[*Beth*]

I'm having husband annoyance, too. We're meeting our son and DIL for lunch today. I purchased a cake to honor all 4 of our birthdays (October, November, December, January). The cake is so pretty and will be delicious. So my husband tells me he made a pact with himself not to eat sugar, he's sticking to it, and therefore he won't be eating any cake. My husband's health is excellent, he thin as a rail, and is 74 years old. EAT THE CAKE, for pete's sake!! I think it's so rude to just sit there while the rest of us enjoy cake - unless there a legitimate health issue. Somehow it just seems like an attention-getting move.

I'm not going to make a thing of it, but I'm irritated.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

The store is still in chaos, huh? Geez. I hope they finish soon!

Yes! And I looked it up online, they are renovating all the stores- with the exception of a few that opened in the last 5 years. They are building nine new stores and remodeling 32 additional stores to the tune of $400 million!

[Moose72]

Sorry Beth about your husband's annoying behavior. It will be okay.

[Moose72]

I'm happy.

I just finished one of my new books last night- very good! Its called "Hurry Down Sunshine" by Michael Greenburg. It's about a teenager whose behavior is concerning enough that they took her to the psych hospital where she stayed for a month. It's written from the father's point of view.

I also ordered a couple of CDs of a singer that I already have some of his work. He's now 74 so a lot of his recordings are from the 70's and early 80's, but I love his sound. I found one called "Recital" so I don't know if its a live recording or not, but it was on Amazon and listed at something like $109! So I looked and there were a couple of used copies for sale. So I'm taking a chance that it will be in good shape. It said it was, but you never know. The other one I ordered is one I had a recording of but lost when I moved. I must've lost an entire box of CDs because there are other recordings that are missing as well. Anyway, so those two CDs are coming. I can't wait to listen! I've been putting on music like that- a male alto/countertenor named Rene Jacobs from Belgium- to write poetry to. I'm really looking forward to both of these. (My book arrived to my mom's place today and I'll get that at some point. They don't live very far.)

@Soupe du jour: Yeah, all the minor irritations when moving do add up. I remembered almost crying when i moved to Vancouver because i wrote a letter and realized i didn't know where the mailbox was. Things will smooth out tho. Everyday will get a little easier, a few more problems solved each day, until you're finally comfortable. You've had a tremendous upheaval and are doing so well with all the challenges. I hope you can have a snack later. Our bodies can't tell the difference between hunger and anxiety.

[Mountaindewed]

I realized at 11:45 or so that I didn’t take my Geodon. My anxiety was bad so I took it then. I was incredibly hungry afterwards and very drowsy. I ended up eating like 2 candy bars and 2 little bags of chips then I had lunch. I fell asleep at 3 and I never take naps anymore. I woke up at 4:45 feeling decently. But I thought I’d be ok without my anti nausea med. I wanted to see if the nausea was maybe just those few days. But an hour ago I started feeling really sick and also headachy. So I took my nausea med and a couple Tylenol. I don’t know what’s going on. But today was not fun. I think because of the missed geodon.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Yes! And I looked it up online, they are renovating all the stores- with the exception of a few that opened in the last 5 years. They are building nine new stores and remodeling 32 additional stores to the tune of $400 million!

But nice on the music - and I've read Hurry Down Sunshine. I liked it. I think I'll read it again.

[*Beth*]

Lunch with my son and DIL was terrific. They're such easy people to be with. They gave me an absolutely beautiful necklace for my birthday. My husband behaved himself nicely (i.e., he dressed handsomely like I wanted him to), so I forgave the not-eating-cake issue

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

But nice on the music - and I've read Hurry Down Sunshine. I liked it. I think I'll read it again.

Yes I'm really looking forward to the CDs. The book I got today but its still at my mom's place.

I wasn't expecting so many "vocabulary words" in Hurry Down Sunshine! There must've been 15-20 words that I had to stop and look up!

[Moose72]

I am again attempting to read "Touched with Fire". Its very clinical and therefore not easy to run through like I have the bipolar biographies. It's such a big book, too. All this to just say that writers are more likely to suffer from bipolar than non-writers.

I had a quiet day. Today is my last day of full-strength benzos. Tomorrow i start reducing. Wish me luck! Scrabble went badly today but i will keep up with it because it's about the only way i participate in the world, at weekly Scrabble club, because it passes the time and because it keeps my mind active. As far as my addiction to bad strategy and my anger over losses, i will just pray for the serenity to accept the things i cannot change. Serenity now, serenity now!

@BethRags: So glad you had a nice lunch with your family and that things went smoothly.

[Soupe du jour]

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

@BethRags, I'm glad your celebration turned out quite nice. What type of cake was it, anyway? I love cake.

@Mountaindewed, I hear you on the negatives of missing or taking an antipsychotic too late. I can't speak for others, but for me it is my antipsychotic that really kicks me in the butt if I miss it. More so than my regular moodstabilizers. I hope you're feeling better now.

@Moose72, it's always nice to read how you immerse yourself in all kinds of arts, writing, and literature.

