Bipolar check-in #44

Hello all. Something happened that came as a surprise to me.I think I am feeling stable. All the behaviors that are there when I am elevated are not there. I am having some problems with situational depression. This differs from BP depression. This depression relates to the act of going into work. At times, it dominates my thinking so much that I can be preoccupied with this even on my days off. Now here is the mystery. When I was at work yesterday, there was a period of several moments that I was actually real happy. I have not felt like this in eons. It only lasted a brief amount of time, but it was wonderful. It is the feeling that I belonged at work. It is like everything is OK. No worries.

Can anyone explain this?

Anyway, I go to work in five hours. However, I cannot sleep. I got up at 3 AM. I am trying to find things to do. So I mixed up a battery for pancakes. I am letting it rise. I may have to take a nap when I get back from work. I have this really loose tooth. I have been constantly wiggling it with my tongue instead of just leaving it alone. I do not have the money yet to have it pulled. Instead I purchased an antique firearm. My priorities are all messed up,

My husband received a scary email from his employer. It basically hints at a scary uncertainty about the not so distant future. This whole covid 19 issue goes beyond just fear of catching or spreading the virus. The economic effects are gloomy, too. One can't help but think that many could be left with difficulty knowing how to pay for basic things. One can't help but think that real estate values (and certain other possessions) could plummet for a while. What if my husband and I are in a real pickle where we can't afford to even leave our current situation. Or what if where we want to go isn't welcoming outsiders because of the situation? This all happened in history before, though quite a while ago. It's hard to even figure out an emergency plan. Update: My husband's work colleague just called him and is scared.

When I stopped by my father's house to pick up my dad's tax stuff yesterday, the house was worse looking than I have ever seen it. It's all my brother's doing. My brother has lived there for years, and since my dad has been in the hospitals and assisted living (many months) my brother just stopped caring. Actually, even before that. It's like a fight to get my brother to clear his cr_p from the dining room and outside the house. There wasn't even a place to put a plate on the dining room table, without my brother literally pushing stuff out of the way. Beyond the extremely messy clutter, the floors and surfaces are so extremely filthy. They don't look like they've been cleaned for many many months. I'm thinking of bringing up a cleaning service to my dad. I'd need Dad to authorize it. My brother keeps resisting, but it's not my brother's house. If my brother refuses to clear his stuff out of the dining room, I could always bring large boxes and put the stuff in them slightly against my brother's wishes. Dad has the right to authorize that. Ideally, if the house is super cleaned, it would be a good time for the walls and trim to be painted. I don't think it's been painted for at least 20 years.

I am very sorry for all you are going through. Even though we are all going through this, there are some unique aspects to many situations.

It must have been difficult to know your dad's house is in disarray.

I guess we could say these are very messy situations with which we are trying to cope?

Much Love to You, BirdDancer

Thank you so much.

**blushing**

Just like the rest of the community, I do care deeply about each member as well as seeing great value in helping our PC community to be as healthy and as supportive as possible. I often fall short.

I believe I am simply reflecting the attributes of the many members of this precious community.

In this regard, I am grateful to the community for its support in helping me in so many ways.

We all shine together!
We are, in fact, truly One!

It's wonderful you've noticed positive feeling at work, even if only for short periods. Hopefully, you will enjoy these experiences more and more!

I am wondering if there is anything you are doing that cultivates these moments?

The pancakes sound great!

I, too, would prefer to spend money on a hobby than to pay it to a dentist.

I hope your tooth is not uncomfortable.

Enjoy your day!

Today I woke up singing the Goo Goo Dolls. Not sure what song, as if that matters.

Now I've made coffee and taken it to my wife (who was still in bed) and read her some poetry. It's the way we start the day most of the time.

I feel horribly depressed still, but I met with my pdoc about 15 minutes ago. I told him I was depressed, and so we made changes to my regimen (again).

Apparently I cannot get 90 day supply of Ritalin even under these circumstances. At best, I can get 60 days. It sucks, but there is nothing I can do about it. At least I only have to go to the pharmacy once every other month, rather than once a month...

I suppose I will go out for a walk today around the area, before the weather gets bad (yep, lots and lots of snow).

Sometimes I wonder what the point of anything is.

I am just a bundle of anxiety. I went for a walk today and while I was in the woods I heard screaming and then someone whisper "murder on the hill" so I ran down the hill out of the woods. Heard whispering/voices all the way back to my house so now I've got music playing really loudly. I also have my interview tomorrow. And my injection.

Respect and safe hugs to all

I've just got news that St. Helena and Napa, the nearest town and city respectively have found their first cases of COVID. The county had been surrounded by the nation's second largest epicentre after NY, so when this information came through it sort of ticked the tension up for me.

