[Tryingtobehappy5]

Night 3 without risperidone. I slept 6hrs which is a totally comfortable number for me. 3 is too little and if I let that continue Id be in trouble. Any more than 6 though and I start to feel exhausted in the day and get worried about depression. This gives me sooooo much confidence that I can be ok without risperidone so that makes me very happy. Feeling very positive!

[Sunflower123]

I did get some sleep last night with a mixture of Benadryl and Klonopin. Slept about 5 hours. Irritable today. Don’t know if that’s because I’m going without my medication or just because I have a lot on me right now.

Hugs to all those that are struggling.

[wildflowerchild25]

I could NOT sleep. I went to sleep around one and kept waking up. As a result I have felt emotionally fragile all day. I couldn’t concentrate at all in my workshop today. Then my coworker was nasty to me. Made me want to cry but I would never give her the satisfaction.

I get home and my house is a wreck even though I literally just cleaned everything Saturday. I get my son a snack, he spills his drink all over the couch and goldfish all over the floor. I tell him to clean it up and he starts yelling and crying, saying this is the worst day ever and what would happen if he set fire to the house. The other day he said he wanted to set fire to his school. I’m starting to get concerned. He’s only six, almost seven. Where is this coming from? I’m wondering if it’s youtube videos or if it’s older kids at aftercare saying these things. He doesn’t seem to be serious, and he’s not making threats, he’s just asking what would happen if he did that.

I’m so overwhelmed today. It’s only six pm, if I fall asleep now I will not sleep yet again tonight. But I really don’t want to do anything except lay here.

[99fairies]

I feel like everyone on this site is tired of me complaining about my pain. I`m hardly getting any responses from my thread i posted today. I`m getting sick of my whining too. But I can`t seem to get it off my mind. I just want it to stop!

[bpforever1]

I have an interview and demo lesson today. I am going to do my best and expect nothing.

Life is ok. Have a Good Day!

[xRavenx]

I had a vivid dream last night of getting back together with my ex-fiance. It was sad. He was my best friend, but too much trust had been broken at the end, and I don't want to put myself through any more pain than what I'm already experiencing. I hope he is okay, but I don't want to text him, because I don't want to give him false hope, I hope he isn't mad at me for not checking in to see how he is, but it would be an extreme trigger for me to reach out, and I guess there is no point. So that dream made me sad. It's hard to let go, when it's somebody who was such a big part of your life. The break up was a while ago, but it still bothers me.

Aside from that, I just tried to do stuff to take my mind off of the negative. I'm still fighting through all the same emotions. Took Klonopin though, and at least that helped take the edge off a little. I have to go to work tomorrow, so that is stressful.

[Lifeischallenging]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

Im sorry you feel no one is offering support. I find on this thread I just read and give hugs and if someone posts their own thread I try to respond. No one responds to my posts on this thread either so I just make my own when I need to and get plenty of support that way. I hope you will consider making a new thread and in the meantime sending hugs

I will. Thank you. Your support does help.

[bpforever1]

The interview and demo lesson are over!! Yeah!! Either way I expect nothing. If I get it, great. If I don't, it is ok. I don't have much teaching experience and this could be a problem. I also don't know if I can manage a full-time job now. We shall see. I'll get the results by the end of this week. Argghhh!! I did the best I could but could have done better. I'm just relieved it is over and done with. Now, I have another class tomorrow. I have not even prepared for it. Oh NO!!!

[Wander]

Haven't checked in or posted for a while. Since my discharge a month ago I have become extremely exhausted both mentally and physically. This has made work and study tough going, leaving me with little energy left for anything else. I haven't even journaled. My brain is mush. My T believes the exhaustion is from multiple severe episodes close together (5 in 18 months; mixed, manic, psychotic and deeply depressed). Basically it is like having 5 brain injuries close together. He said it will take my mind and body some time to recover. I just hope I am not slipping into another depression.

My life is so bland, I can barely take care of myself. My Mum cooks for me and gives me frozen meals and I stay at my parents 3 days a week for the company (as suggested by my T). Even basic tasks like shopping or washing clothes overwhelm me. I just have so little mental and physical capacity. My brain actually hurts if that makes sense. My mood is ok, thankfully. I am just crying out for some energy.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

I feel like everyone on this site is tired of me complaining about my pain. I`m hardly getting any responses from my thread i posted today. I`m getting sick of my whining too. But I can`t seem to get it off my mind. I just want it to stop!

I'm sorry your in so much pain. That has to be hard. Sending big virtual hugs. I don't think you are whining. I think sometimes people don't respond because they just don't know what to say to be supportive or helpful. My threads don't always get responses either. Keep posting.

