[Fuzzybear]

I was wondering what, over time, has triggered your mixed episodes, or are they not related to outside triggers?

I was thinking of making a post, wondering if I am in a mixed episode. It is not normal for me to experience this much anger.....

I have tried to stay away from everything linked to ******** for some time now... with mixed results, overall not good results. If this world does not ''respect my boundary'' that I do not want to be constantly bombarded by ''the news''.. then I wonder what I am even doing in this world. I feel rage.

I am not experiencing paranoia. But I am experiencing a lot of rage.


and some

Possible trigger:

su ideation

Papa bear keeps updated on ''the news'', I am very fortunate. I do not ''need to know'' the updates. Maybe I am unreasonable in wanting a safe space where ''the news'' does not constantly intrude on me. Even before this ''situation'' I avoided ''the news'' since it consistently made me sad and angry. I do not expect anyone to understand me. I do however deserve respect as does everyone. If I consulted a treatment provider, which I have no intention of doing, they would likely say ''how are you coping with ********'' and then prescribe medication. With no more discussion. Since that has been their pattern over... years. They fire one question at me, make an assumption and prescribe medication. It's all over in less than five minutes.

I am ''safe''... feel free to ignore this rant. Since none of the providers irl want to listen to anything I have to say and they also fail to respect me, I appreciate having this space to be able to express some of my grrrrr.

I might phone a ''warmline'' if there even is such a thing in this prehistoric forest, if I do not feel any better in an hour or so. And if the person on the other end of the phone spouts patronising, triggering ******** at me I will put the phone down. Having expressed my opinion of them

I have a good friend who I first got to know online, years ago. She agrees with me that being able to use words can be therapeutic. She has been consulting her therapist for around 12 years, who she finds very helpful. I have not heard of anyone in this forest irl who has had a good therapist for that length of time (oh, possibly one person who was hostile towards me..... not anyone here) I am very much in touch with reality and I do not imagine hostility when it is not there. Or if I do (very rarely) I am able to reality check. So maybe I don't need a therapist. I think maybe I am saner than some of the therapists in this forest irl. I think I mentioned before that a GP did not refer me to therapy and gave the reason of them not being ''normal'' like she said I was She said ''none of my patients have been helped by therapy''... I did not believe her.

I read a post about

Possible trigger:

a benzo OD. Sometimes I think that ....

. They prescribe two months worth of benzos to me. They must think I am ''low risk''.... That is a ''good'' thing since as I have mentioned, I do not find their words helpful.

I am now thinking of deleting this post.

Respect and hugs to all

[Victoria'smom]

I think it's less about whether they trust you and more about there availability. Please keep yourself safe if you have to give your meds to someone to hold. Maybe an online therapist will help you more? Then you can edit your words for misunderstandings and there's no interruptions in what you write. Can you make a coping box with your favored sents, pictures, blanket..... ?

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Fuzzy,

If you feel you are experiencing a "mixed episode," it is important you check in with your GP as asap.

I realize you prefer to not take meds and you are allergic to many. As we interact, and I appreciate our interactions , I think I see your mood fluctuates a lot. I am not saying some of the mood changes are not warranted. I am wondering if you have ever tried a mood stabilizing medication?

You have often shared with the forum the fact that you are very a very sensitive person. I totally believe you. It is very challenging to navigate this world when feelings are so raw. You are quite sensitive (which can be a great quality in some ways) and you might do well to avoid many threads with any "trigger warning" on them? Maybe at least consider this when there is so much going on that feels very upsetting to you?

What do you do with your anger/rage?
Do you exercise? Go for a walk? Work in the garden? Write in a journal? Other?

Where do you find support and where might you find additional support?

I know you find support here at PC.
Don't feel you must list places you frequent for support. I am just trying to help you to list some of your resources.

Have you tried chats here on PC or otherwise?
I hear there are some organizations holding online meetings for those interested. Might something like this interest you?

Have you tried a warm line or a hotline before? Just wondering if you have found either helpful?

I am grateful you feel like you can reach out here!
Many here care about you and about your welfare!

I hope you will stay safe.
I care very much about you.

You know where to find me.

Love you!

[fern46]

Hey Fuzzy. Hugs to you.

My episode was triggered by trauma, ptsd and poor choices on my part. I think any number of things can mix in just the right ways to set someone on that path.

Does Papa Bear have concerns with your behavior? Has he witnessed any episodes in the past? Outside of the rage and ideation do you have other symptoms? Racing thoughts? Insomnia? Increased energy? Mixed episodes feel tricky to nail down, but the also seem to spiral out of control quickly. I like WCs suggestion of checking in with your GP if they are a trusted provider.

I also like your idea of calling to talk with someone. I hope the person on the other end offers respect and a kind ear. If not, hang up and call the next line

Let me know if there's anything specific I can do to assist.

[*Beth*]

Hi Fuzzy, Hmm...to me, it seems mixed episodes are directly related to the season. Autumn and early winter are the ones that tend to trigger mixed episodes.

