Physical Check-In

I've been really clocking some Zs lately. I'm not depressed, and I'm not tired during the day, but I get ultra tired soon after dinner and have trouble getting up in the morning. I actually do have a bit of a weird feeling coming on. It hasn't been that long ago that I considered myself hypomanic. Now, either not so much or mixed? Or maybe not, but just a little out of whack. I've been getting heartburn and indigestion a lot, which I've had off and on my entire life. The sinus congestion and headaches come and go. I know that I've been feeling more stressed and emotional lately. I'm having trouble functioning as well, even though I'm sort of doing a lot more. Something always seems to give, in these cases.

I got on the scale a few minutes ago. I am up a little, but not as heavy as I feel, and usually I think I'm lighter than I really am. I know that I'd benefit greatly from healthier eating a bit more exercise, but dang is it hard right now! The thought of meal planning and tracking just seems intimidating. I wish someone would do it for me, but that would definitely not be my hubby. For one thing, he wouldn't know what to do. For another, he's beyond busy right now with other important things.

This morning, hubby exclaimed "Show me affection! I need it!" Of course I did, but to be honest, I give more than he does, in many ways. Since the loss of my parrot, I do feel extra deprived. That affects one mentally and physically.

Wow! A gigantic hill! What FUN!

I used to ride quite a bit. I have not been able to ride for about 10 years now and I still miss it terribly. I have not been able to part with my bikes yet. Lol! they are not worth anything now anyway.

Is the cough new? I am asking because my pdoc was taking Wellbutin herself and had a persistent dry cough w/o an easy explanation. She's eventually learned that a chronic dry cough can occur with Wellbutrin use. Just an FYI.

Thanks for sharing! I am reminded by lots of very FUN times!

Happy Biking!

I am sorry for your loss.

Grief can be very complicated, showing up in very different ways for different people. You are ahead of the game for realizing at least some of your more recent feelings are tied to the loss of your precious companion.

I realize we have shared on this before; yet, I feel led to share again. I had a wonderful service animal, a beautiful German Shepherd. She was always at my side, day and night. We were ultra bonded with one another. After approx 8 years together, she passed on from cancer.

I have felt a HUGE loss since. It seems neverending. I think it will get easier every year; yet, not so much!

I have not had the heart to get another one yet. For one thing, I am not in a place where I can easily have one right now. I am not sure of what I want in the future. It will depend upon my lifestyle, my housing situation, my ability to properly meet all of the needs of my furry friend, including getting him/her enough exercise, etc.

Service animals have some additional needs, in my own humble opinion. In many cases, they are serving people with illnesses/disabilities, etc. Animals are usually very sensitive to their environments, as this is a part of their survival instincts. Additionally, their training as service animals trains them to tune in to their human partner at all times. Well, many of their human partners are experiencing severe pain, depression, anxiety., chronic frustration, etc.

I fully believe service animals need extra exercise, some scheduled breaks for FUN only, need some scheduled breaks from the daily grind and from the ongoing exposure to environments where their health and welfare are not the biggest concern and, often, falls short of meeting the daily welfare needs of the service animal. These animals have emotions, too. They may eventually suffer when they sense their human guardian is suffering, etc.

I will end that rant, lol. BirdDancer, I believe we both have had enough awareness of the needs of our animal companions that we have taken great care of each of them.

This type of a very close bond cannot be forgotten. This type of a loss can have a very intense and a long-term grieving on the part of the living partner.

You have written about feeling some extra heaviness when you usually feel lighter than the scale registers. I wonder how much of the sense of "heaviness" might be a manifestation of your grief?

In most cases, we tend to wait , hoping the grieving will pass. There is no amount of time which is "correct" for anyone/any loss.

I am wondering if there might be an action or a ritual which might help you to work your way through your grief? You have a very creative mind. I imagine you might be able to come up with an exercise, a ritual that might serve you well?

There are many creative members/friends here and possibly one of them has an idea of some sort?

I am going to think on it, too. I still grieve the loss of my service animal in a very big way.

It is just fine to cry.

I wish you healing in every way, on every level.

I need to buckle down and get serious. Either this or I need to add tinfoil to all of my food.

I have been tapering down on Seroquel and have been as low as 25 mg for about 2 weeks now. I feel there is no longer a Seroquel-based reason contributing to outrageous hunger and to weight gain. I believe I am now, if I was not before, stress eating. Surprise!

