[Altarian]

i'm alive so i guess that's something. a lot on my mind and was only made worse after my sister forced me to talk to her about what was going on so now i'm thinking about the stuff i pushed wwwwaaaayyyyyy down.

[liveforsummer]

Ok I’ve decided I am not going to talk about my sleep anymore. I’m sure I’m boring you all with it and it is what it is.

It’s another gorgeous sunny day here. My plan is to get the groceries accomplished, wash sheets and maybe paint some furniture.

I just posted on another thread that if I lost my current friends in life I couldn’t be bothered to make new ones. But ya know I was thinking...if PC held a big annual convention to meet eachother I think that would really be something!!

[Blueberrybook]

Gotta go grocery shopping this morning...one of my least favorite chores. I'm taking my daughter (aged 10 yr. with me). For some reason, she LOVES grocery shopping. I thought about going before she woke up, but I didn't want her disappointed and pouty. Can't wait to get that over with.

Hubby is off for Memorial Day, and he has one more week of school before vacation (daughter's school ended last Thursday). We are hoping and praying he gets an offer as a visiting professor at a university (he has a Ph.D.). He has been told the position is his from high ranking people in the dept. like the provost, but the university has a hiring freeze while they go thru an audit. Our luck. I hope he is not stuck teaching high school physics another year. It is hard to pay the mortgage and make ends meet on an high school teacher's salary.

Have people seen the viral video of the young man from Mali who saved the French child? He is a real hero. Sometimes we all need to see/read wonderful things for a change since so much that is reported is depressing. Here it is:

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/w...rom%20%251%24s

[GoldenSnitch]

I’m so tried. I did nothing all weekend. I’ve done nothing all morning at work. I’m so tired of these med changes and meds not working and side effects. I feel like I could just go off work and sleep and do nothing with my life. It’s too hard to be productive. Sorry for being a complainer. Just how I’m feeling today.

[Sunflower123]

Feeling better today. I slept for 12 hours so I must have been tired.

I’m trying to get things in order to go on vacation. We leave Saturday morning for 2 weeks in Florida. Looking forward to spending quality time with my family.

I’ll be able to pack myself and others this year as well as pack the car. This hasn’t been remotely possible in previous years. I’m grateful for small victories.

Sending hugs to all those that are struggling.

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Feeling better today. I slept for 12 hours so I must have been tired.


I’m trying to get things in order to go on vacation. We leave Saturday morning for 2 weeks in Florida. Looking forward to spending quality time with my family.


I’ll be able to pack myself and others this year as well as pack the car. This hasn’t been remotely possible in previous years. I’m grateful for small victories.


Sending hugs to all those that are struggling.

Enjoy your vacation!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Feeling better today. I slept for 12 hours so I must have been tired.

I’m trying to get things in order to go on vacation. We leave Saturday morning for 2 weeks in Florida. Looking forward to spending quality time with my family.

I’ll be able to pack myself and others this year as well as pack the car. This hasn’t been remotely possible in previous years. I’m grateful for small victories.

Sending hugs to all those that are struggling.

Yay for small victories!
I hope you enjoy your vacation.


WC

[Cocosurviving]

I’m feeling real good today. I’ve walked the dog twice. Had some lunch and took out the trash. I loaded the dishwasher. I talked to my daughter K who is IP. I’m younger daughter that is on vacation with her dad and his family....texted me. I’m going to run to the store later and get some ginger ale.

[downandlonely]

Have a good vacation Jennifer!

And glad you're feeling better Coco.

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I’m feeling real good today. I’ve walked the dog twice. Had some lunch and took out the trash. I loaded the dishwasher. I talked to my daughter K who is IP. I’m younger daughter that is on vacation with her dad and his family....texted me. I’m going to run to the store later and get some ginger ale.

I’m glad you’re having a good day!

[Unrigged64072835]

At least I cleaned the bathrooms before the heat wave came in. I was going to sweep the hallway and bathroom but it's too hot now. Still need to plan for next month but husband wasn't feeling well after being outside. The temps are supposed to go down this week, but we'll see.

Kids are helping their friend pack up for the move in July. His mother has been on the warpath as of late. He says he'll tough it out for the next 1 ½ months, but he may be out sooner than that. He also needs a car. Actually they all need cars, but we don't have the money for that. He might be able to stay with some other friends if he needs to. We just don't have the space to do it here.

