[xRavenx]

I think I jinxed myself today. I was feeling some relief physically and emotionally, but then it hit me all at once all over again. Earlier, I actually thought to myself, "Wow, everything is starting to get better." I guess I was wrong, but this goes to show things have to be moment to moment.

[gina_re]

I went into the office today. I cleaned out my desk and took down all of the pictures. It ended up being way more than I thought it would be, but it's over and final. I turned in my badge and left the keys. Now I just sit and wait for what's next.
I can't tell if the crazy exhaustion I experienced today was from the long trip into the city, an interrupted sleep cycle, or a side effect from the risperdal. I've just been laying either on my couch or in my bed all day for the past couple of weeks so I havent noticed if I've been really exhausted (although, now that I think about it I haven't had energy to do anything and figured that was the depression). It was also embarrassing that I kept loosing my place in the conversations with my sister today (she and my nephew came with me).
My best friend has been trying to call me every since I told her my plan. I don't like her hanging the doom and gloom over my head. This was my choice and I'm prepared for what chaos may ensue. But I feel like I made the right choice for me at this point in time. My family is supportive. Things will be rough and money will be tight for a while, but it is what it is. I feel too flat sometimes to even be scared. I asked my grandma to look over me and help me through this. I checked the mail today and I have a refund from Wells Fargo from my refinance of my home from 2015! She's looking down on me, and that's what I'm holding on to. Anybody that is giving negative vibes can keep moving.

[Lifeischallenging]

So I finally called on this new psychiatrist. I feel pretty good about that. I'm going to see him next Wednesday. I do have to cancel my appointment with my current psychiatrist office that is coming up though. I just hope this guy won't keep me waiting this time and I won't have to go see them every week or so. Other than that, I actually looked and saw that I overdrew my checking account today. It scared me.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by TheHPEnthusiast1987

So I finally called on this new psychiatrist. I feel pretty good about that. I'm going to see him next Wednesday. I do have to cancel my appointment with my current psychiatrist office that is coming up though. I just hope this guy won't keep me waiting this time and I won't have to go see them every week or so. Other than that, I actually looked and saw that I overdrew my checking account today. It scared me.

I am glad that you are seeing some one new and that you are looking forward to that.
bizi

[Cocosurviving]

I woke up to my dog having an accident in my room at 6:30am. After I got that squared away I stayed up until 8am then went back to bed. I woke up hours later. I picked my brother up from work. Then ran an errand and headed back home. My daughter starts camp next week. I've enjoyed just sleeping in. It's been about a week since my pdoc increased my Zoloft to 50mg. I still feel the same so far. This is so out of the norm for me. I'm usually full of energy in spring and summer. But for the last four summers I was taking Lamictal. I just stopped it in April. I do not want to be manic but I need a little energy to be productive. Fingers crossed

[Wander]

I think I am actually stable! It has been a week now although I still feel fragile from my last episode things are looking up. My pdoc gave me another week off work as the stress might be too much for me at this point though I still am studying. It is amazing how much a severe episode takes out of you. My pdoc said it takes your brain 6 months to recover fully. Well, I plan to recover and stay stable. Went for a long, fast walk today. Exercising, eating well, resting, socialising, taking my meds and doing all I can to look after myself. This time I am not going to relapse after only 2 months stable. My goal is to stay stable and out of hospital for at least the rest of the year.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wander

I think I am actually stable! It has been a week now although I still feel fragile from my last episode things are looking up. My pdoc gave me another week off work as the stress might be too much for me at this point though I still am studying. It is amazing how much a severe episode takes out of you. My pdoc said it takes your brain 6 months to recover fully. Well, I plan to recover and stay stable. Went for a long, fast walk today. Exercising, eating well, resting, socialising, taking my meds and doing all I can to look after myself. This time I am not going to relapse after only 2 months stable. My goal is to stay stable and out of hospital for at least the rest of the year.

