[Wild Coyote]

A fair day.

Cooked/prepped for tomorrow. A couple of nieces are coming tomorrow. They are soooo interesting. Ages 21-31, these two. Very intelligent, with fascinating perspectives.

Hope to sleep tonight!

Love to All!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I'm upset.... just came off the phone to my Twin. She is my rock. We fell out she was drunk and was being sarcy. Snywsts long story short she wanted me to call her. She's been seeing a counsellor through her work since March 2017. It started off as a few sessions as she was having boyfriend trouble then it's escalated. She's never once told me.

She says she thought of killing herself in Dec 2017 cause my Dad was very nasty to her. He said she and I caused my Mum's heart attack and stroke (obviously we didn't but he blamed us as he normally does). He's never said to me I caused her health problems but he told my Sister (Twin). She says her ex boyfriend talked her down from doing anything. I'm like why haven't you turned to me. She's protecting me and I'm protecting her from bipolar.

I said I worry that the bipolar hits her and my Nephew. She has a higher chance being my identical twin. I'm the only one in the family with a diagnosed mental illness.

We cried a lot. We were on the phone for an hour and a half and it's 1:45am. We are all stressed and wired cause Mum is home and is still unable to communicate with us like she use to. My Sister and I are mourning the lost of our Mum as it looks like she's not here half the time.

I just want my Mum back she's only 62. Still young. I want to do the stuff we use to do together but that's never going to happen.

(((((( Miss Laura ))))))

[yellow_fleurs]

Feeling accomplished that I got an insurance issue for an outpatient procedure figured out. I am supposed to have an interview tomorrow for a temp job, but requires a lot of standing, and due to joint pain maybe won't be the best choice.
I am super relieved that I get to continue seeing my psychiatrist, because I wasn't sure, and I really need him to help me figure this whole thing out. He said I have a 'convoluted' history, and I honestly question if some of my issues are related to years of undiagnosed Lyme disease. He did ask me about neuro Lyme disease, but no one ever really said I did or did not have that so not sure. Hope he doesn't give up on treating me if I am complicated, I am used to that with the complicated Lyme disease stuff when a specialist thinks they cannot help me. Once we get my moods stable for awhile, hopefully he can help me figure out if I need a neuropsych eval or something.

[xRavenx]

Hi everyone. It's been a while. I have been rapidly cycling lately. There was a period of time that I was feeling pretty euphoric, but that lead to me spending a lot of money, and I think everything is beginning to cave in. Recently, it is as if a switch went off where I am noticing irritability. I'm getting signs that a depression is coming my way. I was feeling overly confident, and all of the sudden, my self-esteem dropped dramatically.

Possible trigger:

Tonight, I am getting intense thoughts of wanting to cut myself.

I am scared, and these feelings won't go away. I don't know what I will do to feel better.

Checking in as usual.

Operation INFEKTION was a KGB disinformation campaign to disseminate information that the United States developed AIDS as part of a biological weapons research project at Fort Detrick, Maryland.

The Soviets used INFEKTION to undermine the United States' credibility, foster anti-Americanism, isolate America abroad, and create tensions over the presence of American foreign military bases, often portrayed as the vectors of AIDS outbreaks in host populations.

27 years after the fall of the Soviet Union at the dawn of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, imagine the depth and scope of the modernized disinformation campaigns that undoubtedly pervade our consciousness and very existence. Is anything we are told true? Do you care?

[yellow_fleurs]

3 am and no sign of being tired. Otherwise feeling fine so far. Maybe just had caffeine too late in the day, but think it should have worn off by now? Not sure. I haven't been sleeping enough lately, but also not having too many other concerning symptoms.

[RainyDay107]

The Struggle.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm so sorry for everyone struggling.

I'm doing fine but went for a run this morning that was too long considering I need to gain weight and with running like that, I should eat more than I do. I eat fairly normally now except for a few foods I still can't stomach after ulcer surgery, but I think I need to eat more for the amount of exercise I do. I don't look horribly thin, but my doctor is not happy with my BMI.

