Bipolar check-in #44

I'm all tucked in bed watching Will & Grace.

Its just crazy. 6-7 Tornados hit Nashville area 3 weeks ago , then Corona and another possible tornado near me. In Nashville area an Apartment building went up in flames over 40 units are just gone, people jumping off balconies to escape it. Vicious fire was still going 3 hours after it started, so more people homeless with nothing, just clothes on there back.. I cant imagine whats its like for people displaced from Tornados and now people from this fire

Wow! I hadn't heard about that. Oh, those poor people, without a home how are they to shelter in place?

I think some Tornado victims are still living in a hotel room, many people with an AirBnB are letting tornado people stay long term and not charging them ridiculous rent, thankfuly........there a housing crisis in Nashville for the last 4-5 years, so I dunno where this next bunch of people are going to go Not everyone has family they can go live with. Steve and I dont. Crazy times

Hi all. Just checking in. I am pretty tired to write much, but wanted to say hi. Had a rough week with everything going on, worrying about everything and hormones making my anxiety and physical symptoms amplified. Tired, but feeling a little less overwhelmed now. Had teletherapy and we did progressive muscle relaxation. She said she wanted to work on giving me more tools to use instead of just the kind of talk therapy we had been doing. I hope everyone stays healthy. Will check back soon.

Hi, sorry I haven't been active really. Lots of stuff going on. We're still not on a "stay home order" BUT we've been at home for a week. My parents have been out so they've brought us food. I hate that they're out but they can't stay still. With all the schools closing there's an influx of home-schoolers and free trials of curriculum. So I've been organizing and collecting it for people.. I'm trying to stay positive.

Im happy to see you

I Hope things settle down for you soon

Thanks Christina. I haven’t tried gabapentin or Lyrica as I am very sensitive to meds and would rather deal with the pain than have a bad reaction. On too many meds as it is. My pain is widespread and very annoying but not crippling thankfully. I do scrunch up though at times.

Seeing my parents is great but we just discussed what we’re going to all do when our country goes into lockdown. Probably in a week or so. It is very stressful. We are all deeply concerned for my sister and kids but most likely will not be able to visit like usual which will leave her isolated. I live alone too. I’m too sick to be alone all the time but being trapped with others all the time won’t help either. My T thinks my health conditions warrant special accommodation to move between my parents and mine. Even then, I don’t want to infect my parents. Stressful decisions.

Oh well, tonight I will enjoy what sense of normalcy we have left.

Oh, do you have the feeling like your brain is being crushed sometimes? I get it if I over do cognitive stuff. Nothing helps. Just wait it out.

Well, I stayed up until 1am doing work... It was a good distraction, so I was okay with it. However, now I am back to feeling miserable. I don't know if it's because I got 5 hours of sleep or what, but I feel pretty bad and obviously the depression is still there...

I'm trying to stay positive, but it's really hard, especially today when I feel so low.

Obviously my med increase isn't working (yet...?), but I have to give it a fair chance, so I am. It's just hard to cope for the time being...

I'm trying to remind myself that my impulses are just impulses and that this will eventually go away. I'm also trying to remind myself that people do care about me and wouldn't want to see me get hurt. But I was doing "research" the other day and it was only fueling my desire to just... you know. However, I was able to talk to other people and I resisted.

I want to call my therapist, but I don't want to scare her. I am hanging on by a thread and I do NOT want to get committed, at least not with COVID-19 plaguing the hospitals right now. Someone did die from COVID-19 in a local hospital not too far from where I am, so the hospital is probably infected by now.

Yes work is a bit easier. Kids are starting to get the hang of remote learning by phone, except the parents really need to butt out. One girl’s grandma was like standing over her berating her the whole time. No wonder the poor girl has anxiety!

My pdoc increased my Seroquel XR by 100 mg exactly two weeks ago. My appetite has definitely increased, but my weight hasn't really. I am assuming because my activity level is still high. In fact, I have felt like a bundle of energy for quite a while. Many projects. Two weeks ago, I was clearly quite hypomanic. My behavior is much improved, but not without mild hypomanic symptoms (talking loudly and a lot, repeating things, even more humor and wild behavior than usual). Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! I am a wild animal, by nature. "Robin Williams light", a trait men get away with easier than women. Believe me.

