[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Hi everyone. I've been on vacation for a week and then trying to get over some kind of tropical virus I picked up there. I'm going to have to go to the doctor soon if it doesn't improve. It's getting old waiting for it to go away. I wasn't able to post while away because internet was terrible and then when I got home I had to get a new computer because mine died just before I left. I've been back online a few days but just haven't felt like posting.

But.....I had a great vacation aside from getting sick at the very end (yet not getting sick during our long travel day thank God). This was a long-awaited trip and I'm so glad we were able to enjoy it. I even jumped off a boat and tried snorkeling. I'm afraid of heights so jumping off was a big deal and I'm very proud of myself.

I'm so sorry for those who suffered losses, Tecomsin and Bird Dancer. and for those who are remembering those lost in the past. You have been in my thoughts.

Welcome back!
So glad you've had a fun vacation!
I hope you feel completely better soon.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I met a friend today who is a 12 Step sponsor for other people but for me we are mostly just friends. Today he told me he went to a nudist event on Canada Day where we live and then he invited me to go with him to another one. It creeped me out. He is also quite a bit older than me and married and I have met his wife. Today he was just complaining about her. Now I am wondering if I need to cut off that friendship too. This is making me kind of sad.

Hi tecomsin!
I am very sorry you've been disappointed by friends lately. It hurts.

It seems as though your male friend is infringing upon boundaries? I'd think so.
It's odd he'd ask you to go to a nudist event. It's also strange that he is talking about his wife, (behind her back?). He is putting you in a very tough position

I hope you can sort things out with him?

Much Love ~ .

[tecomsin]

Thanks BirdDancer, Christina and WC for giving me some tips on my difficulties with my friend. It is about boundary crossing.

What made me the most uncomfortable was his talking about his wife's small breasts and how she had a body image problem and would benefit by going to the nudist event with him. He went on and on about her breasts. This is what creeped me out the most. I felt it was also an invasion of her privacy. He also complained about her giving him the silent treatment for days on end and dropping out of the relationship. They have been married for close to 50 years.

I know I need to say something to him next time i see him if I want to maintain the friendship. I don't think I will text him anything, it is better to say it in person but I am not sure what to say.

[Wild Coyote]

Hey tecomsin,

Well, it's like walking a tightrope, sometimes, when we need to reinforce boundaries with friends... or so that has often been my experience.

I think I'd ponder the situation a bit...while identifying exactly what I had found bothersome. I might write those points down for future reference, just until I was able to converse with him in person.

When I'd meet with him, I'd remain open-hearted, speaking from the heart, would try to remain cool, collected, focused.

If he gets defensive, just politely call him on that, assuring him he does not have to become defensive, as you are speaking to him as a friend.

Just a couple of thoughts which might prove helpful, or not.
I am "toast" today, so please forgive me if my post to you is not helpful.
I do care about you and about how your life is going, thus I'd wanted to respond to you. Much Love~

[Wild Coyote]

I'd stumbled upon yet another nasty surprise from H later in the day yesterday. Contacted him to verify what I had discovered. Yes, it's all true. He'd tried many approaches for not admitting to what he had done, yet I'd kept calling him out. He gave in and confessed to this discovery.

It's one punch after another in an ongoing way. I was punch-drunk long ago. it's just unbelievable! He continues to do things like this behind my back while putting on a very different front to me. It is all hostile. I had stumbled upon some info which told me i'd needed to look at accounts. I'd then called him because I could not get into any account (online).Last night, he'd told me he locked me out of all accounts because they were no longer any of my concern and/or pertinent to me. Huh? We are still married. We have not even started a legal separation.... which comes before any divorce. I have no income right now, so he's leaving me "twisting in the wind," which is a very hostile move on his part.

All the while, he is constantly assuring me that he wants an amicable divorce. I do not cost him much, never have! Right now, I even do expense reports to the penny! So I was not locked out for being financially irresponsible.

OMG! It never ends! So much lying, so much ongoing deceit! He does not learn from the outcome of prior lying and does not care about just how much damage he does.

It's all making me very ill. There is no break! Well, he had agreed to a short break last week, but kept on manipulating and doing even more behind my back.

