[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I woke up at 5:00. I usually sleep until 7:00 so I’m not exactly perky this morning. I cried a lot yesterday, but I didn’t cry at bedtime which helped me get to sleep easier. I’m going to try to read today instead of zoning out watching Netflix. My sculpting tools appear to be hanging out in Baton Rouge, LA. I live in Mississippi. No idea when they’ll get here. Since I already have polymer clay, I tried sculpting a head yesterday with only fingers, an orange stick, and a needle. The result was pretty strange looking. Lol. Squishing the stiff clay with my hands to condition it was soothing. Heaven knows I can use plenty of that! I started taking buspirone last night. I’m supposed to take it twice a day. I hope it doesn’t take too long to start working. The physical symptoms of my anxiety have gotten as bad as my emotional ones. I hope everyone has a good day.

I've been doing a bit of colouring, its quite relaxing.

My anxiety has been a bit better today (maybe I've processed a couple of things, I'm not sure)

I've written some more today which I think has helped too.

I hope your anxiety gets better soon!

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by unlived

Geodon screws with your heart! I keep saying this. If you keep messing around with it you will die!

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I’m ok honestly.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

This is super scary, @Mountaindewed. I’m not familiar with Geodon, but if it messes with your heart, I’m afraid for you. Would you consider talking to your pdoc or therapist about your med taking habits? Please consider it.

I went to the ER last month for chest pain that I thought was because of my surgery and it turned out to just be post op Pain. and they did an EKG and a cat scan and my heart is fine. I’m honestly ok. I just need someway to get rid of this anxiety and I can’t find any other way but meds

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Here’s the recipe I use, it’s super easy and delicious: 3-Ingredient Peanut Butter Cookies Recipe | Allrecipes

Thank you!

And yes I’m happy to be seeing my therapist in-person again. It will be so nice. We have been doing video chat and phone calls throughout the pandemic which are good but it will still be nice to see her in person.

I definitely understand not having a car, I don’t have one either. Luckily I can get transportation for my appointments though through Medicaid

I hope you’re doing good today!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I made them! They’re so yummy! Thanks again!

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I made them! They’re so yummy! Thanks again!

You're welcome, I'm glad you like them!

[Mountaindewed]

This morning I watched the new Drag Race Allstars. I went quickly to the Asian market but my anxiety was too high to go anywhere else. I wanted to go other places but my anxiety was too tough and it was raining and very muggy. Our microwave didn’t get fixed today. It needs another part and the lady didn’t have it with her. So my mom got a counter top one from Walmart this morning. So at least I can fix my usual food now. But my anxiety is like a 15 out of 10 today. I only had one soda with caffeine. I didn’t get any iced tea or anything like I usually do. I took a Valium and it isn’t doing much.

So I’m not sure what to do. I want to go lie down in bed but I don’t want to spend all my time there every single day. The couple non med non TV coping skills I have I can only use at night and I’m starting to become dependent on them since I’ve been using them throughout the night for a few nights in row. But I’ve started to want to use them during the day and I just can’t do that.

So I’m once again just hanging on and not doing too good. I don’t want to email my therapist. That’s the last thing I want to do. I contacted eBay and they said they won’t get the stuff in until next week and then they will get it to me. So I guess that makes sense with the 7th arrival date I was given when I ordered it.

But I’m just seriously not sure what to do at this point. I know waiting for my doctor to call is majorly triggering my anxiety.

I set up the TV in my room. So now I can be comfortable in my own bed but still have the TV on. I took a 20mil Geodon and I may take a second Valium in a bit.

[Lizzie1813]

Whew! I just exercised for the first time in 10 years! I did a Walk at Home workout on YouTube. Kinda proud of myself right now! 😀

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Whew! I just exercised for the first time in 10 years! I did a Walk at Home workout on YouTube. Kinda proud of myself right now! 😀

Way to go! It sure is hard taking that first step. I feel so out of touch with my body having not exercised for so long, but it feels good too!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Whew! I just exercised for the first time in 10 years! I did a Walk at Home workout on YouTube. Kinda proud of myself right now! 😀

Excellent job!

