[xRavenx]

Grief is really getting in the way of things.....my mind is constantly on the person that I miss. When my mind isn't on him, it's on my health issues or just about things related to self-esteem problems. These thoughts sometimes lead to really intense anger directed towards myself.

I always seem to have a doctor's appointment. I went to the doctor today and luckily my EKG and everything else was fine. I just need some blood work. I hope there isn't going to be much snow this week.

[bizi]

Supposed to have nasty weather today.
Wish I could go back to bed!
bizi

[bpforever1]

I am not doing too well. I slept all day and was depressed. My mother wants me to stay here in the city even though I may get a full-time job in the previous town I was living. She says she won't help me if I move back. I'm paying the fees for her apartment here and understand her dilemma. But, she can pay for these fees herself, instead of me. I am not happy she thinks she is smarter than I am. I don't think she is thinking in my best interest. Most parents would be happy if their child was independent financially. It really makes me wonder if her mind is ok. I don't think so. She has never worked here and does not know the situation here. She talks as if she knows it here. She does not. I think I will move back and be on my own because my parents have manipulated me enough and at my age I don't need to be told what to do. I am a little anxious about working full-time though since I have not for a long-time but I will be teaching and not working in the medical environment so it should be ok. I am feeling better that I still have a choice to make my own decisions. It is sad that my mother is concerned about herself mainly and not about my future or me. It is depressing.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Grief is really getting in the way of things.....my mind is constantly on the person that I miss. When my mind isn't on him, it's on my health issues or just about things related to self-esteem problems. These thoughts sometimes lead to really intense anger directed towards myself.

I always seem to have a doctor's appointment. I went to the doctor today and luckily my EKG and everything else was fine. I just need some blood work. I hope there isn't going to be much snow this week.

((((((( xRavenx ))))))

Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

Tuesday
A chance of rain before 3pm, then a chance of sleet. Cloudy, with a temperature falling to around 29 by 5pm. North wind 10 to 20 mph, with gusts as high as 30 mph. Chance of precipitation is 40%. Little or no sleet accumulation expected.
Tuesday Night
A slight chance of snow and sleet before midnight. Cloudy, then gradually becoming partly cloudy, with a low around 21. North wind around 15 mph, with gusts as high as 25 mph. Chance of precipitation is 20%.

Schools closed for tomorrow....not sure if the university is though....hubby will know.
__________________
bizi

Stay warm! Drive carefully!

WC

[FearlesslyTheIdiot]

1 week since my BP2 Dx.. 1 week on Trileptal 150mg daily.. also 1 week off wellbutrin and off alcohol cold turkey.

See the pdoc for a follow up next week at which point we will probably titrate up the dosage of Trileptal as I am on a rather low one currently.

Feeling 'okay'. Less down than I was on the wellbutrin i think. But time will tell. Stopping wellbutrin and alcohol cold turkey has had an interesting affect. My SO has been understanding and i think she now understands that she shouldn't feel guilty or bad that she can't "do" anything to make me happy, that it is just how my brain is processing my emotions and that if my face seems sad/staring off in to space, I don't necessarily feel bad. It is a lot for a brain to handle in 1 week.

Talked to an Aunt on my biological father's side of the family recently, asked her if there was a history of MI in the family. Confirmed. She told me my paternal grandfather was Dx'd with BP1/manic depression, and that all of his children suffer from clinical depression. She also said that my biological father had some issues with schizophrenia but was not sure if he was born with it, or if it was caused by his drug abuse/addictions. Soemthing to tell my pdoc at least.

Hope you are all well <3

At work today, I got a bunch of compliments for everything I've been doing for the past month! Everyone on my team thought I've been doing a great job with my work. They really enjoyed my presentation today -- and I managed to do it all without having a panic attack.

Now I've got to present this in two weeks to upper level management. Hopefully that'll go well too.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

At work today, I got a bunch of compliments for everything I've been doing for the past month! Everyone on my team thought I've been doing a great job with my work. They really enjoyed my presentation today -- and I managed to do it all without having a panic attack.

Now I've got to present this in two weeks to upper level management. Hopefully that'll go well too.

Congrats!
You Rock. Blue!

WC

[sonjaward809]

I managed to brace the cold today and walk to the gas station for some stuff I was running low on. It definitely helped my mood come up quite a bit!! I also cleaned up the kitchen a bit so that helped me feel a little better. Today has been a good day so far. But I'm a little concerned I won't be able to make it to my next pdoc appointment since my car isn't running yet and I can't get it looked at until the 2nd of February . I have the appointment on the 22nd on January. :/ Little nervous about that because I can't afford to run out of meds, I'll lose my stability that I've been working on.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope you are all doing okay today.

I had my physical therapy appt. moved to this morning. I ended up sleeping through it. I don't know why I was so tired because I thought I slept well the night before. My therapist moved the date back to Thursday. My husband went and ended up with a bigger headache and sinus pain. He's now sleeping and I hope he feels better.

Kids are home from school. My daughter already has two essays to write and she's worried about having enough information to write one of them. Her boyfriend is doing okay for now. He tends to stuff his emotions so we're ready to deal with that if necessary.

Mood is kind of low, but not too bad. Just hard to believe we're halfway through January already.

[FearlesslyTheIdiot]

Originally Posted by sonjaward809

my car isn't running yet and I can't get it looked at until the 2nd of February . I have the appointment on the 22nd on January.

Do you have anyone who could drive you? Or do they have Lyft/Uber in your area? Any transportation alternative would be much better than a lapse in meds.

