Bipolar Check-In #49

I am getting a maybe gallbladder vibe here. Hugs.

I wish we had more grps. heree. Way smaller than LA, only 2.5 million, but that should be big enough for meetings.

Hey guys !

I wish I could say I am back to normal. But Nope! I think maybe 5% less rage?

Started Wednesday on straight Seroquel 100mg 3 times a day.

Im having some odd muscle issues, Seeing bugs and such that I do know is NOT real.

My biggest complaint is that it makes me feel like brain is in a taffy making machine.. stretching and pulling, pulling and stretching and hundreds of brain zaps a day..cant walk a straight line if my life depended on it.. You know all the fun stuff

But I haven't smashed anything. I literally have never had such a rage. I have no idea why this is going on..

Hope everyone is doing okay

Sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I’ve experienced extreme rage in the past, usually while mixed or related to PTSD. It is beyond awful to have to deal with. I hope the meds begin helping more and that the side effects pass. Wishing you the best. Sending calming vibes your way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Hey guys ! I wish I could say I am back to normal. But Nope! I think maybe 5% less rage? Started Wednesday on straight Seroquel 100mg 3 times a day. Im having some odd muscle issues, Seeing bugs and such that I do know is NOT real. My biggest complaint is that it makes me feel like brain is in a taffy making machine.. stretching and pulling, pulling and stretching and hundreds of brain zaps a day..cant walk a straight line if my life depended on it.. You know all the fun stuff But I haven't smashed anything. I literally have never had such a rage. I have no idea why this is going on.. Hope everyone is doing okay

It is so good to hear from you! I'm glad you checked in. If I believed in prayers, you'd be in mine.

Hey Christina,
Good to hear from you!

I've been feeling more rage and all sorts of other crap especially lately grrr (I tried one seroquel, the usual reaction.. bad rash on my face )

My paws are crossed for you

I'm so exhausted! My son is a little better today. He took zyprexa last night. I'm hoping we increase his invega to 12 mgs. But his pdoc might push the injection. My son is afraid to go on that. I wish he would. But I cant force him.

I got papa murphys for dinner. So it was easy. But hes having me do everything for him. He says hes too out of it to do anything. That cant continue with my back pain.

I started my period. I have pmdd so its rough. Since coming off lorazepam my cycle is just all over the place.

It is really hard watching him go through this agony. Its been going on since he was 18. I love him to death but it's so draining. I wish he would advocate for himself. Hes really passive.

No panic attack tonight. Thank God. It should be coming on Sunday night. So I just have to brace myself for it. My therapist says dont fight it and don't wish that it would end that sounds almost impossible. Of course I wish it would end. It's pure misery.

Anyway I hope I sleep. So exhausted...

Have you ever asked him why he does not advocate for himself? Perhaps you ought to.

Glad you did not panic! Yay!

Though it made me ravenous, zyprexa was always effective for me.

Hugs

She comes back Monday. I see her on Tuesday.

Exhausted all the time. Taking 2 klonopin at this point instead of 1, and very early, just so that the day ends as early as possible. I'm depressed.

As I wrote previously on this board, my mother, who has severe MS, fell and fractured her ankle in two places. She used to get around on an electric wheelchair, but she is currently bed-bound.

I took care of her for 8 days (she now has 24/7 homecare) I got very very little sleep, she woke me up a lot for various reasons.

My brother refuses to help and I'm very angry and sad about that. I emailed him yesterday about it.

I've been back home for a week now, back to work, etc. But, as I say, I'm exhausted all the time and just want to sleep and black out everything...life. I'm not Sui.

Not sleeping used to be a big trigger for hypo/mania for me. This time I'm just very depressed. But it may be considered 'situational.' Or maybe it started that way, and now I just can't claw myself out of it. It's like a black hole and I just can't get out. Though the black hole beckons me to sleep and sleep and sleep.

My therapist has been helpful. But I'm not doing my usual self-care: exercise and eating well. Just too tired and feel like eating junk. I know I'm not helping myself...

Yeah I don’t know. I don’t have pain anymore. But I just ate a high sugar breakfast and my stomach is uneasy again. I should have read the nutrition information on the yogurt, even though I knew it wouldn’t be good because of the granola and “fruit”. It was 24g of sugar and it was only 5.5oz! I should have picked up the plain Greek yogurt and a package of blueberries and called it a day. Ah well, live and learn.

If it continues into next week I’ll see if I can get an appointment with my pcp and see what he thinks. He said last time that there was a new nurse practitioner in the GI office who is very nice.

I have lost ten pounds, so that’s good. I didn’t lose any weight this past week, but I didn’t gain any either. It’s good though, because it’s that time of the month and I’m probably carrying some water weight,

pAwwww.please tell her about the issues takinh meds. Hugs.

