[hopeless2015]

Sending HUGS out to you all

Haven't been posting much, just checked calendar and I've been sick for 20 DAYS with this bronchitis!! 2 trips to convenient care and 1 to my GP. The cough is finally better but I am super sore. Hurts all the way through from my ribs to my back. Any little activity and I'm out of breath.

The good out of this is I have also not had as cigarette in 20 days!!!

[MJLouise]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Great idea to supervise from the couch. I have utmost respect for parents doing their best to be there for their children. It's a nice balance that you also give your children responsibilities.

I hope the Wellbutrin helps!


WC

Thanks me too if it works and I get on the right med combo I can start living again which will be sooo much better for my kids. No more tired depressed mom. I need my mojo back. I’d love to go do yoga with my daughter at the gym but haven’t been able to do yoga in years.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Sending HUGS out to you all

Haven't been posting much, just checked calendar and I've been sick for 20 DAYS with this bronchitis!! 2 trips to convenient care and 1 to my GP. The cough is finally better but I am super sore. Hurts all the way through from my ribs to my back. Any little activity and I'm out of breath.

The good out of this is I have also not had as cigarette in 20 days!!!

I have been thinking of you and have been wondering how you are doing. I know bronchitis hits you very hard. I am very glad to hear from you!

Yes, there's a nasty virus going around. I think H and I are on day 14. We are slowly improving with the use of inhalers.

Please take care!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I am so stressed and overwhelmed today. I’m caring for two family members in poor health and trying to keep a household running while dealing with this mental illness and a non functioning right hand. That’s small potatoes to some of the situations I’ve seen on here, I know. I wish I could be less uptight and stressed. I’m getting short tempered and resentful.

What do you do when you are overwhelmed?

Venting here really helps (....deep breath).

Wow! You have a lot on your plate!

It can be very depleting to be a caretaker. Especially with two to care for, in addition to oneself.

I was exhausted all of the time when my mother was laid up for prolonged periods of time. I do all of the cooking, etc. I helped her get dressed and do her PT, etc., etc. My H can be a big help.

I have to take timeouts. I take time in my room where I can shut the door and listen to music, etc. I also try to get out of the house to do something recreational. It does get stressful!

I don't know how you handle two!

Much Love!
Thinking of you!


WC

[wildflowerchild25]

The funeral was absolutely awful. I had no idea how much I’d be triggered. Just seeing his fiancé caused me to break down In tears because it brought it all back. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I really thought I would be ok but I wasn’t.

I’m going to be gentle with myself and hopefully fall asleep early. I slept horribly last night. Only got about four hours. I guess I was up thinking about the funeral.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

The funeral was absolutely awful. I had no idea how much I’d be triggered. Just seeing his fiancé caused me to break down In tears because it brought it all back. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I really thought I would be ok but I wasn’t.

I’m going to be gentle with myself and hopefully fall asleep early. I slept horribly last night. Only got about four hours. I guess I was up thinking about the funeral.

You were very courageous to attend.
My heart goes out to you.

WC

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh, started a post, and the computer froze.

Regarding trying to repair my relationship with my daughter (nearly 11 years old).I am grateful it does not seem to be too late to work on it. T tells me look at the big picture, think of what my options and behaviors might be and which will cause more harm in the long run before taking action I am likely to later regret.

Yesterday, I was tired after dinner. H had to work late, and my daughter was bored. I didn’t have energy to do much but thought I could at least put together a boxed no bake dessert kit. I asked her if she wanted to do that, and she was immediately washing her hands and ready. I messed up on the first step (not on purpose either, luckily not affecting the overall dessert), but my daughter found it funny and insisted she read all the directions.

She had fun making the dessert, and it tasted good after the refrigeration time, but first, it gave me time to praise her for various parts of the assembly, and then afterwards, she started talking to me, a lot. Not about surface stuff, which had been the situation lately, but things going on at school with her friends, etc. Not as much as she talks to H, but at least a start. H and she have talked about deeper issues, but at least it is a start. I had no idea doing so little would make her so happy and open up so much. In fact, I don’t think she stopped talking for over 2 hours, and that was once H got home, and it was her bedtime.

So, wow. So little can do so much for a kid.

I played with her most of today (I had promised to earlier in the week due to her extremely good behavior when I slept in on Tuesday and she rushed getting ready for school, something neither of us likes). I played her doll game, which is very tedious and long, but she loves it. We took a few breaks like for lunch, feeding the cats, but we ended up playing a lot longer than I had initially promised, which made her extremely happy. I didn’t play that much longer to get into her good graces, more because she didn’t seem to want to end the play, but by 3 PM, I was tired and she wanted to do a game on her tablet. I definitely needed some down time before making dinner.

Tired, but happy too about being given more chances than I deserve with my daughter. I have.a resolution (though it is not New Years) to do my best to be a better mom to her. I am going to find out and list things we can do when I am verytired, upset, hurting, panicky.

Also discussing with H consulting a lawyer to sue regarding malpractice and the part of the psych ER the police took me to) still demanding money too), but the place treated me terribly, not letting me use the bathroom for over 3 hours when I’d told the policeman I had to go on our arrival. The policeman was actually just doing his job, I think. 2 or 3 times he nearly took me to the bathroom until the psych place said not too. What on earth? I was so desperate, I would have peed in a cup and consented to them testing for everything under the sun. H wants to look at malpractice lawyers, getting opinions there as the psych ER did a lot of things wrong, insisting the policeman handcuff me to a bench. I had been 100% cooperative, not causing a scene, no yelling or dramaticsin fact he left me unrestrained until they told him to restrain me. Many other things too. H thinks it is worth looking into suing them because they violated at least half the patients ‘ bill of rights in psych cases (even involuntary ones like mine). I do not blame the policeman at all. He wanted to do the least stressful thing and see to needs like needing the restroom until the psych people told him no.

