[yellow_fleurs]

I may have already posted something like this and if so, sorry! I am just thinking about how when my psychiatrist or therapist talks about my having bipolar, since I am not sure it fits completely, I feel like I am in denial. The thing is, I am okay with the diagnosis, it's just I am not sure, especially since people who have known me most of my life don't see it. When I tell those people, like my close friends, that I was diagnosed with bipolar, they tell me they do not think I have it and act really surprised. Even my close friend who supported me during my mixed episode on the SSRI, who also has bipolar, says he does not see it. So, talking to my friends makes me think I am just faking it or something. Basically I feel like I am both in denial and faking it at the same time kind of haha. The main reason I am concerned about it is that I do not have the best insight into my mental health, and I worry about getting the right treatment or picking up on my mood or other issues if I am not even certain what my diagnosis is. Oh well, I know this is not unusual to be unsure and go through a few diagnoses before figuring it out.

Tried to go swimming tonight but it was thundering. At least I made the effort and will go again soon. Having a friend to go with makes me more motivated. Went grocery shopping and made dinner so not a bad night.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Try not to worry about Seroquel. It’s weight neutral for some including me.

Me too! I’ve had my share of drugs that have packed pounds but seroquel wasn’t one of them.

[ElStevo]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I may have already posted something like this and if so, sorry! I am just thinking about how when my psychiatrist or therapist talks about my having bipolar, since I am not sure it fits completely, I feel like I am in denial. The thing is, I am okay with the diagnosis, it's just I am not sure, especially since people who have known me most of my life don't see it. When I tell those people, like my close friends, that I was diagnosed with bipolar, they tell me they do not think I have it and act really surprised. Even my close friend who supported me during my mixed episode on the SSRI, who also has bipolar, says he does not see it. So, talking to my friends makes me think I am just faking it or something. Basically I feel like I am both in denial and faking it at the same time kind of haha. The main reason I am concerned about it is that I do not have the best insight into my mental health, and I worry about getting the right treatment or picking up on my mood or other issues if I am not even certain what my diagnosis is. Oh well, I know this is not unusual to be unsure and go through a few diagnoses before figuring it out.

Tried to go swimming tonight but it was thundering. At least I made the effort and will go again soon. Having a friend to go with makes me more motivated. Went grocery shopping and made dinner so not a bad night.

Hi there from Oz or Down Under,
I know what its like to go years with a provincial or inaccurate diagnosis. I went from 95-2006 with a depression diagnosis and managed to fly under the radar and hide my hypo-mania. Working in mental health as a nurse helped me hide it I guess. It was after my marriage breakdown and a second relationship breakdown that I was hospitalized, and once a consultant spent a decent amount of time with me, getting a complete history etc., that a diagnosis of bipolar 2 with anxiety and adjustment disorders was given. As such my medication was implemented with more effectiveness.
Reading your situation made me think that perhaps you have mixed aspects that haven't been fully explored yet and that senior professional advice is always advisable. Things change and we change as human beings, so we need to be aware of as much as possible and relate as much as possible to a treating doctor, in order to get the most appropriate and effective care possible.
Best wishes on your journey from a hot and sunny South Australia

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Wander

Saw my T today. I have finally physically and mentally crashed from being so intensely busy the last 12 days since suddenly finding myself well and in my right mind. We both agree that I am still psychologically well just crashing Fibromyalgia wise. I have a busy two days then I can rest two days. I should recover by then.

It became apparent that I am very traumatised from my lengthy mixed episode with psychosis. I have had many , many mixed episodes in the past and a couple with psychosis but this one has done a number on me. We discussed practical things I can do right now to help beginning to heal, and that the need to go through it more deeply may come up but no pressure. This is worse than I realised.

Despite the exhaustion and trauma I feel decent. About to have a much needed afternoon nap as my brain is fried and I have a spare hour.

