Bipolar Check-In #38

Maybe the snub would be a good thing. Make him relize that you are serious about him either quiting or you won't be in his life anymore. It might do your brother a world of good to get out of the house for a few hours on a holiday and socialize with people other than your dad.

I had a bad experience with amazon.ca. I ordered a jar of costco mixed nuts from them and it came without a lid. The only thing it had preventing the nuts from spilling out was the removable seal. Instead of sending it back I used a lid from a walmart jug I had just finished but not thrown out yet.

I tried to leave a short review on their website but was denied. They won't let me leave a review about my experience. And in the email they sent me saying that my review would not be posted they enclosed a link to their guidelines but the link is broken and leads to an error.

I don't think I broke any amazon guidelines in a 3 sentence review that my kirkland jar of nuts arrived without a lid. They just don't want a negative review posted.

I have horrendous anxiety today. I'm not sure what to do about it. I've tried various coping methods and it helps but as soon as I'm done distracting myself I'm right back to feeling dread. It's been pretty bad in general lately. I have klonopin I can take up to 2 times a day, my doctor is always telling me to take it when I need it but I don't want to be dependent on it. I've been prescribed it for many years and I've never had a problem with getting addicted or abusing it but I don't like relying on it. I'm trying to figure out why my anxiety is so damn bad lately. I'm doing my best to cope with it

Still no meds.... I'm fing raging. Even worse the Psychiatrist didn't even write Propanol on my letter which means I'm not prescribed it. So I had to call up his receptionist to see what the hell is going on. 4 hours later she calls me back saying he has now sent a letter to my GP. Hopefully I get both my meds tomorrow 7 days after I saw my Psychiatrist. I'm raging. Nothing ever goes right for me

Well woo hoo the blood donation went great. I'm always Leary of getting all the way though it. Twice now I was too dehydrated to complete the cycle. I worried that all the vomiting I'd been doing would affect my ability to give blood. I started drinking extra water yesterday and made sure to get plenty today. Whizzed right though. Very organized today with lots of volunteers from the church where it was held. I'm so grateful that never have they brought up or commented on my arms. They are both full of scars and brandings. It's nice to feel that I can give back in some way.

Glad you made it through the prep! I'm surprised they let you have beef broth. It said specifically no broth of any kind on my prep instructions.

(((((( BirdDancer ))))))

You have such a kind heart! Bless you for trying to find an approach which will work!

My family dynamics are similar. Holidays are very complicated. We are often trying to find an approach everyone can live with. Yet, not everyone agrees to live with anything we propose. In reality, they would live just fine. I would throw in the towel if it were not for my mom. She really needs to see her family together as often as possible. I work hard to make it work, as much as it can work, that is.

You are a sweetheart to continue trying. You are very creative, it just makes sense to me you would come up with a creative solution.

I enjoy your Spirit!

I am glad this went well for you!

I also have type O I cannot donate due to an exposure when I was young.

Blood donation is important. So often, blood/blood products are needed in order for some to have a chance to live.. I have seen this with a family member in the past. His survival depended upon donations.

I want to thank you for donating!
What a great service to your community!

Wow! How frustrating!
I hope you have had some of your meds while waiting?

I am so sorry he has let you down.

Were you able to get through the weekend without harming yourself?
When is your sister expected to return?

I know you are very frustrated, even angry! I might be just as angry!

Just don't let this incident, this guy's mistake and an incident you will soon forget, ruin your perspective. While some aspects of your life may be frustrating, some things in your life do go right for you! :

I am so glad to read of how your week is starting out! Sounds like you did a great job advocating for yourself! This went right and you should be proud of yourself!

I hope you find your meds very helpful!

Thanks, Wild Coyote. I just sent my sister an email proposing this.

I am very sorry you are having to deal with this.
i do understand your concerns re: using clonazepam. I 've had clonazepam prescribed for well over 20 years. It sounds like we've handled it much the same way. I took it when I needed it and set it aside otherwise. I have never been addicted to it. I had stopped it completely cold turkey last Fall.I was able to do so because I had been able to limit/stagger my intake.

I do think it wise to be thoughtful about using it. It can exacerbate depression, on top of all else.

At the same time, anxiety, especially anxiety attacks, can become self-perpetuating if/when they are not interrupted. In these cases, it might be helpful to use the clonazepam, in order to stop the cycle.

I am sorry, I forget, do you use a journal? I ask only because writing often helps me to identify triggers , to identify things contributing to or exacerbating my symptoms.

I had stopped journaling. In recent emails to a friend, I have "downloaded" within my email response(s), for which I am embarassed. I did experience some insight, some revelations, through writing. I did not mean to do this in an email though. I need to go back to my journal!

Iam glad you are here with us. You contribute so much to this community!

I am having an okay day. Kind of "all over the place." I feel I have many stressful things going on in my life right now. I need to limit the triggers and build in more opportunities for FUN!!! I find I spend too much time attending to responsibilities. Even though they need a certain amount of attention, there may be a more efficient way to handle things, leaving me some time/energy to invest in "playing!" I did not even take enough time to play when I was a child. I think I need to learn how to play everyday!!!

I am open to suggestions on what people do to "play." I need some ideas.

Love to All!

Thank you WC

I do journal, I actually just got done writing in it a minute ago It's possible there are triggers. Like I need to get a new showerhead and have maintenance come over, I need to go to the dentist since I'm having some tooth pain which I'm worried about but I don't have money for the bus so I'd have to walk a couple miles there, and I'm almost completely out of food for the month so I need to go to the food pantry tomorrow. I know those things don't seem like much but they give me massive anxiety

I'm trying to come up with a plan for how to handle all this and get everything done

Hey WC,

Thank you.... my Sister got back yesterday afternoon. I went to her flat then the family went out for dinner. I saw her today too as she took today off her work. Staying at her flat tomorrow night.

