Bipolar Check-In #38

It's not that easy I have never gone to the hospital for a crisis. I don't know what to expect. Here we are short staffed and cause I have a team of my own they might say to just see them in the morning. I can hold off for 9 hours I'll be sleeping for the most part that's if I decide to sleep tonight. Last night I cried most of the night

Well !

6 weeks ! Yes 6 weeks I have been dealing with this Asthma from bloody hell ! I honestly can’t remember it ever being this bad. I’m at a total loss..

Started day after return from Florida. Okay , steroid shot, oral steroids stay on Symbicort but added Anoro inhaler, much stronger one ( usually this would always clear things right up ) . Next appt still total suckage , finish oral steroids, drop Anoro , increase Symbicort to 3 times a day. Ok next appt still junk lungs let’s add Breo , even stronger inhaler along with Symbicort. 10 days later still junk lungs, add additional 10 days of oral steroids. Finished prednisone Thursday ... Friday , productive cough infection brewing, today , productive cough but clear, no fever at all. I’m not taking my Humira shot as that can interfere with fighting infection. Meanwhile for 6 weeks im Nebulizing 4 times a day that keeps my heart rate 130-146 resting.

I’m calling my Doctor in the morning. Monday’s are always super busy as we all know everyone gets sick over the weekend..... so I’ll likely wait to go in until Tuesday , I mean hell what’s another day at this point , yeah?

I can’t even describe the full amount of suckiness this is causing me.

Well typically when a person is in crisis, they are talked to by a Doctor, maybe a Pdoc or a ER Doctor. Usually they take blood work, they usually want to make sure your not on street drugs or your current meds aren’t toxic for some reason, hey it can happen.

My IP is 110 miles away.. but they do an intake , it’s simple questions to be honest. How are you feeling? When did it get worse ? Are any of your meds helpful? Have you told someone you want to die? What’s your plan ? Admitting to feeling suicidal is hard, but verbally saying it outloud to someone who can get you the help you need right away is freeing in a way. Every time I have gone , I’m so unbelievably tense , my shoulders are scrunched up into my ears. But admitting I need help and right now, a weight is lifted , my shoulders drop. Just knowing you can just give up, allow someone to hold your hand, get you to wherever physically you need to be ... your not alone anymore. You are surrounded with people whose sole purpose is to help you emotionally , mentally , physically and truly know you are no longer alone.

That’s where you can catch a breath and get much needed help sooner rather than later.

If you broke your arm would you wait til later in the week to get it looked at ?? No of course not, you would go now.

Invest in yourself, reach out for help.

You can do this

Christina, that all does sound like suckage- especially the heartbeat at 130-140! Is it the med doing that, I assume? That can't feel very relaxing on top of everything else!

I hope this is starting to wind down for you. Getting a bronchial issue on top of things is frustrating Im sure.

You deserve a non-shakey good night's rest!

Thinking of you!

I second this! You dont need to wait- go now. You'll feel better.

I agree with the above. You need to get help sooner rather then later.

Goodness. I didn’t realize it had been that long. Please allow me to say that concerns me greatly. I hope you are in good hands and that the doctor can get a handle on this soon.

Ive just been lazy today. Slept in, got out into the fresh air for a few, then back to bed reading my book. Now ive turned out the lights and am watching a movie. Better than a bad day- just a humdrum plain old relaxing day.

I’m sorry you lost your friend. How are you doing?

It is nuts this is still going on. I hope the doctors are able to help you tomorrow. You've been battling so hard for so long. You need a break!

Sorry about the loss of your friend.

Slowly I’m getting stronger, and the PTSD fading. Yesterday I spent the day at home. I was bored but also unable to really focus on some complicated tasks that need doing. I wanted to socialise but also couldn’t be bothered. I was a bit lost and ended up in bed at 7.30 pm.

This morning I feel brighter and more motivated. So far I have had no reaction to slightly reducing my Lithium dose four days ago. May it continue. I think I am finally coming out of the trauma rut I have been in all year, and no signs of bipolar either! It even crossed my mind to start looking for a p/t job soon. It is indescribable looking down the barrel of freedom for what really is the first time in my life. To top it off my energy levels are improving too, and pain levels down. Now I need a plan and a path forwards.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences.

The horrible part is I'm... jealous. I wish it could have been me...

Thanks

Yes the nebulizing medication Deuneb causes Tachycardia for most everyone.

Thanks so much

Sounds like a great day

I’ve been avoiding posting. Because on Thursday, after one day of lamictal increase and Wellbutrin, I was feeling great. Not hypo at all, just finally like myself again. I was ashamed because I came on here and complained and whined so much. I felt like I had been over dramatic. So I’m sorry for that.

I felt good for three days and today I’m a bit down again. I didn’t think it was the medication working yet, I think I just got a natural break from the depression in my natural cycle. Before I was on depakote I used to get short hypomanic breaks in my depression episodes. I think the depakote kicked it down to normal happy functioning.

I’m hoping this med change helps me sooner rather than later. I don’t like the heaviness.

My SIL came up today and we talked about our problems. She’s having a lot of trouble with her new foster child and her marriage. So we talked about that. It was nice to have a distraction for a few hours.

Work is interesting to say the least. I’ve never worked with a student like this before. Aggressive, self injurious, and non verbal. He bit the **** out of the teacher on Friday. Broke skin and everything. The teacher had to leave and go to the workman’s comp urgent care to get a tetanus shot. I’m afraid of handling this kid. He requires two people to restrain him because he’s so strong. I won’t be able to take him on myself. I feel very powerless because I want to help and I want to be good at my job but I am completely out of my element.

So yes, that’s my update. Still feeling a bit down but more hopeful since I got those few good days.

I’m so sorry for your loss

You have been struggling for so very long now.

It’s time to reach out for help, now. Your burden is to heavy to carry alone, let someone help

Yes nuts I agree !!!! Thanks

Went for a ride today. Absolutely hammered. Very proud of my time as it is a new record. But you're probably all getting tired of reading about my cycling. It's my coping strategy though so while I'll keep riding, I'll make this the last cycling report. Just assume that I'm still going out on my beautiful machine, and I'll spare you the details.

Still going well bipolar wise. I managed to get a grip on my anxiety enough to go to the cafe on the corner and buy a takeaway coffee. The plan was to sit in and order coffee and read the paper but no go. I guess I’ll try again tomorrow. I’d really like to go to the local library one train stop away but if I can’t even make it past the corner...

Christina - 6 weeks. That IS major suckiness

Miss Laura - you remind me of myself when I’m not well. I know it’s hard but it’s ok to seek help. I also agree with Christina, Moose72 and Jennifer 1967.

childonchaos831 - sorry for your loss. It’s awful to lose a friend. I too am often envious of those who have passed on.

Jennifer 1967 - I try to stay off FB but can’t help being drawn to it. I’m kind of jealous of all the shiny, happy people with perfect families and perfect lives.

Hugs to everyone who needs them.

Not tired at all of reading about your cycling. Please continue to post. It’s encouraging for me to read that you have a coping strategy that you’re applying and is working for you so well.

I'm in PHP. My insurance cut out Thursday but I reassessed Friday and start again tomorrow.