You are not on an antidepressant? Should you be? They do not all cause mania.

Sleep deprivation is the fastest way to pull out of a depression. Maybe lay off the klonopin, hit some coffee, binge a good show, and stay up all night. You will feel much better the next day and, if truly depressed, are unlikely to overshoot and get manic. Sorry you are struggling. I really feel for you.

Hugs!!

I've heard about that, but it's not a sure bet. For me sleep deprivation is pretty much guaranteed to make my depression worse and add irritability into the mix.

Edit: Come to think of it, maybe there's a difference between being sleep deprived due to insomnia (which is itself caused by mood issues), and deliberately staying up all night. In the former case you're not awake the whole time. Never tried the deliberate approach as an anti-depressant treatment. I don't think I want to right now because I already have insomnia, but if I was sleeping too much it might be a different story. According to some of these studies, even if you take a nap it can already mess up the results.

I feel ok today. A package from eBay says it was delivered to the front porch at 12:51 but it wasn’t. So I’m a bit preoccupied with that. I never buy anything from eBay because I don’t trust it and so far I’m not wrong. Also I think I may have another UTI and I’m kinda concerned about that. I have burning and pain. But besides those 2 things I’m doing pretty good.

I’m currently going to the bathroom so much that I’m getting concerned someone is going to notice. I don’t want to go back to the doctor if I can avoid it. I don’t think you can be hospitalized for UTIs I don’t think they can get that serious. But man am I pissing like a racehorse. Even a sip of water is bad

He says that he is advocating for himself. But he doesn't really. No to zyprexa everyday bc the weight gain...

Well I got about 8 hours of sleep. Feel much better. My son didn't sleep though. I have to get groceries. Not looking forward to that. I hate wearing a mask bc of my anxiety. I believe ppl should wear masks, but I feel like I'm suffocating with it on.

I'm hoping no panic attack tonight. Those are so scary. If they just lasted for an hour or so it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it goes on for 4-5 hours.

I have a question for you all. Why do some people have it so hard and other people have it so easy? I wish I knew that answer....

Hope everyone is having a good day.

As we age, I must say, I do not no many who have it super easy.

Hugs.

I agree with bpcyclist that many people are having a hard time now. This includes people without any type of major illness.

I'm hoping that things will become a bit easier in the future. The pandemic will eventually fade as a vaccine becomes available. The economy will improve. It's possible that citizens will be better supported...depending. It may be baby steps even if the latter case is a positive outcome.

My husband and I did a lot of organizing, and other tasks, today. We'd better do this stuff now, because it's not the big stuff that will be facing us as the major change in our lives becomes imminent.

We see another real estate agent tomorrow. My husband and I agree now that the first one we met with was likely not a good fit for us. I hope this one is. I had called a third, but that person never called back. I guess I'll call yet another agent, if tomorrow's isn't a sure thing. I also left messages for three different window/glass repair shops. I probably won't hear from any of them until Monday.

Life is going to be busy for us for a while. We've got some things we need to get done that are crucial.

Guys.... Guys I just opened the door to the pizza guy, paid and got the order all without panic. I didn't even think he was going to hurt me! I'm actually doing well. Not just fake well but I want to go volunteer, go to school (can't) and get a job well. And not manic. How long should I give myself before I start looking for volunteer or a job. I need something to do, I would love to help people get in and pay for college at an accelerated rate. Unfortunately you need a BA/BS to work at a college doing that but realistically I can't do that. I can test out of classes but with my health particularly my mental health I can't take 16 week courses, even 8 week courses are a stretch.

Yesterday I saw a prospective new pdoc. He seemed perfect until he told me he can’t visit me if I go inpatient in a private hospital (which is where I always go) as he is too busy in the public system. I am so annoyed as my previous Pdoc recommended this guy and knows I need to be seen by the same pdoc while IP. When I’m very ill I get paranoid so seeing a new pdoc at that point could be disastrous. Even the pdoc interviewing me yesterday agreed it would not work.

Sigh. So, I wasted my time and energy (and my parents who took me as I’m too ill to drive right now), and have to go to my GP get a new referral and try to get an appointment with a new pdoc that also came recommended. I have confirmed she works at the hospital I usually go to. I just hope I can see her soon. Right now I’m ok mentally, but I would hate to have a crisis without a pdoc. At least I got some scripts to get me through two to three months.

Physically, I’ve never felt worse. I think I have some benzo withdrawals on top of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome flare-up. Total exhaustion, weakness, and dizziness with stomach issues as well. Thankfully, I am not anxious. There is nothing I can do but rest and eat good food and avoid the bad. I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful. It is tough.

Maybe not if Trump wins. ... Big tears...

Hope you get a good agent, Soupe.

Hugs!

Maybe give yourself a few days to be sure?