You know how my eyes have been itchy the last week or so? I've been trying not to scratch them but its so hard. I was using a tissue and then washing my hands. Well this morning I woke up to my eyes being glued shut! Fully crusted over and unable to open them! I used a tissue with warm water to get them unstuck then washed my hands. Then I called the doctor's office to see what they say to do. I'm not sure if they'll just say to keep on with warm compresses or if they're prescribe an ointment. Of course, an ointment means touching my eyes! I can still take Benedryl I guess.


N3 is still at Sharlene's house. And he works tomorrow. He said "they" say that McDonald's is "essential infrastructure". So they're still running the drive through which is where N3 works. That's good news in terms of our finances but bad news in terms of social distancing. He has to take the money from the people and that surely isn't six feet away. He wears gloves and washes his hands. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. Things change so quickly these days! My friend won't stop texting me about this virus. Today she said, "Are you ready for the lock down?" I said, "NO!" I need more food but yeah- I can't buy any until the first and that's when all my bills are due. Some I can pay over the phone. I'll have to ask the landlord how to pay online.

I hope your doctor can help you with your eyes issue, You need some relief.

I am sorry your son is so exposed and I hope McD's will rethink their decisions to be absolutely sure each location needs to be open and for just how many hours. I hope your son will be very careful.

As for your friend who is sending more coronavirus info too often, can you tell this friend that you are not up to dwelling on the topic and could the person please give you a break for now? We each have different tolerance levels on different days.

It sounds like you are taking good care of yourself!

That must have been quite frightening!
I'd run, too! With my luck, I would probably fall down!
Do you feel safe now? Are you looking forward to your interview?

I'm glad we have this forum and its wonderful members. Cheers to all.

Oo I had the crawlies the whole time I was out. So many people! I had to go to my pharmacy to pick up my meds. They were ready last Thursday but only a partial fill on my laudta. I had hoped that by waiting the whole thing would be ready. I wanted to call but my phone is overwhelmed. I have a captioned phone and too many people are using it at the same time for it to caption my call. So I just went in person with my fingers crossed. No luck, they haven't gotten the laudta yet. So I'll have to go back but next time I can use the drive though. They did have milk and bread and cereal which mum needed and they had the denture stuff I needed plus there were things on sale which we could use like soup and nut and soda. But still * shudders * was wishing I had sanitizer but I don't.

I wouldn't say I feel "safe" and I'm still hearing things but I took my prns so I'm not as bad. I think the injection wears off before I get the next one.
I'm very nervous about the interview, but also excited.

This friend who sends me all the corona virus stuff also sends me anti-vaccine information in general. She has n95 masks and is always asking me if I'm prepared for this or that. I wrote her back a big "No!" and left it at that. She's on my facebook but I don't read facebook really just because last time I tried, it was just post after post after post in a row about the virus!

Every time I drop N3 off at work I remind him to wear gloves and wash his hands once an hour. Whether he does or not is something only he knows. He won't really discuss it with me!

Still waiting to hear from the nurse after she talks with my doctor. Got about an hour left, I think, that they're open.

Oh and I got something ELSE about the foodstamps! Now they say I earned $21 in interest last year and would I please send documentation on it to them post haste! WTF? I'd need to go to the credit union for that type of information. Luckily, we are going tomorrow to deposit N3's paycheck. I hope it works out. (He signed up for direct deposit and it hasn't gone through, so he'll need to get another form from the credit union tomorrow.) I'm tired of driving to the credit union, especially one that I don't know very well since my regular one is closed.

Going to go pick up N3 now. He says they say that McDonald's is an essential business. Don't know why- their food is junk!

I understand and appreciate the concern about political remarks here on the site. Noone wants this devolving into a political shouting match--of course.

That being said, some of the greatest tragedies in human history have occurred because people who knew what was actully happening chose not to speak. We all know what those were. So, and obviously, this is my own personal opinion here, we are in a very difficult situation worldwide, of course, but also, we are in a bit of a very specific kind of a pickle here in the United States. People are, quite appropriately, in my view, having various emotional reactions to what they are personally experiencing and seeing (or, perhaps better phrased, not seeing) from their government(s). To expect folks not to have those kinds of reactions is, I think, not especially realistic at this particular moment in history. It's bound to come up. People are worried. People are frightened. Just my take, and I understand others may not share it. Which is also great.

I was raised by dirt-poor, fiercely independent rural Texans who managed somehow to get educated and succeed in this great country. They selflessly served in the military--for years. There is no current political party that even remotely represents their views--that party does not exist. I would simply call them patriots. They love our country, to their very last breaths.

As Edmund Burke so wisely said, in my opinion: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

A statement worth refelcting on, from time to time, in my view. To me, truer words about the nature of humanity have probably never been uttered. Truly.

I know some other people online who get injections and theirs wears off early too.