@whatever2013, thanks for sharing about your move's little strife. I know you're right that things will get easier. Wishing you a huge amount of luck with your tapering off your benzo. I'd like to be tapered off mine, too. I'll ask my pdoc about it, but I think he'll tell me to wait...yet again.

I'm super tired this morning, but I still have so much to do. At least the sun is shining this morning. Perhaps I can get my husband to go for a walk with me, as our Valentine's celebration. Otherwise, all we exchanged today were clinks of our coffee cups. Oh well! Usually I get flowers, a gift and card. I always give Hubby a gift, card, and sweet spot and nice dinner. If I got flowers today, there would only be one choice in vase, because that's all that I've found so far. I think I know where others might be.

[Mountaindewed]

I remembered my Geodon today. I took it at 5 something and I fell back asleep until 7:30. I was still incredibly tired for some reason even though I slept through the night. I think it’s that anti nausea med. I needed to drink an entire pot of black tea and a Coke Zero in order to be able to function and not be lying in bed all day. I feel headachy and kind of nauseated today but I feel decent mental health wise. This morning I got a massive sharp pain in my left side near my kidneys. I mean yeah I’m worried but there’s not much I can do until a week from Monday when I get the CT scan.

My mom poked herself with my used syringe needle and her finger bled and she’s acting like it’s not a big deal. Maybe I’ve just read too many fake stories about needles in pay phones and movie theater seats. It’s not like I have anything.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

@BethRags, I'm glad your celebration turned out quite nice. What type of cake was it, anyway? I love cake.

...

Happy Valentine's Day, Soupe!

The cake was darling. A red/pink/white fondant (deep pink as the main color) with decorations including little heart sprinkles. The inside was intense...a chocolate mousse cake that was rich...like, really rich. Tasted great, though! I had intended to put lots of little candles on it - then realized that, due to covid, we wouldn't be able to blow them out.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I had a quiet day. Today is my last day of full-strength benzos. Tomorrow i start reducing. Wish me luck! Scrabble went badly today but i will keep up with it because it's about the only way i participate in the world, at weekly Scrabble club, because it passes the time and because it keeps my mind active. As far as my addiction to bad strategy and my anger over losses, i will just pray for the serenity to accept the things i cannot change. Serenity now, serenity now!

@BethRags: So glad you had a nice lunch with your family and that things went smoothly.

Thank you, whatever.


I do wish you all the luck in the world with your taper. It sounds like it's going really well so far, which (as you know) is a huge success in the world of psych meds.

Scrabble sounds like a blast to me. I used to have a respectable vocabulary; unfortunately, meds have a disastrous effect on my cognitive skills. I think it's so important to play games to keep one's brain sharp. My grandmother, who lived to be a clear-minded 100 years old, was playing arithmetic games on her computer in her late 90's!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

.

@Moose72, it's always nice to read how you immerse yourself in all kinds of arts, writing, and literature.

I have been doing that lately, haven't I? One thing I haven't been doing is taking pictures. I just think to myself "What's to take pictures of? People can't come over and I don't want photos of them with masks on anyway and it's cold and snowy and I don't want to traipse around in it when most people are inside and are wearing masks..." Basically excuses! But I HAVE been on a poetry kick the last couple weeks and reading for a couple hours every night before bed. And of course, I love my music. (I've got the two CDs coming before the end of the month! Maybe next week?? } So yeah. Thanks for the kind words, Soupe!

[*Beth*]

Missing Sissy (my best friend who died 6 days ago) something awful today. She and I always sent each other Valentines, for all of our 53 years of friendship.


I've slept most of the day today, I've been exhausted. The sleep has been comforting. Well, time to wash a sink full of dishes!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Missing Sissy (my best friend who died 6 days ago) something awful today. She and I always sent each other Valentines, for all of our 53 years of friendship.


I've slept most of the day today, I've been exhausted. The sleep has been comforting. Well, time to wash a sink full of dishes!

I'm sorry that you're hurting. I had a friend for not 53 years, but about 15 years and we were very close and he was my best friend. He took me to the psych ER I don't know how many times and visited me in patient- and he STAYED with me in the ER into the night! We'd often just go to a coffee shop and sit with each other while he surfed the internet and we'd talk. He's been gone for 2 years almost and it still really hurts and I still feel like he's on vacation rather than gone for good. In fact, today Facebook showed me one of my "memories" - a post about hanging out with Ken. Made me sad. As I'm sure you know, it gets easier but never really gets "easy"- missing a loved one. Sending you comfort and a with

[Moose72]

It's supposed to snow Monday through into Tuesday. Its supposed to slow down just about the time that I will need to leave to go pick up N3 and take him to his yearly physical Tuesday at 2:30.. I hope I can get my car de-snowed and we get there on time. I'd thought of going to a coffee shop down the road as I don't think they'll let me into the medical center without an appointment. They don't like you to sit in the waiting room of the clinic. It should take 2 hours for his appointment I'm guessing and I' m NOT going to sit in the cold car for that long, nor am I going to just sit there with the car running for that long, either! Anybody got any other ideas for what I can do?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm sorry that you're hurting. I had a friend for not 53 years, but about 15 years and we were very close and he was my best friend. He took me to the psych ER I don't know how many times and visited me in patient- and he STAYED with me in the ER into the night! We'd often just go to a coffee shop and sit with each other while he surfed the internet and we'd talk. He's been gone for 2 years almost and it still really hurts and I still feel like he's on vacation rather than gone for good. In fact, today Facebook showed me one of my "memories" - a post about hanging out with Ken. Made me sad. As I'm sure you know, it gets easier but never really gets "easy"- missing a loved one. Sending you comfort and a with

thank you so much I'm sorry you have to live with that grief, Moose. It hangs on like cobwebs.

