[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

In a lot of pain. Trying to keep my mood from bottoming out.

Lots of snow falling today. It's beautiful!

Love to All!

I’m so sorry you are in pain. I hope you feel better soon. I bet the snow is breathtaking. Do you have plans for Christmas? Thinking of you.

[Wild Coyote]

Thank you, Jennifer!

The weather is gorgeous, with the snowfall!
It makes pain intensify though. That and I was just out in the cold, helping DH with a project. Had to come in and warm up!
Stop by this afternoon! hehe

Christmas plans are still being sorted out.


WC

[-Astral-]

feel like i should just go and kill myself everyone would be better off

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

feel like i should just go and kill myself everyone would be better off

Your important. Have you called your pdoc and told him whats going on?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

feel like i should just go and kill myself everyone would be better off

I've read your thread today. Inquired about you there. Looks like you'd had a difficult night. What do you feel might be helpful to you? Talk therapy? Med change(s)? Other?

I am sorry you have been suffering.

WC

[winter loneliness]

Stressed,Irritated and cranky. Was just on hold with customer service for the last 20 minutes.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Thank you, Jennifer!

The weather is gorgeous, with the snowfall!
It makes pain intensify though. That and I was just out in the cold, helping DH with a project. Had to come in and warm up!
Stop by this afternoon! hehe

Christmas plans are still being sorted out.


WC

Why thank you! I’d love to stop by. We don’t get much snow here in the South and I sure do love snow

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

Stressed,Irritated and cranky. Was just on hold with customer service for the last 20 minutes.

(((((( liveforsummer ))))))

I think of you often. Sorry you are having a trying day.


WC

[emgreen]

I think working on a phone bank would be one of the worst jobs ever if you take things personally. I'm never rude to phone solicitors...I generally just hang-up. They make very little pay & have to deal with hostility towards "the man." I also block #'s of all solicitation calls to spare the workers a call.

[wildflowerchild25]

My therapist thinks I have no chance of feeling better until after Christmas. I didn’t follow her logic. It had something to do with grief. Thing is I’m not experiencing pure grief. If I were I could handle it a lot better. It is grief mixed with abject depression. I really think this therapist discounts the bipolar part of all this. Or perhaps I put too much emphasis on it.

All I know is I feel horrible. And maybe I won’t feel better until the holidays are over. That’s an awful thought. I don’t want that to be the case at all.

The dr upped the rexulti to see if that would help but I don’t have much faith.

I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever.

[hopeless2015]

Sending hugs to those struggling right now!!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My therapist thinks I have no chance of feeling better until after Christmas. I didn’t follow her logic. It had something to do with grief. Thing is I’m not experiencing pure grief. If I were I could handle it a lot better. It is grief mixed with abject depression. I really think this therapist discounts the bipolar part of all this. Or perhaps I put too much emphasis on it.

All I know is I feel horrible. And maybe I won’t feel better until the holidays are over. That’s an awful thought. I don’t want that to be the case at all.

The dr upped the rexulti to see if that would help but I don’t have much faith.

I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever.

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. I hope the increase in Rexulti does work for you and you feel better soon.

[Cocosurviving]

My day was decent. I woke up early and completed some things. I helped my mom with a project then headed home. Arrived at my place then realized I left my keys in my car which was at the collision shop. I had to drive back and get them. I stopped by my grandmother’s and chatted with her.

[xRavenx]

I am feeling a lot of self-hatred, anger towards myself and a few others, feeling like doing some self-destructive things, but I know that won't make things any better. I wish I had Xanax. It calms me down faster than Klonopin. I just want to escape these feelings.

[oh_lorelei]

I've been spending a lot of time in bed lately, no energy, lots of sleeping. But today I slept less, and I cooked myself a meal instead of junk, and I got out of bed for a little while and did some knitting.