My husband got frustrated with his beer belly yesterday and found a cool aerobic dance Youtube video to exercise to. I thought it was a good one. The instructor was excellent.

[Nammu]

I just found a aqua fitness calculator. Kinda disappointed that 45 minutes is only burning 334 calories but 5 times a week! I guess it adds up. My main goal though was to relieve pain so I should be happy with any weight losses but traditionally I don’t lose weight with exercise. I eat the same but the loss doesn’t come. Frustrating.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Whew! I just exercised for the first time in 10 years! I did a Walk at Home workout on YouTube. Kinda proud of myself right now! 😀

Hurray! I checked out a Walk at Home video - it looks terrific! I think I'll give one a try.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I woke up at 5:00. I usually sleep until 7:00 so I’m not exactly perky this morning. I cried a lot yesterday, but I didn’t cry at bedtime which helped me get to sleep easier. I’m going to try to read today instead of zoning out watching Netflix. My sculpting tools appear to be hanging out in Baton Rouge, LA. I live in Mississippi. No idea when they’ll get here. Since I already have polymer clay, I tried sculpting a head yesterday with only fingers, an orange stick, and a needle. The result was pretty strange looking. Lol. Squishing the stiff clay with my hands to condition it was soothing. Heaven knows I can use plenty of that! I started taking buspirone last night. I’m supposed to take it twice a day. I hope it doesn’t take too long to start working. The physical symptoms of my anxiety have gotten as bad as my emotional ones. I hope everyone has a good day.

If you take the tracking number to your post office and tell them your package is stuck, many times the post office will look into it and your package will be magically unstuck.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hurray! I checked out a Walk at Home video - it looks terrific! I think I'll give one a try.

Yeah, do. You can do it!

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hurray! I checked out a Walk at Home video - it looks terrific! I think I'll give one a try.

I did the beginner workout.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

If you take the tracking number to your post office and tell them your package is stuck, many times the post office will look into it and your package will be magically unstuck.

Thank you! I didn’t know that.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve been languishing in bed in the morning. Not exact sleeping, just avoiding getting up. I’m not sure why. I’m not exactly anxious, I’m just finding it difficult to get up and get moving. It’s not fatigue either. I don’t know.

I talked to my dr about the compulsive eating problem I’m having. It’s been going on for at least a month. I’m physically more hungry and of course attracted more to chips and other high calorie salty snacks than fruits and vegetables. I thought maybe it was the seroquel. My dr added in naltrexone fir some reason. It’s mostly for substance use disorders but apparently can be used off label to offset the increased appetite while on antipsychotics. I’ve never heard of that before but whatever. I guess I’ll try it. I’m also going to force myself to portion out salty snack foods instead of mindlessly eating from the bag. I’m trying to find more high protein snacks to eat but it’s difficult because of my picky eating. That’s my own issue haha I must broaden my horizons.

I’m being discharged from program on august 18 and officially “returning to work” then. I put that in quotes because I work in a school so I don’t actually physically return to work until sept 1.

I’m afraid about this new covid variation. We’re probably still going to have to wear masks which I’m fine with. I’m just worried that it will get completely out of control again and my son’s school will close. I’m kind of screwed if that happens. My mom’s working again and so is the other person that was watching him last year. He doesn’t like the one e-learning camp I sent him to and the other is way out of my way on the way to work. I’m not sure I could get there in time. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

I received a phone call from the billing department from my back dr’s office. I was expecting to owe like a few hundred dollars. Turns out I owe $5100!!! I literally started crying on the phone with the person. If it was just that bill I’d be exasperated but that on top of the $4200 hospital bill and the $1500 outpatient bill just made me break down. If I have to pay $200 to each that’s almost half my income. But I just can’t worry about it. I just can’t. RS has said time snd time again that we will be married soon, we won’t have separate money anymore. I mean, as an assurance that he will help me pay for everything. He already pays half the bills but I just…I just feel like some things are my responsibility alone snd I’m losing my financial independence. It’s also knowing that I will never make a significant amount of money in what I do. I get raises but like fifty cents a year. I can’t do anything else like go back to teaching, it’s just too stressful. I just wish I could handle stress like other people can.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

....I just wish I could handle stress like other people can.