Have trauma T tomorrow to followup on the EMDR I did last week. Have to order l-methylfolate. Also have to make another urgent appointment for the lump in my neck. Not looking forward to that.

I'm still doing pretty good mood wise. I was feeling kinda nostalgic and I was missing a few people, but I feel better now.

[giddykitty]

Got to visit my nephew again. Day 2 was better, plus the excitement of the new mattress.

As a result of that and this house guests visit coming up, I could not get back to sleep this morning. (Hate summer sun rising early). I'm either going to have to go to bed much earlier, like 9, or just get used to not sleeping for a few months. Couldn't even take a nap, that's what scares me. Too anxious about my to do list and excited too, plus the noise of the birds.

I'm wondering if this is my hypo. It's nice to have my mood lifting, but the anxiety is always there. I've got some serious things to talk about with my pdoc next week. I'm also going to bring up the weight gain and aches and pains. I'm stuck right now. Do I leave med as is or increase dose and add anti depressants and anti anxiety meds or do I wean off the Abilify and add the others. I'm not sure if the Abilify is even working anymore, or ever did. Was supposed to get better, then i got depressed. My up moods are probably about the same...maybe possibly milder, but the anxiety is still there. Sigh!

[pirilin]

Feeling groooovy./

[Faltering]

Alone today and feeling awful. What upsets me the most is that my mind isn't letting me have any true relaxation, so free time doesn't feel so free. I'm losing hope because I don't know what else can help if I'm already taking the max dose of Latuda. I'm also depressed about going back to work this week. I know my symptoms will only get worse.

I feel hopeless about my interview.

I've been practicing for about 12 hours everyday and I'm still not good enough. I know that with practice I'll get better, but it's a matter of how much practice I'm going to need and if I'll be able to get in enough practice in time

Of course, the recruiter never sent me anything yet about the interview prep. She's supposed to send me stuff eventually. I'm hoping she stalls a bit so that I can do more prepping, since I can sort of figure out what my interview is going to look like (based on what I've googled).

Otherwise, doing ok. Sleeping far too much. Perhaps I am just exhausting myself with all this work...

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Faltering

Alone today and feeling awful. What upsets me the most is that my mind isn't letting me have any true relaxation, so free time doesn't feel so free. I'm losing hope because I don't know what else can help if I'm already taking the max dose of Latuda. I'm also depressed about going back to work this week. I know my symptoms will only get worse.

I hate that you are suffering. I hope your pdoc can work with you to come up with a solution. I have BP1 and my first big depression I had success with Lamictal. Then two years later it stop working. Next I tried Zoloft it worked but I could not handle the side effects. Good luck

[Altarian]

not sure how i feel. got up enough energy that i vacuumed the AC so can use it for the summer, did half the dish's and pushed the couch back to where it belongs. packed some for my training and spoke to my wife. really wish she and i weren't so far apart right now. as much as she drives me up the wall i do hate when she's not there to annoy me.

[251turnaround]

I had an amazing day at work yesterday. I was almost sad to have to leave, lol.

This job is working out really well for me. I was too excited to sleep after coming home last night. I'm still running that energy wave right now and I'm loving it. I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow.

I am feeling extremely nautious.

I've been feeling like it since yesterday, but I can't get any relief from it.

not yet anyway

I have also had bad back pain yesterday which seems to have cleared up.

also had 1 seizure (also yesterday)

today I am also feeling quite depressed- bordering on suicidal thoughts, you want to know the only thing that's stopping me from actually reacting?

if I get up, I'm going to throw up everywhere (maybe)

well okay, maybe I'm not that suicidal- maybe I don't want to kill myself, but

Possible trigger:

a good cut wouldn't go a miss.

I need it

I have a new nickname for the place I am supposed to go to for mental health care. I'd share it, but it would be censored. I asked my mom to call because I'd ask one thing and they'd screw me over and I'd flip out at them and they'd probably block my number. I have other phones so if they did that I'd just keep calling from landlines, other people's cells, neighbors phones, the library, and that'd be harassment which I don't want to do because that's wrong but they would be deserving of it. They probably don't want to improve the functioning of their patients because then we would get them shut down.

