[VerMOZZica]

I had a nice day today with my Mom and my cousin.We went to the mall and did a little shopping.Then we went to my big sister`s house and she gave me some really wonderful stuff for my hair and some stuff for the bath. I`m just grateful for nice days like this.

[emgreen]

Thanks for reminding me that there are nice days, MOZZ.

My depression is feeling more out of control. To me, there's a difference between feeling sad & being depressed. I went to my T's today & cried like a little b***h the whole time. I've become distant from my GF, wanting to be alone; just feeling a general malaise. Then there's the hole that opens up in the middle of your chest. Yep. It's like you can predict a perfect storm coming...the arrival of "The Beast."

[wildflowerchild25]

Feeling down on myself tonight. Many whiny reasons that I won’t list here. Hope I feel better tomorrow. I have a TON of cleaning to do since I’ve been too sick to clean for a few weeks. I’m on the verge of making a bad decision relationship wise but I really want the attention of someone. The one I really want to be with isn’t ready (or doesn’t want me), I don’t want the one who DOES want me, the other is just a FWB but at least he’s a friend and there are some benefits. I can pretend it’s a real relationship but I know I’ll get hurt. I already did back in July.

My mind is still a mess. But it’s all real stuff, not bipolar ********. Not sure if that’s better or worse.

I am still overspending

I just purchased a 8 cd box of this dutch group I never even heard of

what do I want with dutch music?. I don't know

christmas blues arn'g going away

starting to wonder the point of the new matress... it's not helped me sleep in the slightest

actually saw my doctor yesterday about the sleep thing, and their is nothing he can do... litirally turned to me and said, i've tried everything on you

so I guess it's just an overactive mind..... lol

[bizi]

I don't know how I will survive tonight lots of food and drinks abound.
and my fingers are bandaidless.
I started picking at my thumb last night at trivia.
my tdoc suggested I get a fidget or a little bracelet with a dangly
thing from it to wear and play with...I have not shopped for that yet.
she also suggested alternatively to wear a long piece of jewerly that I could play with as well. something to do with my hands.
This is the biggest test to my sobriety. They are serving fish chowder.
I just told jeff that I don't want to spend that much time at the party tonight, because I am dieting and not drinking he said that is fine.
I hope you have a good saturday!
bizi

[99fairies]

I'm doing pretty good. I woke up at 4am so I took something and went back to sleep till 8 when the kids woke me up. I'm still struggling with dystonia but it should be gone soon. Iv'e just been fighting through the pain instead of staying in bed for days like last time. Hope all is well in the world of PC!

[hopeless2015]

Glad it's Saturday. Nothing but groceries on the agenda. I'll clean tomorrow, doesn't take long since we are in the new apartment. I have vowed to not let things go and get dirty. Only had 3 beers last night, home by 7:30 and no gambling. Hugs to everyone!

[bpforever1]

I am doing well although my job hunting turned up nothing so far. I am happy and am looking forward to my online man visiting me soon from another country. I am feeling ok. I am taking my medication daily and am doing well. I am cleaning the apartment in the meantime. While my father was here, he made a mess. I have some lunch dates with friends and others until my online man visits. I will be busy and have a nice time with others while I can.

[xRavenx]

I'm really struggling and not sure where to turn
I'm desperate to see my therapist in 2 days. I can't focus, I'm so depressed, my thoughts are all over the place. I am also feeling pretty worthless.

[Tucson]

Out of the months of misery dealing with very bad problems which all popped up at once, I am starting to feel better now. I have two concerns left. One is dealing with my DUI, and the other is to find a part time job in the computer arena. I am optimistic about my DUI since I was only taking psychotropics at prescribed dosages. One pdoc thinks there may be something physically wrong with me. This is the part I do not like too. I am afraid I may have some tumor on my brain, but I understand this is me being a little paranoid. Even my once dire financial situation is improving and may be successfully dealt with over the next month. My daughter is starting to treat me better. However, around the corner waiting for me is another bad experience. I have been forgetting to take my medications and even forgetting to eat meals during the day. This is not good since my precipitous drop in weight my continue. One doctor told me it may be my depression. So my future is looking better with a couple exceptions.

