[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Had another great night with RS. I know it’s very soon but he met my son and hung out with him for awhile. My logic is that my ex met my son later and he didn’t like him and didn’t like how I parented so I want to know now if they can get along because I’m not gonna waste my time on someone who doesn’t like my son. Thankfully they got along great even though my son acted like a complete fool alll night. Not like a brat, he wasn’t being disrespectful or anything, but he was WAY too excited about the whole thing. AND he told RS that I said I hoped he would be my last boyfriend 😩😩😩 I had said that to my son a couple of nights ago. I was SO embarrassed. We haven’t even called each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet, I mean it’s only been five dates. Damn my son lol.

But anyway it was a great night and I’m looking forward to many more with him.

"out of the mouth of babes!" Lol. I would have been embarrassed, too.
I am glad it went well tonight!


WC

[Blue_Bird]

4 hours of sleep again Don't think I'll be able to get back to sleep tonight. Not sure what's going on. I can try taking Trazodone the next night I guess. I tend to avoid it because it gives me super intense, vivid bizarre dreams. The other problem is I have class on Monday and I don't want to go to bed tomorrow night and end up sleeping 15 hours and missing it, it's the last week of classes before I take my final exam.

[beauflow]

I'm sorry to everyone for being long winded and negative lately.
Not my best doodle but peaceful... well to me.

Wanted to share something positive

[Lefty Seven]

I'm updating my friend's resume again:

"Nominally hired as front desk worker; drafted as sole native English speaker into facilitating a headstrong Chinese subsidiary's tragicomic venture into a cachet technology they didn't understand."

Sugarcoating this has proven challenging.

[nikon]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Feeling kind of depressed still.

Also, something scary happened this morning: My therapist broke into my apartment and started yelling things at me, but I couldn't see her anywhere. She was telepathically yelling at me. Then I heard banging that got progressively louder. I don't know if that was her too. But then she left

i'm sorry you're experiencing this and having this terror in your life at the moment

I really, really, really, hate gloves

I hate the feel of them, I hate the sound of them, and I hate that they remind me so much of abuse

I say this because I had a really bad flashback last night to one of my old abusers and he was wearing ****ing gloves

I know I'm ranting about it, but it really, really irks me- when it ends and i'm shaking- well, something was- and I'm pretty sure that my shoulders and legs left my body to have their own little disco on the edge of a ****ing snowstorm

it was a hard night for me, and hard for me to remember all that abuse. I know that I probably need to get ridd of all the gloves I can find and ****ing burn them

going to the bathroom at 1 A.M was the thing that saved me. realised where I was and started to relax a little. I'm safe, warm and okay

so far today is going so slow
it's 10 A.M, and ffeels even earlier. it's a weird feeling

[Scooter9]

I was woken up really early by a remarkable dream. It was positive and made up of things I wouldn't have imagined on my own.

I wrote all the details in my journal and now I can't get back to sleep. That's ok I'm happy with having had the dream.

The mind is truly amazing!

[Unrigged64072835]

WC, Glad you’re feeling better physically. I’ve had bronchitis before and it was horrible.

I do hope your moods settle down, though. Could all the sensitivity be Med-related?

Lots of love!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I was woken up really early by a remarkable dream. It was positive and made up of things I wouldn't have imagined on my own.

I wrote all the details in my journal and now I can't get back to sleep. That's ok I'm happy with having had the dream.

The mind is truly amazing!

That's great!

I had an extremely amazing dream one time. The beauty of the place I was in was breathtaking and surreal. I will always remember it

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I really, really, really, hate gloves


I hate the feel of them, I hate the sound of them, and I hate that they remind me so much of abuse


I say this because I had a really bad flashback last night to one of my old abusers and he was wearing ****ing gloves


I know I'm ranting about it, but it really, really irks me- when it ends and i'm shaking- well, something was- and I'm pretty sure that my shoulders and legs left my body to have their own little disco on the edge of a ****ing snowstorm


it was a hard night for me, and hard for me to remember all that abuse. I know that I probably need to get ridd of all the gloves I can find and ****ing burn them


going to the bathroom at 1 A.M was the thing that saved me. realised where I was and started to relax a little. I'm safe, warm and okay


so far today is going so slow

it's 10 A.M, and ffeels even earlier. it's a weird feeling

I'm sorry that you had to go through that

[Blue_Bird]

I was able to get back to sleep after taking trazodone and counting my breaths. I used DBT techniques to notice and acknowledge my thoughts of being frustrated that I couldn't sleep then let them pass through my mind and kept returning to my breath. Eventually I fell asleep

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Lefty Seven

I'm updating my friend's resume again:

"Nominally hired as front desk worker; drafted as sole native English speaker into facilitating a headstrong Chinese subsidiary's tragicomic venture into a cachet technology they didn't understand."

Sugarcoating this has proven challenging.

I have a hard time understanding your posts. LOL.

Crafting a good resume is like artwork. My son's life completely turned around when he spent $200 for a consult with an expert in his field on his resume. Then he started getting interviews, but before then it was almost zilch and super frustrating for both of us.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

WC, Glad you’re feeling better physically. I’ve had bronchitis before and it was horrible.

I do hope your moods settle down, though. Could all the sensitivity be Med-related?

Lots of love!

Hi Fharraige!
Thanks! I am truly grateful to be able to breathe with ease! Something I have taken for granted.