I need to set aside some time to work out the details of what I need to do and what I intend to create.

I also need to get my stationary bike moved to this location so I can use it over the winter. It is a rather big unit, as it has pre-programmed biking routes, etc. It is also recumbent. Uggh! H usually wants to use it, too. However, he thinks of this only after I have asked for the use of it, for some reason. I will visualize the bike being present in the exercise room, in addition to making a very strong intention that H will just give it up!

I hope to get a walk in this afternoon, even if it is a shorter walk today. It had been sunny. The sky is getting dark now.

Love to ALL!

Wild Coyote, I'm sad for us both that we have lost our sweet companions, and you a service animal, as well. I thank you so much for sharing and understanding how significant these animal friends are in our lives. I've, of course, had some time when I felt I was towards the end of my grief, but it comes back to varying degrees. I feel the same way about my mother and nephew, of course. And other loved ones, even those who may still be with us but are absent from my life.

Yesterday I attended two workshops at the NAMI conference. Coincidentally, one was "Building Resilience through Loss and Adversity", and the other was "How to Stop Stress Eating". I took away some helpful things from both, and yet also felt that both fell a little short of what I wanted. I'm trying not to dwell on feeling a little dissatisfied. After all, both are topics about extremely difficult challenges. Both were presented as less complex than I feel they are. The instructor for the "Stress Eating" also crammed in so much so fast, that she stressed me out

My most recent feathered friend, a Hahn's macaw, was only about two and half years old when he passed. That fact was extra painful since I felt I let him down in some way. My parrot before him was also extremely dear to me, but he was almost 15 when he passed. My recent parrot was with me during better years. The one before, my Pacific Parrotlet, saw me at my worst. My extreme illness affected him negatively, at times (feather plucking, even mild depression), yet he was still always loving.

I believe I once mentioned that a tribute to my Pacific Parrotlet was published in bp Magazine a number of years ago. It was simply yet emotionally written. It emphasized how we took care of one another the best that we could. I'm attaching a pdf of that tribute in the magazine. The first page is a letter from the publisher with a reference to my tribute highlighted in yellow. The second page shows a photo of my feathered friend along with that tribute. He was little in stature, but giant in heart and intelligence.The woman with the dogs is a stranger, but she obviously understands, as well.

How heartwarming, BirdDancer! It is quite a tribute to have your entry published like this.

Yes, loss can be very difficult to deal with, for sure. I am truly sorry for the many losses you have endured.
I, like you, am forever grateful for the time I have had with my Service Animal, my very dear friend.

It sounds like the NAMI conference was interesting. You are very bright and you research topics quite deeply. These attributes might make workshops/presentations less interesting, not so informative, to you. Understandably so. I often run into the same/similar issues.
I try to not feel too disappointed in these instances; however, sometimes, i do wish it was different.

I appreciate you sharing your article with us!
I appreciate you!

Tin foil tasting food ??? Yes I can report it certainly has stopped my mindless eating. lol

I’ll gladly share ! Hehe

I also believe that you are grieving the loss of your sweet parrot.

You had a trip to take with in a few days after he passed? Then your uncle , ongoing saga with your father. Then your recent trip. Maybe the stress of going on the trips are causing more turmoil , because of your loss? Maybe you haven’t found your new “ routine” in the quiet home when your husband is at work?

My dog while not trained for anything is a true support animal.. I have told my husband I will likely need IP when he passes..

Maybe the day will come when your ready to invite another into your home and heart.

Meanwhile be kind to yourself

We’ll prednisone is keeping me up and busy.

Tin foil taste is so freaking annoying and it’s actually keeping me from eating extra which is something that usually happens on this crap. Not sure why this time is different. Weird

I spent the day cooking so much stuff ! None of it is really healthy healthy but I have everything very portioned controlled, just enough for a meal for my husband and I.

I have brownies and cake individually wrapped, small pieces but will take the edge off of needing a “sweet treat”

Today I pulled out my “ budget book” I started shopping differently 7 months ago. I hate grocery shopping so I decided to do one major shopping trip a month with just needing bread eggs milk or salad fixings the rest of the month. So less impulse buying, which is something I’m guilty off.

I’m saving on average $200 + a month on our groceries!!!! Which is a huge deal for my husband and I.

