[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Way to go bizi, sounds like you were well prepared !

1:35am here and I can’t sleep. The night before was such a treat as I’d taken 1 Ativan and 1 imovane at bedtime (pdoc told me to do this twice a week so I get 8 hours uninterrupted sleep) and it worked like a charm. But I know I’m not supposed to do that nightly. So I won’t. So I’m up. And I just baked oatmeal raisin cookies and ate three. Then I typed my grievances of the last 2 days on my laptop for the hell of it. Maybe I’ll stay up all night. Maybe if I do that then tomorrow night (which I guess is tonight at this point) I will sleep longer than a pathetic 2-3 hour stretch. Hmmmmm

The cookies sound great!
Sorry you are having difficulties sleeping.
Always great to hear from you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by glamslam

Depressed. Chronic pain and eating disorder symptoms/behaviors are heightened, too.

(((((( glamslam ))))))

So sorry you are suffering.
Thinking of you.


WC

[Sunflower123]

As I mentioned, I went through a period of numbness followed by depression with the energy of a limp noodle and lots of sleeping. I’m glad I’m starting to come out of it. My schedule is packed each day for the rest of the month. I hope I can keep up.

Sending big hugs to those that are struggling.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

As I mentioned, I went through a period of numbness followed by depression with the energy of a limp noodle and lots of sleeping. I’m glad I’m starting to come out of it. My schedule is packed each day for the rest of the month. I hope I can keep up.

Sending big hugs to those that are struggling.

I was writing you a PM as you were writing this post.

I'm very sorry you've been struggling. I hope better days are ahead.
You've been missed.


WC

[xRavenx]

I didn't fall asleep until 7:30 AM, even with Seroquel. My thoughts wouldn't turn off, and my head was all foggy. This was even including going up on Seroquel last night. I just woke up 1:30 PM, and the day is almost shot. I just showered. I was hearing voices and felt scared. There was nothing that I could do though. I have a friend, who is supposed to contact me today to possibly hang out today, but haven't heard anything yet. I am not going to bother, unless I am contacted first.
Hoping for a better day. Hugs to all.

[bizi]

I hope you feel better, if not call your pdoc.
bizi

[Daonnachd]

Last night someone broke into my car and stole all my 80's CDs. I'm so bummed. I feel gutted. They also took my keys to my office. Now we'll have to change the locks.

[Tucson]

I have been eating banana bread and peanut butter cookies which I have made recently. I am concerned about this since I do not want to gain weight of any significance. My neighbor is an enthusiastic believer in UFOs and alien visitation. I have always thought that he was “out there” with his beliefs. He showed me a video that did get my attention. Now I am researching this topic to see if there is anything to this. Maybe there is, or maybe there is not. I will try to keep an open mind.

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling off today. Haven't done anything all weekend, and I'm feeling pretty guilty about it. Hoping I can get sleep and meds all straightened back out going into tomorrow.

[hopeless2015]

Drank and gambled again. I have $1,86 lrft to my namw until Wed. I've lost all control again. My husband is pretty upset with me, as he should be. Laid around until 3. Got chili on and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies started.

I'll have to live with my mistakes and hope I can get myself together again. Hugs to everyone

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I was writing you a PM as you were writing this post.

I'm very sorry you've been struggling. I hope better days are ahead.
You've been missed.


WC

Thank you. I am feeling better. I’ve really missed being here.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Last night someone broke into my car and stole all my 80's CDs. I'm so bummed. I feel gutted. They also took my keys to my office. Now we'll have to change the locks.

I’m so sorry somebody broke into your car. I have a set of CDs that are special to me and would be gutted as well. Thinking of you.

[wildflowerchild25]

Missing my husband immensely today. I had my son’s class birthday party today, which was difficult as a mother with social anxiety. My husband should have been there to help me. He should have seen his favorite team, the eagles, win the game today and clinch the nfc east. He should be here preparing for Christmas with me. But he’s not and never will be again. I feel like crying.