My pdoc and I have discontinued/decreased the more sedating meds. just one of the symptoms I'd had when revved up was sensitivity to noise. It's possible the sensitivity is due to these changes.

My moods are likely due to the same. They might settle down with time.

I hope you are comfortable (as in not in pain).

Thanks so much!
With Love and Appreciation,

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by beauflow

I'm sorry to everyone for being long winded and negative lately.
Not my best doodle but peaceful... well to me.

Wanted to share something positive

You are always welcome to take up as much space as you need!

Thanks for sharing this "doodle!" It's beautiful! I love the colors!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m glad your bronchitis is finally getting better.

I so understand what you going through, it’s a shyt place to be. The unknown to me is the worse. I hope you can level out.

I am grateful for your ongoing love and support!

With Love and Appreciation,

WC

[beauflow]

s

-----
I've gotten up, cried a bit like I have been doing for a few days and what seems to be my winter days for me... but did put dishes away. Didn't cry much either ((yay!)). My ex wanted to go to a few stores today, told him yesterday I'd go with him. I am looking forward to one store.
Been Obsessing a bit in my head, over upcoming medical Bills. I can see them generating on my insurance.
This is one thing added to lists of stress-- been"worried " about my urgent care bill from November due to a cyst I couldn't handle any more... and along with current doctor appointments going on..

I forget this year I signed up for HSA.. I just checked my HSA plan have enough to pay the urgent care bill at least. this makes me feel so relieved...

Decades of avoiding doctors because of a handful of reasons but also -- payment... was right on that line of I didn't make enough to really live, but I made enough that I couldn't get much help...((if I would have had a kid, I'd gotten help but no.. I couldn't do that for many reasons))....****** place to be and I sometimes thinks it's done on purpose ((like not personal but a "bigger plan"))).. any ways

Admittedly with other things this has been on my list of worry and be sure to not forget .

I've had an outbreak on my skin again, though another "this is life". I see general doctor tomorrow I am going to ask ... because this is fairly regular for me.. I saw an topical that I am wondering about... I am split in pills for this, like anything.

I never knew about these HSA plans before this employer, and my coworker friend explained to me what it was an how i could use it... I am glad right now I took his advice..

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am grateful for your ongoing love and support!

With Love and Appreciation,

WC

I'm glad you are over your bronchitis too and hope you feel better with your moods soon and find a soft landing to a healthier state.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I'm glad you are over your bronchitis too and hope you feel better with your moods soon and find a soft landing to a healthier state.

Thanks so much, tecomsin!
I am trying to take things step-by-step until things settle.
Trying to stay mellow at least until my sleep study is over with Monday night.
It was quite some time ago now that you were trying to help me sort out some of my sleeping issues. I really appreciate your very sincere efforts to be helpful and supportive.

With Love and Appreciation,

WC

[Moose72]

plain laziness?

I slept way in this morning. But I finally did the dishes and got a shower- and having coffee here at 2:45 pm! I was enjoying my dreams this morning. But I slept in till 12:30!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I was woken up really early by a remarkable dream. It was positive and made up of things I wouldn't have imagined on my own.

I wrote all the details in my journal and now I can't get back to sleep. That's ok I'm happy with having had the dream.

The mind is truly amazing!

Dreams are cool! Sometimes better than real life.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Fharraige!
Thanks! I am truly grateful to be able to breathe with ease! Something I have taken for granted.

My pdoc and I have discontinued/decreased the more sedating meds. just one of the symptoms I'd had when revved up was sensitivity to noise. It's possible the sensitivity is due to these changes.

My moods are likely due to the same. They might settle down with time.

I hope you are comfortable (as in not in pain).

Thanks so much!
With Love and Appreciation,

WC

I'm doing better. Will be really appreciative on Tuesday, though. I won't have to take Xanaflex as often and feel like a zombie all the time.

[tecomsin]

Well I am trying to find the right balance between rexulti and olanzapine so I sleep at night and am not having that heavy overmedicated feeling the next day or taking more than i need to. Last night I tried 1 mg Rexulti and 1.25 olanzapine.

It wasn't enough as I slept only till 5:45 am and didn't fall back asleep, so am tired today from lack of sleep. So I will try 2 mg rexulti and 1.25 olanzapine tonight. I am trying to figure out the lowest dose I can sleep through the night.

[Unrigged64072835]

I put a new song together from loops. It's really pretty. I would post a link to it but I don't have a Web site anymore and I don't want to get yet another account to like Soundcloud or something.

Did the laundry and put away some other stuff. Found a few tops that were on clearance so I don't feel too deprived. (Who am I fooling? I have half a closet full of clothes!!) I'll take a shower shortly and make dinner, then chill out for the night.

I see T tomorrow. RF nerve block on Tuesday, then no appointments until after Christmas. Woot!

Okay, I'm off. Lots of love and hugs to you all, especially for those who are struggling.

[Moose72]

Im feeling very midlife crisis lately. How does that mix with bipolar? I hate to think. This is no fun. Thinking of the old times- watching old movies, thinking of my honeymoon (divorced- why did i get divorced?), .... Just very down. Then tomorrow ill be back into slogging through the day. I need to do something but i am having a very hard time doing them. At least I showered today.

I guess I'm feeling nostalgic. At least my kids are still near me.

so the rest of the day... nothing special

got very little done

did end up having my roast this afternoon which was average (rated 5/10 on the rate your dinner thread), but nothing else to really write about

today is just what it was- hopefully tomorrow will be better (and I won't have any nasty flashbacks tonight)