[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by 251turnaround

I'm waiting for the hospital to call back so I can be admitted as I am currently in the throes of the worst mixed episode of my life. It's beautifully terrifying, and I do not say that in a glorifying way but more in an observational capacity. It's fascinating. I just wish I wasn't the subject.

I'm scared.

Hang in there, I know how scary those episodes are. If the hospital doesn’t call you back for some reason try to go to an ER. At least you’ll be safe while waiting for placement in inpatient.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by 251turnaround

I'm waiting for the hospital to call back so I can be admitted as I am currently in the throes of the worst mixed episode of my life. It's beautifully terrifying, and I do not say that in a glorifying way but more in an observational capacity. It's fascinating. I just wish I wasn't the subject.

I'm scared.

EDIT: They just called back. I'm going in. Dunno when I'll be back.

Those episodes are the worst. Hang in there and keep in touch with us.

[liveforsummer]

Good last couple days. Slept great last 2 nights (pill induced but hey they worked this time yay!) only thing a little annoying is I can’t stop moving. Not like I’m in a go go mood of getting lots done just more I can’t sit still. Some part of me has to be moving at all times. Noticeably more intense today. Oh well if that’s my biggest complaint today I think I’m doing ok. Lamotrigine increase tomorrow 75 mg twice daily. Apprehensive but bizarrely excited as I’m hoping so much my mood will even out to a happy place.

Hugs to all and hope everyone is coping with the upcoming holiday and festivities

[oh_lorelei]

Today wasn't as good as yesterday. Mostly napped all day. I did cook myself lunch, however.

I had a job interview - not that I think I'm ready to work again but I'm out of money and disability doesn't seem like it's getting approved anytime soon and I need to pay rent. But I just couldn't make myself go. I asked to reschedule so I'm supposed to go in tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully I can.

I need to do laundry (esp for the interview - no clean nice clothes) and do the dishes before I feel like I can do anything else. My kitchen is gross. It's getting down to the wire and I haven't finished all my Christmas gifts and I don't want to disappoint anyone.

I leave to go to my parents' house next Tuesday, I don't know if that will be better or worse for me.

Originally Posted by 99fairies

We are going Christmas shopping today and then see my pdoc after. I'm nervous about both. My anxiety has been really extreme lately and I just hate being in crowds.

99fairies - I totally get this. I really don't like to go shopping by myself due to anxiety. It is hard for people to understand that don't experience it.

I actually was using a texting support group for a while just to go to the store, because if I was at least talking to someone, it distracted me from the anxiety and I didn't feel like I was alone.

How did it go?

[jmariah001]

Feeling depressed and anxious. It has been getting worse since I put my cat to sleep. Tomorrow my husband starts work and I will be alone for a while. I am scared to be alone because of the depression. No alternative at this point. We need the extra income. I have the text 741 number to use. My husband will be unreachable. He is not allowed to have his cell phone on him. That is the part I am mad about. I feel I am heading down the hospital path. It is only december and I am already getting bad. I am sitting here just shaking. Every fall/winter is like this. What the hell do I do?

[xRavenx]

Very depressed. I need to stay away from family. They expect me to be someone I cannot be. Physically, I am not feeling well either. I completely lack energy and don't know how I'll get through tomorrow. It's been really rough overall.

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel better after watching the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus on YouTube for an hour. Very uplifting and funny.

[VerMOZZica]

I`ve been feeling pretty down lately. I guess it`s just the depression .I hate how it get`s dark so early. I hate the night.It`s when I feel the worst. Anyway I did manage to get some stuff done. I made lunch for my family and I finished wrapping the Christmas gifts. I just feel tired right now.

[bizi]

Had a strong urge to drink last night (screamed in my head " I want a drink") as I was overwhelmed with paper work.
Usually I drink when I do paperwork. I resisted though!
sigh
Was able to finish making a deposit, jeff dropped it off at the bank for me.
I decided to try to take a bath, I was really tired/achey ...discovered that I was not a bath person, had used some epsom salts. The water was hot enough but the tub was too small.
I will stick with my infrequent showers. Which I love when I finally get in there!
Woke up early this morning due to a coughing spell left over from my cold.
I guess I should take something before leaving. I don't have to leave the house for an hour or so...should have gone back to bed but I woke jeff up coughing and did not want to bother him in case I would start coughing again.
So I am starting my 2nd cup of coffee.
yawn....
blah blah blah
bizi

[99fairies]

Congratulations on not drinking. That must have been hard, but you did it! You should be very proud of yourself!

[99fairies]

We got our Christmas shopping done yesterday so I'm glad to have that over with. Pdoc kept everything the same except he wants me to start taking klonopin before I go to bed Because I've been waking up with panic attacks during the night. Looks like my 8 year old has pink eye... Oh goody.



.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

Had a strong urge to drink last night (screamed in my head " I want a drink") as I was overwhelmed with paper work.
Usually I drink when I do paperwork. I resisted though!
sigh
Was able to finish making a deposit, jeff dropped it off at the bank for me.
I decided to try to take a bath, I was really tired/achey ...discovered that I was not a bath person, had used some epsom salts. The water was hot enough but the tub was too small.
I will stick with my infrequent showers. Which I love when I finally get in there!
Woke up early this morning due to a coughing spell left over from my cold.
I guess I should take something before leaving. I don't have to leave the house for an hour or so...should have gone back to bed but I woke jeff up coughing and did not want to bother him in case I would start coughing again.
So I am starting my 2nd cup of coffee.
yawn....
blah blah blah
bizi

CONGRATS, BIZI!

