[daladico]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Doing pretty well, except those darn late-afternoon dips into depression and anxiety. I have a lot of support from my therapist, thank the universe.

It's great to see so many of you this morning! Love and comforting hugs all around

Hi friend sorry you’ve still got the depression/anxiety in the afternoons :/ grateful you have a good therapist! It’s amazing the difference solid support can make. Big hugs to you.

[Mountaindewed]

I ate 3 scrambled eggs for dinner. My stomach hurts more then it did the last 2 days when I didn’t eat eggs.

Maybe they really were the issue of my stomach ache and I need to give them up entirely. And the Fresca the cause of my meds not working properly. Since they seem to be working now. And also I need to take responsibility for myself for not handling my thoughts and feelings appropriately. Right now I just want to go lie down for physical reasons mostly. Although I’ll admit I feel kind of down because I feel like I’m not really getting the support I need. But maybe I don’t really need as much 1 on 1 as I feel like I do. I’m going to talk to my case manager about it when she calls. She was supposed to call today and I think so was my Pdoc. But whatever I’m doing everything I can.

I forgot that I didn’t take my evening meds yet because I was doing good without them. So maybe I am making progress if I forget they exist.

[Soupe du jour]

Well, we managed to get rid of our ping pong table, for a little small amount of money. Hubby even coerced the guy to take an old junky rug of ours. The dude showed up about four hours later than expected, so he took it likely out of guilt.

We still have various other stuff left, but not a huge amount. One thing I do NOT want going back to Europe is this giant set of elk antlers of my husband's father. My husband still thinks someone will want to buy it, but no one will. I told him that rather than take the sucker back, we should go in the middle of the night and hide them in the woods. It would definitely shock someone who would find it here in New Jersey. The European elk antlers date back to the 1950s, and seem two to three times larger than the largest possible white tailed deer antler would ever be. Maybe it would take on the same mystique as those monoliths that seem to be cropping up all around the world.

My husband was pawning stuff off on our neighbor the other day. He said "Liz, would you like these two gallon bottles of witch hazel?" [She didn't even know what witch hazel was.] That's beyond the fact that "who on earth would ever have two gallons of it"? Only my husband. Liz looked at it, and I said (to try to help her) "Liz, you truly truly do NOT need to accept this witch hazel. Really!" And yet she accepted it, anyway. What she'll do with it, I do not know. As for what my husband did/does with it, the weirdo seems to think it is good for post "comfort station" self-care of the back side. Yes, I married him. Yes, he is weird. And Liz had an out, and didn't take it. The only reason we're not taking it all the way to Europe is because liquids, like that, are not allowed in the shipping container. It's so sad for Hubby that witch hazel is hard to come by there.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I ate 3 scrambled eggs for dinner. My stomach hurts more then it did the last 2 days when I didn’t eat eggs.

Maybe they really were the issue of my stomach ache and I need to give them up entirely. And the Fresca the cause of my meds not working properly. Since they seem to be working now. And also I need to take responsibility for myself for not handling my thoughts and feelings appropriately. Right now I just want to go lie down for physical reasons mostly. Although I’ll admit I feel kind of down because I feel like I’m not really getting the support I need. But maybe I don’t really need as much 1 on 1 as I feel like I do. I’m going to talk to my case manager about it when she calls. She was supposed to call today and I think so was my Pdoc. But whatever I’m doing everything I can.

I forgot that I didn’t take my evening meds yet because I was doing good without them. So maybe I am making progress if I forget they exist.

Your post is so insightful, Md. As for missing your T, I really believe that's totally a normal reaction. It will be good when you have that support again.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by daladico

Hi friend sorry you’ve still got the depression/anxiety in the afternoons :/ grateful you have a good therapist! It’s amazing the difference solid support can make. Big hugs to you.

Thank you so much, dali Yes, support is an essential.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Well, we managed to get rid of our ping pong table, for a little small amount of money. Hubby even coerced the guy to take an old junky rug of ours. The dude showed up about four hours later than expected, so he took it likely out of guilt.

We still have various other stuff left, but not a huge amount. One thing I do NOT want going back to Europe is this giant set of elk antlers of my husband's father. My husband still thinks someone will want to buy it, but no one will. I told him that rather than take the sucker back, we should go in the middle of the night and hide them in the woods. It would definitely shock someone who would find it here in New Jersey. The European elk antlers date back to the 1950s, and seem two to three times larger than the largest possible white tailed deer antler would ever be. Maybe it would take on the same mystique as those monoliths that seem to be cropping up all around the world.

