[Sunflower123]

I’m having an off day. Sad, tearful, emotional. I guess it is to be expected. I found out the hard way that my brother has incontinence both ways and it was almost more than I could take. I’m doing my best but it’s not enough and I’m not qualified for all of his needs. Tomorrow will be better. Today is tough. It didn’t help that I had a disagreement with my daughter.

My sister and bil came over to help us clear off the back porch. They did a great job. I’m so covered up with caregiving that the house is suffering. I’m glad she is willing to step up and help.

I floated for awhile today while the sun was out. It was nice. The water has turned an exhilarating degree of cold. I’ll float each day until the pool closes next weekend.

I hope everyone has a good week ahead.

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

In Czech Republic, I don't think they encounter many people with curly hair...and with as much as we have. At least in the US the population is diverse enough that they do. I used to pay a pretty penny for the stylist I saw in the US, but at least she knew what to do with my curly mop.

My old stylist used to occasionally dry my hair straight, but got to the point where it was too difficult to manage. My hair grew curlier in my middle age, for some reason. I want to embrace them. It is a shame that others see them as almost "problematic". When cut and styled right, such curls are lovely. Don't you think?

I really want my hair done before my trip. It's not looking that great right now.

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yes, I do think so. I used to see a lady in the grocery near me; she had a really good cut for curly hair. If I ever see her again I 'm going to ask who her stylist is. For some time I was paying a high price for my stylist, but she never knew how to style my hair, either. It's beyond frustrating.

Don't you know we need to "fix" it? It is definitely treated as "problematic", and honestly, I've not noticed diversity helping much on that front.

Well, i had something to eat and i feel a lot better. I couldn't eat very much but it was still very comforting. I feel better with each passing hour. Once benzo withdrawal sets in, it doesn't go away right away when i resume my dose. It takes a few days to a few weeks to even out, depending on how long i've been in benzo-deprivation. This current episode feels like it will just take mere days. Benzos are so weird!

[Mountaindewed]

I don’t know why I decided to drink two 20oz Pepsi’s after taking a 4th Valium and my 20mil Geodon right before drinking them. I stood up though after procrastinating for an hour because I had a stomach ache and once I stood up I felt a lot better. I’m really looking forward to my trip. Except the bathroom part. Maybe if I just don’t drink anything from tomorrow night until 3:30PM the next day when we get to our hotel it would be ok. Or else I’ll just have to hurry in the bathroom at the restaurant and hope no one is in there. Or paying attention to me. Not sure going without anything to drink for 20 hours is a wise thing to do. But I have of places I’ll be going. Target bathrooms are always an option too.

I’ve only used the men’s bathroom 3 times. Once at a busy mall and I was so desperate because of my anxiety. Once at a lawyers office where the bathrooms were just single ones. And then at a Walgreens where I hurried in and hurried out and luckily no one was there the whole time I was.

Edit: I took my 160mil Geodon and a zofran. I ate some homemade turkey soup and a few small pieces of sirloin steak. Actually eating something for once that isn’t frozen or comes out of a box or bag was really good for my anxiety.

[Mountaindewed]

Why do people post passive aggressive stuff that doesn’t mean anything? Like who are you directing your posts to because whoever it is is not getting it. So it’s kinda a fail on your end. Which also means it’s your problem.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Feeling crappy today. I know I'm having mild depressive symptoms for awhile. Felt real bad this morning, spend 20 minutes sitting my bathroom floor crying. I think it's the weather. Weather changes affect me a lot.

Going over to my parents in a few hours for cookout. My son will spend the night. I was supposed to spend the evening with my boyfriend, but that'll likely get canceled. He woke up not feeling well.

The sun decided to come out and it's about 74. I might go for a walk. My mind is full. I should be doing chores.

Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk

I'm so sorry. I'm also very affected by the weather, even subtle light changes. I hope your evening is better than your day has been.

[Mountaindewed]

on a grocery store app I’m looking at I saw a sucker that is in the shape of a pacifier. Like the actual pacifier part is the sucker. And I want it so badly but my mom may see it when the cashier is checking my things out at the store. Candy pacifiers seem like a good idea that my therapist may not object to. But getting one is the problem. Maybe I’ll check Amazon

[Moose72]