Yesterday I saw a couple people I used to hang out with back when I was manic most of the time. Brought back a lot of memories and for a second I thought "maybe I really am unwell," just because back then I obviously was. Except if I was unwell I would think the people that are supposed to support me like my family and my doctor would be willing to help out a bit instead of ruining my sleep, keeping me from medication, stressing me out, and being unbearably passive aggressive. I KNOW if I go to the hospital it's not going to be any different. They're going to blame me, make me feel like crap, put me with a smelly snoring hyposomniac roommate, put me on meds that will make me worse probably put PCP in with whatever they put me on, and then send me home just as "delusional" and probably much more suicidal, possibly homicidal because THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT. I'll be 5x crazier and do something and wind up in jail because I can't do crap in jail and that's also what they want.

I'm going to go paint a fence. That sounds like a safe activity free from harm.

[GoldenSnitch]

I’m not having a good day. I’ve not been having a good day the last few days. I was hoping to get out of work early to go see t but my coworker didn’t show up and my boss isn’t here so I have to somehow keep it together enough to manage this place. I don’t think I’m in danger of actual suicide but self harm is an ever present danger and screwing up the good things I do have going on in my life right now.

[RainyDay107]

I am doing better since I posted last. I started Ketamine infusion treatment. It is helping me.

I do have a lot of IRL stress going on, things that matter to me so I’m having tears regularly. Not stay in bed crying, all day. But just a way of my body releasing some emotions.

Have had two families come look at my house, which went on the market a week ago. Our realtor gives me two hours notice via phone. For a quick vacuum and straightening up. My house is on a whole new level of clean and clutter-free now, as a result.

My therapist unexplicably is not contacting me back. A highly experienced, supposedly very good PTSD therapist. She has lied to me about the course of our treatment. I’ve spent thousands for ten sessions so far. She has overshared way too much in therapy. She is VERY financially motivated. She doesn’t remember what we did in sessions and these are weekly sessions. Maybe she forgot I’m a client.

I’m very discouraged about therapy now. I have had bad experiences with therapists. The clinical psychologist at the Ketamine center did a two-hour session with me during my first treatment. It was very helpful. She isn’t my official therapist, though.

I had my second Ketamine treatment yesterday and she wants me to stay in therapy. She knows I have (had?) a PTSD therapist and my pdoc wanted me to do EMDR. The psychologist wants me to do it, too, and thinks I’m ready. I am. But I no longer trust my PTSD therapist. There is no therapeutic bond and I think there never was one. %#&#-

My functioning is a lot higher since I posted last, especially agoraphobia. My depression has substantially lifted. My pdoc raised my Lexapro, which is a good med for me, and I think that and the Ketamine therapy helped.

I slept a full night’s sleep last night! My chronic pain is better, which is amazing. I realized that a lot of my chronic pain is triggered by stress and anxiety.

I am having stressful times and stressful times are in my future. I am trying very hard to help regulate my moods. I’m taking my meds, keeping appointments, and I even was able to go to some non-pdoc appointments I put off for over ten years due to psychological...reasons.

I have been angry and I’ve not suppressed it, which is progress for me. Anger is a complicated emotion for me.

[Dolphin1983]

It's been a few years. I'm back here because I'm struggling lately and I don't know where to turn. Does anyone go to in person group therapy? How did you find it? I go to one-on-one therapy weekly and I find it is helpful usually, but there are times when I need someone who is going through it rather than someone to lead CBT that seems repetitive. Dealing with bipolar and OCPD (which seems like a quiet/empty forum here?) is challenging right now.

[Dolphin1983]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I am feeling extremely nautious.

I've been feeling like it since yesterday, but I can't get any relief from it.

not yet anyway

I have also had bad back pain yesterday which seems to have cleared up.

also had 1 seizure (also yesterday)

today I am also feeling quite depressed- bordering on suicidal thoughts, you want to know the only thing that's stopping me from actually reacting?

if I get up, I'm going to throw up everywhere (maybe)

well okay, maybe I'm not that suicidal- maybe I don't want to kill myself, but

Possible trigger:

a good cut wouldn't go a miss.

I need it

Please don't harm yourself. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself?