[Scooter9]

I just saw Bohemian Rhapsody, the new movie about Queen and Freddie Mercury.

What a great movie, it was really well done. It brought back a lot of memories. I kept thinking about what I was going through at the time and lots was not good.

But that's ok. I'm here now to remember and enjoy what moments I did have. Just like Freddie, enjoying those moments that were nothing short of breath taking even though those moments in between were awful.

In other news, I got permission to use some copyrighted material in my book from the copyright owner. That's a big deal since that content is a major part of my book. It's always nice when I get permission like that - it's really validating that my work means enough to grant that important permission.

I had a really low day the other day and almost had a panic attack. It has been many years since I've had a panic attack. It built up really slowly over about half an hour and happened on a crowded train. It dissolved when my stop came up and I was able to get outside.

Even though I live with my family, I feel very alone. I think it's because I'm often thinking about my life the way it was before when my family was younger, when we were all together. I also feel guilty about that time in my life because I wasn't in contact with my sister or my mother. At least I can make up lost time with my mother now.

I try to practice gratitude every day.

Hugs to everyone that's struggling. Hang on, you have more to say and do in this life.

[Daonnachd]

I've got to go into San Francisco today. It always causes me a bit of anxiety. Bridges, earthquakes, people.

[Blue_Bird]

My power was out for about 12 hours (yesterday morning till 9:30 pm) because there was a fire in a manhole or something that caused an outage in this building. That was frustrating, I'm very glad it's back on

My classes are going well, I enjoy them a lot. Mood is good. I've been sleeping every night, having nightmares and waking myself up from crying in my sleep but it's not that big of a problem. It's happened 3 times, the only med change was starting seroquel at night almost a month ago. I normally have nightmares every night anyway but I never usually wake myself up cause I'm crying in my sleep so I'm not sure what's up with that.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I can't take this not sleeping anymore. Every effn night I get up around 3am. No matter what I take or what I do. I go to bed after midnight hoping I will be tired enough to sleep. But no nothing can be easy with my life FML

I have chronic sleep issues, too.

I've recently gotten my sleep study results and it tells me: my sleep is a mess. Lol. More specifically, it confirms apnea. The recommended treatment is c-pap.

Have you had a sleep study?

I feel your pain.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My power was out for about 12 hours (yesterday morning till 9:30 pm) because there was a fire in a manhole or something that caused an outage in this building. That was frustrating, I'm very glad it's back on

My classes are going well, I enjoy them a lot. Mood is good. I've been sleeping every night, having nightmares and waking myself up from crying in my sleep but it's not that big of a problem. It's happened 3 times, the only med change was starting seroquel at night almost a month ago. I normally have nightmares every night anyway but I never usually wake myself up cause I'm crying in my sleep so I'm not sure what's up with that.

It's great you like your classes!

Are you crying because you are sad about something, perhaps?


WC

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's great you like your classes!

Are you crying because you are sad about something, perhaps?


WC

Hi WC

Generally all the dreams are about

Possible trigger:

my moms death. she died from Leukemia 3 years ago. I've been having those types of dreams almost every day since she died and they're very graphic. but in one of the dreams I had recently I was about to commit suicide in it and I was crying in the dream and I woke myself up in real life because I was actually crying

[Blue_Bird]

Maybe her death is just hitting me now for some reason. I dealt with it surprisingly well when it happened. I was upset of course but almost numb I couldn't even cry at her funeral. but I was also on a ton of medication at the time. She was my best friend

Feeling a little better. Cognition is poor tho

Hugs to all who need them

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Maybe her death is just hitting me now for some reason. I dealt with it surprisingly well when it happened. I was upset of course but almost numb I couldn't even cry at her funeral. but I was also on a ton of medication at the time. She was my best friend

I am very sorry for the loss of your mother.
Losing a mother and a best friend can be devastating. There is no time limit on grieving;we grieve for as long as we need to grieve.

My heart goes out to you.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

I am having a terrible time. I wish I could be here more than I have been here lately. I am really struggling big time. I don't see a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

Love to All!

WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thinking of you WC

[pirilin]

Garage Sale Day 2:

I pass next a window that overlooks the street,
and I see an old Cadillac with a lot of stuff.
It's 9:40AM. I open at ten.

I opened at 10:10 and a lady comes almost running.
"Boy, you really open at ten".
It happened to be a reseller.
Of course, she didn't find any stuff, I'm not giving anything away.
But I took the opportunity to find about my prices.
I sell basically as she sells. Great. Now I hafta use my selling skills.

It rained for quite some time. Still, it didn't stop the determined ones.
It was powerpack day. I sold four. And manage to make a 25 dollar profit.
La Bruja sold three dollars, Yey!!!.
I also sold three flashlights, at a 40.00 dollar profit.
But that's sort of cheating, I bring 'em from China. That's my business.
I wanted this to be strictly junk that I won't use anymore.
Tomorrow I'll put more out. I need more money.

Almost at the end, two guys come looking for guns or ammo.
I showed a couple of pieces, but they were far away from motivating me.
I can get top dollar for those.
I had 100 bird bangers unfused. And frankly, I respect fusing.
I made 20 bucks profit, and got rid of a project I'll never do.

All in all, it was a better day. I got to meet my new neighboors from Texas.
We talked Texas, ranches and guns for a good hour and a half.

Tomorrow is liquidation day. I'll mark everything way down.
To get rid of it.
Less things going to Goodwill, and instant money in my poket.
Even if it will be the same money at the end in tax deductions.

Tomorrow's forecast in 100% rain all day.
Goodwill is going to have a feast.

Till the, wish me luck. I'll need it.

Cheers.

















to talk prices.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am having a terrible time. I wish I could be here more than I have been here lately. I am really struggling big time. I don't see a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.


Love to All!



WC

Day by day hour by hour minute by minute.

I’m so sorry for what is happening.

I know eventually things will be settled and you will get on with life.

The turmoil now is just so overwhelming , there isn’t even a word to describe it.

We are all here for you

[~Christina]

Sorry I just can’t respond individually my mind is muddled.

Everyone know my “ thanks” are my hugs. Tapatalk doesn’t have the option for hugs.

We have really cold weather coming for my area. About 6 years ago ALL our pipes froze and broke and even broke the toilets and faucets.

So when I see single didgets I get so spazzed up I stay up for days turning on water full blast every couple hours even tho every faucets are dripping so fast.. it took almost 5 weeks to get everything fixed. So a huge ptsd event for me.

I had to break down last night and take extra Xanax to finally sleep around 4am. I hate needing to take more. But I was at my wits end , I need sleep now so I can manage this week of hell weather.

If we get snow or ice we are screwed we live in bfe no one does anything about our roads. I just need Wednesday to be clear , I really “ need” to see my T Richard !

Everyone stay warm !

Hugs and no calorie cookies to everyone

I took a xanax at 4 am too, Christina! Knew I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep again, and am kind of sick of getting *maybe* 5 hours of sleep a night...

Well, I went on a hunt for the sneakers. At a giant mall. There are not enough curse words for how I feel about malls. I LOATHE them. (TG for ipods!!) And despite walking what must have been miles (foot not happy about that, though it is improved), no luck. Ugh and a half. I'm exhausted. There's one more place to call and see (it would be a VERY long series of bus rides, so much so that it shows as not do-able...probably because it would take hours. I'd need a totally free day to attempt it, but if they have them, I will!).

Going home now. Make something to eat. Maybe that will help. I HATE shopping. (All who believe all females love to shop take note, lol) ESPECIALLY when I know what I want...

That's been my day! Sorry for the ***** and moan, lol...

Oh, BP-wise, basically stable, a bit low, but I tried eliminating a med that it seems I need to put back in the mix...

[tecomsin]

My sleep has been getting better and I am down to 1.25 mg of olanzapine. In a few more days i will try to step off that to zero and just be on Rexulti and Lyrica at night. I've been waking up once or twice but quickly falling back asleep until about quarter til 8, so that is perfect really.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Innerzine, could you use Zappos for the shoes? I live in the middle of nowhere and need specific, extremely supportive shoes due to having had ankle reconstruction and I order them from Zappos all the time versus going to the city. Free shipping, free returns (so I order a few sizes if I'm not positive on the size) and they show up 24-48 hours after the order is placed.

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Innerzine, could you use Zappos for the shoes? I live in the middle of nowhere and need specific, extremely supportive shoes due to having had ankle reconstruction and I order them from Zappos all the time versus going to the city. Free shipping, free returns (so I order a few sizes if I'm not positive on the size) and they show up 24-48 hours after the order is placed.

Hmmm, I'll check them, thanks for the tip! I especially like the free returns bit!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I can't take this not sleeping anymore. Every effn night I get up around 3am. No matter what I take or what I do. I go to bed after midnight hoping I will be tired enough to sleep. But no nothing can be easy with my life FML

As a fellow person dealing with ridiculous insomnia I wish I had great advice but often my combo sucks and doesn’t work

Doxipin , Tenex Xanax, melatonin ( not sure that does anything but I just take it like my Vitamin D

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Hi WC


Generally all the dreams are about

Possible trigger:

my moms death. she died from Leukemia 3 years ago. I've been having those types of dreams almost every day since she died and they're very graphic. but in one of the dreams I had recently I was about to commit suicide in it and I was crying in the dream and I woke myself up in real life because I was actually crying

I lost to my Farther to leukemia he fought so hard and long. For me because of just watching him fighy daily and go through so many horrible side effects to meds and just the hell of cancer taking bit and pieces daily. I often have nightmares and in tears. He was my best friend.

[Wander]

Dazed and confused this morning and somehow my left ear is blocked which makes all sounds weird. Guess it will sort itself out. Can't seem to sleep much but I am afraid to increase the Seroqel as I have put on a little weight in the last two months on only 25mg. I am hoping my brain will naturally reset itself and relearn to sleep. Had fun last night. It was great to simply enjoy life, if even for a moment.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I took a xanax at 4 am too, Christina! Knew I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep again, and am kind of sick of getting *maybe* 5 hours of sleep a night...


Well, I went on a hunt for the sneakers. At a giant mall. There are not enough curse words for how I feel about malls. I LOATHE them. (TG for ipods!!) And despite walking what must have been miles (foot not happy about that, though it is improved), no luck. Ugh and a half. I'm exhausted. There's one more place to call and see (it would be a VERY long series of bus rides, so much so that it shows as not do-able...probably because it would take hours. I'd need a totally free day to attempt it, but if they have them, I will!).


Going home now. Make something to eat. Maybe that will help. I HATE shopping. (All who believe all females love to shop take note, lol) ESPECIALLY when I know what I want...


That's been my day! Sorry for the ***** and moan, lol...


Oh, BP-wise, basically stable, a bit low, but I tried eliminating a med that it seems I need to put back in the mix...

I’m so sorry you didn’t find what you needed... sometimes ( rarely) I love going and browsing individual stores , malls overwhelm me , too many people, tired crying children and giggling teen age girls , yelch no thanks !!!!!

I hope you find what you need at the other place. ( fingercrossed)

Your not moaning ! You have every right to bytch !!!!

Today I’m in a shyt mood myself , took a Xanax to try and chill. Here’s hoping we both can sleep tonight !!!!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

My sleep has been getting better and I am down to 1.25 mg of olanzapine. In a few more days i will try to step off that to zero and just be on Rexulti and Lyrica at night. I've been waking up once or twice but quickly falling back asleep until about quarter til 8, so that is perfect really.

Hope your able to drop it and continue to sleep well !!! Good for you

[winter loneliness]

I am Ok. Been a bit irritable. Going to dinner with friends tonight. No alcohol. Still dry January.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone hoped everyone had a lovely Satuday. I just love the weekends granted they always seem so short. I got to sleep in late which I love the weekend; I really loathe getting up at 6:30 to make myself presentable so when I get the options to sleep in until 8 or 9 I am all about that life.

I spend the day with M we got pizza and just hung around his place which sometimes it's nice not doing much of anything. We just kinda chilled on his couch we watched some of each others favorite movies and talking. It's moments like this that I just love; it really is the little things. I'm feeling myself fall for him more and more each day. He is such a kind gentle guy and I'm not used to that type at all. If we want to talk about my relationships all but S have turned out to be disastrous; where they were just all about themselves; a total jerk; and then the person who expected all the support but when it came to supporting me he couldn't do it.

My heart rate has been in some form of the 90's most of this week. It's so nice looking at my Fitbit or Pulse Ox and seeing halfway decent numbers and not feeling like my heart is trying to escape. I also haven't had any palpitations since he pulled me off those two medications. I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure one of those medications was causing them. I feel great on this one pill and I am totally shocked that I am a Cardiac Med that is working that is lowering that is making me feel 'normal'. I keep waiting for the numbers to shoot back up but it's staying right around 95-100 which for someone with my heart condition those are very good numbers. M is thrilled seeing normal numbers; I mean I'm probably not ever going to hit the 70's he stays around but I'm happy with those numbers. I don't feel like my heart is trying to make a break for it.

I also went to my Aunt's house to help my nieces with their Valentine's Box; the eight year old wanted a Panda Bear and the ten year old wanted a elephant.

When I got home I took a shower and applied a face mask since it is the weekend and I usually try to paper myself on the weekend.

I plan on attending church again tomorrow; maybe not Sunday School but at least Church and afterward getting lunch out.

Hugs to everyone