Aside from the seasons, well, that type of episode seems to appear out of "nowhere." Also can result from certain meds.

Since you are having self-destructive thoughts, please, please reach out - as you have to us - but in other healthy ways, too.

[Wild Coyote]

Hey Fuzzy!

We'd been tossing around some ideas for self-soothing/relaxation just a few minutes ago.
I found this very detailed list of both "Grounding Techniques" and "Self-Soothing Skills."
I like it! You might, too?

Grounding Techniques & Self Soothing for Emotional Regulation | Eddins Counseling Group – Houston, TX

We'd discussed possibly using a mood chart and/or a sleep chart. There are many types online and elsewhere. I hope you find formats which interest you, should you decide to try these approaches of gathering info.

Hugs!

[~Christina]

Hey Fuzzy I'm sorry your not feeling well, I so understand the anger part

Your doing the best you can, your avoiding threads that might trigger you and that is fantastic ! Great self care

Lots of big gentle hugs to you

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks everyone!

I appreciate your supportive and helpful replies
I was so tired I went to bed It's 4.16 am now
I'm having some coffee (I had about 6 hours of sleep I think)

Yes, threads that are triggers for me do cause me distress at times (including on another forum I visited only today, not pc. I don't go there every day). I do try to avoid them.....

It's especially important to avoid triggers if possible later on in the day, as I have realised in particular for the last week or so.... It impacts my sleep, mood and more when I am upset by input that is unwanted and unwelcome. This can also be the TV in the evenings which I usually also stay away from. I do like music

love to all

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey Fuzzy!

We'd been tossing around some ideas for self-soothing/relaxation just a few minutes ago.
I found this very detailed list of both "Grounding Techniques" and "Self-Soothing Skills."
I like it! You might, too?

Grounding Techniques & Self Soothing for Emotional Regulation | Eddins Counseling Group – Houston, TX

We'd discussed possibly using a mood chart and/or a sleep chart. There are many types online and elsewhere. I hope you find formats which interest you, should you decide to try these approaches of gathering info.

Hugs!

Thanks so much for this Wild Coyote

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hey Fuzzy I'm sorry your not feeling well, I so understand the anger part

Your doing the best you can, your avoiding threads that might trigger you and that is fantastic ! Great self care

Lots of big gentle hugs to you

Thanks Christina, yes the anger part is ....



Thanks for the support I am trying to practice self care.

Big gentle hugs back to you

[Bugtussel]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey Fuzzy!

We'd been tossing around some ideas for self-soothing/relaxation just a few minutes ago.
I found this very detailed list of both "Grounding Techniques" and "Self-Soothing Skills."
I like it! You might, too?

Grounding Techniques & Self Soothing for Emotional Regulation | Eddins Counseling Group – Houston, TX

We'd discussed possibly using a mood chart and/or a sleep chart. There are many types online and elsewhere. I hope you find formats which interest you, should you decide to try these approaches of gathering info.

Hugs!

I found this link very helpful too. Thank you.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Bugtussel

I found this link very helpful too. Thank you.

[Wild Coyote]

Hey there, Fuzzy!

Just checking in to see how you are doing today.

I like the list of self soothing ideas a lot. It made me stop and think whether or not I allow myself to engage in any self soothing activities. I think I need to remain more mindful of this on a daily basis. Knowing when we need a nap or need to go to bed at night fits in with this, too. I never take a nap, or a break just for myself, even at my worst, and I might find it helpful. (?)

Self soothing activities is one area in our lives where we can learn to parent ourselves, giving ourselves the soothing we'd often get from our parents. Many do not learn these skills from parents. However, we are given opportunities to remind ourselves and/or opportunities to learn new skills.

I have found the list (linked in above) very helpful .

How are you doing today?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey there, Fuzzy!

Just checking in to see how you are doing today.

I like the list of self soothing ideas a lot. It made me stop and think whether or not I allow myself to engage in any self soothing activities. I think I need to remain more mindful of this on a daily basis. Knowing when we need a nap or need to go to bed at night fits in with this, too. I never take a nap, or a break just for myself, even at my worst, and I might find it helpful. (?)

Self soothing activities is one area in our lives where we can learn to parent ourselves, giving ourselves the soothing we'd often get from our parents. Many do not learn these skills from parents. However, we are given opportunities to remind ourselves and/or opportunities to learn new skills.

I have found the list (linked in above) very helpful .

How are you doing today?

Hi Wild Coyote

I like the list (in a link above) of self soothing ideas a lot too. It’s very helpful

I’m feeling better than I was yesterday after some sleep/hibernation

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hi Wild Coyote

I like the list (in a link above) of self soothing ideas a lot too. It’s very helpful

I’m feeling better than I was yesterday after some sleep/hibernation

Decent sleep can help us all so very much!
I am so glad you are feeling a bit better today!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Decent sleep can help us all so very much!
I am so glad you are feeling a bit better today!