This has been a big undertaking for me, but god knows I have time on my hands , I’m lucky in that aspect.

Numerous times it’s been really hard to keep enough food on hand so I’m feeling very relieved with being stocked up so well now. I’m blessed

I really need my pain level to decrease so I can exercise to lose more weight. I’m so stuck !

I hope i did not hurt your feelings by making a tinfoil comment above?
If so, please forgive me.?

is your Humira helping at all?

It's been several days now that I've experienced heartburn and indigestion, and it seems to be worsening. I again took Nexium (been taking it daily for a while). I have also been chewing Alka Seltzers at night. Last night it was so bad that I ate a half of a sleeve of saltine crackers. I think that helped, but then I woke up at 1 am and was in a half awake state until 5 am. Then when I fell asleep fully I had terrible dreams. I'm not sure if the indigestion had anything to do with that, or if it is just stress. Frankly, I think stress is the major cause of all of this. Today and two other days, I took Ativan. That may be what I need, but I just hate taking a benzo!

There haven't been HUGE stressors, but even the little ones added up are getting to me. For example, I attempted to use my Food Saver vacuum sealer yesterday and found it is broken and likely needs to be replaced. Everything seems to be breaking or malfunctioning! I use that stupid vacuum sealer almost every day. I was just totally pissed when it didn't work.

I'll try to take the Ativan for a few days in a row along with the Nexium. I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. If he has no advice, and the gastro intestinal distress continues, I'll maybe go to my GP. I hate that my volunteering has been on the same day as my last couple psychiatrist appointments. It's like I have to rush to see my psychiatrist after hours there and commuting. I love seeing my psychiatrist and it takes away some of the pleasure. I'll ask him to schedule upcoming appointments on Thursdays.

Today I have a lot of chores that should be done and should ideally go to the grocery store. I don't want to do them. I'm starting to struggle. At this moment, I am starting to cry. Everything is building up to overwhelming.

One of my fun pastimes is to submit recipes to contests and Taste Of Home website/magazine. I realized that Taste of Home published one of the recipes and never notified me. You'd think I should be happy, but it kind of saddened me because it was actually my husband's recipe and not mine. He barely knows how to cook or bake and they publish HIS recipe. I don't even care about the Czech Christmas cookie posts anymore.

That's an amazing savings and well worth the hard work. Way to go! I could benefit from implementing a system like this. Thanks for sharing.

I'm so sorry you're struggling BirdDancer. It does seem like you're in a state where the stressors are affecting you heavily. I hope life settles a bit for you over the next couple of days so you can find some peace.

I love Taste of Home. I think it's wonderful you submit entries there. I think it is cool something you submitted was chosen even if it was H's recipe. I hope the joy of the cookie project returns for you shortly and that this phase you are in passes soon. I know you were passionate about it once and the cookies you selected sounded and looked amazing.

Hugs, and well wishes for a restful day.

Oh gosh no!!! No way could you offend me friend!!!

Tin foil has really cut down on my food intake , very odd this time usually I’m looking at my sofa wondering if it would taste good Lol !!

Last labs show my inflammation was still high very high, Humira just needs time to work , I think I might be noticing a slight change , but could just be hopeful thinking ?? I dunno.

Have you noticed Enbrel helping yet?

It does seem that your struggling hard and it’s starting to take a heavy toll. When do you see your Pdoc? Have you gone ahead and bumped up your Seroquil? I know that has been helpful in the past.

When things get lousy for me I always have GI trouble.

Keep posting, share your feelings. We are all here for you

Thanks, Christina!

I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I decided to cancel volunteering this week (not permanently) to give myself a break. Tomorrow should hopefully be OK.

I actually wonder if a Seroquel reduction might do me more good right now than an increase.

Oh, good! I'd never intend to offend you...or anyone..

Enbrel: Yes, just took my 5th injection and I notice quite an improvement as I give Amgen my scores all day long via text. They put all of this data on graphs weekly and send them to me for my doctor to review. I guess the graphs will either show a clear improvement or not. This helps people to make further treatment decisions, if needed.

This reminds me of just how well mood charts can help, as well.

Love to All!

I am sorry you are increasingly challenged, BirdDancer. I hope you will be okay.

Fern! How is your med taper going? How are you feeling?

Christina, I hope the prednisone treatment will be done soon?

WC your blood work should be showing a decrease in your sed rate.

