Bipolar Check-In #49

*Beth* · Aug 20, 2020, 05:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I believe this was the one I first stumbled upon: [link]. At first glance it appears to take the sensitivity to light as a given from previous research and then proceeds to investigate the effect of lithium on light sensitivity. I haven't read it in full, only skimmed it. The citations should enable you to find that previous research. This isn't my field of study, so I can't comment on the quality of the journal, but the paper didn't raise any obvious red flags for me in terms of quality.

The link is times out for me, unfortunately.

There's this: Impact of sunlight on the age of onset of bipolar disorder

"Many lines of evidence converge to support the idea that a large monthly increase in solar insolation may be associated with the emergence of bipolar disorder. (i) Clinicians have long noted circadian abnormalities in patients with bipolar disorder, including sensitivity to light and sleep/wake cycle disturbances (31, 45). Even small circadian rhythm changes may be associated with adverse health outcomes such as suicide risk (46). (ii) Some patients with bipolar disorder experience seasonal variation (47). (iii) Light therapy for depression has induced a switch to mania in some patients (48, 49). (iv) Studies of seasonal variation in suicide have reported a spring peak in countries with large fluctuations in solar insolation, such as in northern Europe, and no peak near the equator (23, 50–52). (v) Violent suicide has been associated with an increase in sunlight duration (53), and this may involve seasonal variation in serotonergic, metabolic, and immune system variables (54–56). (vi) Within the brain, there is a seasonal variation in the concentration of serotonin and serotonin transporter binding (57, 58), and serotonin production is stimulated by light exposure (57). (vii) Patients with bipolar disorder may have abnormalities in melatonin secretion (59). (viii) There may be a genetic component underlying human rhythm disorders (30), and circadian gene polymorphisms may increase susceptibility to bipolar disorder (60). (ix) Light exerts effects through retinal ganglion cells, which are separate from rods and cones and have non-visual functions, including regulation of the biological clock (61). Overall, there is strong evidence that light affects human neurophysiology and behavior."

Miss Laura · Aug 20, 2020, 06:00 AM

Hey guys, its been a while I'm doing good im still maintaining stability off my meds. I'm seeing someone from my team weekly so I'm still touching base. I have moved back home to my flat, long story. So I'm now living on my own and I'm loving it. Its been a great few days

FluffyDinosaur · 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

The link is times out for me, unfortunately.

There's this: Impact of sunlight on the age of onset of bipolar disorder

"Many lines of evidence converge to support the idea that a large monthly increase in solar insolation may be associated with the emergence of bipolar disorder. (i) Clinicians have long noted circadian abnormalities in patients with bipolar disorder, including sensitivity to light and sleep/wake cycle disturbances (31, 45). Even small circadian rhythm changes may be associated with adverse health outcomes such as suicide risk (46). (ii) Some patients with bipolar disorder experience seasonal variation (47). (iii) Light therapy for depression has induced a switch to mania in some patients (48, 49). (iv) Studies of seasonal variation in suicide have reported a spring peak in countries with large fluctuations in solar insolation, such as in northern Europe, and no peak near the equator (23, 50–52). (v) Violent suicide has been associated with an increase in sunlight duration (53), and this may involve seasonal variation in serotonergic, metabolic, and immune system variables (54–56). (vi) Within the brain, there is a seasonal variation in the concentration of serotonin and serotonin transporter binding (57, 58), and serotonin production is stimulated by light exposure (57). (vii) Patients with bipolar disorder may have abnormalities in melatonin secretion (59). (viii) There may be a genetic component underlying human rhythm disorders (30), and circadian gene polymorphisms may increase susceptibility to bipolar disorder (60). (ix) Light exerts effects through retinal ganglion cells, which are separate from rods and cones and have non-visual functions, including regulation of the biological clock (61). Overall, there is strong evidence that light affects human neurophysiology and behavior."

Thank you, that one's as good as the one I found. I relate to a lot of these. I have also found that I'm very sensitive to circadian rhythm changes. Even daylight saving time messes me up for weeks, not to mention jet lag. Here also, people have told me it's "impossible" for DST to hit me so hard. I'm not sure I ever really adjust to it. I only feel "right" once I'm back on winter time. The long light in the summer is hell for me.

Edit: here's the article I meant originally: [link]. Should be a permalink this time.