So, I still don't feel great but at least I did something today.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I am feeling a lot of self-hatred, anger towards myself and a few others, feeling like doing some self-destructive things, but I know that won't make things any better. I wish I had Xanax. It calms me down faster than Klonopin. I just want to escape these feelings.

I do too. My therapist told me today that all I might be able to do is try to remove myself from them and observe them. Not get wrapped up in the emotions. I don’t know how to ****ing do that.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I do too. My therapist told me today that all I might be able to do is try to remove myself from them and observe them. Not get wrapped up in the emotions. I don’t know how to ****ing do that.

Exactly. Same with my pdoc, saying something similar, but it's easier said than done. When I'm in an impulsive state, nothing feels like it works, and I wish more people would understand that I want to take control, but I keep failing each time I try, because this episode has control over me right now.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by oh_lorelei

I've been spending a lot of time in bed lately, no energy, lots of sleeping. But today I slept less, and I cooked myself a meal instead of junk, and I got out of bed for a little while and did some knitting.

So, I still don't feel great but at least I did something today.

Welcome to PC and to the Bipolar Check-in Thread!
Please make yourself at home here.

Cooking a meal is a big step when in the throes of depression. Good for you!


WC

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling a massive amount of guilt this morning for how much I've said stuff I shouldn't have to my kid while in an episode or severely anxious and how much he's seen. Things haven't been so good between us lately. Feel like I'm losing my son.

realising I have overspent majorly...

£3000

I just posted a thread about it- wow.

still want christmas to be over- not looking forward to it 1 little bit

I have done **** all in the past few days- sit here, stare at the wall, drink, eat, go to the toilet, and then return to staring at the wall.

yeah... pretty unmotivated for much

[bpforever1]

I taught today then had a burrito. I am happy. I have been taking my medication daily. I am doing well. My online man is coming in less than two weeks. I am so excited. He is so sweet and nice. He accepts me as I am as I accept him as he is. We are happy. This year end will be special for me. I never thought I would like someone so much. None of my prior online men have turned out well so far. I, of course, never talked to them for two months before I met any of these prior men. This time I know much about my online man before meeting. It is nice. I was really shocked he said he would come all the way from another country to meet me here. But, he is going to do so. I am so happy. I don't expect any problems with him. We wake up together and go to bed together. Of course, we are in different time zones so we have to coordinate our schedules accordingly. I have never been this into someone else. I think we will work out as a couple. I thought I would get tired of him but so far I'm really happy with him. He is really nice and sweet. Also he is mellow. I really like his personality. I've told him my illnesses and he has told me his. We are accepting of each other. I do hope we will have a future together. We shall see. He is my Christmas present for this year. I am really happy to have found him.

[99fairies]

We are going Christmas shopping today and then see my pdoc after. I'm nervous about both. My anxiety has been really extreme lately and I just hate being in crowds.

[hopeless2015]

Today is payday and after bills, putting gas in my car, budget groceries I have $3 left. This is what my gambling had done for me. My checking account was overdrawn $575 before my check was deposited today. I'm a mess right now and have to face my gambling addiction. It's ruining my life!

[Moreta]

I've gotten almost all my christmas shopping done. Just 5 gifts left to get. I've been following this youtube channel

so I got my father in law one of the books. He's got money and has everything so wasn't sure what to get him. I hope he likes it. Last year I gave everyone homemade gifts but haven't been feeling up to making anything for people. Oh well.

Finally got some good sleep last night. Also I lost another 2 lbs. wooooo. Finally under 280. Just gotta stick to my diet. Mood has been ok. A little teary at heartwarming things but who wouldn't be. Just got a little sand in my eye. haha. Other than that things have been fine. Hugs to all struggling.

[251turnaround]

I'm waiting for the hospital to call back so I can be admitted as I am currently in the throes of the worst mixed episode of my life. It's beautifully terrifying, and I do not say that in a glorifying way but more in an observational capacity. It's fascinating. I just wish I wasn't the subject.

I'm scared.

EDIT: They just called back. I'm going in. Dunno when I'll be back.