As for what to do while N3 is at the doctor - the coffee shop would be my choice, for sure.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

thank you so much I'm sorry you have to live with that grief, Moose. It hangs on like cobwebs.

As for what to do while N3 is at the doctor - the coffee shop would be my choice, for sure.

Ken had stage 4 lung cancer. He showed up at the coffee shop out of breath and I teased him and asked him if he'd run from the car. Not long after, he took himself to the ER and they admitted him. He was there a very short time and they diagnosed him with lung cancer. He was put on "comfort care" soon after he was admitted. He had diabetes but they told him he could eat whatever he wanted. I came to visit him every day. But they sent him home to his sister's place in another town and I texted him but never saw him again. There wasn't a funeral for us in MI. Just those in Pennsylvania - that's where the family was from and that's where they held the funeral. I felt worse- an even bigger loss because I never got to say "goodbye" even though our last texts were happy and loving.

I'm thinking I'll go to the coffee shop. Restaurants ARE open here. I just hope it isn't busy when I'm there. I'd like to just sit in a comfy chair and read my book.

It's my first night on reduced benzos but it's only a 5% reduction so i'll be taking 95% of the full dose and don't anticipate any problems. That little an amount probably won't make any difference. Lower in the taper might be more challenging tho but i'm in no rush.

It was another quiet day. My Valentine's present came, a hoodie i ordered off Amazon and it's not warm fleece, it's thin jersey. So that's a disappointment and i'm stuck with my warm but ugly black men's hoodie but i don't care too much what i look like these long lonely days at home so whatever.

I'm feeling some anxiety about my haircut on Tuesday. I've only been off the property twice since before Christmas. I'll just have to tell myself that it's only take less than 90 minutes there and back and i'll feel much better to have tidier hair. They're only booking appointments online so the appointment's been requested, accepted and confirmed and now i just have to go to it. Grrr...

@BethRags: Sorry to hear you are missing your best friend today. It sounds like it was a lovely relationship, exchanging Valentine's cards with her when the men in our lives sometimes forget. I really want a friend like that.

[buddha1too]

I can certainly sympathize with the SI you're currently experiencing, bpcyclist. Been there, tried that. I hope you can compartmentalize the thoughts, though. I'm glad you're reaching out here. I hope you've gotten in touch with your therapist or someone else who can intervene until this passes...& it will pass. After all, that's the nature of bipolar disorder. I realize, however, that it's tough to see your way clear of the darkness when you're in the middle of it. Hang in there.

[Soupe du jour]

Long day. Our handymen finished up the main tasks we needed their help with. The house looks good, albeit not totally moved into. Hubby and I continued unpacking. Well, I mostly did. My kitchen is nearly where it should be for comfort. Relief! Other rooms are still in the works. Today we had a special appointment at a bedroom furniture store to select a new bedroom suite. [Appointments only given covid-19.] It's a huge purchase, but one that should last for the rest of our lives. It's lovely and good quality! We left our old one (that was wearing out with some damage - IKEA) for the buyers of our old house. Unfortunately, we will have to wait 9 weeks to receive our new furniture. Everything takes a while here. Even receiving orders from Amazon.de takes much longer than receiving stuff from Amazon in the US.

The handymen are nice guys, but boy am I happy they are gone! No rubbing shoulders. No moments of awkwardness because of my Czech language difficulties. Heck, I can go downstairs in my underwear now, if I want to! I also look forward to eating healthier and stuff the handymen wouldn't likely like.

I did unpack my scale, but I haven't gotten on it yet. The moment of reckoning is soon.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing pretty good today. I went to the library to pickup books. And I got a couple tacos from Taco Bell. My mom got her vaccine and I picked up groceries from their curbside service. I didn’t feel like going into the grocery store. I picked up this stuff I have to drink before my CT scan next Monday. I’ve never had to drink anything for a CT scan.. But it’s these 2 huge bottles of some type of vanilla drink which I seriously doubt taste very good. I have to drink both an hour apart. According to the order for the scan it says I’m diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. Which is a bit scary. It also says elevated pancreas levels.

So I don’t know what’s wrong but it seems and feels like something is. I am beyond constipated and every thing I try doesn’t work. So I’m in a lot of discomfort. But I am super glad I’m getting a new therapist because my mental health has been a lot better since making that decision.