*Beth* · Aug 20, 2020, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

Thank you, that one's as good as the one I found. I relate to a lot of these. I have also found that I'm very sensitive to circadian rhythm changes. Even daylight saving time messes me up for weeks, not to mention jet lag. Here also, people have told me it's "impossible" for DST to hit me so hard. I'm not sure I ever really adjust to it. I only feel "right" once I'm back on winter time. The long light in the summer is hell for me.

Edit: here's the article I meant originally: [link]. Should be a permalink this time.

Anyone who denies the connection between season (light) and bipolar moods has not done research on the subject.

Interestingly, from childhood until my late 40's the intense light of spring and summer caused me to be depressed. The afternoons were especially painful. When autumn and winter arrived I finally had relief from the depression. Before I was on meds I would tend to be hypomanic during the darker months.

In November of the year I was 48 it all switched around. The week of the time change I plunged into a depression/mixed state, along with excruciating anxiety. In addition, I developed true mania (with psychotic features). Spring and summer brought some relief. And that's how it's been for 9 years. I'm already starting to worry about the day when the time changes; that will likely be the exact day a mixed state and severe anxiety hit. So I'm prepared, knowing that I will likely have to adjust my meds accordingly.

Fortunately, my pdoc is aware of the bipolar-light connection.

The article is very interesting. Fascinating, actually.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Been having a panic attack for 4 hours now! Just pure misery. And my son is driving me nuts with his OCD and constantly washing his hands. I hate my life right now!

Hugs, Breeze. So sorry.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

wishing their was more to say then just, " I'm depressed"

but their isn't

I hope you feel better, vortex.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

Nightmares are really starting to affect my quality of sleep. I can’t even explain them to be honest. I wake up from them and it takes a long time to shake the feelings. It’s not been great.

Haven’t heard from work, haven’t been sleeping, go through stints of being OK to feeling really low to feeling panicked... I’m just kinda unraveled and I feel out of control. I haven’t showered in some days and I don’t want to get out of bed. My body is sore and I don’t know why.

It’s all small things if I’m honest. I mean, work isn’t a small issue but it’s not actively being dealt with— I’m waiting on their part. Whoever I am right now is not who I want to be or live like. I’m just too tired to fight it.

I need to find something to do other than sleep. I’m thinking reading a book is a good idea. Music is a hit or miss right now— either it doesn’t hit the right cords inside me or it brings out negative things. I don’t really know how to express that either.

I did in fact trim up my facial hair because I couldn’t get food in my mouth without mustache. So I did do one thing in terms of personal hygiene.

I’ll give work until 2pm to get back to me or I’m calling to follow up. I should try to reschedule my doctor’s appt and therapist appt but I’ve skipped them both because of my mood these last few weeks. I’m a ****** patient but I honestly just can’t keep sacrificing energy to rehash what isn’t being fixed. I know it’s genuine want to help on their ends and want it to be known I appreciate that. Just I’m not in a position where I can really make use of it. From either of them.

I’ll figure life out at some point... I think it’s weird that I’m being kinder to myself now than I’ve ever been. You may be wondering what I mean. I struggle internally and when I come short I beat myself up. People on the outside who don’t know often exacerbate that feeling or use it against you. Maybe I am nothing but a sad pathetic sack of crap who can’t even be useful for the simplest of tasks— but I’m doing all I can. I may be sub par and I may not be worth the effort to be someone in my life on any level or form of relationship. I am struggling and I won’t apologize to anyone or fight for dignity. No one has to change their opinion or understand me, I only have to accept where I am and if others can’t, screw them.

I know that sounds negative and a bit harsh but it’s really a major step towards a much healthier outlook. I don’t deserve to beaten down all the damn time, especially by my own self. If I’m a mistake let me be a mistake until I can be better. Period

I don’t even feel like I’m saying substantial things anymore. Haha. Don’t be alarmed with me though. I’m not suicidal or wanting to harm anyone. If this is an “episode” well, it’s important it develops because I’ve not had many documented moments and it may be beneficial.

MarcusAurelius

You are more than worth the effort, Marcus. Hugs.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

The link is times out for me, unfortunately.