I am exhausted.
Love to All~

[Victoria'smom]

I'm quiet, having trouble reading. My husband can't seem to make time to play games with me. Miguel leaves for camp tomorrow. He doesn't want to go but must. 3.5 weeks before he's home. yay.

[Moose72]

Migraine still here. Head throbbing off and on. At drs waiting for the dr to come in. Got the family picnic/party later today. I thought it was Friday. I pulled in to park here and couldnt figure out why there were only a few cars in the lots. Didn't get it until I walked inside and saw a big arrow that said "Saturday Clinic".

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Migraine still here. Head throbbing off and on. At drs waiting for the dr to come in. Got the family picnic/party later today. I thought it was Friday. I pulled in to park here and couldnt figure out why there were only a few cars in the lots. Didn't get it until I walked inside and saw a big arrow that said "Saturday Clinic".

I am so sorry you stil have a migraine. They hurt! Extremely disruptive to ones daily life. I hope you recover quickly!

[Ezrigirl]

Mowing the yard. Taking time outs as it is over 90F outside. Still depressed

[liveforsummer]

I just started catching up on PC and after just reading this page, oh my gosh I am so sorry of this horror you are living through WC! I’m not caught up on everything but can I ask if you have a lawyer to stop him from cutting you off from your accounts? You show nothing but kindness and compassion on PC, sending you hugs!

Hugs to all and that your struggles lighten.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

I just started catching up on PC and after just reading this page, oh my gosh I am so sorry of this horror you are living through WC! I’m not caught up on everything but can I ask if you have a lawyer to stop him from cutting you off from your accounts? You show nothing but kindness and compassion on PC, sending you hugs!

Hugs to all and that your struggles lighten.

Hi!. It's GREAT to have you around!
I've been wondering how life has been treating you!??

Yes, I am going through ALOT!
Just unbelievable stuff from a man I had thought was my best friend for 27years.
I am still so Shicked by his behaviors (lying constantly, living a double life, and much, much more).

The more I learn, the more repulsed I become.

He has been misleading me, adamantly telling me that HE wants cooperative mediation. In the meantime, he pulls stunts like this. VERY DECEITFUl, which has been his M.O. Throughoutthis whole mess!!!

Time will tell what type of a divorce he truly wants. Here I was, thinking we'd have a cooperative divorce, no matter what he had done. Yet, he keeps doing more and more to me. I amnot sure one can manage to have an amicable divorce when his ongoing actions are so hostile.

II has all been "bad enough," without adding more deceit and pain each week.

I had envisioned a divorced where we negotiated and got things done for the good ... For each of us. I NEvER imagined he'd be so misleading abs so hostile.

He tells me and texts me one thing and does the opposite. Very deceitful.

He gives me passwords to our accounts and then changes the passwords. He has taken OUR accounts and made them HIs.

He is now... Justnow... Telling me the accounts are no longer applicable to me.
Simply not true and not in alignment with the law.

I have talked to him and have given him another chance to cooperate with the laws and with one another. I am hoping to hear he'd rather start down an amicable road. Time will tell.
It's just ridiculous! I am not the offender! I have been faithful and... True in every way.

This all gets very old. It'smaking people sick! It makes me very unwell. All medical conditions flaring all at once, etc. It makes my mother very I'll (who has only tried to help him fir many years)..

People give him opportunities to just stop and to start on a better path; yet he continues to try to dupe people and shows no remorse at all. I honestly do not know thus guy. Very scary stuff.

Anyway...

How are YOU doing?
I hope you are well?

Hugs!

[Moose72]

I got a shot of Toredol at the dr. Migraine gone!

Off to the big family 4th of july picnic!

[sadveiledbride]

I feel okay today. Sort of odd. Which I'm not sure what to make of.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I got a shot of Toredol at the dr. Migraine gone!

Off to the big family 4th of july picnic!

I am happy for you! Migraines are horrible.
I am starting one now... visual auras , etc.
I hope you have a good time!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

I feel okay today. Sort of odd. Which I'm not sure what to make of.

I am glad t read you are having a better day. I have been very concerned about you. Yes, after feeling unwell for a long period, it can feel "odd" to feel even partially well.