[wildflowerchild25]

Was supposed to have “second thanksgiving” with my sister and brother in law but unfortunately the snow has made it too dangerous to travel down there. I attempted and got too scared, especially because it’s not supposed to stop so coming home would have been even worse. I think I made the right decision turning around and coming home. My son was very disappointed but I’d rather us both be alive. But it’s only 4:15 and I am so bored.

I’m worried my son’s friends will not show up to his birthday party tomorrow because of the snow. I hope at least a few of them will brave it. It’s not until 12:30 and we are really only supposed to get another inch or two so I hope it will be ok. He’s at an age where he’s not going to care as long as he gets to bounce (it’s at an indoor bounce house arena). I will just feel bad. I already feel bad I had to postpone it because I was sick. I just hope he has fun.

[Wild Coyote]

A quiet day, thankfully.

Yesterday was a full day of appts. and then the city's Holiday Tree Lighting Ceremony. Many organizations had their doors open to visitors while serving hot beverages and cookies. It was a good time to be introduced to the various programs in the city. Stopped in at my mother's senior center while she participated there for 2 hours of party preparation. I'd snuck off to the library there and signed out a couple of novels. I'd ended up "demonstrating the library/reading room" by reclining and reading as tours were brought through. Lol! The lighting ceremony was very beautiful!

Love to All!

WC

[Victoria'smom]

I'm upset my son's friend is using him as a therapist and refuses to visit a dr. or real therapist. He wont tell us who it is or what she's "hiding". I asked if the friend "cut" if that was the issue. His response was I wish that was all. I'm not playing a guessing game with him. I did tell him that he doesn't want it on his concision if something bad happens. I said it harsher. How can he get better when his friend(s) are dumping their serious problems on him? He even asked if he could minor in therapy just to help his friend(s) and cope with everything. I looked it up and he'll take intro to psych this next summer. I did give him a DBT coping mechanisms pdf. but it sucks watching him sink with her. Who knows she could have talked my son back from dark places but it makes me want to put him in IOP to gain the skills to pass it on to his friend.

[bizi]

I survived the christmas party!
I came prepared.
Purse with makings for tea including cup and stevia to sweeten the tea and gum in case I needed to eat/chew something sweet.
At 6;30 I was hungry so Before going there I ate a slice of cheddar cheese and a handful of smoked almonds,
At the party This is what I ate:
a bowl of smoked cod chowder(like potato soup)
3 small slices of cheese and 2 small crackers.
small orange, luscious pear, one small bite of just fair chocolate moose...
(I don't know how to spell it)
came home at 10;30 and ate a small bag of pop corn.
I came in 3rd for the ugly christmas sweater contest.
LOL
and the best part: I knew almost every one there so not much social anxiety!!! We have on e more gathering to go to on tuesday nite, I already packed my silver purse with tea bags, cup etc so that is ready to go.
There will be quite a few people I don't know. Yikes!
I drank nothing but tea, I socialized and was not anxious, I managed to eat health foods, I did not pick at my fingers or face.
It was a successful evening.
bizi

[scatterbrained04]

Went out last night. Didn't drag myself home time 4am. Only had a couple drinks though. Chose to take my meds...BAD IDEA. Have been sick since. Tried to take them tonight but ended up not being able to keep them down. Now I can't sleep. Will probably feel funky tomorrow not having had all my meds or slept. Never drinking again.

[liveforsummer]

Way to go bizi, sounds like you were well prepared !