WC

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok. Not going to let myself get down for my gambling mess up. Hoping I've learned my lesson this time. Starting to get over this stupid cold. Hugs to everyone!!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Doing ok. Not going to let myself get down for my gambling mess up. Hoping I've learned my lesson this time. Starting to get over this stupid cold. Hugs to everyone!!

Glad you can forgive yourself and move forward.
Also glad you haven't recently had the severe bronchitis you were having previously.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by jmariah001

Feeling depressed and anxious. It has been getting worse since I put my cat to sleep. Tomorrow my husband starts work and I will be alone for a while. I am scared to be alone because of the depression. No alternative at this point. We need the extra income. I have the text 741 number to use. My husband will be unreachable. He is not allowed to have his cell phone on him. That is the part I am mad about. I feel I am heading down the hospital path. It is only december and I am already getting bad. I am sitting here just shaking. Every fall/winter is like this. What the hell do I do?

I am sorry you are suffering.

I am also sorry you have lost your cat. Do you have any other pets? If not, might you get one to keep you company?

Is it time for a med adjustment?
Is an intensive outpatient program available?
Have you let your pdoc know how much you are suffering?

Any friends/family to help with companionship?

I hope you have your needs met and feel better soon.

WC

[Moreta]

grumble grumble grumble. net neutrality died. grumble grumble grumble. I knew this would happen, so why am I even surprised.

Other than that I'm fine. Stayed up last night to watch the meteor shower. It was cool. Passed out for about an hour this morning in my chair. Husband woke me up when he turned off the tv. I could go for a nap but then i wouldn't sleep tonight. Still need to eat something. Just haven't been hungry today. Will make a protein shake soon. Husband is going to make mac and cheese for dinner tonight, we can always eat off that for a couple nights.

Man I can't wait to sleep tonight. ZZZzzzz

[Daonnachd]

jmariah, I’m sorry you’re feeling as you are. My best wishes for today and the days to come.

I’m just sitting here at work thinking about ECT tomorrow. To occupy my mind I’m reading a history of the Lord and Master Gray of Scotland in the late 1500’s in the era before the execution of Mary Queen of Scots. (Work is slow and quiet in the cemetery.)

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

jmariah, I’m sorry you’re feeling as you are. My best wishes for today and the days to come.

I’m just sitting here at work thinking about ECT tomorrow. To occupy my mind I’m reading a history of the Lord and Master Gray of Scotland in the late 1500’s in the era before the execution of Mary Queen of Scots. (Work is slow and quiet in the cemetery.)

I hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you.
Have you started to again collect your '80's music? What a tragedy; music collections are so special.

I've been trying to find an author I like. I have not read in so long now. I've been pushing myself to read more lately.


WC

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you.
Have you started to again collect your '80's music? What a tragedy; music collections are so special.

I've been trying to find an author I like. I have not read in so long now. I've been pushing myself to read more lately.


WC

Fortunately, there’s no real reason for my fear of ECT, no pain or such.

I haven’t started to replace my cd’s , yet. I’ve been listening to kdfc.com for their classical music.

When seeking a new author I turn to short story anthologies. The library has lots, but so does the used book store. WC, are you close to either?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Fortunately, there’s no real reason for my fear of ECT, no pain or such.

I haven’t started to replace my cd’s , yet. I’ve been listening to kdfc.com for their classical music.

When seeking a new author I turn to short story anthologies. The library has lots, but so does the used book store. WC, are you close to either?

Great suggestion! Thanks!
Yes, I am near libraries and used book stores. I found a lot of used books at the local senior center, too. (I was shocked with the size of their library.)

WC

[99fairies]

When my husband got the kids from school today he collapsed from crippling pain. He threw his back out and could not move his legs for 5 minutes. My dystonia is back too. But I can move around and he can't. So I have been pushing through to make supper, do dishes, And get the kids to bed. crappy day.

[xRavenx]

I feel I let a lot of people down. I have been constantly worrying about making everyone around me happy and worry a lot if people will be mad at me, if I can't do something for them. It's as if my co-dependent patterns coming back. Maybe I'll start watching self-help videos again. I see my pdoc Saturday. It's only been a few weeks, but it seems like ages. So much has happened within such a short amount of time.

Man, I’ve been through the wringer today. Craziness coordinating an issue between three vendors that my coworker would normally deal with, and he didn’t tell me something major before he took off for vacation.

I’m not used to this kind of chaos. My last company would use the best vendors. This one goes with the lowest cost. Lots of problems I can’t predict. Sigh.

I came home and swallowed my meds. Thank God for gabapentin. Whew.

their are some really lovely people left in the world... just saying

managed to get a local place to cook me a christmas dinner, and deliver it to where I am

just explained I was agoraphobic and couldn't get out to enjoy one, and they said leave it to us... we'll do it

ssooooo sweet of them!

sooo sweet

now I don't have to worry about over cooking stuff, or undercookin.

I think it's lovely what they are doing

gives me faith in humanity