Bipolar check-in #47

Hugs and respect to you wildflowerchild25

Today's weather was gorgeous again. Luckily hubby and I spent a nice amount of time on our deck. Our little oasis is lovelier than ever.

I called my father this afternoon. As I feared, it turned into a distressing contact. My father is clearly unwell, cognitively. If only things would ease up enough that we could finally get him to doctors without his ability to stay at the assisted living being threatened. I won't describe the interaction(s). Yes, plural. It's heart-breaking to see someone you love acting in frightening ways, especially when the fear is that it is a deteriorating issue. Likely not mental illness, or at least that is now not a main concern. I thought to contact my sister afterwards, but I don't have it in me today to do so. My dad and I do end our calls with "I love you!" It is true, was always true, and will always be true, but it starts to almost feel like the utterance is one made at a great distance, through a fog.

Thanks for the explanation. Listen, sometimes, you just might need some Klonopin or something, you know? It sounds like this may be the case for you right now. Since you don't really have a prior issue, I cannot imagine the pdoc not wanting to help you out. Some people do okay with Buspar, but for me, it sucked. I also do know some folks like Seroquel for their anxiety, too, so, might check that out, too. Really hope this gets better, soon.

Lab tomorrow and clozaril hopefully sometime soon after that.

In the interim (until I'm fully dosed on Clozaril) I was put on 120mg of Geodon. He wrote a script for 100 40mg capsules, i would take one in the morning and two at night. Problem is the pharmacy didn't have that many, they gave me 15. So I'm anxious about that.

It's not any one thing really... It's kind of a bunch of little things plus dealing with stuff coming up in IOP...

Hugs and respect... Yes I also think this is so....

Hoping the Seroquel works soon for you

I wanted to be on geodon too until I read you have to eat at least 500 calories with each dose for it to be effective. I can do that at dinner but there’s no way I can stuff 500 calories down my throat in the morning.

I was on it years ago and I'd take it on an empty stomach in the morning and with dinner at night and it still worked fine. In fact I had worse side effects in the morning

For now the depression is gone. Hallelujah! Today I had a lovely day floating, planting flowers and running errands with the sunroof open on a beautiful day. I also helped my mom knock out her to do list. Things are good right now and I’m grateful.

I’ve decided to incorporate 2 new things into my life each month as I’m getting too set in my ways. It could be recipes, experiences, places, hobbies, etc. This should bring some fresh air in. I’m excited about my plan.

Sending peace and love to those that are struggling.

Great plan! Very doable!
Happy to read life is a breeze on a beautiful day!

My mom told me if I wasn’t sleepy by 9 (heavily medicated) to take klonapin. Here it is 10:45 and I never took it. I have a t appt tomorrow and I’m afraid if I take it I won’t be able to wake up in the morning. I really need to see her! I am just escalating further and further. I guess I’ll have to call the pdoc back. Hope I don’t end up in the hospital.

I'm so sorry, BirdDancer. That is such a tough thing with your dad. I wish I had some wisdom, but I really don't. I hope things improve for him soon.

What a lovely day, Jennifer!

Why not ask the husband to help wake you and and take that Klonopin. Sleep is beyond crucial right now...

Hugs and support!!!

Eww my favorite weather is coming tomorrow and Wednesday, hot and humid! Not! Guess I'll start a new painting. My melty moon is done, turned out pretty good. Thinking of doing dandelions next. Gotta order more books from the library too.

I got my paperwork in to the tax preparers today. I've been procrastinating on it for a while. It's only two weeks late (Canada). The government owes me money so it won't be an issue. I spent some quality time with my dog today, wallowing in snuggles. Her fur is fluffy and curly and she looks adorable. I had a good play in Scrabble JOLLIES for 97. But had some frustrating games. My number one problem is frustration. It's just such a frustrating experience playing Scrabble. I hate losing. My depression ruins everything. I wish i had something better to do with my time. I hate life.

Lived in Nashville and Atlanta. Despised the weather. Misery for me. I will take anywhere on the West Coast any day of the week.

Thank you! Yes, sleep is probably the most crucial part in this and a few days ago the med adjustments were making me sleep all day and now I feel like I can’t sleep again, even with the heavy sedation. My husband will be at work. He works from 6-4:30PM this week. My mom is giving me a wake up call and also driving me though so we’ll see. Hopefully I’ll fall asleep soon.

I learned to paint when I was in the hospital from this amazing teacher. Never thought I could do it. Drawing, puzzles, writing, blowing glass, ceramics, music. There are a million noncompetitive hobbies out there--I try to stick to them.

Yesterday (Monday) was encouraging as my Mum came over and we chatted more openly than we have for a long time. It brought me great comfort. I am deeply grateful for my mother. The night before I had a great conversation with my best female friend who I thought had drifted away from me. I was able to help her which made me feel useful for a change. She told me she is always here for me. I wept. I had believed all my friends had abandoned me. These events left me full of gratitude and comfort.

Unfortunately, due to overdoing it yesterday I have crashed physically today and feel very unwell. On top of that the PTSD seems to be returning, leaving me very emotional and agitated. I feel like I’m about to lose my mind. If I had energy I would consider I’m having a mixed episode, but I’m very drained. At 1.30 pm I took some Seroquel to calm me down. I couldn’t bear suffering such anguish anymore. Thankfully it is beginning to calm me down.

I haven’t had to take any meds to calm me down for months. This has been brewing for about five days. Hopefully I will settle soon. The thought of having mental health struggles on top of my physical ones is frightening. Thankfully, I see my T tomorrow and pdoc Thursday. I’m just so emotional and my peace is gone.

I am so sorry, Wander--it must just be overwhelming for you. Hopefully that Seroquel will help calm things down soon.

Hugs, support, love.

I prefer hot and humid over getting snowstorms in May, like we did this year. I hate snow so much -- but I dislike hot and humid too.

My most hated weather is thunderstorms that spin up tornadoes. We don't get really bad tornadoes, but they're commonly EF1's and enough to do some damage, especially with large hail. The worst we've gotten was three EF3 tornadoes in the same day, back in 2011. Of course, these tornadoes up here are nowhere near as bad as the tornadoes people get in the south, but it's still annoying to see the sky change colors and get whacked in the head with hail the size of pennies or quarters. Not to mention that tornadoes leave debris everywhere and make it impossible to drive places when there are literal trees and branches all over the road.

Sorry to hear you're struggling, but I'm glad you were able to reconnect with your female friend. I think it's awesome that you have someone like that in your life.

Anyway, I hope your therapist and pdoc appointments go well. Definitely keep us updated.

Sorry to hear about your geodon troubles with the pharmacy. My pharmacy does partial refills, too, when they cannot fully fill a medication. *However*, pharmacies like mine (Walgreens) say that if they don't have a medication in stock and you need it ASAP, then they will send the prescription over to a different Walgreens pharmacy, *or* they will transfer your script to Rite-Aid or CVS if needed. The transferring to Rite-Aid or CVS isn't permanent, though; it's just a one-time thing. Not sure if CVS and Rite-Aid have similar policies.