I had my regular meds but they weren't helping. Over the weekend I wrote a letter to my sister in case I did something at some point in my life. I know its morbid and I shouldn't do it but I was miserable and thought I needed it. I have been hurting myself a lot again I know it's stupid. But it's the way I was feeling.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll get my meds plus I'm seeing my nurse in the afternoon. I'm like do I complain about the length of time I have had to wait on my meds or not??

Hey Blue_Bird!

Those seem like valid triggers to me! I could be very triggered by your list. Financial stress is a huge one!

I recall living as a student in an area outside of the college I was attending. I was working full-time and I had to give 90%nof my money to the school each month. (I was a self-supporting student. I was limiiting what I would take out in school loans.) It was very stressful. I could not just go to the cafeteria to eat, necessarily. I do have some meal tickets; yet they were limited. I was very thin then! I'd needed glasses and would have to find an additional job to buy them. etc. I was lucky, I did not have to see the dentist during those years. I am making up for it now!

Just when I thought my days of very limited means were over, I became very ill with physical conditions and had to go out on disability. I was single then. I had no income while insurances fought over who owed me money. I also had to apply for SSDI. It was required by the insurance company. I was trying to live on $162.00/month (General Relief) until my disability claim was approved. I had to sell anything/everything I had. Once I had my disabiity pay, it helped, but it was not enough to live on. The benefits were also lacking and/or terrible. There were so very many expenses that insurance would not cover. It was a nightmare. It IS a nightmare for many people. ;(

Fortunately, I had a lot of training in surviving on very little income, as I had grown up in poverty.

All of this to say: I do know your concerns can cause an incredible amount of stress. I understand how financial stress can be very discouraging and can cause an enormous amount of anxiety. It is very difficult to resolve financial stess, as in many situations, income is fixed and despite the increasing bills, no additional monies will be arriving anytime soon.
I feel for you and I hope it, somehow, gets easier!

Hi!

I am glad you had time with your family!

I am concerned, of course.

So, what did you do with the letter?
Are you going to get rid of it?
What would your sister do without you?

I am sorry you have been stressed enough to hurt yourself.
Do you feel getting your meds will be helpful in stopping hurting yourself?
Or is hurting yourself driven by other challenges?

Sure! I think it is healthy for you to voice your concern and your disappointment to the medical staff. Can you do this while keeping your cool? I think your voicing this to the staff is much more healthy than harming yourself because of the situation. You deserve to be allowed to express yourself.

If you are unsure of how you would like to tell them of your disappointment, you could rehearse it a bit before your appointment.?

it's great to hear from you!!

Let us know how it's going!

My scopes went well. Nothing obvious is wrong but they took biopsies that probably will be fine, thank God. Next is waiting for pathology. I'm too tired to type more but thanks for all the support. You are all the best.

PS, Moose, this stuck in my head when I know lots of other comments didn't. Yes, I could chicken or beef broth and it was Delicious. I can't even spell that so I'll respond to other comments tomorrow. I'm STILL running to the bathroom from time to time so hoping that I can actually sleep tonight. I think last night 20 minutes was the longest I got.

Thanks Christina. I agree, nature has a major effect on my mood. I am trying to decide on some activities to do. I have some hobbies like playing the violin, but when depressed I tend to not be in the mood. However, I am thinking about trying some dancing like contra dancing. I don't know much about it, but it looks like it's a fun social dance that doesn't require a lot of experience to get started. So, I think that could lift my mood since I enjoy dancing and be a good way to be social.

Thank you

Yes, finances are very stressful. I'm currently on SSI and after my bills are paid I have $37 left for the entire month which goes towards necessities and I have foodstamps which is good bu it's still tight. I'm on waiting lists to get into a rent assisted apartment so hopefully by early 2020 something comes through. Thankfully in the winter I get help with my heating bill

Oh do I understand that nonsense It’s like an cardio workout )

Glad you were able to at least get some. Hopefully tonight you can catch back up on sleep

So I made it through the worst of the anxiety today without klonopin. I had to use tons of coping skills.
-Reading
-Playing with my cats
-Drawing
-Music
-Cleaning
-Praying
-Videogames
-Journaling
-Looking at recipe ideas for desserts for November
-Aromatherapy
-Showering

I seem to be calming down somewhat

I'm wondering about long term anxiety meds, like something that helps panic. I was on clonidine which helped immensely but was taken off it when I was having blood pressure issues with that combined with another med. Don't see my doctor till the middle of next month though. I wonder if I could get back on that or a beta blocker since my thorazine was decreased and I'm not having dizziness anymore

I think the boundaries you have put up in regards to your Father is what you needed , you have to take care of yourself.

Family holidays .. they get so complicated with who can go there or not with whom. I’m sorry you have to try and find a way to do anything.

Don’t blame you at all for just getting the hell out of town for Thanksgiving.

Hopefully you can find a day to celebrate both birthdays. Ahhhh your cookies !!! What a wonderful gift to receive. You put lots of work and much love into them. Be damn proud of yourself.

Well your struggling to get enough sleep so that right there will increase anxiety. Maybe take klonopin for a couple days and it might get your sleep back on track. Sorry your struggling

That’s awful that you are having to wait so long I hope that by tomorrow you will have it all straight and in your hands to start taking.