go Juice.

[xRavenx]

I'm trying to figure out what to do in a world where I can't rely on anyone or anything anymore....
I'm tired of feeling stuck, empty, and wounded--needing to fend for myself, but not having a clue where to start.
I am not ready to face anything. If I had the power to just go to sleep for a month, I would.

[Moose72]

At home with daughter. She broke up with her boyfriend. She spent all her free time there. I just got a shower. Doing laundry. Church choir early tomorrow. Talked with my mom about my youngest; that was helpful.

[fishin fool]

Hello all in the bipolar world. I'm still hangin tough.

[gina_re]

Babysitting my nephews. Picked them up last night. One is 7, the other 10 months. Beyond exhausted, but I'll miss them like crazy when they go back home.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Decided on a catchy personal motto: "F_ck the sunshine.", but can't decide if it's positive or negative. "F_ck the moment", "Get f_cked up in the moment", and "Just f_ck it" were all close contenders.

The pain that I feel every morning when I wake makes no sense. I don't want to talk to any of my friends or relatives. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.

I should be forcing myself to write something every day, but I haven't been writing D_ck. Hell, I don't even know D_ck anymore. I want to write a story about someone who delivers comestibles, contraband and other conveniences to the eight-figure condos in Waikiki, but I need to know more about exactly how this is done. There's only one way to find out.

Next mood swing in 20 minutes.

In the bold, that sums up how I've been feeling lately, and it makes no sense to me either. I just wish there was a way to make it stop. When I try to explain to my T, I'm just talking in circles. I don't think she thinks I make any sense any more.

Sending you hugs, Lefty.

[Guess7131]

My depression is slowly fading away (Thank God!), Finally done some cleaning. Feel much better now that it's done.

[Naynay99]

Ugh. It's 2 am and I am awake. This is what I get for sleeping all day. Feeling rather ******.
Was wondering what people would do if i ever let myself truly freak the **** out. I mean like coworkers, acquaintances, people out there in the world who see me as sane, professional, independent, fairly together. Who see only what I want them to see, what I let them see. I am a really good ****ing actor playing the part of responsible functional member of society.

What if I took off my sanity cape and streaked the world with my naked mind? Crashed and burned and burst in flames. It won't happen, I won't let myself fall apart because I would never be able to Humpty Dumpty myself together agin. But I do wonder how people would react if they knew all the turmoil that races through my head sometimes.

[Wander]

Over the last two months I have been seeing my ex-husband on a regular basis after he broke up with his girlfriend (that he got with a couple of years after we broke up). It was my hope that we would get back together but i was taking it slowly, making sure we were not going to repeat the same mistakes. He has Bipolar too so our marriage was very complicated, but also very passionate and full of love. In the end we parted because I was unable to cope with his lack of insight and inability to communicate and he left me because I was too much to handle. He drove me crazy with his refusal to seek help together and work on our marriage. I loved him dearly and still do but had to let him go to save myself.

Last night he told me he is getting back with his girlfriend. I was shocked. We had only slept to together recently and he said goodbye with a long hug and a passionate kiss. I finally told him the depths of my feelings and he was shocked. He hadn't realised that I cared for him so much even though it was obvious and I had told him so on at least two occasions. I was waiting for him to show he had changed and last night he did. He apologised for all the hurt he caused me and told me how much it grieves him. That was all I had ever wanted but now it is too late. He is back with his girlfriend.

He asked if I wanted him back and I said yes. This causes him great confusion as he didn't know what to do as he loves me still but cares for her too. In the end he was leaning towards going back to her and told me to move on with my life. My heart is broken, all over again. I hadn't realised how deeply I still loved him and wanted him back.

Last night I hardly slept and I drank a lot of beer. Today I had to work and only got through with the help of Abilify and Clonazepam. I was already in a fragile place mentally and this has thrown me. I want to scream, smash things, drive my car off a cliff and generally self destruct. But I don't have time to lose it. I have a busy workload with university and work. My feet are slipping. After being deeply hurt by my pdoc recently, and having a history of being abused and mistreated this is another blow. I am trying to calm myself and see this is a positive light, like maybe it is for the best. But it isn't working. I am overwhelmed and heartbroken.

Sorry for the rant. i haven't talked to anyone about this yet and needed to get it off my chest.

[Smileonmyface]

feeling defeated lately. like i'm just going through the motions and not doing a very good job of it. i forgot to call a friend on her birthday yesterday and I think that's the only time I've ever forgotten since I've known her. just feel like i'm losing it.

[Lifeischallenging]

So its been a few days since I checked it. Its pretty much the same day for me. Getting ready for work. I am still looking at colleges, especially over in the UK, but I am going to be applying for a passport soon. I plan on joining a gym soon as well. I also have a bit of a problem with all my appointments. I don't know how I should schedule. I was planning on having my lab work done wednesday, take my session with my T on Thursday and have my Psychiatrist on Friday.

[hopeless2015]

Feeling pretty good right now, ditto g here having my morning coffee and thinking about what a good week I had. I hope to keep up with the gym I started last week, I think it's really good for me and I got through a whole week of work, that's a big success. I also haven't missed any med doses lately. I think if I can keep up with all this and keep a routine I'll find myself feeling better. Depression is at bay, I'm actually feeling happy right now. It's been a long time since I've felt this way.