Okay, so how would you characterize a disorder where someone responds to a constant negative inner voice by telling themselves to f_ck themselves, out loud, at least once or twice a day, but fortunately so far only in private? Asking for a friend.

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Okay, so how would you characterize a disorder where someone responds to a constant negative inner voice by telling themselves to f_ck themselves, out loud, at least once or twice a day, but fortunately so far only in private? Asking for a friend.

Who's the friend? Is it the inner voice? Because I can imagine the inner voice would not like to be told "go f_ck yourself"

Sounds like a love-hate relationship

Maybe see a marriage counselor?

I'm the friend and the inner voice. Checking in.

[Moose72]

I went to the gym this morning without my workout partner. Managed to do OK. Went faster on the treadmill. Did all the upper body weight machines.

Then I went to the lab and got my blood drawn. Seeing my primary about why I feel dizzy and tired lately. I talked with a high school friend for an hour after that. Just sat in the car and chatted. Was nice.

Gotta finish cleaning the house. Or better yet, get the kids to do it. I took out the trash. They can do dishes and my daughter can pick up her stuff in the living room.

Frustrated as f***, angry as hell, sad, and bored (despite doing things) all at the same time. Good times. <total sarcasm>
I hate this so much. So freaking much.

Even listening to "calming" music. Yeah, right. Many hours now. And I still want to beat the s*** out of something...

FML

[Naynay99]

Innerzone- sorry life is sucking so much right now. I hope it gets better soon.
Regarding calming music, when I am fighting the urge to ram my car into a brick wall and smash **** and tell the universe to go **** itself, calm Music is the last thing that helps. Loud, angry music i can blast or scream along to at the top of my lungs, preferably with profanity and loud drums and crap, actually calms me down. It's like I am sort of able to drown out the the sound of my brain. Just an idea- Idk if that would help or hurt in your situation??

Anyway, hang in there.

[wildflowerchild25]

I went through a mild hypo a couple of weeks ago triggered by glorious spring like weather. I impulsively decided to withdraw from my post baccalaureate program and apply to the master's program instead. Now that the hypo has passed I am very anxious, slightly depressed, and seriously doubting my abilities to manage in a master's program. But it's too late to change now. All I can do if I get accepted is try it and if it's too much switch back to the post bacc program. The dumb things we do while hypo...

[gina_re]

Today was a crazy day. Started with me over sleeping and rushing to catch the train. Didn't sleep on the train so I'm cranky at work. Then I was in a good mood from laughing through a group chat. Then I met with my manager and it just put me in a bad mood. I was not productive at all today. I go back and forth with the urge to keep going versus giving up. It was one of those days.

[Naynay99]

Well I decided to not go home after work so I couldn't nap. Went to a bookstore nearby my support group, browsed books and grabbed something to eat. And then got stupid lost driving away from the book store. Of course my phone had 1% battery and then died so no google mapping it. I drove around getting lost and trying not to lose my ****.
At one point the road I was on just literally ended- so I turned around and eventually found a road I recognized. I ended up driving in a circle 20 minutes out of the way for a car ride that should have taken 7 minutes.

I'm Feeling sort of antsy. Agitated? More like amped up or fidgety. Idk. Im not anxious I don't think? It's more like restless energy or something. I need to be doing something with my hands. I'm not sure. But I have decided to stop obsessing over trying to label **** and just worry about coping with it. I found a Snapple cap in my purse and was clicking it the whole meeting. I think the lady next to me was getting annoyed but it was the only way I could calm down and focus on what people were saying. By the time I left I felt a bit better though. So that was good.

I'm really wiped out- I didn't get much sleep last nite, so I am going to bed now at 10 pm. An early nite for me. Sorry if I am over posting random crap- I have been feel like "aaahhhah" all over the place. But I refuse to concede that this is a depression showing up. I will not allow it to slip its sneaky claws into my brain and take hold. I plan to kick the living **** out of the black dog if it tries to reappear.
Anyhow, Have a good night. Sweet dreams eveybody.

[Naynay99]

Crap- it's almost 11 now and I am still not asleep. Why can't i be a morning person? Sigh. Okay, shutting up and logging out now. Goodnight. Take 2.

[Wander]

Kinda spiralling. Taking 10mg of Abilify twice a day, and today I took 3 mg of Clonazepam just to be able to be calm enough to drive to my three appointments. First I saw my old pdoc as a goodbye/transition appointment. He was kind to me but still spouting crazy ideas about what is wrong with me. So glad to be able to have that relationship come to an end. Second I saw my Rheumatologist who helped me with my Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. He is a great guy, full of wisdom in various types of treatment.

Finally I saw my T who helped me sort through the recent rejection from my ex-husband, which i am taking quite well and the symptoms that have been plaguing me all week; hallucinations, high agitation, irritability, racing thoughts, reality not seeming right and an intense mood that can swing from happy to very dark. He calmed me down a bit and reassured me that I am not losing my mind. He gave me good tools to deal with the hallucinations and suggested I increase my Abilify dose today until i see my new pdoc tomorrow.

Nervous about seeing my new pdoc. Worried he will be a crackpot like the last few i have seen. He seemed nice last time I med him but i have lost trust. My T and i are hoping he will be able to correctly diagnose me and provide me treatment to get out of my current state. I need help as I am barely managing to keep up with my commitments. My mind is swerving all over the place. It is chaos in there. I can't concentrate for long. Writing these posts takes me forever as I get distracted and lose my train of thought.

just another depressing, and boring wednesday.

gonna order groceries later though

that's about it

Possible trigger:

I am so fed up of living

Originally Posted by Wander

Kinda spiralling. Taking 10mg of Abilify twice a day, and today I took 3 mg of Clonazepam just to be able to be calm enough to drive to my three appointments. First I saw my old pdoc as a goodbye/transition appointment. He was kind to me but still spouting crazy ideas about what is wrong with me. So glad to be able to have that relationship come to an end. Second I saw my Rheumatologist who helped me with my Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. He is a great guy, full of wisdom in various types of treatment.