Good for you taking good care of yourself. I hope you stay stable for along time. Best wishes.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

I think I am actually stable! It has been a week now although I still feel fragile from my last episode things are looking up. My pdoc gave me another week off work as the stress might be too much for me at this point though I still am studying. It is amazing how much a severe episode takes out of you. My pdoc said it takes your brain 6 months to recover fully. Well, I plan to recover and stay stable. Went for a long, fast walk today. Exercising, eating well, resting, socialising, taking my meds and doing all I can to look after myself. This time I am not going to relapse after only 2 months stable. My goal is to stay stable and out of hospital for at least the rest of the year.

I deeply admire just how hard you work to stay as well as possible and I know I am only aware of a small portion of all of the effort you put into this. You're doing an outstanding job with self-care! I hope you continue to recover and quickly. I also hope you remain stable for years to come.


With Love and Admiration,

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I think I jinxed myself today. I was feeling some relief physically and emotionally, but then it hit me all at once all over again. Earlier, I actually thought to myself, "Wow, everything is starting to get better." I guess I was wrong, but this goes to show things have to be moment to moment.

Your body has been through some trauma. On some level, your psyche picks up on this, too, even though surgery was elective. Give yourself ample time to fully recover.

Yes, moment-to-moment and lots of self-compassion.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I went into the office today. I cleaned out my desk and took down all of the pictures. It ended up being way more than I thought it would be, but it's over and final. I turned in my badge and left the keys. Now I just sit and wait for what's next.
I can't tell if the crazy exhaustion I experienced today was from the long trip into the city, an interrupted sleep cycle, or a side effect from the risperdal. I've just been laying either on my couch or in my bed all day for the past couple of weeks so I havent noticed if I've been really exhausted (although, now that I think about it I haven't had energy to do anything and figured that was the depression). It was also embarrassing that I kept loosing my place in the conversations with my sister today (she and my nephew came with me).
My best friend has been trying to call me every since I told her my plan. I don't like her hanging the doom and gloom over my head. This was my choice and I'm prepared for what chaos may ensue. But I feel like I made the right choice for me at this point in time. My family is supportive. Things will be rough and money will be tight for a while, but it is what it is. I feel too flat sometimes to even be scared. I asked my grandma to look over me and help me through this. I checked the mail today and I have a refund from Wells Fargo from my refinance of my home from 2015! She's looking down on me, and that's what I'm holding on to. Anybody that is giving negative vibes can keep moving.

This is a big deal! It's a major life decision.
Congrats on knowing what you need and following through!

WC

Seroquel withdrawal -- nauseous

This is going "cold turkey" off 6.25mg. What the ****

I reduced from 400 down to 12.5 (which is 1/2 of the smallest tablet they make) and I was fine... and I was fine going from 1/2 a tablet to 1/4 of a tablet, but apparently going from 1/4 of a tablet to 0 makes me want to throw up

quiet unproductive day

feeling okay though (despite going another night without sleep).

time went so fast today

can't believe it's almost dinnertime for me

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

quiet unproductive day

feeling okay though (despite going another night without sleep).

time went so fast today

can't believe it's almost dinnertime for me

Quiet, unproductive days are underrated. I admire you getting through the day with no sleep. I absolutely don't function without sleep. I hope you get some rest tonight.

[Sunflower123]

So I think I'll work really hard on how to cope with situational anxiety and depression. Who knows? Maybe I am stable but am not coping well with situational stuff. If I could get that under control maybe I could go back to work. I really, really wish I wasn't so sensitive or emotional. It doesn't help. I wish I had picked up on the difference long ago.

On other fronts, packing for a trip is no fun.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

[hopeless2015]

So far so good today. Made it to work again, really any day I make it here should be considered a success for me. Some days I'm more productive than others. Last p doc appointment we talked about making a med change soon. I think the trileptal really effects my ability to concentrate. It's so very frustrating. I'm set up for a broncholoscopy on June 15th so Dr can figure out what's wrong with me. I'll be glad to get that over with.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

So far so good today. Made it to work again, really any day I make it here should be considered a success for me. Some days I'm more productive than others. Last p doc appointment we talked about making a med change soon. I think the trileptal really effects my ability to concentrate. It's so very frustrating. I'm set up for a broncholoscopy on June 15th so Dr can figure out what's wrong with me. I'll be glad to get that over with.