It has at times taken a considerable amount of time to heal from the trauma of a psychotic episode. Just remember that you are free to heal in your own time. I even grieved one of my episodes because being sick meant I lost what I thought was The Holy Spirit. Honestly, if I focus on it, I can still take my mind back to that place.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Today is first day on the new job. Nervous. Got lots of sleep though (10 hours with only a bit of wakeup(!!) ) Amazing, really. Was super-tired, so falling asleep was no problem. Took a gabapentin for the staying asleep part (the on-going experiment). I think I'll do alright learning-wise, but am apprehensive about dealing with all the noise and people. Especially the people.

How’d it go?

I got out to Scrabble club tonight. I won all my games but i played the lower division so no big whoop. It was good to get out and get my mind off things. I confided in three people today that my health is bothering me but none of them really said anything back. Whatever. I guess one woman asked a couple questions. I guess people don't really know what to say. You'd think they could work up a little, "I'm sorry to hear that," tho. I feel pretty numb.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and Happy Wednesday. I am so exhausted from my constant running around I did today and yesterday. Went to work until the nieces appointment with the Interventional Cardio who was the one who got to make the decision on weather or not the hold could be closed with a device or if she would have to be sent on to an actual Cardio surgeon; which we lucked out and it can be closed with the device instead. Which really eases my mind as an Auntie.

Not to mention I feel really grateful for both Cardio's for seeing her when it's not really their problem and both of them have both eased her fear of the procedure. I have already gotten the day I needed for her surgery off; first day I actually bother to take a Vacation day and it's not really a Vacation rather sitting with Aunt and Uncle and make sure they don't worry themselves sick.

After taking her to the Cardiologist I had to do an appearance for work and the upgrade we are doing to the clinic and after that I had another thing for work which was a mixer for Women's Heart Month sponsored by the Cardio's office and everyone at the clinic went. Which means I have ditched yet another Wednesday Bible Study and M ditched as well; I imagine G is ready to tape M to a couch when it comes to Wednesday's Youth Group since that is two weeks in a row.

I also had a crying session in my car after the first appearance since I guess it had finally hit me how much I had overcome in a year and how much had changed in that year. Last year I was with C and had just started to realize how terrible the place I was working at was. This year I co-run a clinic; my mind is stable; I realize some of the issues were because of my Cardiac problem. I have a great new relationship who I adore and who treats me like a Queen even at C's best he was still a terrible person. I realize how much M and I are suited together; it feels like he's the missing piece with how well things are. I just felt so happy after leaving that everything hit at once and I had a good cry. I feel really happy for the first time in honestly years. I don't know if's the meds or if I am just a much stronger person.

Hugs to everyone

[Pookyl]

Doing ok and head feeling ok.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Today is first day on the new job. Nervous. Got lots of sleep though (10 hours with only a bit of wakeup(!!) ) Amazing, really. Was super-tired, so falling asleep was no problem. Took a gabapentin for the staying asleep part (the on-going experiment). I think I'll do alright learning-wise, but am apprehensive about dealing with all the noise and people. Especially the people.

Hope it goes well for you !!

[Unrigged64072835]

Still read a lot here but not much to say. Been busy with sewing and digital art. Maybe some music here and there. Hope you all are okay or will be really soon.

[Moose72]

Peter has been on my **** list for months. He's almost always late- by an hour or two. He says things to hurt my feeling on purpose. He's got a temper. He's married. He's been getting way too into me and it's gotten out-of-hand. About a month ago he had suggested that he get me a coach purse and coach gloves. But he didnt- he just dropped the subject. He's usually too busy and is frequently late to his own time he says he'll arrive.

So we were at statbucks earlier this week and he says "let's get in the car!" So we drive and end up at the mall. We walk and end up at the Coach store! He asks forgloves which i dont really want that much. He says nothing at all about getting me the purse he had previously said was perfect. I ask him about it and he ignores me. I hate being ignored! Then he starts asking me to spend the night in a hotel! Its gotten out-of-hand and i didnt know how to respond.

Today, he just stormed over to my table here in sb to confront me. He got in my face and demanded to know why Im not talking to him. I paused for a few, thinking, then said "you are on my **** list because you don't do what you say youre going to". He mumbled somethi g and went "Oh!" And stormed off. Then he came BACK and got in my face trying to chew me out! And yelled "**** off!!" (Mind you, he's 74.) Im still composed and im just like "what ev-ah!" In my head.

