[wildflowerchild25]

Miserable today. Couldn't sleep bc of anxiety. Maybe caffeine too, i did drink a lot of soda closer to bedtime than usual. Work is stressing me out hardcore. I don't think I'm going to make my SGO goals. That's 15 percent of my evaluation. Of course I have myself convinced that I'm going to lose my job at the end of the year and I'll never find another one. Bummed bc I'm not a good teacher. I suck.

Hoping to feel better soon.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry you're struggling so much

Maybe your new pdoc will be okay. Well, at least I hope he will be. And I can't blame you for being leery of him. I would be too if I were in your situation.

Do you think you're in a mixed state? And what do you mean about correctly diagnosing? Do you think there's something you have that mental health professionals aren't seeing?

Thanks Blue. I could be in a mixed state. My last pdoc diagnosed me bp the recently rejected it for PTSD and ADHD. My T says I'm BP1 with PTSD and nothing else. Recently I had a manic psychotic break and everyone around me, including a friend who is a psychologist say I was manic and psychotic so my pdoc was crazy taking away the BP diagnosis. I just want the new pdoc to give me the right diagnosis so I can get good treatment. Hopefully he will be able to help me with my current symptoms. I'm really struggling. Will see him in six hours and report back.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Miserable today. Couldn't sleep bc of anxiety. Maybe caffeine too, i did drink a lot of soda closer to bedtime than usual. Work is stressing me out hardcore. I don't think I'm going to make my SGO goals. That's 15 percent of my evaluation. Of course I have myself convinced that I'm going to lose my job at the end of the year and I'll never find another one. Bummed bc I'm not a good teacher. I suck.

Hoping to feel better soon.

Me too. Except at my job and not teaching. I'm worried about not reaching my goals as well. We'll make it one way or another.

[Atypical_Disaster]

lol it really is all futile I'll never be stable lololol **** oh well I may as well have fun while I take this highway to hell!

[Faltering]

Not sure if I should keep my pdoc appointment later this month seeing as how I quit my meds.

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Since I don't post here often enough to be in the "in crowd" I'll just say I'm ****ing unstable. But hell, I'm literally always unstable. It's why I'm such an asshole, I think...

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

lol it really is all futile I'll never be stable lololol **** oh well I may as well have fun while I take this highway to hell!

What's happening, A_D? (Unless of course you'd rather not say.) Being here on PC with us is all the "in" ya need!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

What's happening, A_D? (Unless of course you'd rather not say.) Being here on PC with us is all the "in" ya need!

YES!

(((((( Atypical Disaster ))))))


WC

[hopeless2015]

Doing pretty good, made it to the gym again this morning. Just turned in my time sheet and only had an hour and a half of time off and it was true sick time, not fmla. That's a freaking miracle right there. Still struggling with my concentration at work, but I thinks is because I am bored out of my mind. I wish that weren't the case, but it is what it is. The dark cloud of depression seems to have left me for now...so very thankful for that!

This morning I volunteered as a "Zen Shiatsu" acupressure dummy for my friend, who needs to practice in order to teach a class. He brought a doobie as compensation, and afterwards my wife asked me how I could keep one eyelid completely open and the other half-closed, like Special Ed on Crank Yankers. Been thinking about Vault 7.

[Naynay99]

Internet on phone is being glitchy. Sorry.

[Naynay99]

I keep writing **** and then deleting it bc it is all unimportant, random thoughts and word vomit. I am feeling "meh" today. So so. Mood is a little low. Bored, dissatisfied, unsettled. Slightly(?) depressed. And fidgety. I think i am giving up on trying to be all zen like and optimistic. Winter sucks and March is my new least favorite month.
Life Score: Universe 1, naynay 0.

[gina_re]

I saw my T today and told him about my work issues. Leaning towards a shot at SSDI, sell the house, move in with my aunt...I'm just so not there. He said we still have some time to work on my anxiety, yet he didn't shoot down that thought either. I have barely had an increase in productivity since returning to work at the beginning of the year. I'm over it. I'm so exhausted and going to bed.

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to pick up meds this morning. It was too nice to clean today so we went to a park we go to a lot. All the critters were out so we took a lot of pictures. I should have them up tomorrow or Saturday, depending on how much cleaning we do.

Anxiety was up this morning so I took extra Vistaril. It kept me calm for the day.

Mood was pretty good. Still have thoughts of crying and screaming, but I kept them down.

[Moose72]

Went to see my primary. She'd run labs. You might remember that my liver was having major issues and so was my blood sugar. Now all my labs came back normal! All I've done is exercise and diet for a month+. She also thinks I may be starting menopause. It takes several years doesn't it?