That's the biggest frustration about having a mental health problem...the inability to handle stress like "normal" people do. I had a friend once; she said those of us who have a mental illness are without a screen to keep the bugs out, whereas so-called normal people have a screen.

[Lizzie1813]

My mood has shifted. I was feeling pretty good today. I read, made cookies, and exercised. Now I’m back to staring at the wall. I feel numb. I know I should get up and do something, anything, but I just don’t have it in me.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I did the beginner workout.

Thanks so much for mentioning the Home Walking videos. I just did one & it was fantastic! And definitely a work-out!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

My mood has shifted. I was feeling pretty good today. I read, made cookies, and exercised. Now I’m back to staring at the wall. I feel numb. I know I should get up and do something, anything, but I just don’t have it in me.

I've done a lot of wall-staring since my daughter stopped contact with me. We used to go to lunch, shop, or just hang out. We'd talk on the phone. Now nothing...just empty space. But every time I "go there" I refuse to allow my mind torture me. Just...NO. I won't do this to myself. Change my thoughts immediately.

[wildflowerchild25]

Seriously had some incredibly scary **** go down an hour ago! We got a weather alert that a tornado was ON THE GROUND 10 miles away from us headed straight toward my town. It was in. Sane. I live in NJ, this **** doesn’t happen very often here.

I’ve been terrified of storms since third grade when we read a story about the death and destruction tornadoes can do. Yes, I can pinpoint the exact time in my life haha! So needless to say I was freaking the hell out. Me and my son were in the basement and RS was watching the sky until he saw what looked like swirling cloud formation then he hit the deck with us in the basement. I was also even more worried because my cat, who has never shown a shred of fear in even the most severe thunderstorms, hightailed is butt downstairs all puffed out and hid behind a box. They say animals can sense things so that added to my freak out.

But thankfully even though the storm ripped through pretty hard we didn’t get any damage that we know of. We’ll have to check the roof tomorrow just to be sure there was no wind damage but it seems like everything is copacetic. I don’t know how those of you who live in common tornado areas do it!!!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thanks so much for mentioning the Home Walking videos. I just did one & it was fantastic! And definitely a work-out!

Yay 😀
..

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thanks so much for mentioning the Home Walking videos. I just did one & it was fantastic! And definitely a work-out!

Yay! I’m so glad you liked it!

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I've done a lot of wall-staring since my daughter stopped contact with me. We used to go to lunch, shop, or just hang out. We'd talk on the phone. Now nothing...just empty space. But every time I "go there" I refuse to allow my mind torture me. Just...NO. I won't do this to myself. Change my thoughts
immediately.

Thank you for your empathy. It really helps. I’m sorry you’re hurting.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Seriously had some incredibly scary **** go down an hour ago! We got a weather alert that a tornado was ON THE GROUND 10 miles away from us headed straight toward my town. It was in. Sane. I live in NJ, this **** doesn’t happen very often here.

I’ve been terrified of storms since third grade when we read a story about the death and destruction tornadoes can do. Yes, I can pinpoint the exact time in my life haha! So needless to say I was freaking the hell out. Me and my son were in the basement and RS was watching the sky until he saw what looked like swirling cloud formation then he hit the deck with us in the basement. I was also even more worried because my cat, who has never shown a shred of fear in even the most severe thunderstorms, hightailed is butt downstairs all puffed out and hid behind a box. They say animals can sense things so that added to my freak out.

But thankfully even though the storm ripped through pretty hard we didn’t get any damage that we know of. We’ll have to check the roof tomorrow just to be sure there was no wind damage but it seems like everything is copacetic. I don’t know how those of you who live in common tornado areas do it!!!

I’ve gotten very blasé about them and tend to ignore the forecasters cause they get all excited and have running banners and flashing red lights and break into the tv programs announcing dire storms and predicting tonanos and nothing happens. On. The other hand just miles away recently they had 26 touchdowns in one storm. But then again just the other day they were announcing that Wisconsin could get a derecho and nope. But the cat! That I’d pay attention to.