Finally I saw my T who helped me sort through the recent rejection from my ex-husband, which i am taking quite well and the symptoms that have been plaguing me all week; hallucinations, high agitation, irritability, racing thoughts, reality not seeming right and an intense mood that can swing from happy to very dark. He calmed me down a bit and reassured me that I am not losing my mind. He gave me good tools to deal with the hallucinations and suggested I increase my Abilify dose today until i see my new pdoc tomorrow.

Nervous about seeing my new pdoc. Worried he will be a crackpot like the last few i have seen. He seemed nice last time I med him but i have lost trust. My T and i are hoping he will be able to correctly diagnose me and provide me treatment to get out of my current state. I need help as I am barely managing to keep up with my commitments. My mind is swerving all over the place. It is chaos in there. I can't concentrate for long. Writing these posts takes me forever as I get distracted and lose my train of thought.

Sorry you're struggling so much

Maybe your new pdoc will be okay. Well, at least I hope he will be. And I can't blame you for being leery of him. I would be too if I were in your situation.

Do you think you're in a mixed state? And what do you mean about correctly diagnosing? Do you think there's something you have that mental health professionals aren't seeing?

Oh my god. I'm going nuts here!

My behavior is so erratic. I'm looking at posts from yesterday that I made and I'm embarrassed

I'm so damn depressed, though. I have sui thoughts and I can't concentrate. Thank god im going to see my T and pdoc on Wednesday next week. I think I'll be able to survive by then -- or at least I hope so. I'm staying on track with my medications, so that's worth something, right?

[Theresa1991]

So sorry to hear that bluebicycle, hope you will feel better soon.

Slightly hypo here, uncomfortable, talking to much about private stuff, unable to concentrate, my head feels like a fog with lightning strike thoughts racing through it. Kind of physical agitation but managing to keep it low level. Not sleeping. At work, tired and wired at the same time.

[Naynay99]

So I finally slept around 12. Woke up at 5 am which is very unlike me as I usually sleep through my alarm. Had a weird dream. Stayed in bed until about 650. Found some clean pants at the bottom of my drawer. I seriously need to do laundry!! Or start wearing more dresses.

This morning was a blink 182 sort of drive to work. Idk why, but it puts me in a good mood. And it is one of a few CDs with no scratches. Anyway, drumming on my steering wheel and singing along loudly to that album with the windows up allows me to be a commuter ninja; "what you wont let merge into traffic even tho u are only moving 5 mph- No ****ing problem"; "Sure you can cut me off", "No please, tailgate me a bit closer to my bumper...". None of it pisses me off while listening to Blink. Or at least I don't get road rage and want to yell expletives at ppl.

Feeling less tense today. Hmm idk what to call it. Felt a little like I was starting to freak the hell out and I couldn't sit still- I remind me of one of my ADHD kids. Maybe it's contagious. Lol. Ah well. Feel a bit less stressed today I think? Idk. I feel like I am talking in circles- sorry. Gonna go work now. Have a good day all!

[Lifeischallenging]

Hey all,

Time for me to check in. I'm doing fine. I had a normal sleep last night. Went to bed at 12 and fell asleep at around 12:30. Its not normal enough, but its normal for me as I have usually gone to bed at 1:30 and slept until 9:00. In other news, I have to go for lab work again. I'm beginning to feel like this is becoming normal for me. I seriously hope they don't up my dose either. I understand that to get the right dose though requires lab work. And also a combination of therapy as well. My refund came in though which is good news for me. My sister is supposed to be coming home as well. I still haven't call on physical therapy. Idk; Guess I am nervous. Well, Bye for now all.

[bioChE]

Not doing well, on the depressed side. Last week my doctor lowered my Lamictal because it was interfering with my eyesight - giving me blurred and double vision. Yesterday and today I've been sinking. My doc said he would add Wellbutrin if this happened, but I'm feeling too depressed to even ask for it.

[Wild Coyote]

Trying to counter severe depression. I am on 3 anti-depressants already.
Ugggh!

Love to all!

WC

[hopeless2015]

Hugs Wild!!
Still feeling pretty good. Worked out again this morning, my friend who i joined the gym wasn't there today so I had to wing it, she is supposed to be showing me the ropes, oh well hopefully she will make it tomorrow.

[Nammu]

Feeling like the gunk from the bottom of my shoe. I need a new car( new used car) and implanted dental I can afford neither of them. Both cost thousands. Need new glasses too. I'm so sick of being poor. And that damn GOP can't tell me to give up my iPhone for health care cause I don't have a cell phone!

[gina_re]

I'm just so tired of working. I had an amazing night of sleep last night, I didn't want to get out of bed. By the time I did get up, I just couldn't focus and get going. I decided to take a nap and that didn't help. I just was wondering off into la la land instead of working. I had a headache. So I decided to sign off from work with the intent that I should feel better in a couple of hours. But I woke up feeling ill, and I didn't go back to work. I don't want to get out of bed. I'm still tired.

[Unrigged64072835]

Been working on my computer with software and wrote a poem. Making dinner in the Crock Pot. Just not a lot happening except creeping along on this Web site thing. Still tired and kind of sad.

[Moose72]

There are high winds here taking out tree branches and shutters and shingles and traffic signals. People don't know what to do at traffic signals that are out.

But I'm home for the evening. Tomorrow is the busy day with a morning appointment then the gym.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Since I don't post here often enough to be in the "in crowd" I'll just say I'm ****ing unstable. But hell, I'm literally always unstable. It's why I'm such an asshole, I think...