[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Sounds and looks good! When you mentioned putting it on a hoagie roll, it reminded me of Sloppy Joes. Maybe your dish could be a "Buffalo Joe"? Or "Buffalo Po' Joe?" [A combo of Sloppy Joe and Po'boy sandwich.]

Haha yeah, I should call it that, it was kind of messy lol

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Haha yeah, I should call it that, it was kind of messy lol

You should. Put a celery-carrot slaw on it, and you've got yourself something totally new to market. Could be the sandwich of the future. Honestly.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

You should. Put a celery-carrot slaw on it, and you've got yourself something totally new to market. Could be the sandwich of the future. Honestly.

I'll have to try that sometime, it sounds like they would go really well together

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'll have to try that sometime, it sounds like they would go really well together

Dang it! I just found that Rachael Ray beat you to it. See Buffalo Joes with Blue Cheese & Carrot-Celery Slaw Relish | Rachael Ray In Season Maybe with a slight addition, you could still call something a "Buffalo Po'Joe", though. Or perhaps, add a little sausage, okra, and filé and it could be a "Buffalo Po'Joe Gumbo Sandwich". That's not yet taken.

Hoping New Orleans recovers from the hurricane soon.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Dang it! I just found that Rachael Ray beat you to it. See Buffalo Joes with Blue Cheese & Carrot-Celery Slaw Relish | Rachael Ray In Season Maybe with a slight addition, you could still call something a "Buffalo Po'Joe", though.

Dang it! It looks very tasty though!

[Daonnachd]

My wife starts her PhD this weekend. I'm home alone, a bit lonely. At least I'm stable. Alone and episodic tends to be quite dangerous for me.

[Brentus]

@Blue_Bird I agree with Soupe on this one -- it reminds me of sloppy Joes/pulled pork sandwiches! It looks like the recipe turned out great, thanks for sharing! I was hoping to see some photos and thoughts on it. The only issue now is you've made me hungry for it lol. I am eating good this weekend though, still have a lot of chilli left over my mother made!

@Daonnachd I wish your wife the best! I once started a PhD program only to have to drop out. I've always dreamed of continuing, but the means just aren't there. I commend your wife for her bold and exciting continuation of study!!



I'm alright I guess. Had several moments of not-so-pleasent interactions but I'm ok. I don't know what it is with my meds that make me feel crappy (it feels more emotional that physical) and then, I feel good. I can handle a few hours of unease if it means most the day of better living.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I get paranoid and afraid about these thing (though I don't watch porn). I keep thinking that someone has invaded my computer and/or phone.

My auto correct has been very scary lately. I told you guys about the Hewlett-Packard thing. Then the other night my auto correct wanted to change the word strange into something I will not mention on here since it involved SH and S.

My therapist is a douche and can’t give me any reassurance on this ****. But hey she responds to my emails at least.

Obvious sarcasm.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by BethRags

As I see it, Md, your trans is totally in a different category from your self-medicating. I'm totally comfortable with your process of transitioning, I know several women who have transitioned to males. I do worry about your self-medicating. I'm not afraid of discussing either one with you. And yeah, when you have various hormones at high levels going on in your body it makes perfect sense that you're going to feel somewhat whacked up, until the transition is complete and things have settled down...which will happen.

I’ve been doing better with the melatonin these last few nights. I just know I was super stable before I started my transition. I was working a part time job and picking up extra shifts when asked to work them. I was a good employee. I had zero issues with my therapist. I didn’t have any transference with her at all or feel the need to contact her outside of sessions.

I just like became this different person once I started my transition. And then when I got my first top surgery in October 2020 I felt like it almost changed my personality. Either from the pain meds or the anesthesia. I got bad post op depression that lasted for months. But I’m beyond happy with the results and I still lift up my shirt everyday to look at my chest and I can look down and I just feel like how I should be physically. But mentally, I feel like a guy, but I feel like a very mentally unstable guy.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

My wife starts her PhD this weekend. I'm home alone, a bit lonely. At least I'm stable. Alone and episodic tends to be quite dangerous for me.