Today, I want to work more on my music playlist, clean junk programs from my computer, and continue to read my library book. I am halfway done now, and it's great that I am able to concentrate enough to read again. Maybe a nap after all that exercise

My mood is pretty good. Hopefully not hypomanic. I once had a 6 month stable period and would LOVE to get back to something like that again. Fingers crossed. Adderall has been awesome for my sex drive which has been MIA since right before I got pregnant with my daughter. That has been a welcome side effect.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by RainyDay107

The Struggle.

You are such a beautiful person, so much love and compassion for everyone. I have a great deal of love and respect for you.

I am so very sorry you are suffering right now.
I wish I could take away the struggles.

You are loved.

WC

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I'm so sorry for everyone struggling.

I'm doing fine but went for a run this morning that was too long considering I need to gain weight and with running like that, I should eat more than I do. I eat fairly normally now except for a few foods I still can't stomach after ulcer surgery, but I think I need to eat more for the amount of exercise I do. I don't look horribly thin, but my doctor is not happy with my BMI.

Today, I want to work more on my music playlist, clean junk programs from my computer, and continue to read my library book. I am halfway done now, and it's great that I am able to concentrate enough to read again. Maybe a nap after all that exercise

My mood is pretty good. Hopefully not hypomanic. I once had a 6 month stable period and would LOVE to get back to something like that again. Fingers crossed. Adderall has been awesome for my sex drive which has been MIA since right before I got pregnant with my daughter. That has been a welcome side effect.

What about a protein powder made for weight gain? I got some for my youngest son - hes undetwrigh and runs too- but he wont touch the stuff.

It's my grandma's 86th birthday. Not the one with dementia, but the other one. We're going out to eat, then having cake when I get to my parents' house.

Should be fun, but the restaurant is about 40 mins from my place (I'm supposed to meet them there). It'll take a while for me to get there, but it's so worth it.

I'm just glad that my grandma is doing better after having a pulmonary embolism and then pneumonia. She's getting better—a lot better—but still having some pneumonia symptoms.

[pirilin]

So much to catch up to. So much time wasted.
The stuff is responding. Me?, sometimes yes.
The will is there. It's the mileage of my bones interfering.
I pray I'm out of shape. That can be corrected.
If it's Chronos acting up, I'll go slower.
Winning is the most important. But is not all.
Competing is the 2nd best. I'm competing LOL.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Hi everyone. It's been a while. I have been rapidly cycling lately. There was a period of time that I was feeling pretty euphoric, but that lead to me spending a lot of money, and I think everything is beginning to cave in. Recently, it is as if a switch went off where I am noticing irritability. I'm getting signs that a depression is coming my way. I was feeling overly confident, and all of the sudden, my self-esteem dropped dramatically.

Possible trigger:

Tonight, I am getting intense thoughts of wanting to cut myself.

I am scared, and these feelings won't go away. I don't know what I will do to feel better.

Hi! It has been awhile!
So sorry you are having a tough time.

WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Back on for a while (I hope)...

We had a lightning strike blow up our internet gateway router yesterday. Literally smoked it. The electricity was still on in the house--a large electromagnetic pulse went through the broadband supply wires. It also fried my husband's switch. Thankfully all the other Web devices are good. My husband was upset and low for a bit. We got the new router a few hours ago. Now we're back up again. More thunderstorms are forecasted for next week. I just hope they're not as bad.

We had one of these strikes a few years ago and it fried the network ports on everything that was connected. Grateful that it didn't happen again.

Other than that, life is going on as usual.

Hugs for all of you!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Back on for a while (I hope)...

We had a lightning strike blow up our internet gateway router yesterday. Literally smoked it. The electricity was still on in the house--a large electromagnetic pulse went through the broadband supply wires. It also fried my husband's switch. Thankfully all the other Web devices are good. My husband was upset and low for a bit. We got the new router a few hours ago. Now we're back up again. More thunderstorms are forecasted for next week. I just hope they're not as bad.