My husband was pawning stuff off on our neighbor the other day. He said "Liz, would you like these two gallon bottles of witch hazel?" [She didn't even know what witch hazel was.] That's beyond the fact that "who on earth would ever have two gallons of it"? Only my husband. Liz looked at it, and I said (to try to help her) "Liz, you truly truly do NOT need to accept this witch hazel. Really!" And yet she accepted it, anyway. What she'll do with it, I do not know. As for what my husband did/does with it, the weirdo seems to think it is good for post "comfort station" self-care of the back side. Yes, I married him. Yes, he is weird. And Liz had an out, and didn't take it. The only reason we're not taking it all the way to Europe is because liquids, like that, are not allowed in the shipping container. It's so sad for Hubby that witch hazel is hard to come by there.

I love the idea of hiding the elk antlers in the woods. Plus, it's a nice place for them to live.

Your husband isn't far off! Witch hazel is an old remedy for hemorrhoids (among other skin concerns).

[falcon09]

@BeyondtheRainbow

How are you doing? I'm going to be trying clozaril again and you were a huge help the first time around. The doctor said it can take up to 6 months to work so I'm gonna stick with it...

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by falcon09

@BeyondtheRainbow

How are you doing? I'm going to be trying clozaril again and you were a huge help the first time around. The doctor said it can take up to 6 months to work so I'm gonna stick with it...

I'm glad you are giving it another shot. That can't be easy. Honestly I think you have to try it all the wayt o monthly labs to know what it is like as it becomes much less of a pain at that point.
I'm testing how well it works for me right now as my father-figure-thing died this week and I'm going to have to struggle with some hard emotions. I've never had such a challenging time while i've been on it.

Hope that you have a better experience this time. Let me know how you are doing. Feel free to PM me any time.

[Moose72]

Hi, all! I'm just about to go to sleep. I was reading a book: The Dark Side of Innocence by Terri Cheney about growing up bipolar. But I picked up my phone and it said I had a new email. It was a forward from a long-time friend of my mom's. My sister and I stayed with for for the weekend every so often. She liked this because she had only boys. So she starts her email to my mom saying she got my mom's Christmas card and how are her kids? Last she'd heard, I was trying to fix up my resume and what job did I have now? She went on to ask about my sister and her kids. This got to me because my big accomplishment for the week has been turning in my paperwork to DHS for renewal of food stamps. Just seems like that's what my mom could say: Moose has no job and is on food stamps... Makes me feel like a loser. Even here on the bipolar board people have jobs. In these covid times, I tend to stay home unless I have to turn in paperwork or get groceries or prescriptions. I need to get more pix of my kids all together but when could I do that- we aren't even getting together this year for Christmas! Anyway, I do feel like a loser sometimes. Even writing in my blog doesn't give me the satisfaction that it used to.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Hi, all! I'm just about to go to sleep. I was reading a book: The Dark Side of Innocence by Terri Cheney about growing up bipolar. But I picked up my phone and it said I had a new email. It was a forward from a long-time friend of my mom's. My sister and I stayed with for for the weekend every so often. She liked this because she had only boys. So she starts her email to my mom saying she got my mom's Christmas card and how are her kids? Last she'd heard, I was trying to fix up my resume and what job did I have now? She went on to ask about my sister and her kids. This got to me because my big accomplishment for the week has been turning in my paperwork to DHS for renewal of food stamps. Just seems like that's what my mom could say: Moose has no job and is on food stamps... Makes me feel like a loser. Even here on the bipolar board people have jobs. In these covid times, I tend to stay home unless I have to turn in paperwork or get groceries or prescriptions. I need to get more pix of my kids all together but when could I do that- we aren't even getting together this year for Christmas! Anyway, I do feel like a loser sometimes. Even writing in my blog doesn't give me the satisfaction that it used to.

I was an at-home mom, then had only part-time jobs + a lot of volunteer work. My mom used to tell people she met that were her age that I was a kindergarten teacher. Total lie. And really awkward when they'd ask me how I liked my job. Now I'm on SSDI, food stamps, and Medicaid. Oh, well.


