[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

My anxiety is through the roof about going back to work face to face. I was embarrassingly manic. Oh dear the shame. The dignity. The loss of face.

Hugs. What's the anxiety prn situation?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I may not be able to read through the earlier posts. Today was mind-blowingly busy. And in addition to my injured neck/back/shoulder, my legs will likely be sore tomorrow given all of the gardening, packing, and lifting I did. Tomorrow will be equally busy. I hope to give myself some moments tomorrow to rest.

In addition to physical work, I have been doing loads of scheduling, ad posting, and other stuff. Honestly, I had not been able to handle all of what I have handled these past four weeks since maybe 11 years ago. Actually, I am doing even more, in some respects.

Psychologically, I am OK. I won't say that the stress isn't phasing me, though. My blood pressure is surely a sign. Occasional moments during the day, I also have feelings of mild malaise.

Hang in there, Soupe!

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Your last paragraph is classic addiction thinking error jazz. Your brain is trying to murder you. Don't let that happen, please.

I won't. I think I worded it wrong. All I'm saying is that for at least the next 6months-1 year, I won't have meds to rely on to help out with the extremes. Maybe after that time the extremes will calm down, or maybe I'll go back to how I was before I started using, or maybe there is a new me that is permanently messed up from the using and boozing, I don't really know.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m actually doing really well today. My anxiety is pretty low. I haven’t eaten anything which I assume is nerves but I’m doing good and I’ve just been watching sitcoms all day. I haven’t been stressing or overthinking or anything. I do wish I could take a shower but I can’t take one until tonight.

[Daonnachd]

I'm still reeling from yesterday. As I was getting ready to leave with my family, my MIL said, "You'll take the dog with you, right?" My wife explained that we wouldn't have space in the car for our boys and the dog. Our car is loaded with a bunch of stuff we've evacuated with. My MIL then suggested the boys hold the dog on their laps. On their laps! Our dog is a greyhound. He's big. She kept harping on taking the dog with us. So my wife, who was desperately wanting to go to the beach to de-stress, said she'd just stay home to take care of the dog while the boys and I head out. After a bit of go-round we all left in two different cars for two different destinations.

On my drive with my sons I learned that my FIL had at one point said to my older son, "You should go into architecture... because there aren't many homosexuals in that field." ¿!¿What?!? I have no idea what he was thinking when he made that comment. My son isn't homosexual. But the comment makes me think my FIL believes he is for whatever reason, perhaps because my son doesn't measure up to my FIL's very narrow views of what masculinity should look like. My wife and I completely support our sons in their sexuality. It would not matter to us if one or the other were homosexual. I'm so sick of living with them. And it's only been one week. We expect it to be at least another week with their narrow, opinionated views and very conservative religious stances.

Sorry to go on about this. I'm so wound up because of all of this. One good thing that came out of my conversations with the boys is my younger son's comment that he hopes he can be as good a parent as my wife and I have been for them.

Thank you for humouring me with all my rant.

[~Christina]

Hey Guys ! I am hopelessly behind on this thread .. Hope everyone is doing as well as they can

Steve and I took down lots of brush and literally small trees out of an area. Well I wake up the next day and cant breath and so congested so BOOM I'm worried I have Covid. Pollen was flying and I am allergic to almost everything but my Allergy pills usually help, I take it daily, But the pollen won this round.

Steve has an appt for a check up with our Doctor tomorrow, He's really feeling so much better, Wasnt sure for a long time if he was going to build back up. He has learned he has to pace himself. So grateful

I have my MRI of brain/ US thyroid/ mammo on Wednesday. I need to set an alarm for that morning for Steve to take out my Daith piercings as they are just lever back round circles and there is no way for me to do it I can do my Industrial and nose of course.

Hope everyone is having a nice Sunday

[Sunflower123]

I had a great visit with my daughter. We sat in the parking lot at Cracker Barrel and ate cookies and talked for 5 hours. A nice Sunday all around. I found out they are not using masks at her internship and her boyfriend is not good at using one either. I’ll have to be more careful in future. Here at my house, we’re meticulous about it.

I hope everyone is having a good Sunday.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm still reeling from yesterday. As I was getting ready to leave with my family, my MIL said, "You'll take the dog with you, right?" My wife explained that we wouldn't have space in the car for our boys and the dog. Our car is loaded with a bunch of stuff we've evacuated with. My MIL then suggested the boys hold the dog on their laps. On their laps! Our dog is a greyhound. He's big. She kept harping on taking the dog with us. So my wife, who was desperately wanting to go to the beach to de-stress, said she'd just stay home to take care of the dog while the boys and I head out. After a bit of go-round we all left in two different cars for two different destinations.

On my drive with my sons I learned that my FIL had at one point said to my older son, "You should go into architecture... because there aren't many homosexuals in that field." ¿!¿What?!? I have no idea what he was thinking when he made that comment. My son isn't homosexual. But the comment makes me think my FIL believes he is for whatever reason, perhaps because my son doesn't measure up to my FIL's very narrow views of what masculinity should look like. My wife and I completely support our sons in their sexuality. It would not matter to us if one or the other were homosexual. I'm so sick of living with them. And it's only been one week. We expect it to be at least another week with their narrow, opinionated views and very conservative religious stances.