We had one of these strikes a few years ago and it fried the network ports on everything that was connected. Grateful that it didn't happen again.

Other than that, life is going on as usual.

Hugs for all of you!

Wow! You didn't need that on top of everything else!
I am glad you are back!

WC

[Scooter9]

Another low day but I'm here and alive - something to be glad about.

I had several arguments with my wife today. All centred around how little I'm getting done around the house. I explained that I'm depressed and have little motivation. She doesn't understand. In her world you just get up and start doing things... you don't need motivation to do that, according to her. And this is not the first time I have tried to explain depression to her. Oddly, my son understands.

I going out to a friend's place later. There will be drinking involved. Yeah I know. Not like I do it every day and I stop before I get drunk - my meds significantly lower that threshold.

[Blueberrybook]

I had to go out for groceries. It was insane! The store was giving free eye exams and immunizations to school age children in one part. If I had known that beforehand, I would have gone to the slightly more expensive grocery store across the street. I hate shopping with so many people in the store.

It didn't do my past with an eating disorder any favors either. I don't know if it was the particular store I was at, the day or what. In a place crowded with maybe 250-300 people, maybe 50 people were not highly overweight. And half of that 50 were kids. ED thoughts don't want to go away when it's such an epidemic visible all around you. Having a bit of a hard time with those thoughts today, not sure why.

I never should go shopping Saturday or Sunday afternoon. It's always crazy anyway, not to mention now people are buying back to school supplies too. I don't work, so I could just as easily have gotten groceries another day. The thing is, I hate grocery shopping so much, I put it off as long as possible, and then we are out of tons of stuff, requiring a longer shopping trip as well. Today, I had just pushed my luck; we were out of too much stuff. On top of it, it feels horrible outside. It's 96 degrees, feels like 107 with the humidity.

I also needed to get gas, and since they had pumps at the store, I figured I'd gas up there. Huge mistake! Not to mention, I drive a Subaru Forester. Probably 95% of the vehicles out there gas up on the left side, the driver's side. But for some reason, the Forester (at least the version I have, which is an old one, a 2004 model) gasses up on the right side of the vehicle. It makes it so inconvenient when fuel pumps are busy. Then, you get stuck in there, someone gets behind you, someone else is at the pump in front of you...it was nearly as bad as gassing up pre-tropical storm or hurricane heading this way except the pumps still have fuel.

Ugh. Going to put away the dishes in the dishwasher, take my afternoon meds, maybe read a bit.

[bizi]

here,,,drunk...
bizi

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by bizi

here,,,drunk...
bizi

Be safe....

[yellow_fleurs]

Can't or don't feel like sleeping again tonight. I think a bit of both. I will sleep at some point, but my mind and body are fighting it. Otherwise doing okay.

mainly been in a good mood on the weekend which is cool.

guess the only thing to say really is I've still not slept, I am unable to lie down- and for someone who struggles with fibro, that's not always the best.. luckily the pain the last few days hasn't been too bad

I honestly feel guilty for not saying more.

but their is nothing to say

...

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

mainly been in a good mood on the weekend which is cool.

guess the only thing to say really is I've still not slept, I am unable to lie down- and for someone who struggles with fibro, that's not always the best.. luckily the pain the last few days hasn't been too bad

Sorry about that. I understand about the fibro. I have it too. I guess today is so-so, could be worse, could be better.

I am exhausted. My daughter had insomnia AGAIN last night. However, I think I made the connection but don't know what to do about it. At the end of June, my youngest sister and I drove up for a long weekend with our middle sister in the Dallas area (it's a long drive, not one you undertake regularly) for a sister's weekend. My husband took care of our daughter. I had been giving my daughter children's allergy medicine daily because she has bad allergies to pollen, ragweed, tree pollens, etc. Most of the time, she gets it daily because her allergies are bad. Sometimes the warm weather here will even make some plants go into a 2nd springlike state, even if one day last winter we had snow flurries (an event that happens here roughly every 10 years). So it's not the greatest area if you have outdoor allergies.