Thanks Wild Coyote

Re a suggestion re consulting a treatment provider for meds. I've found that benzos are the only med that helps me with sleep, aside from seroquel which I became allergic to when the doctor increased the dose to 200 mg XR (I think that is what she prescribed, it was a few years ago)

I think you mentioned lamictal. I've been allergic to many of the psych meds prescribed, I haven't taken a med in that class though I don't think (I read somewhere that some people get a severe rash from lamictal)... for now I think I can stay safe and in fact safer, without consulting a profesional irl. Consulting a professional irl causes me severe distress and anxiety since I have been traumatised by several of them The last doctor I spoke to (over a year ago) hinted strongly at stopping my benzos, and said ''we would talk to you first''..... she did not say she was open to negotiation re what my needs are. She definitely did not say that she or any of the other doctors were willing to listen deeply to my experiences and what my needs are re meds and ''treatment''/support. However, she was a better listener, in general, than ''most'' of the other doctors I have consulted irl, over years. I have not been back....

[Fuzzybear]

Someone else wrote about their ''adopted cousin'' with bipolar and PTSD (CPTSD?) having emotional flashbacks (feeling like a little girl again, reliving things). Grounding techniques. Nobody in my family had (or have) any MH disorder. (?) aside from NPD.

I am the only one who has been ''diagnosed'' with anything.. by Experts. (irl)

Hugs and respect to all

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I think it's less about whether they trust you and more about there availability. Please keep yourself safe if you have to give your meds to someone to hold. Maybe an online therapist will help you more? Then you can edit your words for misunderstandings and there's no interruptions in what you write. Can you make a coping box with your favored sents, pictures, blanket..... ?

Thanks, I think that's probably true.. its less about whether they trust me (or even think of me... for one thing I very rarely speak to any of them..) but more about the availability of benzos. Also as documented in my medical notes I have been allergic to a significant number of the other psych meds they prescribed for me. I also think an online therapist would probably help me more, since I have had 2 (or more) sub optimal experiences with therapists in my forest irl. They also did interrupt me when I was talking. And not in a ''good'' way. I think it was designed to trigger me. It did....

A (safe) box with my favoured scents, pictures, a blanket (etc) good ideas, thank you

[Fuzzybear]

I found an old message to someone, from me. (over a year ago)... It said that the seroquel hadn’t helped, except I slept through part of the morning. One thing that is missing from the “care package” usually offered by providers irl in this forest is this...

and respect is even missing often too (in my personal experience

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey there, Fuzzy!

Just checking in to see how you are doing today.

I like the list of self soothing ideas a lot. It made me stop and think whether or not I allow myself to engage in any self soothing activities. I think I need to remain more mindful of this on a daily basis. Knowing when we need a nap or need to go to bed at night fits in with this, too. I never take a nap, or a break just for myself, even at my worst, and I might find it helpful. (?)

Self soothing activities is one area in our lives where we can learn to parent ourselves, giving ourselves the soothing we'd often get from our parents. Many do not learn these skills from parents. However, we are given opportunities to remind ourselves and/or opportunities to learn new skills.

I have found the list (linked in above) very helpful .

How are you doing today?

I like that link too! These are good coping skills we could all likely benefit from.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Someone else wrote about their ''adopted cousin'' with bipolar and PTSD (CPTSD?) having emotional flashbacks (feeling like a little girl again, reliving things). Grounding techniques. Nobody in my family had (or have) any MH disorder. (?) aside from NPD.

I am the only one who has been ''diagnosed'' with anything.. by Experts. (irl)

Hugs and respect to all

That was me!

No one in my immediate family or grandparents, maybe not even aunts or uncle's have bipolar or bipolar2. But one of my blood cousins has bipolar and another blood cousin has maybe schizophrenia or bipolar (he suffers severe delusional thinking and paranoia without meds) both actually require meds. But my family as a whole do have various issues with depression and whatever else they dont talk about. Mom is diagnosed with major depression.

So, I dunno. I don't exactly fit the hereditary point.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks Wild Coyote

Re a suggestion re consulting a treatment provider for meds. I've found that benzos are the only med that helps me with sleep, aside from seroquel which I became allergic to when the doctor increased the dose to 200 mg XR (I think that is what she prescribed, it was a few years ago)

I think you mentioned lamictal. I've been allergic to many of the psych meds prescribed, I haven't taken a med in that class though I don't think (I read somewhere that some people get a severe rash from lamictal)... for now I think I can stay safe and in fact safer, without consulting a profesional irl. Consulting a professional irl causes me severe distress and anxiety since I have been traumatised by several of them The last doctor I spoke to (over a year ago) hinted strongly at stopping my benzos, and said ''we would talk to you first''..... she did not say she was open to negotiation re what my needs are. She definitely did not say that she or any of the other doctors were willing to listen deeply to my experiences and what my needs are re meds and ''treatment''/support. However, she was a better listener, in general, than ''most'' of the other doctors I have consulted irl, over years. I have not been back....

I am very sorry you've had some negative experiences.

I totally agree that if you feel like your life is going well without meds, then why try meds? If you ever feel otherwise, I hope you might at least talk with a GP.

I love ya!