Sorry to go on about this. I'm so wound up because of all of this. One good thing that came out of my conversations with the boys is my younger son's comment that he hopes he can be as good a parent as my wife and I have been for them.

Thank you for humouring me with all my rant.

Oh my. That's a lot to deal with. You're a great Dad and your boys are fortunate to have you and your wife for parents. I hope you enjoyed the time away.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I won't. I think I worded it wrong. All I'm saying is that for at least the next 6months-1 year, I won't have meds to rely on to help out with the extremes. Maybe after that time the extremes will calm down, or maybe I'll go back to how I was before I started using, or maybe there is a new me that is permanently messed up from the using and boozing, I don't really know.

Remind us why there will be no meds. Forgot. Sorry. Thanks.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Remind us why there will be no meds. Forgot. Sorry. Thanks.

There will be meds, just nothing i've tried has done anything to help the rages, similar extreme emotions, and suicidal thoughts, and I keep being told meds won't do anything in that regard when drugs and withdrawal are in the picture so I guess for the next year I'll just have to suck it up and be suicidal, use my coping skills, and hope it ends at some point. I s'pose that's what I deserve anyways.

Also my pdoc is tossing me to another provider and idk how competent he or she will be or if they'll just refuse treatment all together like in the past.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm still reeling from yesterday. As I was getting ready to leave with my family, my MIL said, "You'll take the dog with you, right?" My wife explained that we wouldn't have space in the car for our boys and the dog. Our car is loaded with a bunch of stuff we've evacuated with. My MIL then suggested the boys hold the dog on their laps. On their laps! Our dog is a greyhound. He's big. She kept harping on taking the dog with us. So my wife, who was desperately wanting to go to the beach to de-stress, said she'd just stay home to take care of the dog while the boys and I head out. After a bit of go-round we all left in two different cars for two different destinations.

On my drive with my sons I learned that my FIL had at one point said to my older son, "You should go into architecture... because there aren't many homosexuals in that field." ¿!¿What?!? I have no idea what he was thinking when he made that comment. My son isn't homosexual. But the comment makes me think my FIL believes he is for whatever reason, perhaps because my son doesn't measure up to my FIL's very narrow views of what masculinity should look like. My wife and I completely support our sons in their sexuality. It would not matter to us if one or the other were homosexual. I'm so sick of living with them. And it's only been one week. We expect it to be at least another week with their narrow, opinionated views and very conservative religious stances.

Sorry to go on about this. I'm so wound up because of all of this. One good thing that came out of my conversations with the boys is my younger son's comment that he hopes he can be as good a parent as my wife and I have been for them.

Thank you for humouring me with all my rant.

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with those precious boys. Love. Truth. Empathy. Non-judgment of other humans. God gave us free will for a reason. Yay!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

There will be meds, just nothing i've tried has done anything to help the rages, similar extreme emotions, and suicidal thoughts, and I keep being told meds won't do anything in that regard when drugs and withdrawal are in the picture so I guess for the next year I'll just have to suck it up and be suicidal, use my coping skills, and hope it ends at some point. I s'pose that's what I deserve anyways.

Also my pdoc is tossing me to another provider and idk how competent he or she will be or if they'll just refuse treatment all together like in the past.

i am confused. So, you know substances are an issue but plan on using over the next year? Is that it. And, also, simultaneously, as you choose to use non-prescribed substances that influence brain chemistry, you will continue taking the prescribed meds you claim do not help, as you simultaneously pour unhelpful molecules onto your brain? Do I have it? Or, am I confused?

[scatterbrained04]

Feel like crap today. Have barely gotten out of bed all weekend. I think it's the shift in weather. **** this ****.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Feel like crap today. Have barely gotten out of bed all weekend. I think it's the shift in weather. **** this ****.

What about a walk? Look at pretty leaves and puppies and stuff, maybe.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

i am confused. So, you know substances are an issue but plan on using over the next year? Is that it. And, also, simultaneously, as you choose to use non-prescribed substances that influence brain chemistry, you will continue taking the prescribed meds you claim do not help, as you simultaneously pour unhelpful molecules onto your brain? Do I have it? Or, am I confused?

Noo, I guess it's going to take 6mos-1yr for my brain to "reset" and be sure there's no post-acute withdrawals or anything like that going on. I'm done with using anything not directly prescribed to me. I will do whatever my provider tells me to do with meds (which I'm hoping will be get rid of the stuff that's not doing anything, which is almost everything I'm on).