Anyway, all of us feel like losers sometimes, jobs or not. And our society is freakish for making us believe that our paying job is our identity. Maybe your mom can tell her friend something wonderful about you, Moose. You are such an absolutely cool person...I know there are many wonderful things to say about you! One example...you are an awesome mom!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I love the idea of hiding the elk antlers in the woods. Plus, it's a nice place for them to live.

Your husband isn't far off! Witch hazel is an old remedy for hemorrhoids (among other skin concerns).

That's the main ingredient in Tucks pads.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I was an at-home mom, then had only part-time jobs + a lot of volunteer work. My mom used to tell people she met that were her age that I was a kindergarten teacher. Total lie. And really awkward when they'd ask me how I liked my job. Now I'm on SSDI, food stamps, and Medicaid. Oh, well.


Anyway, all of us feel like losers sometimes, jobs or not. And our society is freakish for making us believe that our paying job is our identity. Maybe your mom can tell her friend something wonderful about you, Moose. You are such an absolutely cool person...I know there are many wonderful things to say about you! One example...you are an awesome mom!

Aww Thanks, Beth! That warms my heart!

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing ok today. I feel kind of lonely. I think the last good Christmas I had was in 2018 when I got a letter on Christmas Eve saying my insurance was going to continue. It had been a big long process of filling out paperwork and getting my doctors and therapist to fill out stuff. When I got the letter on Christmas Eve I felt amazing. Also I had taken the 26th and 27th off work so there was no anxiety.

Last year I felt odd during Christmas time. I just had this really bad intuition all of sudden one night that this would be the last time things would be peaceful in the world for awhile. Also I was once again waiting on a letter this time from social security. And everything turned out ok again but the letter didn’t come this time until February 2020

This year I just feel lonely and like I don’t have the support I’d like. I was supposed to have a therapy appointment on the 22nd. I just feel bad and I am trying to just deal with this feeling of missing my therapist. It’s just tough. My family is coming up so I have that support. But I’m just not really feeling the Christmas spirit this year.

[wolftrap]

I haven't worked for about ten years Moose, and I empathize with how you feel. For better or worse, I had merged my personal identity with my job identity. It's been difficult to answer people who ask "What do you do?". I've come up with a story that I retired early. Which, to a certain extent, is true. It took me a while to accept the fact that I'd probably never work again, but I've been fortunate to be able to be productive via painting. My experience has been that as long as I am productive at something (other than being a Dad), I feel much better about myself.

[Soupe du jour]

It got to the point today where my husband told me to take PRN Seroquel. I did. The stress is now blatantly getting to me.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all! I am doing alright. My workplace had a really nice goodbye virtual meeting for me. I am going to miss that group. It really was the best group I worked with and I hope I can find something similar. I feel sad to leave, but know it is time in a way. I am not done for another week or so, but people will be away on vacation and everything.

My interview last week seemed to go well and I got called back for a second one. So, fingers crossed this works out. Having been feeling not great the past month or so I just didn't apply to many jobs and really hope I am not about to be unemployed. At least my partner will let me stay with them for a bit while I figure things out.

My digestive system is kind of messed up still. Feel like I have heartburn still with that cough, low appetite and other stuff. And I need to gain weight, but am struggling with that. Anyone know some good tasting (preferably non-dairy or at least non-lactose) nutrition shakes or supplements? My PCP said most gastroenterologists would say I should get an endoscopy, but I could also try increasing my pantoprazole first and see if that helps. I am going with the latter to avoid the procedure if possible.

Have a good weekend everyone!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi all! I am doing alright. My workplace had a really nice goodbye virtual meeting for me. I am going to miss that group. It really was the best group I worked with and I hope I can find something similar. I feel sad to leave, but know it is time in a way. I am not done for another week or so, but people will be away on vacation and everything.

My interview last week seemed to go well and I got called back for a second one. So, fingers crossed this works out. Having been feeling not great the past month or so I just didn't apply to many jobs and really hope I am not about to be unemployed. At least my partner will let me stay with them for a bit while I figure things out.

My digestive system is kind of messed up still. Feel like I have heartburn still with that cough, low appetite and other stuff. And I need to gain weight, but am struggling with that. Anyone know some good tasting (preferably non-dairy or at least non-lactose) nutrition shakes or supplements? My PCP said most gastroenterologists would say I should get an endoscopy, but I could also try increasing my pantoprazole first and see if that helps. I am going with the latter to avoid the procedure if possible.

Have a good weekend everyone!