Sleepy. Just had Spaghettios- but the ABCs with meat balls version. It was tasty. I haven't had Spaghettios in years. Going to have chamomile tea now. Watching Star Trek the next generation. I didn't have to go help with my mom's dog today. N3 worked a whole day of overtime. I went to the grocery store and got microwave popcorn, some Diet Coke and the Spaghettios of course- in addition to a few other things like creamer for my coffee. Tomorrow, I'm going to meet N1 for a bit. And I would LIKE to take N3 out to drive his car- it's a stick and he doesn't know how to drive it. Last night, I had a recurring dream where I lost my wallet. It's always so stressful and I'm anxious looking everywhere for it! Then I wake up and my wallet is in my purse and I feel better. A week from today is our family Disney meeting and a week from tomorrow is my dentist check up. Off to get my tea and take my meds!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I found the hiking pants options I had on hand. Only one fits. That's better than none, but a second is mandatory. The one I have is North Face brand. I recall spending a pretty penny for them. I'll have to go to a sporting goods shop and try a new pair on. It's hard enough to get a perfect fit of pants even in a country you've lived in for decades. With the less familiar European sizes, it would be too risky to order them online. Other than that, I have everything I need for my trip.

Hubby found a dam to swim in. He's happy. Enjoying a nice day there, at the moment. One photo shows Hubby getting into the water with a little sailboat in the background. Too cold for my taste.

I have my first appointment with my new therapist tomorrow. It's not a holiday here tomorrow, like it is in the US.

What beautiful pictures

I hope your able to find pants that fit and it doesn't take forever. I use to just hate finding a bathing suit ( those days are long gone) Now I seriously hate trying on any clothes, well alot has to do with weight gain.

I hope that your T appt goes well and its a good fit

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m having an off day. Sad, tearful, emotional. I guess it is to be expected. I found out the hard way that my brother has incontinence both ways and it was almost more than I could take. I’m doing my best but it’s not enough and I’m not qualified for all of his needs. Tomorrow will be better. Today is tough. It didn’t help that I had a disagreement with my daughter.

My sister and bil came over to help us clear off the back porch. They did a great job. I’m so covered up with caregiving that the house is suffering. I’m glad she is willing to step up and help.

I floated for awhile today while the sun was out. It was nice. The water has turned an exhilarating degree of cold. I’ll float each day until the pool closes next weekend.

I hope everyone has a good week ahead.

Oh Jennifer I'm glad that your Sister and BIL can help but you really need help with your Brothers daily needs. I am not sure what insurance he has but many will help pay for a CNA to come and help him with bathing getting dressed ADL ( activities of daily life)

I did home health care for years. Some people I was with 8 hours a day some 4 or 2.. Most all of my Patients had family that took care of them. But my being there allowed them to literally leave the house or go to there room and rest or whatever. Just get the hell away.

Is his caseworker trying daily to find him a bed in a nursing home? Not sure how often you hear from He/she but I'd start calling.... Alot.. Squeeky wheel !

I'm glad you went for a float. Sorry about an issue with you and M. Hope that is cleared up quickly.

Is your T aware of the enormous strain taking care of your brother? It might help in getting some help with him.. I would ask for sure.. A letter stating that your not capable of 24/7 care.

Keep floating and carve out lots of time for self care

[~Christina]

Well my Insurance needs a pre Auth for Rexulti like I knew it would, So with the Holiday I think it will " Maybe" Tuesday but I'm thinking more like Wednesday when it will be ready. Honestly I don't really care. I'm not overly thrilled with the possible side effects and the issues of it effecting my physical health issues.. Meh !

I need to sit down and update my letters to Steve and Amanda for when something happens to me. We have a fire proof safe.. It's always something that takes alot of thought I wind up have 37 drafts lol. But I think it would be a comfort for both of them to have a letter.

I did get my second Shingles vaccine today so that is taken care of. One less thing to worry about.. Oooooo sore arm tho.

Hope everyone is having a good night

[wildflowerchild25]

Spent the day with my SIL and brother. She helped me make my wedding bouquets, they’re very pretty! It didn’t take very long, I didn’t really need help I just needed to figure out how to actually put the together so they wouldn’t fall apart. She helped me wrap ribbon around them. I don’t see them very often so I ended up staying for awhile and then they invited RS and my son over for dinner since they were making so much.

(May be triggering to substance users)
Now listen, I love my brother and SIL to DEATH but they are very heavy drinkers (alcoholics in my opinion but it’s not for me to tell them, they’ll just get defensive). I usually only stay a couple of hours and leave when they start getting messy. They actually kept it together for quite awhile, they did start drinking when I first got there but they weren’t pounding them back like they usually do. So we stayed for quite awhile. Until she turned on music and started singing to it, that’s her tell that she’s had too much lol and I definitely get going then.

Emotionally I’m doing well, I was so anxious about returning to work but it wasn’t a big deal at all so that really made me feel better. Like I was worried everyone was going to make a big deal about me coming back but most people just said that it was nice to see me and left it at that. Much better than I anticipated.