Then he said hes been giving me presents etc. So i shouldnt have him on my **** list. 😁 Why do some men think they can try to buy a woman's affection?! That the more they buy you the more you must return in the form of sex? I don't quite understand because I never wanted sex with him- he's married and he had prostate can er so he can't have sex anyway. Then after he left he texted me again saying I dont know what it is to care for another person and he has issues. What issues? He has more than enough money to pay his bills , he's married, he has a family that puts up with him... The kicker is that he has a master's in psychology!

Originally Posted by cashart10

How’d it go?

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hope it goes well for you !!

Thanks, guys. By the time I got out, my brain was so mushy, I forgot to check back in(!) Lol. It went ok. INCREDIBLY corporate. Yet more info just being pushed at me, no actual work work. On top of other things (including other short videos), had to watch 31(!!!!!) videos/presentations, mostly with quizzes. It took hours. My brain went to mush. Met a few of the other workers.

It could hardly be more different than what I'm used to doing.

Today off, so made a list of stuff to get done.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone and Happy Wednesday. I am so exhausted from my constant running around I did today and yesterday. Went to work until the nieces appointment with the Interventional Cardio who was the one who got to make the decision on weather or not the hold could be closed with a device or if she would have to be sent on to an actual Cardio surgeon; which we lucked out and it can be closed with the device instead. Which really eases my mind as an Auntie.

Not to mention I feel really grateful for both Cardio's for seeing her when it's not really their problem and both of them have both eased her fear of the procedure. I have already gotten the day I needed for her surgery off; first day I actually bother to take a Vacation day and it's not really a Vacation rather sitting with Aunt and Uncle and make sure they don't worry themselves sick.

After taking her to the Cardiologist I had to do an appearance for work and the upgrade we are doing to the clinic and after that I had another thing for work which was a mixer for Women's Heart Month sponsored by the Cardio's office and everyone at the clinic went. Which means I have ditched yet another Wednesday Bible Study and M ditched as well; I imagine G is ready to tape M to a couch when it comes to Wednesday's Youth Group since that is two weeks in a row.

I also had a crying session in my car after the first appearance since I guess it had finally hit me how much I had overcome in a year and how much had changed in that year. Last year I was with C and had just started to realize how terrible the place I was working at was. This year I co-run a clinic; my mind is stable; I realize some of the issues were because of my Cardiac problem. I have a great new relationship who I adore and who treats me like a Queen even at C's best he was still a terrible person. I realize how much M and I are suited together; it feels like he's the missing piece with how well things are. I just felt so happy after leaving that everything hit at once and I had a good cry. I feel really happy for the first time in honestly years. I don't know if's the meds or if I am just a much stronger person.

Hugs to everyone

This is wonderful to hear! I hope things continue looking up!

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Thanks, guys. By the time I got out, my brain was so mushy, I forgot to check back in(!) Lol. It went ok. INCREDIBLY corporate. Yet more info just being pushed at me, no actual work work. On top of other things (including other short videos), had to watch 31(!!!!!) videos/presentations, mostly with quizzes. It took hours. My brain went to mush. Met a few of the other workers.

It could hardly be more different than what I'm used to doing.

Today off, so made a list of stuff to get done.

Ugh...does not sound fun, sounds boring. Hoping the next day will be more like what you will actually be doing so you can have a taste. I hope you are enjoying your day off.

[Scooter9]

Well it was my last day at my job today. I left this job in favor of a better one although it's further away.

This new job is at a place I worked at before so I already know the people there which will make the transition easier.

It was a strange last day for me. I'm usually pretty detached but I found myself feeling sad that I was leaving even though I had only been there for a few months. I even said bye to the staff at the Starbucks I go to every day

I made contact with someone that I had been out of touch with for a few years and found out he lost his sister and mother. That's tough and I could empathize with his losses. I felt bad that I was out of touch for so long - I lost touch with him when my sister passed away (he's not related, just a friend).

So much just came to a complete stop when my sister passed away. I'm glad that I was able to write the astronomy book recently, it represents a restarting of things.

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Well it was my last day at my job today. I left this job in favor of a better one although it's further away.