On top of it I was a terrible mother today. I fell asleep after the party and I didn’t wake up until 6:30pm. So my son didn’t get dinner until 7pm even though he asked for it and I could only get fast food because I didn’t have anything prepared to cook, nor did I have the will to cook anything. I’m turning out just like my mom. The only difference is I’m sleeping on the couch and not in my room. I hate depression. It makes me terrible.

I am convinced I have a compulsive and/or binge eating problem. I think it is due to meds because over the summer when I wasn’t on invega I no longer had the problem. Now that I am on depakote all I do is think about food and I overeat constantly. I hate myself for it. I feel disgusting and don’t understand why I can’t have some sort t of self control. I try so hard and when night comes I end up eating everything. I’m trying to keep binge foods out of the house and keep more veggies and fruits in the house instead. It’s to the point that I’m almost crying thinking about eating, knowing I have to but knowing I won’t be able to stop myself from making bad choices. I feel like an addict.

So I just want to cry about everything right now.

[liveforsummer]

Hugs to the many of you struggling

Good to hear from you Jennifer

Thank you for all the support you give everyone WC

Vertigo, I’m sorry your 80’s music was stolen, that would devastate me too

You are all so kind and supportive of each other, I am grateful to be a part of this group!

[bpforever1]

I am doing well. One of my students increased her TOEIC score by 200 points and was elated. She thanked me for helping her. I don't know if I helped any but am happy to be teaching her. I also asked one of the companies I am working for to increase my workload. We shall see how that goes. I also asked one of my former students if she still needs a teacher. I am feeling fine. Life is pretty good. Of course, it would be nice to have a full-time job but I know that I can't do it as a teacher due to the competition and my age. It is not that I am not good at teaching but the other factors play a role as well. I think the schools want young teachers understandably. I will try to do my best to do with what I have already. I am surviving. I am doing ok. I will try another path of trying to be a bilingual worker and see how that goes. I figure it is less competition and language skills are very important in this case. I am not too anxious and will work at becoming bilingual. I have to study a lot though. This is ok because I have time now. I am hoping that my request to increase my workload is accepted though. I do like working. It gives me a sense of being productive. In the meantime, I will be happy with what I have. Life is good for now. I don't spend much. I just eat out occasionally. I don't have a spending habit so am doing ok.

My online man is doing well too and is working hard. He is doing well at his job so I am happy for him. He is not mentally ill though. He accepts my illness though. He is quite a man. He was concerned but now accepts me as a person. He trusts me. He is so nice to me. I sometimes wonder why some men are just users then some men are not. I guess I'm lucky this time. I am happy about him. I look forward to meeting him. Since I talk to him daily, I feel I know him well already. But, chemistry between people is important too. Thus, I am hoping for the best when we meet in two weeks.

I can't believe Christmas is almost here. Wow!! time flies. Last year, I was depressed and sad but this year I have hope. I am happy and feeling good. I think living in a city with comfortable surroundings helps a lot. I am excited about next year!

To those you are suffering, please be patient because no situation lasts forever. Situations change all of the time. I was homeless about five years ago and thought life would not get any better. But, now I am doing ok and have jobs and am surviving on my own. If I thought I would be homeless forever, I would have given up. However, I hoped that my situation would improve and it has. I had no friends and now am making contacts with others. Life is a roller coaster. I believe that life is not a destination but a journey. This journey has been tough for me but I feel blessed for having taken it and am a better person for having endured it. I hope that this Christmas we all have something to be thankful for and are looking at the light at the end of a dark tunnel. I feel your pain because I have been there and can tell you that life is full of suffering as well as joy. May we cherish and hold onto the joys in our lives while remembering we have suffered in spite of it. I wish you all a Happy Holiday Season!!

[Unrigged64072835]

Hugs to everyone.

Husband just finished his class yesterday. He won't be taking any more; he can't keep up with the pace. He found some online places where universities have put their class notes up and he can browse them for free. Maybe now he can label his Christmas presents and not take up half of craft table.

I'm down because my daughter is having constant back pain. She's making an appointment so hopefully we can find out what it is. ETA: her appointment is next month. She won't be able to do much until we have her health insurance straightened out, and that may not be until she has a job.