There's this: Impact of sunlight on the age of onset of bipolar disorder

"Many lines of evidence converge to support the idea that a large monthly increase in solar insolation may be associated with the emergence of bipolar disorder. (i) Clinicians have long noted circadian abnormalities in patients with bipolar disorder, including sensitivity to light and sleep/wake cycle disturbances (31, 45). Even small circadian rhythm changes may be associated with adverse health outcomes such as suicide risk (46). (ii) Some patients with bipolar disorder experience seasonal variation (47). (iii) Light therapy for depression has induced a switch to mania in some patients (48, 49). (iv) Studies of seasonal variation in suicide have reported a spring peak in countries with large fluctuations in solar insolation, such as in northern Europe, and no peak near the equator (23, 50–52). (v) Violent suicide has been associated with an increase in sunlight duration (53), and this may involve seasonal variation in serotonergic, metabolic, and immune system variables (54–56). (vi) Within the brain, there is a seasonal variation in the concentration of serotonin and serotonin transporter binding (57, 58), and serotonin production is stimulated by light exposure (57). (vii) Patients with bipolar disorder may have abnormalities in melatonin secretion (59). (viii) There may be a genetic component underlying human rhythm disorders (30), and circadian gene polymorphisms may increase susceptibility to bipolar disorder (60). (ix) Light exerts effects through retinal ganglion cells, which are separate from rods and cones and have non-visual functions, including regulation of the biological clock (61). Overall, there is strong evidence that light affects human neurophysiology and behavior."

There is some thought that darkness therapy may also help, oddly.

Soupe du jour · Aug 20, 2020, 08:55 AM

MarcusAurelieus, please do be kind to yourself. Thinking about you and sending strengthening vibes.

ragingvortex, I'm sorry to read that you are depressed. I hope that as autumn nears, that fades. Are there some things about autumn that might lift your mood in any way?

Coolbreeze74, I hope your panic attacks ease. If your son is old enough, can you avoid him a bit, even if he is in the house? Is there some way you could occupy him with something he can do on his own?

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 08:56 AM

[QUOTE=Miss Laura;6916899]Hey guys, its been a while I'm doing good im still maintaining stability off my meds. I'm seeing someone from my team weekly so I'm still touching base. I have moved back home to my flat, long story. So I'm now living on my own and I'm loving it. Its been a great few days[/QUOTE

Keeping a mood chart by chance?

Miss Laura · Aug 20, 2020, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

koddly.keeping a mood chart by chance?

Yeah i have a few mood diaries that I write in daily

FluffyDinosaur · Aug 20, 2020, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Anyone who denies the connection between season (light) and bipolar moods has not done research on the subject.

Interestingly, from childhood until my late 40's the intense light of spring and summer caused me to be depressed. The afternoons were especially painful. When autumn and winter arrived I finally had relief from the depression. Before I was on meds I would tend to be hypomanic during the darker months.

In November of the year I was 48 it all switched around. The week of the time change I plunged into a depression/mixed state, along with excruciating anxiety. In addition, I developed true mania (with psychotic features). Spring and summer brought some relief. And that's how it's been for 9 years. I'm already starting to worry about the day when the time changes; that will likely be the exact day a mixed state and severe anxiety hit. So I'm prepared, knowing that I will likely have to adjust my meds accordingly.

Fortunately, my pdoc is aware of the bipolar-light connection.

The article is very interesting. Fascinating, actually.

Thank you, and I agree. The people that deny the possibility are mostly people who don't know that I'm bipolar. To them it's just natural that you adjust to DST in a day or two.

Very interesting that you mention things switching around with age. For me summer is currently associated with depression/mixed episodes and increased sleep problems. I generally tend to feel a bit better in winter, although it's not a given. I really love winter, although this year I'm pretty anxious about it too because I'm afraid of another surge in covid-19... Hope it won't ruin the fun too much.

I think my hypomanic episodes are pretty much randomly distributed over the year, although I haven't kept close track. I don't think I've had any for the better part of the year, just depression and mixed. Wish it were the other way around. I often wonder how my bipolar will change over the years, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. From what I hear here it's likely to get worse.

FluffyDinosaur · Aug 20, 2020, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

There is some thought that darkness therapy may also help, oddly.

I think I would like that, much as my wife discourages it (she loves to let the light in as much as possible).

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 09:04 AM

We slept--hooray. Big bike ride on my fancy new tire. I am so much faster on these tires, I got back ten mins early. Lovely.
Going to see my best pal next wk in Seattle. My daughter will check on Albert.
Working on this new book on finding an accurate diagnosis great fun for me. Super fun to read all these papers.