This new job is at a place I worked at before so I already know the people there which will make the transition easier.

It was a strange last day for me. I'm usually pretty detached but I found myself feeling sad that I was leaving even though I had only been there for a few months. I even said bye to the staff at the Starbucks I go to every day

I made contact with someone that I had been out of touch with for a few years and found out he lost his sister and mother. That's tough and I could empathize with his losses. I felt bad that I was out of touch for so long - I lost touch with him when my sister passed away (he's not related, just a friend).

So much just came to a complete stop when my sister passed away. I'm glad that I was able to write the astronomy book recently, it represents a restarting of things.

Transitions are always at least a little tough. All the best at your new job! That's nice that you know people you like some or all of them.

I saw my therapist today. It was my fourth time with her, and I am feeling very happy about the relationship. She finally gave me a regular day/time. I told her that I was feeling I was making headway forward, and that was making me happy. I told her that she was definitely part of the reason, and that I was looking forward to our therapy sessions. She directly confirmed to me that she felt we were a good match, too. She's a bit different than my past therapists. Different in a positive way, not that others weren't great in their ways, too.

It is clear to me that my spring upswing is starting. I had a very noticeable "up" day on Wednesday, but yesterday and today were just about right. I hope this continues for a long time. I talked to my therapist about how I go about keeping my "ups" in check. We talked a bit about my insight into elevated moods. I said it's not always perfect, but has increased significantly over the years. I mentioned that therapy has played a very important role in my improved insight and that therapy has also been significant in me de-escalating mood elevation. Of course sometimes I need input on this, and sometimes I need to take an "as needed" medication. Recognizing triggers, managing stress (even extremely positive stress), and other tactics have been very helpful for me. They are crucial for me to master even better before I take larger steps forward.

Shrimp fajitas tonight with fresh mango and avocado salsa.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I saw my therapist today. It was my fourth time with her, and I am feeling very happy about the relationship. She finally gave me a regular day/time. I told her that I was feeling I was making headway forward, and that was making me happy. I told her that she was definitely part of the reason, and that I was looking forward to our therapy sessions. She directly confirmed to me that she felt we were a good match, too. She's a bit different than my past therapists. Different in a positive way, not that others weren't great in their ways, too.

It is clear to me that my spring upswing is starting. I had a very noticeable "up" day on Wednesday, but yesterday and today were just about right. I hope this continues for a long time. I talked to my therapist about how I go about keeping my "ups" in check. We talked a bit about my insight into elevated moods. I said it's not always perfect, but has increased significantly over the years. I mentioned that therapy has played a very important role in my improved insight and that therapy has also been significant in me de-escalating mood elevation. Of course sometimes I need input on this, and sometimes I need to take an "as needed" medication. Recognizing triggers, managing stress (even extremely positive stress), and other tactics have been very helpful for me. They are crucial for me to master even better before I take larger steps forward.

Shrimp fajitas tonight with fresh mango and avocado salsa.

I’m so glad things are working out with your new therapist. Also, self-awareness is a wonderful thing. I have noticed it is the difference between reality vs psychosis unless mania gets totally out of hand. I try to be very vigilant and I listen to my husband and mom more now than I ever did in the past and it is fairing me well.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Well it was my last day at my job today. I left this job in favor of a better one although it's further away.

This new job is at a place I worked at before so I already know the people there which will make the transition easier.

It was a strange last day for me. I'm usually pretty detached but I found myself feeling sad that I was leaving even though I had only been there for a few months. I even said bye to the staff at the Starbucks I go to every day

I made contact with someone that I had been out of touch with for a few years and found out he lost his sister and mother. That's tough and I could empathize with his losses. I felt bad that I was out of touch for so long - I lost touch with him when my sister passed away (he's not related, just a friend).

So much just came to a complete stop when my sister passed away. I'm glad that I was able to write the astronomy book recently, it represents a restarting of things.

Sometimes change in general is just challenging. Here’s hoping you’re even happier at your new job! Also, I’m sure your loss is still raw. I’m so sorry. Life is not fair. It’s nice that you are catching up with an old friend and I’m sure they understand the distance! Be kind to yourself!