But oh, well. That is for another day,

[Wild Coyote]

Blueberrybook,

I am thrilled for you and your daughter!
Really great news!

It sounds like you were mistreated in that whole deal with the police/psych place.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

I've had a pretty good day.

I had cut down on the inhalers because they were making me speedy, impulsive, agitated.

One of my nieces visited today. She has already had the virus and wanted to come by. She is a real sweetie! We'd visited for 4 hours, while playing cards for the last 2 hours.

I have now doubled my Lamictal. I hope I can tolerate it. I hope it helps.

Love to All!

WC

[TheSeaCat]

I slept most of the day, I'm not depressed but for some reason I wanted to sleep till 5pm. I'm still getting indigestion even with the Prilosec, it's not as severe but it's still bugging me. I'm also still pretty anxious even with the increase of Buspar.

I hope everyone is having a good night.

[Sunflower123]

WC - sounds like you had a nice day. That’s great.

I hope the Lamictal is tolerated and you do well on it.

[Sunflower123]

I finally escaped the house for a while and bought some beautiful clothes for fall (on a really good sale). Then I took my dog for a long walk while listening to my playlist and ate a healthy dinner. Much more zen now.

There’s a thread here about Automatic Negative Thoughts that was an eye opener for me. I read the worksheet and am guilty of almost every one of them. I’m going to work hard on changing this to cut down on the stress and suffering which is large part within my control.

Thanks for the advice and the hugs and allowing me to vent. You folks are a life saver. Please bear with me as I work on eliminating ANTS.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

The funeral was absolutely awful. I had no idea how much I’d be triggered. Just seeing his fiancé caused me to break down In tears because it brought it all back. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I really thought I would be ok but I wasn’t.


I’m going to be gentle with myself and hopefully fall asleep early. I slept horribly last night. Only got about four hours. I guess I was up thinking about the funeral.

I’m so very sorry you are going through this. Be extra kind to your self hun

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

The funeral was absolutely awful. I had no idea how much I’d be triggered. Just seeing his fiancé caused me to break down In tears because it brought it all back. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I really thought I would be ok but I wasn’t.

I’m going to be gentle with myself and hopefully fall asleep early. I slept horribly last night. Only got about four hours. I guess I was up thinking about the funeral.

What a difficult day. Take care and go easy on yourself

[Moose72]

Blueberrybook, im glad you got to play with your daughter as much as you did. I do understand needing a nap too.

N3s play went very well! I took pictures. N2 seemed calmed down when we got home.

I wrote to my sister this morning about my dad's visit. My brother, who lives with my dad, happened to be at her house then so read what I wrote. My sister, for very understandable reasons, suggests the most aggressive actions in regards to my elderly alcohol abusing psychologically unwell dad. I'm somewhere in the middle. My brother leans the opposite end from my sister. He thinks dad will have to just make up his own mind about rehab and psych help or be forced into it because of a dui or the like. Since my brother lives with him, I kind of let him take the lead.

My dad now does recognize that he has problems. He told me that a psychologist acquaintance is supposed to be helping to set up an appointment for him with her colleague. I truly hope that comes to pass, and soon, and that it yields positive results.

Christopher Walken was the last person to see Natalie Wood alive.

I slept much better! About six hours? I still woke up way too early at 4:00am but i don't mind. I'll get an early start on the day and hopefully get a lot done. Maybe i won't be a long sleeper anymore?

[Moreta]

I got my power back around 1 PM yesterday. Food was still good since I took my frozen stuff to my neighbors and put the refrigerated stuff in a cooler. It got cold here. It's in the 40s now. Not a fan. Makes everything hurt. 0/10 not a fan.

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I slept much better! About six hours? I still woke up way too early at 4:00am but i don't mind. I'll get an early start on the day and hopefully get a lot done. Maybe i won't be a long sleeper anymore?

I was sleeping 10+ hours a night up until last night, where I got 6.5 hrs. I felt TONS better after getting less sleep. I don't know what it is with sleep, but I seem to do better with less. I was just stuck in a bad cycle of going to bed early and waking up early (e.g., going to bed at 7pm and waking up at 5am, sometimes 6am.).

I hope you have a good day. I'm hoping my day is better with less sleep.

I think I need to go off lamictal, as much as it's helped me. It's just making me itchy all over.

I'll have to tell this to my pdoc on thurs. I don't know what he's going to do about it. Hopefully at least reduce the dose. And I hope to god I don't get depressed from reducing the dose.

So many hugs for the fine people here. I think of you all.

Wildflowerchild, my heart goes out to you. It was brave of you to go and I'm so sorry the impact was more than you anticipated. I don't really know how to express what I feel, but wish I could give you a very big hug. You are brave and strong,

Doing well here. I am within a few days of being truly free. (That he will be totally packed up and out of the old place and on his way to another state and that I can get my deposit back and get on with my life.)

I am VERY much looking forward to that.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Doing well here. I am within a few days of being truly free. (That he will be totally packed up and out of the old place and on his way to another state and that I can get my deposit back and get on with my life.)

I am VERY much looking forward to that.

(((((( Innerzone ))))))

This has been a very difficult situation. You have handled this with grace. You have my admiration.



WC

[Faltering]

My OCD-like thoughts are getting worse on Adderall. I feel like I have to reread things until I'm satisfied I have read it exactly as it was written. I also have to say certain thoughts aloud. It's not a big deal to me though and I don't want to tell my pdoc in fear he'll take me off Adderall.