1:35am here and I can’t sleep. The night before was such a treat as I’d taken 1 Ativan and 1 imovane at bedtime (pdoc told me to do this twice a week so I get 8 hours uninterrupted sleep) and it worked like a charm. But I know I’m not supposed to do that nightly. So I won’t. So I’m up. And I just baked oatmeal raisin cookies and ate three. Then I typed my grievances of the last 2 days on my laptop for the hell of it. Maybe I’ll stay up all night. Maybe if I do that then tomorrow night (which I guess is tonight at this point) I will sleep longer than a pathetic 2-3 hour stretch. Hmmmmm

[bpforever1]

I am doing ok. I vacuumed the apartment and washed the dishes. I will also throw out the trash tomorrow. I had a nice rest this weekend. I talked to the online man. He is doing well too. We are looking forward to getting together in about two weeks or so. I am excited about his coming all the way from another country to visit me. I still have some part-time jobs and free-lance jobs to keep me afloat. I don't make much. I am thinking of asking one of the companies to increase my workload for next year. They offered me more jobs this year but I could not do them then. But, now, I have time. My mother says she might come over to visit me next year soon. I am so happy. I want to also improve my Japanese and will earnestly start studying this since I have time. I am happy these days. I may not have a full-time job but I have something to do daily which keeps me busy. I think that for now I won't be able to find a full-time job with my skills. If I were bilingual though, I can increase my chances of getting more jobs. I will try to focus on becoming bilingual as soon as I can. It is not easy but I can do it if I want to do so. I will try my best! At least, I am taking my medication daily. Mood-wise I am doing fine. I am not having any major problems with sleep or mood. I am grateful for this.

[251turnaround]

Feeling a lot better now. Despite what my therapist said, I really don't think that was hypomania now that I look back on it. If it was, I think the meds should take the credit for keeping it short and not too intense. I think I'm back to normal now. I'm not feeling as on top of the world, but I'll take this over crashing into depression any day. Yay meds!

[bizi]

I think that the small dose of zyprexa is helping me be more stable.
I am very happy about this!!!!
bizi

[RainyDay107]

Depressed. Chronic pain and eating disorder symptoms/behaviors are heightened, too.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by glamslam

Depressed. Chronic pain and eating disorder symptoms/behaviors are heightened, too.

I am sorry, do you want to talk???
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[99fairies]

I'm doing pretty good this morning. was up at 4am and could not go back to sleep. Oh well, this has been happening for about a month now... getting kinda used to it. My son is having the time of his life on his trip. I miss him like crazy but really glad he has this opportunity. My dystonia is bad today, so I'm just taking it easy. Hugs to all!

[bizi]

take it easy 99faries.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

I'm doing pretty good this morning. was up at 4am and could not go back to sleep. Oh well, this has been happening for about a month now... getting kinda used to it. My son is having the time of his life on his trip. I miss him like crazy but really glad he has this opportunity. My dystonia is bad today, so I'm just taking it easy. Hugs to all!

I am very sorry you suffer so much. Dystonia is so painful.
My heart goes out to you.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

I survived the christmas party!
I came prepared.
Purse with makings for tea including cup and stevia to sweeten the tea and gum in case I needed to eat/chew something sweet.
At 6;30 I was hungry so Before going there I ate a slice of cheddar cheese and a handful of smoked almonds,
At the party This is what I ate:
a bowl of smoked cod chowder(like potato soup)
3 small slices of cheese and 2 small crackers.
small orange, luscious pear, one small bite of just fair chocolate moose...
(I don't know how to spell it)
came home at 10;30 and ate a small bag of pop corn.
I came in 3rd for the ugly christmas sweater contest.
LOL
and the best part: I knew almost every one there so not much social anxiety!!! We have on e more gathering to go to on tuesday nite, I already packed my silver purse with tea bags, cup etc so that is ready to go.
There will be quite a few people I don't know. Yikes!
I drank nothing but tea, I socialized and was not anxious, I managed to eat health foods, I did not pick at my fingers or face.
It was a successful evening.
bizi

Nice job!
Thanks for sharing about this!

WC