I think any day you make it to work is a huge success!! I hope your broncholoscopy goes well and everything works out. Best wishes.

[Moose72]

I bought a Bible today. Go figure.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I bought a Bible today. Go figure.

Moose, you crack me up sometimes. You seem like a spirited person with a good sense of humor.

[Daonnachd]

I'm still not feeling well, no surprise given yesterday's news at work. Today I'm going to put in my 4 hours at the cemetery then I have an appointment with my T. I'm so down I don't feel like talking about anything.

Tonight my boys are going to be getting awards for participation in varsity sports. One would be honored for the highest GPA in his class, but the concussion destroyed his academics for over a month. No matter what, I don't want to go. I'm happy for my boys, but I don't want to go to the event.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I'm still not feeling well, no surprise given yesterday's news at work. Today I'm going to put in my 4 hours at the cemetery then I have an appointment with my T. I'm so down I don't feel like talking about anything.

Tonight my boys are going to be getting awards for participation in varsity sports. One would be honored for the highest GPA in his class, but the concussion destroyed his academics for over a month. No matter what, I don't want to go. I'm happy for my boys, but I don't want to go to the event.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Congratulations on your son's successes. You must be a really proud dad. I hope you start feeling better soon. Best wishes.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I'm still not feeling well, no surprise given yesterday's news at work. Today I'm going to put in my 4 hours at the cemetery then I have an appointment with my T. I'm so down I don't feel like talking about anything.

Tonight my boys are going to be getting awards for participation in varsity sports. One would be honored for the highest GPA in his class, but the concussion destroyed his academics for over a month. No matter what, I don't want to go. I'm happy for my boys, but I don't want to go to the event.

Congrats, Dad!
I know the feeling of the inability to attend important events.
From our exchanges, I know you love your children very much.
If you are unable to go, can someone record parts for you?
I hope so.

WC

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Moose, you crack me up sometimes. You seem like a spirited person with a good sense of humor.

Thanks. My friends wouldn't think I'd be a particularly religious person that's why I said that. I do sing in the church choir though.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Congrats, Dad!
I know the feeling of the inability to attend important events.
From our exchanges, I know you love your children very much.
If you are unable to go, can someone record parts for you?
I hope so.

WC

Thank you to you, WC, and Jennifer for the congrats.

Recording would be an option, but it's a very small high school (fewer than 100 students), so people notice if I skip an event. I'll just go and ignore the emotional zombie that I am. Now I have to prepare myself for all the social interaction.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

So I think I'll work really hard on how to cope with situational anxiety and depression. Who knows? Maybe I am stable but am not coping well with situational stuff. If I could get that under control maybe I could go back to work. I really, really wish I wasn't so sensitive or emotional. It doesn't help. I wish I had picked up on the difference long ago.

On other fronts, packing for a trip is no fun.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

I was thinking about this yesterday. I'd almost started a thread on this topic. I seem to be so easily affected by people/things in my environment. It's frustrating! I thought we are supposed to get "tougher" as we age! Instead, my heart is more open and, thus, is an easy target for miserable people. I've always been "sensitive." In many ways, I am even more sensitive, not less. I need to learn how to protect myself sometimes and how to not allow others to cause any inner turmoil for me.
It takes great awareness to keep an open heart and to not allow people/situations to "rock the boat" too much.
It takes awareness and time/practice to learn how to balance it all.

The "default" behavior might be to close one's heart. Yet, that just does not feel healthy to me. It's so the opposite of who I am. I am guessing it's the same for you?


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

So far so good today. Made it to work again, really any day I make it here should be considered a success for me. Some days I'm more productive than others. Last p doc appointment we talked about making a med change soon. I think the trileptal really effects my ability to concentrate. It's so very frustrating. I'm set up for a broncholoscopy on June 15th so Dr can figure out what's wrong with me. I'll be glad to get that over with.

You have been working so hard to balance demands upon you while you have not felt well for a long time now. You're doing an outstanding job handling it all. I am sorry you must wait for your broncholoscopy.
You've been under a lot of stress. I'd say every day (whether you make it to work or not) is a success.

WC