I don't know what your injection is, but if it's Haldol (for example), then you should ask for Haldol pills as PRN. However, if you already have Haldol PRN (or whatever AP you're talking about), then ignore my suggestion.

Also, it sounds like you're seeing a pattern in terms of injection effectiveness. Maybe you should tell your dr that you need more frequent injections or that you need your medication plan tailored to fit the lifespan of the injection? I would say get a journal (if you don't have one already) and write down your mood, feelings, and emotions everyday. That should give you an idea of how long the injection really lasts.

Well, zero sleep last night. Lay down and started having some pretty severe chest pain. Very short bursts, two seconds, maybe, then nothing. Intermittent. Seemed to go away when I sat up and be worse when laying down, so fell asleep finally in the chair. No idea what is happening with me, physically. Is it part of this respiratory thing I've been battling? Is it some weird reflux/hiatal hernia/esophageal spasm thing? Is it cardiac?

I dunno. Gonna take it easy today. We are on lockdown here now, anyway, so it's not like I can go anywhere. But if it does not go away or gets worse, I am unfortunately going to have to go to the ED, just to rule out a cardiac cause, which is going to suck greatly.

Hope everyone is getting through the day okay. Sending hugs and love to all!!!!

Not to be negative, but if your son isn't willing to discuss washing hands or using hand sanitizer, then he's probably not taking proper precautions. That means you should treat your house like it's in a public place by washing your hands, using hand sanitizer, and not touching your face unless you're doing so with a tissue. Assume everything is infected. (I'm not saying your whole house is infected, but I'm just saying practice the assumption so that you don't get caught off guard.)

Anyway, as you probably know already, younger people tend to get coronavirus very mildly and don't experience really bad symptoms, so they really don't care if they get it or not. (In fact, there are lots of news articles about college students taking spring break in Florida in hordes of literally 50-200 people.) They don't see the big deal. But they really need to be taught the importance of being safe because they are seriously risking the health of people who are 60+ or who have compromised immune systems (e.g., due to a medication, a health condition, whatever). Ask him how he would feel if one of his grandparents got coronavirus (if they're still alive) or if someone in your family with preexisting conditions like diabetes got coronavirus. I bet you he would change his tone.

My husband is really hurting today from the fall the other day, the bruise is now bigger than a dinner plate and rock hard and the swelling is not going down yet, despite using ice... This contusion is going to take a long time to heal. He's oxygen level was only running 89-90 earlier, He went to lay down a while ago with his oxygen running I was glad to see him fall asleep. Normally hes sleeps like a rock, But having to only lay on his left side is hard, he rolls over and he immediatly wakes up due to the pain.

On a positive note the local thrift stores are posting pictures of board games on Facebook free for anyone who wants to drive by and get one, they are also giving away bundles of books.

Today our town has started a drive thru to pick up a food box to help anyone in need. There are blessing boxes around town that people are still putting food into for anyone in need.

If anyone has Dish Tv service Showtime is giving 30 days for free. I wonder if they are doing the same for other Tv providers ? Its a nice treat for us as we have one step above the bare bones package. So free commercial free Movies is a wonderful thing. I am sad we do not have internet service that will support streaming or telehealth services.

I am so sorry your dealing with this, Think back to your med school days.... Reflux can be a sign of a heart attack.. Is your heart rate stable , Blood pressure okay? Any jaw claudication? left arm pain?

How about calling your GP and see what they reccomend? Maybe you can pop in for a quick EKG, at least it would give you piece of mind. I would do that long before I think of going to an ER.

Hope your feeling better soon

Ever think about creating a wall of pillows behind his back? Or taking a blanket you're not using, bunching it up, and putting it behind his back? Then if he tries to roll over, he'll be reminded not to do that.

When I had my nasal surgery, I was supposed to sleep on my back with my head elevated, but I normally like to sleep on my side, so I kept rolling over. To solve this problem, I just built a wall of pillows on either side of me, so when I did try to roll over, i was hitting the pillows and it reminded me not to do that. Eventually, my body was "trained" not to roll over.

Also, I can imagine that with his contusion, hitting pillows would hurt a lot less than hitting the bed with his back.

The trick is to pinch the pillows underneath you so that they don't move when he rolls onto his back. If he does start to roll onto his back, he will feel a soft lump that will remind him not to do it.

Just an idea that worked for me. Also worked for me when I got my wisdom teeth out.

Anyway, cool about Dish TV. I have Comcrap and they do anything and everything to screw you over. And of course they have a monopoly here.

No surprise, the hospital just called and again postponed my ECT indefinitely. They expect the coronavirus rush to hit them forcefully over the next three weeks. So I shouldn't expect treatment before then unless I'm either suicidal or catatonic.


Fortunately, the thing that was calling to me with rather violent ideas is now hidden. I'm not hearing it as much and feel significantly safer.