[beauflow]

When was my Last check in here?
I am doing a bit better, but didn't go to work today and almost forgot I told them I'd log in late...
I have another thread in another area about a recent message, I think I mentionedit here- it is my sister... it appears my mom lied again to me.. not a shocker...
Idk where this will lead but I know I've thought this one was more stable.. this is one that had also dx of bipolar, I am not sure of she went on meds. We had a discussion years ago on that, we were brought up that we don't need no meds or therapy, and pretty dysfunctional.. but hey it's ok! we all went our own paths. I am still learning

I talked with general doc today due to tummy issues that have recurred and BADLY recently.. doc is nice, she understands that I want to get this taken care of before any meds are added, and I shared with her of me really realizing that I may need them and why they keep getting suggested... she like my first t long ago explained how cigs have a mood stabilizer property and that she's glad I'm quitting but agrees that I may need just some help and a plan.

Doc mentioned I should try my search the other way around ... every time I look for a therapist, and then reluctantly see a pdoc... doc wants me to find a pdoc that may have connections to therapist.
I am sorry If I am moving slow again.. i've gone only this far this time around, but at least I am still moving forward.

Work is still crazy people everywhere... I have been watching some PTSD videos as I know that has some merit into it all.

General doc wants me to check in in a month just for tummy and mood issues and how I am doing, since she sees on my record the hospital. She brought it up and I am ok with it.

I am going to swallow a camera... hope it's not too bad.. the people are to call me for an appointment.. hope it helps to find the problem

[yellow_fleurs]

Things are okay. I wish I were seeing my therapist sooner, though. After she had to cancel we couldn't find a time that worked for us both for a few more weeks. I am functioning and doing what I can to cope in healthy ways, I would just like it if I had more consistent appointments so I could make progress a bit quicker. It's because of my work schedule and that everyone probably wants evening/weekend appointments that makes it tough.

Small thing that made me smile today. Someone at work introduced themselves to me at lunch today, and it brightened my mood a bit that they took the time to get to know me.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by beauflow

General doc wants me to check in in a month just for tummy and mood issues and how I am doing, since she sees on my record the hospital. She brought it up and I am ok with it.

I am going to swallow a camera... hope it's not too bad.. the people are to call me for an appointment.. hope it helps to find the problem

I hope you find out what’s up and can get it resolved.

[Sunflower123]

Drum Circle was great the other night. Relaxing and cathartic.

My hand is responding so well to PT (and this particular therapist’s experience and technique) that I’ll be released in two weeks and won’t need additional surgery. I’m pleased with the improvement.

Pdoc appointment was yesterday. He said the additional AD that he prescribed for my SAD was causing me to be ultra rapid cycling. I’m tapering off and should be back to normal in about two weeks. He said then we would deal with the SAD depression which started it all when I’m feeling better.

Meeting my daughter half way Sunday for lunch to pass off some items. It’s supposed to be one of the rare sunny days we’ve had here in weeks.

This weather is just crappy. Even my pdoc said it was getting to him.

Researching therapies and therapists to eliminate or greatly decrease SI. I’m over it.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Shrimp fajitas tonight with fresh mango and avocado salsa.

That sounds SOOOOO good!! Can I come to your house?

[Wander]

Busy day yesterday. I got everything off my iCloud that I don’t want there, plus it was full. Saved everything onto two hard drives (one for backup). Also, organised my hard drives to make sure all I needed was on there, most importantly documents and all the photos I’ve taken. Feel organised now.

Today is busy too. Seeing my general practitioner to get a referral and check issues with blood pressure. Then shopping for hair dye and other things. Then food shop. After that I might dye my hair so there are two days between that and going swimming in the ocean.

Yesterday I woke up drunk from Seroquel so I reduced my dose to 50 mg and slept ok. Ate too much though as I took it too early. Will take it later so I’m asleep once I get the munchies. Lol.

Feeling tired still today but improving. Last night I was very emotional. I think I’m overtired and traumatised. The next few days before university will be more chilled so I should be rested by Tuesday when university starts. Sorry if I’ve repeated myself from my last post. I just realised I may have. Fluffy brain to blame.