Soupe du jour · Aug 20, 2020, 09:07 AM

I saw the cops at the end of our neighbor's driveway a little bit ago. Maybe they found one of the residents home. We had called them because my husband's car door was crushed in. It was clearly from someone in our neighbor's driveway backing up into my husband's car. I suppose there's a slight chance it could have been a stranger, but unlikely. In any case, people think it's OK now to "hit and run". Even a neighbor. My husband wonders if the neighbor did it and just didn't realize it, but that seems unlikely.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. I think he's a little shocked that our move is more a reality than ever before, and possibly coming up in the not so distant future. I sadly mentioned that there is a strong chance I will not see him in-person before we leave. He agreed. He said that I could come to his office for a brief social visit in the future, when I return to the US for a visit. I doubt I'll visit the US often, I'm afraid. It's possible that I'll never see him in-person again. Can you imagine how this feels for me? I have a deep affection for him. The most I can think of is that I would send him an email with a photo after I get there, and maybe a Christmas greeting or two. It would likely not be a pen pal situation, though. I will cry a lot over this. I'm already tearing up writing this.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Yeah i have a few mood diaries that I write in daily

Yay! Me, too.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

I think I would like that, much as my wife discourages it (she loves to let the light in as much as possible).

Move to Sitka...

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I saw the cops at the end of our neighbor's driveway a little bit ago. Maybe they found one of the residents home. We had called them because my husband's car door was crushed in. It was clearly from someone in our neighbor's driveway backing up into my husband's car. I suppose there's a slight chance it could have been a stranger, but unlikely. In any case, people think it's OK now to "hit and run". Even a neighbor. My husband wonders if the neighbor did it and just didn't realize it, but that seems unlikely.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. I think he's a little shocked that our move is more a reality than ever before, and possibly coming up in the not so distant future. I sadly mentioned that there is a strong chance I will not see him in-person before we leave. He agreed. He said that I could come to his office for a brief social visit in the future, when I return to the US for a visit. I doubt I'll visit the US often, I'm afraid. It's possible that I'll never see him in-person again. Can you imagine how this feels for me? I have a deep affection for him. The most I can think of is that I would send him an email with a photo after I get there, and maybe a Christmas greeting or two. It would likely not be a pen pal situation, though. I will cry a lot over this. I'm already tearing up writing this.

Do you have any pdocs where you are going, Soupe?

Good luck w the legal issues.

wildflowerchild25 · Aug 20, 2020, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

A burger in this serious food town is 14 bucks w tip, easily.

Yes, I have run into that! We have decided to go to an Italian restaurant that has outdoor seating on a lake. It will be nice to eat on the waterfront!

Mountaindewed · Aug 20, 2020, 12:04 PM

I went to lie down at 4:30 yesterday afternoon. I woke up at 10:30. I got back to sleep at 2:30 with the help of stuff. I got to the living room couch at 7. Then I finally pulled myself off of the couch around 9 something. I took a shower and got a non coffee drink from Starbucks and I actually feel pretty decent right now. Still a bit groggy but not like I need to lie down again or anything. I’m not very hungry though. I ate some ramen when I was up at midnight and I just now had a string cheese but that was all I had to eat today. I tried Starbucks new Star drink which was pretty good.

Living in LaLa Land · Aug 20, 2020, 01:11 PM

I got a few minutes of sleep on 25 mg of Seroquel. I didn't really sleep until I took my Trileptal. I have about eleven days of using Seroquel and I'm at the point of just stopping. I've only been on it since July and I don't see the point of continuing the taper if nothing's happening.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 02:00 PM

That is a long Serokill taper. You are lucky you have such a caring pdoc.

*Beth* · Aug 20, 2020, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur

..... I often wonder how my bipolar will change over the years, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. From what I hear here it's likely to get worse.

Unfortunately, it has gotten worse for me since my late 40's. The good part is that there are much better medications at this time than there were when I was younger. Hopefully, more and better treatments will become available every few years.

Soupe du jour · 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Do you have any pdocs where you are going, Soupe?

Good luck w the legal issues.

Hi bpcyclist. My current psychiatrist said he would continue to give me video sessions until I have some form of residency established.

We are still not 100% sure exactly where we will rent a flat/house in Czech Republic. It depends on if my husband gets work from his friend (then it would likely be near Brno) or not (then it would be in or somewhere outside of Prague). Once we know, we can look for psychiatrists. Obviously, unlike my native Czech speaking husband (who also sees a psychiatrist), I will need a doctor that speaks English. I don't see that much of a difficulty with that. If/when we move to France, the same thing will apply, though I believe both my husband and I will get our French up to snuff quicker than I would be able to get my Czech up to snuff.

bpcyclist · Aug 20, 2020, 04:26 PM

Can someone tell me they have talked w blue and that she is okay pls? Did I miss an announcement?

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Bipolar Check-In #49

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