I hope you are having a good day, in every respect!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

I feel okay today. Sort of odd. Which I'm not sure what to make of.

Enjoy it and remember it so you can remind yourself the next time you are down that there are times when you feel this way too. I hope it lasts for a while. You deserve a break.

[tecomsin]

Hey WC,

Thanks for your good advise. I was texting with this male friend today and decided against raising my concern that way. Better to do it in person. I don't see him that often, maybe every few weeks, sometimes longer, so it will give me some time to chill. He is a good person so it is more that his boundaries were weak enough for him to leak out somethings he shouldn't have said.

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. The only suggestion I have is to really focus on how to minimize communication with him, while at the same time meeting your needs. It seems like he is feeding off your interactions, your upset and your desire to try to work things out no matter how unreasonable and threatening he is. Doing more of what you are doing is not going to improve his behavior toward you.

I once read a long time ago a short book called 'Getting to Yes'. The key thing I remember is that in any negotiation one should always have in mind BATNA "Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement". What is your BATNA? What will you do if you can't negotiate with him?

There is another topic I have read about dealing with disordered people when no contact is not a possibility. It is called "Grey Rock". See for instance; The Gray Rock Method Of Dealing With A Narcissist When No Contact Isn’t An Option


If he has frozen you out of accounts and you have no access to money I really think you need to get a lawyer asap.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Hey WC,

Thanks for your good advise. I was texting with this male friend today and decided against raising my concern that way. Better to do it in person. I don't see him that often, maybe every few weeks, sometimes longer, so it will give me some time to chill. He is a good person so it is more that his boundaries were weak enough for him to leak out somethings he shouldn't have said.

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. The only suggestion I have is to really focus on how to minimize communication with him, while at the same time meeting your needs. It seems like he is feeding off your interactions, your upset and your desire to try to work things out no matter how unreasonable and threatening he is. Doing more of what you are doing is not going to improve his behavior toward you.

I once read a long time ago a short book called 'Getting to Yes'. The key thing I remember is that in any negotiation one should always have in mind BATNA "Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement". What is your BATNA? What will you do if you can't negotiate with him?

There is another topic I have read about dealing with disordered people when no contact is not a possibility. It is called "Grey Rock". See for instance; The Gray Rock Method Of Dealing With A Narcissist When No Contact Isn’t An Option


If he has frozen you out of accounts and you have no access to money I really think you need to get a lawyer asap.

BINGO! I know this is right on! THANK YOU!!!
VERY INSIGHTFUL!!!

I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A GOOD NIGHT!

[Ezrigirl]

Possible trigger:

I wish someone online would beat me up. It would make me happy. Ya, it is role play but saying you hit me so hard I am bleed from my face. I can still have that fantasy of tasting the blood from my lips.

[MsSunflower]

I've been a bit tired lately but it's probably because I've been keeping so busy. Have been actually feeling pretty calm and happy the last couple of days. It's been awhile since I've felt like this and I don't quite trust it but I'll try to enjoy it while it lasts

[sadveiledbride]

I’m so damn upset right now, I was having a great ******* night and then some stupid **** happened, now I’m back to right where I ******* was.

Tonight was the second night in a row we went to evening concerts. Because of that, I didn't take my evening meds until 11 pm, instead of my usual 7 pm. That throws off my sleep. Both last night and tonight I was up past 1 am. Even though I take Seroquel XR, it still takes three to five hours to be tired enough to fall asleep. 7 pm is ideal for taking my evening meds. Once asleep, I sleep well, but I need eight to nine hours sleep on my Seroquel XR. This morning, I couldn't get up until 10 am.

[Ezrigirl]

I just woke up out of bed, I just feel so worthless, I better go back to bed alone.

[Sunflower123]

It’s early yet to see if Vraylar is working. Started taking it Tuesday. Yesterday was so bad that I had to go to bed at 5:30 pm for my own safety. I’m working on neuroplasticity where you retrain your brain to form different neural pathways (to stop the SI). Very slow going and seeing no progress as yet. Tired of the seesaw and feeling foolish that I’m not controlling this better.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm aggravated about the weight I've gained and the ridiculous hunger even after I eat. I'm trying hard to lose the extra lbs. I'm doing great mentally though