I meet my student on Wednesday and I’m really happy to be working with her, I think I can help her at least feel comfortable at school. Apparently her family treats her like crap, but only her, she’s like the black sheep and that’s just so terrible. I think I can make school a safe space for her where she can be herself and not worry about getting insulted/laughed at. At least I can try. Definitely can’t fix her and I’m not trying to but I hope she can feel better about being there.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I did get my second Shingles vaccine today so that is taken care of. One less thing to worry about.. Oooooo sore arm tho.

Hope everyone is having a good night

I did not know that the shingles shot required a second shot.
How far apart are they given. I should get mine. My Dad had shingles and it was terrible.
Have you taken the covid shot?
I hope both you and steve have taken them.
There is a new varient called MU....just what we don't need.
I hear you about shopping several of our fitting rooms were

shut down. I eventually got a catalogue and ordered a
bathing suit that looked pretty but not on me.

I am a fat blob. I know that I should not talk this way,
hubby never says a word. I did get a cover up
pretty floral all the way down to my ankles
with a slit on each side. I wore it as a dress.

I have ordered a few shirts that have worked out ok I guess.
Being obese really sucks.

bizi

[Brentus]

I won't get on my soap box, but I'm getting a bit frustrated with the world lately. I guess my life lesson I've yet to learn is, no one is ever going to take responsibility for anything in a way to better the experience for the future, regardless of who it is. Feedback was encouraged in both scenarios recently and both times I was put down and given excuses not only why things are the way they are but why they can't be changed. I don't even know why I speak up. I really don't. My opinion has never mattered, and it's certainly not going to promote thoughts or progress towards something better. It never has. I'm not oblivious to how the world works or regulations in place, or other stipulations that dictate the way things work... but you'd think if the attitude is "we want to create a better experience for our customer" it would mean they'd at least listen.

Like I said, two separate occasions this has happened now and it's left me very irritable and upset. Why am I being attacked for raising concern? Why is it I become a punching bag? The part that makes it so frustrating in all these scenarios is this 1) I went through proper channels to address it 2) My concerns are valid 3) It is encouraged to discuss any issues in all these scenarios. ugh. I just need to stop talking about it. One of them is on a controversial topic in today's climate, and I'm SURE that fueled a lot of the response I got (which by the way, wasn't even warranted. The company had no obligation to directly respond to me.)

Anyway, I'm done with my rant. I'm just so sick and tired of being the bad guy in every scenario -- despite what role I play.

[Kelly68]

I was diagnosed bipolar many years ago. I don't think I am. I'm nothing but depressed, and taking the mood stabilzer just makes me tired and more depressed Doctor had to be wrong then, or can a person change after aging and not be bipolar anymore? I've had no mania. Always down. I'm moody often though, so I don't know anymore.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Kelly68

I was diagnosed bipolar many years ago. I don't think I am. I'm nothing but depressed, and taking the mood stabilzer just makes me tired and more depressed Doctor had to be wrong then, or can a person change after aging and not be bipolar anymore? I've had no mania. Always down. I'm moody often though, so I don't know anymore.

I'm wondering if being diagnosed as Bipolar 2 takes just one episode of hypomania to diagnose? If this is the case, then you can still be considered bipolar, even though you only notice depressive episodes.

[Nammu]

Welcome Kelly68

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing good today. Last night I didn’t fall asleep until after 10. I took 3 melatonin and an extra 20mil Geodon and an extra Valium. I was a bit anxious. But I fell asleep and I woke up around 6:15.

This morning I went to Walmart and the local grocery store. Dr. Pepper has chocolate flavored Dr. Pepper but it’s an online only thing and you need 100 points in order to buy it. But according to a guy on Reddit, it doesn’t take much to get to 100 points. Only about $20. So I bought 3 cases of cream soda zero Dr. Pepper. Which is what I normally drink anyways and I was out out it. I also got, 2 8 packs of bottles, and four 2 liters of diet Dr. Pepper. I paid about $25 for them. I had to submit a picture of my receipt and it took a couple try’s but I finally got it uploaded correctly and I got 100 points exactly. So I was able to get the box with 2 chocolate cans. All I needed to put in was my address. There’s no order or shipping confirmation or anything since it didn’t charge to any card. It just shows up at your door when it shows up. But people have shown pictures of their boxes on Reddit and they look pretty cool. Plus all the soda I bought today I’ll actually drink.

But once I got all that stuff done my bad mood went away. I was in a bad mood this morning for who knows why.

I have my trip tomorrow. We are leaving at 8AM and we have a full day planned out both tomorrow and Wednesday.

I counted my Valium and I have 19 extra days. I take 3 a day. I have no idea why it went through insurance so early. My mom said to be careful with them and just because I have so many extra days think I can take 5 a day or whatever. She just told me to be careful with them.