I didn’t have to do any of the text stuff for some miracle my insurance covered it and now Humira.

I haven’t filled out my mood chart in forever. Maybe I should again. Thanks for reminding me of that useful tool.

BitdDancer, yes it’s possible your dose might be tanking you down... I’m glad you have a Pdoc appt coming very soon.

Yes today I do feel my prednisone is really kicking my stubborn lungs back into shape, I have 3 days left, I am going to do the full 10 days since I’m doing fairly well with the side effects. I don’t want to fall back into a flare.

For those who do not know, Amgen offers financial assistance with certain meds. Enbrel is one of them. They do a lot of patient education, offer assistance through nurses, etc. A part of their program involves answering questions/rating symptoms from 8 am to 8pm. It's really not a problem. It keeps me mindful of my status in a helpful way.

This model reminds me of the usefulness of mood charts. I recall using mood charts long ago and found them useful then. I do not often hear of people using mood charts anymore, even when people are newly diagnosed. Maybe they just do not mention this? Anyway, I wanted to say how helpful I have found this approach, used for a variety of conditions.

Love and Gratitude!

Physically, I am very tired. I am in quite a bit of pain in my back and ribs.
Enbrel seems to be helping foot pain, joint pain and overall stiffness. I am hoping this continues and am hopeful I will be able to do more on the physical plane, soon!

I am looking for Fern. I have not seen her commenting much today. Maybe I am just missing her posts somehow. I hope she is better than well!
How is the taper going, Fern? How are you feeling?

Love and Gratitude

Hey! I'm here. Just a busy day. I had both of my kids home today and one is still sick. Their virus comes with 7+ days of fever and it is wearing them down. We have stayed in, but we had to get out today and handle a few pressing errands. A family's gotta eat, right My throat started hurting a little today. I am ignoring it. I refuse to get sick!

My taper is going well. This is my third full day with no meds, so we will see how it goes. I would normally take the Geodon every third day, so tonight is my first time skipping. I fgiure the true test to see how I do begins now. I'm still having lots of vivid and sometimes disturbing dreams, but that has been the only change. I have noticed that drinking a cup of sleepy time tea before bed has helped with the dreams some. I'm going to keep doing that. I have been trying to be restful and mindful while I continue this process.

I had to reschedule my therapy appointment for tomorrow because my oldest will still be out of school sick. I rescheduled for Friday though.

I was feeling a little low energy today and tired after all of my errands. I decided just now to suck it up and get in a workout anyway. I feel a little better now.

WC, I'm so sorry you are hurting! I know you are wise and know all of the tricks for self care, so I trust you're doing all you can on your end. Sending wishes of wellness your way!

Thanks so much for checking on me. You're a good friend!

Oh dear I hope you don’t get a full dose of being sick !!! I know it’s almost impossible to not catch when the little ones have it.

I’m glad that things are going so well tapering off Geodon !! Sounds like a very smooth transition. The dreams ? Yeah that’s sucky, yes tea might be a simple fix.

I’m so in awe of your ability to do a good work out daily ! I like WC have PsA and it makes exercise so difficult due to such physical pain. I know if I had access the a pool I would be able to handle more , but I can’t drive over 1.5 hours to find a pool.

Small town struggles lol

I’m so very happy for you

I’m physically doing better although I’m still needing my prn puffer.
My bloodwork came back with lots of asterisks. My renal function still hasn’t returned back to its previous normal (was slightly abnormal before) since my toxicity experience.
Doctor says I’m remarkably healthy given that I’ve got everything wrong with me. Hah!

Thanks!!! I am doing my best not to catch it, but they are still at the age where they just want to snuggle when they get sick. That means lots of coughs and yuckies flying my way. They don't like it when I get sick though. Everything kind of grinds to a halt.

The dreams suck for sure but they are just dreams. I'm trying not to give them more power than they deserve. I wake up, calm my breathing and ground back into the moment. I usually say a few prayers and then drift back to sleep. I can get through this for sure.

A pool would be so wonderful for you! I wish there was one close by. I hate that you are in so much pain. It isn't fair! Small towns are awesome, but they do have their limits.

Thanks for your kind words. I feel like I've been given a gift of relatively great physical health and I would be a fool not to use it properly. I can get up and moving so I want to take advantage of that while I can. I know many others would give anything to have that opportunity and I do not want to waste it!