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by bizi

My moms sister died today.
They were very close. She had been suffering from shakes and she was a very frail 81 year old. My Mom and Dad found her on the floor this afternoon and called all of us. She will be missed sorely. My mother is devastated.
I think she is to be cremated and asked that there be no services.
Not sure when/if to go.
bizi

I’m so sorry for your loss bizi

[GoldenSnitch]

I’ve been feeling extremely irritated lately. I’m thinking a possibly mixed episode is in the works

[BPQuestions]

I was a mess this morning. So emotional and my anxiety was through the roof. Obviously getting a divorce isnt helping me. I had some stuff happen this weekend that definitely could be triggers so Ive been super vigilant. But the crappy thing is there is no one really to see if I start slipping into an episode as Im alone now. Plus I havnt been sleeping and I have lots of energy. Grrrr .

[xRavenx]

I was really irritable today. I didn't mean to take out my anger on anyone, but when I came home, I did. I feel bad about it. At the same time, I was triggered by a family member who pointed out how "non functional," I am. I feel like a failure sometimes. Around the house, I am bad at keeping everything in order, going through my mail on time, cleaning everything as timely as I should, and cooking. These things create so much anxiety. I don't leave things dirty, but I can be disorganized. Growing up in a home where expectations are high has affected my self-esteem.

Sometimes I think about if I were to have a spouse, what I would bring to the relationship. I was engaged a long time ago, but I think part of the reason his love faded for me was because I wasn't great at upkeeping everything to his standards.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I was really irritable today. I didn't mean to take out my anger on anyone, but when I came home, I did. I feel bad about it. At the same time, I was triggered by a family member who pointed out how "non functional," I am. I feel like a failure sometimes. Around the house, I am bad at keeping everything in order, going through my mail on time, cleaning everything as timely as I should, and cooking. These things create so much anxiety. I don't leave things dirty, but I can be disorganized. Growing up in a home where expectations are high has affected my self-esteem.

Sometimes I think about if I were to have a spouse, what I would bring to the relationship. I was engaged a long time ago, but I think part of the reason his love faded for me was because I wasn't great at upkeeping everything to his standards.

I am feeling pretty "non-functional" again. It would hurt me to have someone else point that out to me right now, even though I know it's true.

My self-esteem also suffers in this way. I was brought up under a lot of criticism.

Somehow, my husband accepts me and my "stuff." Thankfully.

Hugs to you, xRavenx!


WC

[Tucson]

I will have to live in my bedroom for the next three days. The house is ripped up for the installation of tile flooring. Some idiot left a large gap to the outside at the bottom of the door when he was breaking up old tile. It is cold during the nights. My kitchen is a mess with items everywhere due to a couple people cleaning up. They did not put anything back to where they found them. They placed them somewhere else. My son in law who is in charge of the installation of the tile may be not available for a couple weeks, so I will have to figure out what to do, The tile that has been laid is pretty nice.

I have been really depressed in my bedroom. I do not like it in here. I want to be back in the rest of my home. I have no television and no furniture. I have only my bed to lay on. I am using my iPad for Netflix. So that is something.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Tucson

I will have to live in my bedroom for the next three days. The house is ripped up for the installation of tile flooring. Some idiot left a large gap to the outside at the bottom of the door when he was breaking up old tile. It is cold during the nights. My kitchen is a mess with items everywhere due to a couple people cleaning up. They did not put anything back to where they found them. They placed them somewhere else. My son in law who is in charge of the installation of the tile may be not available for a couple weeks, so I will have to figure out what to do, The tile that has been laid is pretty nice.

I have been really depressed in my bedroom. I do not like it in here. I want to be back in the rest of my home. I have no television and no furniture. I have only my bed to lay on. I am using my iPad for Netflix. So that is something.

I hope things get back to normal for you sooner rather then later.

I have officially entered the house of "That didn't happen". It's nice in here. No part of the animal is wasted.

I've been working since October as a remote technical editor for a Korean firm, which is good because I dig Korean firms. The work is completely surreal, so I'm writing a story about it titled "Korea Remote". It might suck.

I just finished editing an 8000 word dissertation on Chinese threat and retaliation signaling, which is good because I dig threat and retaliation signaling.

I will soon be among you.

[incogneo]

I feel like I am going crazy. I don't know who or what to trust right now.

[99fairies]

I felt good all day yesterday and am feeling great this morning! Thank god the worst is over! And I Managed to stay out of the hospital,,,wooo hooo!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by incogneo

I feel like I am going crazy. I don't know who or what to trust right now.

Sounds very unsettling, to say the least.

Feel free to start a thread where more will notice your current challenges and will likely offer lots of support.

Are you safe?


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

I felt good all day yesterday and am feeling great this morning! Thank god the worst is over! And I Managed to stay out of the hospital,,,wooo hooo!

WC

[Zigy]

My pdoc told me yesterday that he doesn't think any meds will help me. They'll just cause bad physical and cognitive side effects and will make me more miserable and cause more issues at work. I'm on 300mg of Lamictal and 5mg Zyprexa and he wants to me stay on these. And he said that my only hope to improve is therapy. I'm doing a group therapy and individual but I have doubts it'll ever work. It's been three months though, so maybe too soon to decide if it works or not.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am feeling pretty "non-functional" again. It would hurt me to have someone else point that out to me right now, even though I know it's true.

My self-esteem also suffers in this way. I was brought up under a lot of criticism.

Somehow, my husband accepts me and my "stuff." Thankfully.

Hugs to you, xRavenx!


WC

Hugs to you dear lady.
You are also loved here, and we accept you for who you are.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi