I'm feeling better???
I still want to hurt myself but I have energy and showered yesterday and went for a walk today and even had a nice short chat with a police officer looking for a dog. I have a feeling if I encounter anyone I don't like it's going to throw me off the cliff again though and I'm going to start yelling because I'm still irritable just nothing has annoyed me yet.
Sending hugs to all

Edit: wow, that didn't last long. I threw a chair and yelled so much at no one my throat hurts now. Scratched my arm again too just out of anger. I was productive though, threw some wood in the basement so not all bad?

I showered today and feel gross.

I had a lovely meeting with someone today to discuss mental health care

that said, all that talking has made me really thirsty

this afternoon all i've done is drink water (and go to the bathroom)

having chicken pizza for dinner which I hope is nice

I HATE this ******* job!!!!! Every ******* second of it!!!!! Almost started crying on the floor. It was all I could do not to just walk out the door. OMG, I loathe it so much.

I feel alright today -- not depressed at least! Just a little off.

[IssaColdWorld]

I don't feel good at all. I was fired from my job on Wednesday and today I have to pick up my final check. Going back to that job site is giving me so much anxiety!!

I knew I would lose this job after being diagnosed with Bipolar because I'm still in a state of shock.

On top of that my former boss is telling me I abandoned my job/voluntarily quit even though I have text messages of her telling me not to come back to work. Trying to get unemployment is going to be a mess. Ugh.

I'm going to put my big girl panties on and get through all this.

[Sunflower123]

Innerzone - I’m sorry you are having such a rough time. Is finding another job a possibility?

Spring, please come soon! I need you! I need that spring upswing, though I promise to keep it in check.

My mood and energy have dipped these last few days. Hopefully with hubby home I'll feel a little better. I'm frustrated that none of my plans for forward steps seem to be working out.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by IssaColdWorld

I don't feel good at all. I was fired from my job on Wednesday and today I have to pick up my final check. Going back to that job site is giving me so much anxiety!!

I knew I would lose this job after being diagnosed with Bipolar because I'm still in a state of shock.

On top of that my former boss is telling me I abandoned my job/voluntarily quit even though I have text messages of her telling me not to come back to work. Trying to get unemployment is going to be a mess. Ugh.

I'm going to put my big girl panties on and get through all this.

I hope you get unemployment with no trouble from your former job. Good luck.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Innerzone - I’m sorry you are having such a rough time. Is finding another job a possibility?

Thanks, Jennifer. I've GOT to find something else. There's no way I'll ever be happy here. I left my old job on good terms and would be welcome back (assuming they're in a position to hire). But that would put me back to about 3hours of commuting time (which, right now, sounds a-ok!) But I will try to find a new one first. Pronto!

I get left flapping in the breeze over and over and over. Something I can't do (as in literally), no one around, no answer on walkies or phone, ring, ring, no one will pick up. Customers glaring. **** this. And that's to say nothing of this nasty nylon shirt. TMI: It is impossible to stop sweating!! And man, I hate sweating. It is so gross! (And I have a mighty anti-perspirant, but it has clearly met its match(!)

I have a handle on virtually nothing. Completely overwhelmed. *Everybody's* got commentary -- what they don't like about this one or that one, getting bossed around by this lady who's not even my boss and I understand virtually nothing of what she says (very, very heavy accent and very limited English vocabulary). But somehow she manages to convey that I shouldn't be doing what I've been taught to do(!)

I have to look at a lot of tiny numbers, and I literally cannot make them out way too often. I know I need new glasses, but that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Sorry, starting to ramble...
I hate it so much....

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Thanks, Jennifer. I've GOT to find something else. There's no way I'll ever be happy here. I left my old job on good terms and would be welcome back (assuming they're in a position to hire). But that would put me back to about 3hours of commuting time (which, right now, sounds a-ok!) But I will try to find a new one first. Pronto!

I get left flapping in the breeze over and over and over. Something I can't do (as in literally), no one around, no answer on walkies or phone, ring, ring, no one will pick up. Customers glaring. **** this. And that's to say nothing of this nasty nylon shirt. TMI: It is impossible to stop sweating!! And man, I hate sweating. It is so gross! (And I have a mighty anti-perspirant, but it has clearly met its match(!)

I have a handle on virtually nothing. Completely overwhelmed. *Everybody's* got commentary -- what they don't like about this one or that one, getting bossed around by this lady who's not even my boss and I understand virtually nothing of what she says (very, very heavy accent and very limited English vocabulary). But somehow she manages to convey that I shouldn't be doing what I've been taught to do(!)

I have to look at a lot of tiny numbers, and I literally cannot make them out way too often. I know I need new glasses, but that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Sorry, starting to ramble...
I hate it so much....

I’m sorry. It sounds like the job from hell. I’m sending supportive vibes until you can hopefully get something else really soon. That much stress can’t be good for you.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I HATE this ******* job!!!!! Every ******* second of it!!!!! Almost started crying on the floor. It was all I could do not to just walk out the door. OMG, I loathe it so much.

Oh no I wish I had words to help but I’m coming up empty.

I’m so sorry this is happening can you continue to look for other work.????

My heart breaks for you :sadhug;

[Wander]

Had a really bad day yesterday (Friday). By the evening I wanted to harm myself. I got close but managed to keep control. This has scared me though. This morning I am feeling calmer. I hope it is a better day. Next Thursday I see my pdoc. I think I can make it till then but hope things improve by then. See my T Wednesday as well so I should be ok. If I have another crisis in between I guess I will have to put in my safety plan but I really don’t want to go IP. I just started university.

[beauflow]

After reading others idk if i want to check in, many well thoughts... i hope things work out for everyone.
One step at time, and we all can do what we can, as we go a long.

me, Im okish.... just been trying to figure out what's going on with me physically ((and not harp on things i cant control)). I have felt better but not 100%.

I could write a lot but will try not to.
I just need to take one step at a time- see what the endoscopy and ultrasound say.
Guess i should had went to the ER but-- IDK, a lot there - I explained why I did not and some agreed that i may have just been sent home and told to continue seeing general doc.
I had a moment with my urine that i joked around that I wondered if I was rotting from the inside out
sorry, i can have strange sense of humor at times, I am trying my best and right now I don't see how anger or being upset is going to help... I am sure I will have a wave soon, but will try best to brace thy self to lessen the impact of damage.

So sorry to everyone struggling.

Very stressful day today. If it could go wrong, it did.

Took my cat to the vet today. Will get blood work results on Tuesday. He's diabetic and has been doing welll. He's 12. But he has been drinking more waterthan usual the last month or so. Never a good sign in cats with diabetes. Probably will have to raise his insilun. He's also on very expensive diabetic food. $52 for a 6 lb bag. But I love him so does my son very much.

My other cat midnight, got diabetes when he was 15. He ended up having to be put to sleep bc of complications due to the diabete the summer before last . He couldn't tolerate any kind of insulin. Very sad. This cat tiger, has been diabetic since he was about 7. Idk, why I keep getting cats with diabetes. I swear if my cat Jayden gets diabetes, it's something in the water.

My mood has calmed down. But due to stress, ( a lot happened on the way to the vets) my son was calling me names and putting me down. Never fun! I shut down when stressed, he goes off.

Anyway, he almost made me cry. But now we're home, and things have calmed down.

Hugs to those that need them.

[pirilin]

The "hernia" pain is gone. But it took 10 days.
La Bruja thinks it could have been a kidney stone.
I'll visit the GP soon anyway.
Trigger finger better. I reduced the milk to 1/2 gal a day.
Eye butcher says it will take a month to look my normal beautiful self.

Only stain is the debt ratio.
However, a man without debt, is a garden without flowers.

Very very happy my bruja is back.
She, by herself, was talking about the trip to Africa.
I got more experience in long term separation now.
So I'll take it to the highest use.
Not that I was crying all day and night.
But I will travel farther to have more fun.
And will put a few pennies aside to make it possible.