When I found out she hadn't had her allergy medication and was doing OK, I stopped giving it to her. I thought about it this morning and realized her sleep problems had really gotten awful since the end of June, and of course, they often tell adults to try Benadryl if you can't sleep. I had better buying my daughter a children's generic allergy medication from Walgreens that I thought was basically the equivalent of children's Claritin. I looked at the box today. It's the children's equivalent of Benadryl, and because of her age/weight, she recently went up a pill on the medication.

I just want to go back to giving her the allergy medication because I think she'd start sleeping better, but I'm not sure that's the best course if she is not having issues right now. Today, I will call the pediatrician's office and talk to the nurse. If the nurse doesn't know the answer, she will pass on the message to one of the doctors there and call back.

Now I feel like a bit of an idiot for not thinking of that sooner.

My husband is against giving her melatonin even though the pedi's office suggested that during a different phase of insomnia on the allergy medication (though that period, my daughter was making leaps & bounds academically, figuring out multiplication on her own, how to write numbers in different bases, jumping up to beyond 12th grade in her reading level). I was told that could cause her to have sleep issues, and the problem went away. My husband did not want to do the melatonin. But maybe they might suggest something like a melatonin taper, that wouldn't be permanent, and it would be better than giving her allergy medicine nightly.

I woke at 3 AM because of my daughter's issues. I took a long walk before the sun really came up (we have a heat advisory today & tomorrow from 8 to 8; they think the temperatures could hit record levels, even outside of Houston and closer to the coast). However, though the old part of La Porte is very close to the coast and there are some coastal houses, it is not a very big coast the city has (which is nice, few tourists go to the beach, better for the locals), so most of it is inland (our house about as far inland as the city goes. Before one hurricane (Hurricane Rita, the one everyone panicked about because it was on the heels of Katrina), my husband looked up our house on the sea level map and basically it is as high as it gets in this city (still not very high but enough that it doesn't flood or hasn't yet since it was built in 1964, fingers crossed). Rita was an awful hurricane (it did do destruction to many areas, just not this area as they thought it would); it didn't hit Houston despite predictions, the evacuation was not well planned; over 100 people died in the heat and in their cars trying to evacuate. I remember being in the car stuck in gridlock over 24 hours. That happened about a month after we moved into our house too, just as we'd finished unpacking. Welcome to your new home.

Don't know what I'll do today. I think after lunch, I will take my afternoon meds (Klonopin, propranolol & hydroxyzine) and lie down and try to sleep again. They are all anxiety meds and can have the effect of making you drowsy, but I can take them daily and still function, so we'll see. I usually just take 1/2 of the hydroxyzine pills, but I am prescribed 1/2 to 1 pill, and I might take the whole pill. I used to take a higher dose of hydroxyzine with Trazodone for sleep, and it mostly worked until it didn't.

I want to read more of my library book. I don't think I will be able to finish the book for my neighborhood book club because I've been on a nearly 100 person queue from this library book, meaning I can't re-check it, and if I don't finish, I have to return it, put in another hold request, and go back to the end of the queue. I think it was 4 or 5 months before my turn came around; I'd forget it all before then.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hugs to everyone and double for those who are struggling.

Been doing five loads of laundry. Vacuumed the living room and master bedroom. Daughter has been packing for her move on Friday. My husband has been with her for parking practice and getting driver hours. I'm sweaty and tired, and I'm sure they are too.

Been pretty quiet otherwise. I'm anxious, though, for this week. Lots of things happening.

[Blueberrybook]

Started my period today...ugh. No wonder I've been tired & cranky. It sucks post-ulcer. I can't take NSAIDs like Midol any more, only Tylenol.