My youngest son has a choir concert tonight. If I can just make it home driving in the dark I'll be OK.

Moodwise I'm OK. Called pdoc's nurse today because I'm out of 3 psych meds. Got a few days left at least.

[scatterbrained04]

Well...my car needs repair. Probably cost me a fortune tomorrow. My son's outbursts today are getting on my every last nerve. Had his school call me earlier because he's not been himself. Having symptoms of depression, I think. Told school he wanted to hurt himself. He just got done laying on the floor screaming that he was having a heart attack and pretending to die. I have compassion, but my patience is tried.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Well...my car needs repair. Probably cost me a fortune tomorrow. My son's outbursts today are getting on my every last nerve. Had his school call me earlier because he's not been himself. Having symptoms of depression, I think. Told school he wanted to hurt himself. He just got done laying on the floor screaming that he was having a heart attack and pretending to die. I have compassion, but my patience is tried.

That sounds really hard.

[wildflowerchild25]

Total oh stressful day. My autistic student had a melt down in class. Another student made inappropriate gestures behind my back and started sobbing when I told him I would be contacting his mother. Then the worst part - I had a student disclose possible abuse to me and I had to call social services to report it. It was very difficult because I know the family just suffered a major loss (the kid's stepdad just died) so I know the mom must be suffering, but if she's beating her kid that's not acceptable and I had to report it. I'm afraid the kid is going to hate me but I'm legally obligated to report. I'm afraid the Mom is going to be pissed as well but again it's my legal duty to report. It just sucks.

Overall I felt better today after getting a good night's sleep but I'm still anxious and overwhelmed right now, and that didn't help.

I am seriously considering taking a mental health day next week but I might get lucky and get a snow day. Even though I hate snow I would totally welcome a day off. Spring break is still 4 weeks away!

[gina_re]

Took a nap after work for a headache. Woke up with a headache.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Total oh stressful day. My autistic student had a melt down in class. Another student made inappropriate gestures behind my back and started sobbing when I told him I would be contacting his mother. Then the worst part - I had a student disclose possible abuse to me and I had to call social services to report it. It was very difficult because I know the family just suffered a major loss (the kid's stepdad just died) so I know the mom must be suffering, but if she's beating her kid that's not acceptable and I had to report it. I'm afraid the kid is going to hate me but I'm legally obligated to report. I'm afraid the Mom is going to be pissed as well but again it's my legal duty to report. It just sucks.

Overall I felt better today after getting a good night's sleep but I'm still anxious and overwhelmed right now, and that didn't help.

I am seriously considering taking a mental health day next week but I might get lucky and get a snow day. Even though I hate snow I would totally welcome a day off. Spring break is still 4 weeks away!

Teachers should get paid double what they actually get.

Still depressed, buuuut...

Today I learned that squirrels can detach their tails! Yes, if they are in imminent danger, they can "shed" their tail and regrow it! Kinda like lizards I guess, only furry.

So if a predator attacks a squirrel, the tail can snap off. Then they run away and regrow it (or at least partially)

Oh, and I think starfish can regrow legs, right? And sharks can infinitely regrow teeth? Or maybe I'm mixing up my biology

Weirdness.

Hopefully the suicidal thoughts will diminish soon. Been laughing at squirrel videos now

[hopeless2015]

This has been a goid week for me, worked out every morning and made it to work every day. Still struggling with concentration but I'm getting things done, just slow about it. Ready for the weekend

[Daonnachd]

Went to see pdoc yesterday (an hour away), but she told me I wasn't on her schedule. Fortunately, her next appointment, a phone consult, didn't answer, so I got in. Nothing major came of it, but she asked why I hadn't applied for disability. That has rocked my world in the past 24 hours. I didn't know I was that messed up. I don't know what to think.

[pirilin]

All peachy-peachy.

[Lifeischallenging]

So I decided I would check in. How is everyone? My niece is here with me. So is my sister. I'm not wild about it as the place I currently live in is small. I haven't called on my physical therapy yet either. I'm going to soon. I still haven't been given a longer dose on my lithium and also I found out they might switch me to something else. What's also hard on me is there is another kid here and he is on my phone constantly. Its getting tough as I am also going to be getting ready for college soon. Well, talk to you guys again. I still have thoughts that no one on here really cares about my problems. They only listen to others.

[Daonnachd]

It's especially hard to share space when you haven't got a lot anyhow. I hope they clear out soon for you.