[scatterbrained04]

Anyone want to go to work for me today? I just can't deal with people this morning.

yesterday went to see a possible place to move.

sadly, even though it's a nice place it won't work (rent / size issues), so back to the drawing board again- it's getting worrying now because time is just running out

after my night with all the family issues I had a calmer night, but no sleep sadly.

I am feeling quite depressed today.

this morning I couldn't control my emotions for **** (it was really difficult), and now i'm just low.

lower as low can be

feel a little suicidal too

yesterday I did get to chat to tara for a while, though i'm seriously thinking about telling her straight we can no longer be friends- it's all this me me me crap lately.

I did exercises

I went bowling,

I went to visit a friend

I watched 2 episodes of the chase, and now i'm listening to music

it is getting old

and I can aford to lose her as a friend because I have people here

I also found out from a friend of tara's that she lied to me about having PTSD.

apparently she does that to everyone so that they can feel sorry for her, and never admits she's not got the diagnoses.

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yesterday went to see a possible place to move.

sadly, even though it's a nice place it won't work (rent / size issues), so back to the drawing board again- it's getting worrying now because time is just running out

after my night with all the family issues I had a calmer night, but no sleep sadly.

I am feeling quite depressed today.

this morning I couldn't control my emotions for **** (it was really difficult), and now i'm just low.

lower as low can be

feel a little suicidal too

I'm in the same boat with finding a place to live. I *think* I found a place, but I have to go visit. All the other ones I saw online had terrible reviews about bugs, rats, etc.. Also terrible insulation, which drives up the cost of heating/cooling.

I hope you feel better soon, as I know you've been feeling down for a while

Sorry to hear about Tara's friend. That's just sh_tty.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm in the same boat with finding a place to live. I *think* I found a place, but I have to go visit. All the other ones I saw online had terrible reviews about bugs, rats, etc.. Also terrible insulation, which drives up the cost of heating/cooling.

I hope you feel better soon, as I know you've been feeling down for a while

Sorry to hear about Tara's friend. That's just sh_tty.

were you also served eviction?

or something else

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

were you also served eviction?

or something else

No, I was living at my parents' place because I was too broke to afford my own when I had over $850 in student loans to pay off every month. Now I can afford to move out. It's just that most places here are overpriced at $1400 a month, bare minimum, for a studio that's less than 600 sq feet. Other areas of the country, $800 a month will get you a 2 bedroom apartment. It sucks.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

No, I was living at my parents' place because I was too broke to afford my own when I had over $850 in student loans to pay off every month. Now I can afford to move out. It's just that most places here are overpriced at $1400 a month, bare minimum, for a studio that's less than 600 sq feet. Other areas of the country, $800 a month will get you a 2 bedroom apartment. It sucks.

well hopefully you will find a place
do you have any viewings coming up

by viewing, I mean anywhere to visit
not sure if americans say viewing or what ever

[Unrigged64072835]

(((((Everyone)))))

There's a silver lining to all this dark and cloudy stuff of life: I'm writing again so that's helping a bit.

MRI for right shoulder tomorrow. Don't expect anything bad, since even the X-ray I had showed that it healed up somehow. Had nerve block for the left side of my back last week. It seems to be doing fine.

I don't know why I feel like I have to be physically broken somehow. Maybe my childhood, I don't know.

I dropped my classes due to stress. I feel bad about that. It's like everything is standing still again. My husband is looking at dropping one of his because he can't keep up either. It seems so much has to be done all at once.

Other than that I'm just existing.

[WildcatVet]

You'll find a place, I know it! We were dead broke and down to one week..and we found a perfect little mini farm for less than a two bedroom house. It's isolated and rural...and that's fine with me.

[Moose72]

Been working on housing paperwork. OMG I think I'll never make it! Too much! And on top of it my bipolar study is tomorrow- over the phone-in so that's good. I'm so busy when I just want to flop down and watch TV all day. I need a shower pretty badly too. I went to the Dr yesterday that could've been really but right now my Dr says is ok. I'm to go to the ER if it happens again though.

[wildflowerchild25]

Feeling overwhelmed and like I could cry again. I think the ulcer I was diagnosed with last year is back. Burning pain in the exact same place. I’m so tired of being physically sick. I’m physically exhausted every damn day. I woke up coughing and had to run to the bathroom to vomit again last night. Now the ulcer.

Other situations adding to my situational depression. Loneliness is a big onE. Love sucks.

I want to cry. I want to be physically healthy. I want my house to be clean.

Wah wah wah right. Yeah I know.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Wah wah wah...

Look on the bright side. You didn't have one of those dreaded TEACHER INSERVICE DAYS today!

[Wild Coyote]

I am very short on time and extra energy lately.
I do read up. Hope to be participating more soon.

Love to all.


WC