That's all folks,

Cheers.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and happy Freaking Friday. I finally made it to the weekend; man the past two weeks have been rough with no day's off. I did technically have the one Friday for the nieces procedure; but I wouldn't call that a typical day off from work; in fact I had to wake up even earlier for that so I'm not counting that. So I have worked 12 days in a row which I just feel beyond tired at this point. My school work hasn't suffered at all so that is a good thing. In terms of work today it was a lot nicer than yesterday; it's Friday and I think all of us tired honestly.

Tomorrow is date day and well I feel like doing nothing but staying at home in my pajamas or some active wear. So tomorrow is going to be Switch day at home with M and doc coming over since R and doc don't really feel like going out either; so we are all going to stay at home and chill and play probably Mario Party on the Switch; or maybe Mario Kart; either way I am so going to win. So I am looking forward to sleeping in and just having a video game day on the couch in my leggings. I don't feel like dressing up: I want to sleep in and have zero makeup and my glasses on my face. That is what I want more than anything plus hanging out with the boyfriend and good friends. I am so looking forward to passing out tonight and sleeping like the dead.

Hugs to everyone

[yellow_fleurs]

TheSeaCat that sounds fun! I played on my SO's Switch (Mario Kart) when I went home for Christmas and we had so much fun. Enjoy the much deserved break.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My father is still hanging between "OK" and "don't think that call in the night isn't coming". He's got a bad infection and a pressure sore that isn't healing. He keeps pulling tubes (this time his urinary catheter which means he pulled a full balloon out of his urethra) and so he has to be restrained which means no nursing home will take him. He's improved with breathing and is off all breathing support but that's his only real progress. He converses but is still confused. They are not sure how much is confusion and how much is contrariness with the tube pulling.

So today my brother had a call from his landlord who is apparently a very sweet man who tracked my brother down to tell him that he wanted us to know if we want to try to salvage anything we should try to come soon. I think it's a waste of 14 hours in the car but I'm going anyway unless my therapist talks me out of it. This involves wearing protective gear due to grossness. I'm hoping to just be able to get some of his clothes out, wash them and get them to the hospital or the nursing home if the hospital doesn't want them.

This has just been surreal.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I HATE this ******* job!!!!! Every ******* second of it!!!!! Almost started crying on the floor. It was all I could do not to just walk out the door. OMG, I loathe it so much.

Oh goodness IZ I am so sorry about this. I want to offer you some very tight hugs

[Pookyl]

Continuing to feel not quite right. Have decided to deal with - no point stressing - I may change my mind tomorrow.

[Wander]

Yesterday was hell as I previously posted. Today I am feeling relatively calm and have no self-destructive urges. I had been a little hypomanic so a few days of depression is to be expected. Hopefully this return to stability means my meds are working. Hope has returned that I will be able to get through university this semester well. Minor ups and downs are expected. I just dread major mixed episodes. I am on three major meds at high doses with almost no side effects. May they work their magic and give me some peace.

yesterday I asked a woman a question and she had a total over reaction to it

I basically asked her, could you please shut the door because it's cold outside, she turned round and asked me if I wanted her to hit me, I said no and she responded with, well, you're not worth it, you're better off dead

how....... extreme!. I am so angry about that. what's wrong with asking a question

I spent the evening crying over it.

well it's something you just don't expect to hear in daily conversation

today I am doing nothing. A, i'm not motivated, B, I'm still upset, C, their's nothing to do (accept for maybe add to my creative writing), which I'm not going to do.

ragingvortex, that is an extreme response to your innocent request. There must be something wrong with the woman. If you see her often, such as at a job, if she says something like that to you again perhaps share it with someone who might suggest she get help or social interaction training. Please don't take her words personally.

I've been doing a lot of overeating lately, even on the sly. This is not a regular problem for me, but it's becoming more frequent. I know it's a result of self-medication to a degree and likely a bit because of my Seroquel XR. I can't blame it all on Seroquel XR side effects. When I'm doing well, I don't overeat even on my same Seroquel XR dose.

[yellow_fleurs]

raging_vortex, wow that is not okay that she threatened you like that. I hope you do not have to interact with her on a regular basis.

[downandlonely]

@raging_vortex I'm pretty sure what that woman said was about her and not you. She was probably upset about something else and took it out on you. I'm sorry she hurt you.