I'm slightly concerned that my "monthly" was next to nothing this month. Seroquel XR is not known to cause elevated prolactin level, but it is possible. I won't mention it to pdoc today. If it happens next month, I will. I have no other symptoms of that. I do have a history of elevated prolactin level on some other antipsychotics (Risperdal & Invega). On those it was significant. I won't ask for my Seroquel XR to be reduced, right now. That would be a bad idea! I have been on higher doses of Seroquel in the past (I take 700 mg now) and didn't have elevated prolactin. Maybe stress, of sorts, is a culprit. I've never had any symptoms of perimenopause in the past.

My sleep has actually been much improved these past few nights, despite the continuing daytime energy.

I already used covid 19 in the form of an expression. Maybe I can coin it. If something really ramps up fast (especially multiplying), one could say that it "It's moving around as if it was covid 19". Perhaps it could be used for anything like that (good or bad), but particularly bad.

I find progressive relaxation very helpful.
Great to hear from you!

Maybe not getting sick for three years is a sign your immune system is working well. Keep in mind fear and worry affect your immune system. Mantras like 'I am strong and healthy' are a good alternative.

The Elderly in Need of Additional Support With the Basics During This VERY Stressful Time

A Warm Hello!

Lately, I read far much more than I write. I have lots to attend to right here in my household. This ongoing stress takes a toll on all of us; yet, I've seen it take an incredibly HUGE toll on the elderly. My mother needs a tremendous amount of monitoring and constant support lately. I know she has been a very independent, very capable person, so needing so much help right now upsets her more. The stress is taking such a toll upon her mood and upon her physical and her cognitive stamina.

Many of us are using the internet to order at least some of the items we need. We are banking, paying bills , video conferencing even more on the internet. This level of need/dependency upon computers and the internet can feel extremely stressful, even hopeless, to our elderly.

In addition to my mother, my elderly aunt, who lives approx 90 miles away needs help procuring the items she needs, I find what I can and have shipments sent to her.

We have some elderly neighbors also very limited in their abilities to use computers, to navigate sites, etc. I have been helping some of these neighbors as well.

If you know of any elderly person(s) and you can help in some way, please do consider offering some level of assistance. Since we are to be practicing social distancing and the aged are more vulnerable health-wise, it is possible to help them to obtain what they need without much in person contact (if they are agreeable to doing so).

Much Love to All!

Trying to restrain myself
I need help

restrain yourself from what?

do you think you need professional intervention?

It's possible, but I use hand sanitizer every single day, multiple times a day, regardless of coronavirus. I never put my hands near or on my face unless I use hand sanitizer first and scrub my hands for a solid minute first. (I know you only need 20 seconds, but I do 1 minute.)

I just don't want to breathe in coronavirus and get sick that way, since there isn't much you can do about preventing yourself from inhaling virus droplets...

restrain myself from alcohol, purchasing more ****, cutting, suicide, sex, biting...
I took PRNs

can you give your credit card to your mom or dad?

who owns the alcohol? is it you or your parents? I don't drink and don't like to (because I react badly to alcohol), but if you own the bottles and you need me to take them away for a while, you can give them to me. I won't drink them. I promise. I'll pick them up or you can drop them off at my place.

alcohol is not good for depression

I can also take away your cutting supplies if you want me to do that as well.

let me know if you want me to pick them up or whatnot

Thank you, I really appreciate the offer but it's not that I have alcohol on hand. I do have some cash that's itching and the liquor store isn't too far away though. I did lock my wallet and meds in my mom's room. I think I'm gonna call the crisis line too.
Thanks again

okie dokie

just let me know if you change your mind and you need me to take something.

anyway, good idea of locking your wallet and meds. you can also lock your driver's license in your mom's room if you haven't done that already. (not sure if that's in your wallet or not.) then you can't buy anything at the liquor store since you have no proof you're 21 or older.

hopefully the crisis line helps.

I'm feeling okay today.

today was meant to be the day I had a meeting to discuss my mental health care (what's working and what isn't), and despite me really needing the meeting,
I'm sort of glad it's not happening- means I can stay home snug and warm and watch tv which is exactly what I am doing

I called the crisis line, they told me to journal and listen to music until my PRNs kick in

I had a telephone appointment with my liver dr this morning. He wants me to get blood work done. He says I am getting cirrhosis- what's new? Depressing. Covid might get me first. So much for living till Im 95 or even 65...

I'm watching a Lewis Black DVD. Funny. And nothing about covid 19. I went to his website Lewis Black | Official Website | Lewis Black and all his shows are cancelled until the summer.

Gabriel Iglesias is the same way.