@Kelly68:

Welcome aboard!!! Jump in, the water is warm!!!!!

I think bipolar can change with age. I've noticed change since i entered menopause on Mother's Day, ironically. Change for the better, too, tho i also tapered off my benzo by 90% so it could be that too.

Whatever, the feelings are welcome, compassion, love, affection. Not hysteria and fear but what-are-you-gonna do. It's either comfortably numb and sedated or alive and WITH feelings. I choose the later and if i sink, well, better to burn out than to fade away, as Neil Young says.

I feel fine since i re-instated on the last amount of benzo i was comfortable on, 2mg of Valium. Today i feel stable, slept seven hours which doctors are now saying is the recommended number, not eight.

Wishing you lots of love and light!!!

Jane.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by Kelly68

I was diagnosed bipolar many years ago. I don't think I am. I'm nothing but depressed, and taking the mood stabilzer just makes me tired and more depressed Doctor had to be wrong then, or can a person change after aging and not be bipolar anymore? I've had no mania. Always down. I'm moody often though, so I don't know anymore.

I'm similar to you - my main issue is depression.

I was diagnosed bipolar after antidepressants made me hypomanic several times, but that was many years ago.

My meds are barely working too.

Fine today. Just wanted to see my clicker turn 2500 posts. Lots of love and light to everyone!!! Hugs, Jane.

[Daonnachd]

Hello, @Kelly68. Welcome.

I have a job, but I just applied to be a postal carrier. I think the regular exercise and fresh air would be good for me.

[Brentus]

Out walking in the park’s walking track like I try to do everyday. Three butterflies have crossed my path already. I’m not the superstitious type, but maybe some positive major change is heading my way?

[Nammu]

I was out laboring this Labor Day. Mum was saying a week or so ago that the north side of the house needed washing off. It did. It gets no sun so mold was popping up. So I dragged the hose around to that side. Got a soapy pail of water and mum had the bright idea of using a mop. I also pulled a chair around so that in between mopping I could sit for my back. It’s beautiful day. Most of the neighbors are out working on their houses too. One neighbor has a scaffolding all around his huge huge tree and is trimming it. If only we had a grill, bbq would be a perfect ending, with s’mores of course! 😃 maybe Burger King?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Spent the day with my SIL and brother. She helped me make my wedding bouquets, they’re very pretty! It didn’t take very long, I didn’t really need help I just needed to figure out how to actually put the together so they wouldn’t fall apart. She helped me wrap ribbon around them. I don’t see them very often so I ended up staying for awhile and then they invited RS and my son over for dinner since they were making so much.

(May be triggering to substance users)
Now listen, I love my brother and SIL to DEATH but they are very heavy drinkers (alcoholics in my opinion but it’s not for me to tell them, they’ll just get defensive). I usually only stay a couple of hours and leave when they start getting messy. They actually kept it together for quite awhile, they did start drinking when I first got there but they weren’t pounding them back like they usually do. So we stayed for quite awhile. Until she turned on music and started singing to it, that’s her tell that she’s had too much lol and I definitely get going then.

Emotionally I’m doing well, I was so anxious about returning to work but it wasn’t a big deal at all so that really made me feel better. Like I was worried everyone was going to make a big deal about me coming back but most people just said that it was nice to see me and left it at that. Much better than I anticipated.

I meet my student on Wednesday and I’m really happy to be working with her, I think I can help her at least feel comfortable at school. Apparently her family treats her like crap, but only her, she’s like the black sheep and that’s just so terrible. I think I can make school a safe space for her where she can be herself and not worry about getting insulted/laughed at. At least I can try. Definitely can’t fix her and I’m not trying to but I hope she can feel better about being there.

Hey !

I'm glad things are starting to come together piece by piece for your wedding I just want to say I've see you here since day one and you have been through such enormous roadblocks and heartbreaking grief. But you have found your way and still are working through alot but I am so happy that you met RS because you deserve all the joy possible in your life. I know you doubt at times that you deserve it.. Well you damn sure do

Ahhh family that drinks. My Aunt and Uncle in Florida also would start drinking and it didn't take long for it to become a terrible situation. From day 1 they would argue in front of anyone ( sober and worse drunk) which I have always been one to never have an argument in front of anyone, once alone I would address it and that was with anyone like my first husband, family or even friends. So all of us would make an exit. Very sad. They eventually divorced and neither one thinks alcohol played apart but we all saw in the screaming neon colors.

I'm glad you have a student that really needs that safe place. I'm sure as she gets started with her life away from a terrible home life that she will look back and remember you, someone that helped her in a much needed time in her life..