I think Mountaindewed knows about some nutrition shakes/supplements.

[Blue_Bird]

I use Ensure nutrition shakes. The vanilla ones taste really good to me. I don't know if they're dairy free though

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi all! I am doing alright. My workplace had a really nice goodbye virtual meeting for me. I am going to miss that group. It really was the best group I worked with and I hope I can find something similar. I feel sad to leave, but know it is time in a way. I am not done for another week or so, but people will be away on vacation and everything.

My interview last week seemed to go well and I got called back for a second one. So, fingers crossed this works out. Having been feeling not great the past month or so I just didn't apply to many jobs and really hope I am not about to be unemployed. At least my partner will let me stay with them for a bit while I figure things out.

My digestive system is kind of messed up still. Feel like I have heartburn still with that cough, low appetite and other stuff. And I need to gain weight, but am struggling with that. Anyone know some good tasting (preferably non-dairy or at least non-lactose) nutrition shakes or supplements? My PCP said most gastroenterologists would say I should get an endoscopy, but I could also try increasing my pantoprazole first and see if that helps. I am going with the latter to avoid the procedure if possible.

Have a good weekend everyone!

I use Atkins shakes but I use them for weight loss. My stomach also got kind of messed up for awhile and an endoscopy was suggested for me but I am terrified of going under anesthesia when I went under it in October and will have to go under again early next year for surgery. So I’m just trying to figure out other things I can do.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m still kinda in a funk today. I took a couple Xanax. Had a couple mugs of stress relief tea. I’m watching The Masked Singer now. I don’t have any S or SH thoughts. Just still a bit down. My mattress topper came today and it looks and feels really nice. I put it on my bed under my fitted sheet so I hope it doesn’t slip. My mom wrapped presents too today. I’m getting a sleep mask and a burrito blanket and a skateboard from her. I’m hoping after Christmas I’ll be able to wrap myself in my burrito blanket, and use my weighted blankets, and my sleep mask and my oral sensory thing and hopefully next year I’ll be sleeping great. I do well with a lot of deep pressure and other sensory things when I sleep.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m still kinda in a funk today. I took a couple Xanax. Had a couple mugs of stress relief tea. I’m watching The Masked Singer now. I don’t have any S or SH thoughts. Just still a bit down. My mattress topper came today and it looks and feels really nice. I put it on my bed under my fitted sheet so I hope it doesn’t slip. My mom wrapped presents too today. I’m getting a sleep mask and a burrito blanket and a skateboard from her. I’m hoping after Christmas I’ll be able to wrap myself in my burrito blanket, and use my weighted blankets, and my sleep mask and my oral sensory thing and hopefully next year I’ll be sleeping great. I do well with a lot of deep pressure and other sensory things when I sleep.

That all sounds sooo comfortable! My mattress topper kept slipping & I haven't bought the rubber rug holder thing yet. So I laid some large pieces of fabric between the mattress and the topper and it has stopped slipping. YAY!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

It got to the point today where my husband told me to take PRN Seroquel. I did. The stress is now blatantly getting to me.

Keep us posted, Soupe. Your stress level at this time is understandably extremely high, I'm sure.

[Soupe du jour]

My dear brother came to the rescue and installed all of our new smoke alarms needed before our house sale. Neither Hubby nor I would have known how to handle the project, since it involved more detailed electrical work since they are wired types. Pays to have a sibling who is a professional electrician! Hubby had installed the old ones, and bro said they were connected dangerously.

We took my brother out for a nice dinner afterwards, as a thank you. It was nice to see him anyway. I may not more than one more time before we leave for Europe. He spent half the time talking about a mortuary and crematorium he's doing electrical work for. I got the sense that a couple sitting somewhat nearby heard it all. They didn't seem like a married couple, and were barely talking to one another. Maybe a blind date gone sour?

[Moose72]

Watching It's a Wonderful Life. One of George's kids is playing Hark the Herald Angels Sing. Reminds me of when Noah was 9- he said "Hark the herald angels sing, Glory to the newborn king! Peace on Earth and mercy mild, God and seniors reconciled!"

[~Christina]

Awwww Moose

I totally know how your feeling.. I wish I had magic words to make all the hurt go away , but I dont , Still trying to accept that I also can not work.

Steve and I go no where and do not see friends due to covid, But first meeting new people I dread the question.. So what job do you have ?

So dont beat yourself up , be kind instead