[Nammu]

Sounds like your on the right path Sapien. A hard path, but a good plan.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Trying to decide if i should take my sleeping pill tonight. Had one good sleep last night with ativan now i have zopiclone. Mixing with alcohol could kill me but so could not sleeping and having this episode end the way they all do. Major dilemma.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Noo, I guess it's going to take 6mos-1yr for my brain to "reset" and be sure there's no post-acute withdrawals or anything like that going on. I'm done with using anything not directly prescribed to me. I will do whatever my provider tells me to do with meds (which I'm hoping will be get rid of the stuff that's not doing anything, which is almost everything I'm on).

Oh. Super yay! So, like, visualizing light and hope and joy and positivity actually grows new brain architecture that likely, then, may help sustain you more peacefully and joyfully. Happy neural pathways are real, legit things we, ourselves may influence without drugs of any kind. Meditation, breathing, prayer, aerobic exercise, all probably do this. As do some meds, like lithium, Provigil, possibly, stuff like Adderall. So, get to it. Yoga. Whatever
Just Nike it. And reap the joy.

[Moose72]

Not used to the sounds of people in the hallway and downstairs coming and going, doors closing and people talking. Wrote a new post in my blog- "The Absolute Truth". Wonder if it makes sense? Anybody? I'm going to bed early because I have to be at the office of my old place with keys and money order for the water bill before 8.

HUGS to everybody!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Oh. Super yay! So, like, visualizing light and hope and joy and positivity actually grows new brain architecture that likely, then, may help sustain you more peacefully and joyfully. Happy neural pathways are real, legit things we, ourselves may influence without drugs of any kind. Meditation, breathing, prayer, aerobic exercise, all probably do this. As do some meds, like lithium, Provigil, possibly, stuff like Adderall. So, get to it. Yoga. Whatever
Just Nike it. And reap the joy.

'Just Nike it. And reap the joy'

This is my favorite quote of the day

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Not used to the sounds of people in the hallway and downstairs coming and going, doors closing and people talking. Wrote a new post in my blog- "The Absolute Truth". Wonder if it makes sense? Anybody? I'm going to bed early because I have to be at the office of my old place with keys and money order for the water bill before 8.

HUGS to everybody!

I deeply appreciate your blog post. Yes! You've described 'the absolute truth' our minds can fool us into believing from moment to moment. Thank you, Moose!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I deeply appreciate your blog post. You've described 'the absolute truth' of mania spot on. Thank you, Moose!

Thanks back acha!

[*Beth*]

I haven't been able to truly wake up for months. The downside of meds. That, and shaking all over. I'm taking Amantadine for hand tremor, and it helps a lot. But there's the other shaking that seems to affect my arms, shoulders, and jaw, especially the left side of my body. I'm afraid to tell Dr. W. for fear she'll lower doses of meds that are helping me. Actually, I've sort-of mentioned tremor to her and she said she didn't think it could be the Lamictal, but I'm pretty sure it is.

Ah, well. Once the time changes (God help us) I'll see how I'm doing then.

The poor trees are starting to change a bit, but instead of turning pretty colors they're going brown from the constant smoke.

Listening to Nick Cave and P.J. Harvey. Art rock. I can get lost in it.

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm still reeling from yesterday. As I was getting ready to leave with my family, my MIL said, "You'll take the dog with you, right?" My wife explained that we wouldn't have space in the car for our boys and the dog. Our car is loaded with a bunch of stuff we've evacuated with. My MIL then suggested the boys hold the dog on their laps. On their laps! Our dog is a greyhound. He's big. She kept harping on taking the dog with us. So my wife, who was desperately wanting to go to the beach to de-stress, said she'd just stay home to take care of the dog while the boys and I head out. After a bit of go-round we all left in two different cars for two different destinations.

On my drive with my sons I learned that my FIL had at one point said to my older son, "You should go into architecture... because there aren't many homosexuals in that field." ¿!¿What?!? I have no idea what he was thinking when he made that comment. My son isn't homosexual. But the comment makes me think my FIL believes he is for whatever reason, perhaps because my son doesn't measure up to my FIL's very narrow views of what masculinity should look like. My wife and I completely support our sons in their sexuality. It would not matter to us if one or the other were homosexual. I'm so sick of living with them. And it's only been one week. We expect it to be at least another week with their narrow, opinionated views and very conservative religious stances.

Sorry to go on about this. I'm so wound up because of all of this. One good thing that came out of my conversations with the boys is my younger son's comment that he hopes he can be as good a parent as my wife and I have been for them.

Thank you for humouring me with all my rant.

Rant away! That stuff is utterly rant-worthy! I'm sorry you're having to deal with that on top of everything else. Some people just don't think. Is it walkable around there so you can get away from that environment for some breaks?

Much

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Rant away! That stuff is utterly rant-worthy! I'm sorry you're having to deal with that on top of everything else. Some people just don't think. Is it walkable around there so you can get away from that environment for some breaks?

Much

Thanks. Actually, the area is walkable. Despite today's heat I went out ostensibly to walk the dog early this afternoon. I just went to spend time in the park at the end of the street.

And, we've now put in with the county support services for hotel vouchers that they're issuing to evacuees. We're getting out of here somehow.