[wildflowerchild25]

I still feel like crying today. However I believe some of it is definitely PMS. I’m holding out hope that by the end of the week I will feel better. Christmas is fast approaching and I’ve got nothing done, although I did get a little online shopping done for my son. I have absolutely no idea what to get anyone else though. And not a lot of money to do it with.

[Tucson]

I made lemon pudding cake. Neither is it a cake, nor pudding is actually used. I consumed a third of it which was not a good idea, particularly since it is very rich in calories.

I need to get to my pdoc before the planned appountment time. I was supposed to see him earlier, however, there was no time available. I tried to be a “stand in”, but apparently everyone showed up for their appointment. He comes in to the office this Wednesday.

[xRavenx]

That being said, I still am really depressed. I did go to therapy today, and it did affirm certain things for me that I needed to hear from people outside of the family, so that was good. I went out with a guy I met recently. I am still not my normal self. I am a little more reserved lately, because of the depression, and I think he picks up on that. It's hard to open up my heart right now, especially after losing the person that I loved and will always love. I am exhausted, not sleeping until way late (like 6 AM, even 7:30 AM the other day). It's horrible. I am increasing my Seroquel, but this will take time to get used to. Not looking forward to the work week. It will be a lot of pressure. I hope they realize that there's only so much that I can do, until they hire more people.

[-Astral-]

unsure how i am just now euphoric about coffee want to drinks loads of it and keep drinking it all day and night but i feel like i want to self injure **** knows why
really dont want to sleep but my husband says i need to try and go to bed soon
he says i need to stop drinking the coffee more coffee the better
yummy yummy yummy COFFEE

[Daonnachd]

The hospital where I get ECT treatments sent me a cheque for $92 today. They're repaying an overpayment from 2016. I'm happy with the timing, it'll help with Christmas shopping.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I still feel like crying today. However I believe some of it is definitely PMS. I’m holding out hope that by the end of the week I will feel better. Christmas is fast approaching and I’ve got nothing done, although I did get a little online shopping done for my son. I have absolutely no idea what to get anyone else though. And not a lot of money to do it with.

I relate to this a lot. I have a lot to do as far as Christmas goes and also PMS is making me even more emotional. Hang in there. Hugs.

[Naynay99]

Hey. Not sure how I am. Have been feeling physically like crap, and exhausted when I get home from work. I had planned to go shopping after work and couldn't get myself to get out of the car. I sat in the parking lot on my phone looking stuff up online for over 35 minutes and then finally aborted mission and went home. I have no food in the house and stopped at a fast food place so I could go tbru the drive thru bc I didn't want to get out of the car. I know that is not normal behavior.

I did put up outside lights and put up and decorated a Xmas tree this weekend so at least it feels festive here. Still have to clean and vacuum and do laundry but at least the living room is Christmasy. I even wrapped gifts and put them under the tree. So maybe I'm not as far gone as I fear? Idk. The idea of making tbru the next 2 weeks w/o calling in sick sounds awful. I'm trying to hold on for that holiday break. If I can pick up all the crap around the house I might gift myself a present of a maid service. My family is coming to stay next week and the prospect of getting the place clean is overwhelming me. I don't know if it would be too weird tho bc i would only do it while I was home- I'm nervous my cats would get out. I suppose I can do paperwork in the office while they r there? Seems like a waste of $ but Idk if I have it in me to clean.

Anyway hugs to all. May tomorrow be a kick asss day for us all...

[251turnaround]

I don't know what I am right now. I feel freaking fantastic and I'm getting these waves of energy throughout the day that feel amazing. I want to do things. It's been getting more and more intense every day since last week. My therapist said I was hypomanic and I doubted her assessment initially, but I'm starting to think she's right. Maybe. I so rarely get like this I can't tell if this is something to be concerned about or not. I'm sleeping no more than six hours a night, frequently waking up during it when I get hit with an energy wave. God, it feels so good.

[Wild Coyote]

In a lot of pain. Trying to keep my mood from bottoming out.

Lots of snow falling today. It's beautiful!

Love to All!