Have you finished ECT for now?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’ve been doing better with the melatonin these last few nights. I just know I was super stable before I started my transition. I was working a part time job and picking up extra shifts when asked to work them. I was a good employee. I had zero issues with my therapist. I didn’t have any transference with her at all or feel the need to contact her outside of sessions.

I just like became this different person once I started my transition. And then when I got my first top surgery in October 2020 I felt like it almost changed my personality. Either from the pain meds or the anesthesia. I got bad post op depression that lasted for months. But I’m beyond happy with the results and I still lift up my shirt everyday to look at my chest and I can look down and I just feel like how I should be physically. But mentally, I feel like a guy, but I feel like a very mentally unstable guy.

I know it's easier said than done, but...be patient with yourself and with your body

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Have you finished ECT for now?

No, I likely won't ever be. For now, I'm going every three weeks.

Actually, just a moment ago I was feeling sad that I still need it. ECT has such a huge impact on my life, good and bad.

I finally feel recovered from my benzo fiasco a week ago. I'm finally evened-out and sleeping relatively well and steadier emotionally. I'll take a break from meds withdrawal for a while, it was so unpleasant, the benzo fiasco.

I was exhausted after my busy day on Thursday. I always feel so desperate when i overdo it, like i'll feel tired forever. But it's been a couple days with long hours of resting and i feel okay now. I wish i wouldn't panic so when i get tired.

I'm really excited about one of the women in my social group, i'll call her "PF". The more i learn about her, the more i am impressed with her. She's Irish and has all these amusing turns-of-phrases people from the UK have, like "the bees knees" and "the cat's pajamas" and a long time is "for donkey's years"! Haha! It's very amusing.

I wore some of my knitted creations to group last week and it turns out PF's an accomplished knitter, having made hundreds of sweaters. I'm just astounded, i've only made four and each took me three to four months. She's really something, this woman.

I think i've finally found a woman to pattern myself after. She's also ex-military, where she was a journalist. She's a lot older but in good health and she and another woman i like will go swimming on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it.

I just did so very well in my teens when i had my gym coach to pattern myself after. This coach was very disciplined and had tremendous integrity and decisiveness and authority and it was just so great having someone in my life to admire and imitate, someone who was an example.

Other than that, i've re-discovered candles and am enjoying studying the flames and calming down and relaxing. I love fire! I got out to get dogfood at the vet and had a very amusing time on the bus gawking at people and in the food-court enjoy my cheeseburger and fries.

I made myself a complete dinner, salad and soup with added fish and rice in it. I bought $325 worth of groceries on Thursday and now i am reaping the benefits. It wasn't all food of course, my huge bill. Lots was paper and plastic items and beaucoup pop.

A very pleasant day!

*enjoyING

@Daonnachd -- Boo to loneliness! We're here for ya, buddy!

I'm doing alright. Some depression, but I've been working to counter it. Thursday was especially rough though. I have been recovering well from the fall. My knee's still a bit yucky, but there is visible improvement day to day. I really can't complain -- it could have been SO much worse. I've been a little hinky around the stairs, but I suppose that's a good thing -- reminds me to be careful.

Lotsa hugs, my peeps!

[Mountaindewed]

I’ve felt kind of anxious this morning. I just took my second Valium and I ate some zucchini thinking fresh vegetables would help my anxiety. I feel somewhat better. I haven’t done anything to distract myself today. I went and got the new Mountain Dew. It’s pretty good. One of the better flavors that is out. But apple flavored stuff is the worst for my anxiety. It’s worse then coffee. I had to give up apple juice completely a few years ago. Then I had a mug of instant apple cider the other night when I took those 6 Valium’s. I’m not sure why apple stuff causes such intense anxiety. But if you Google it it does say apple juice is bad for anxiety. But that Mountain Dew was good.

Today I’m just hanging out and on and trying not to worry about what is probably going to come up next week. The call about my insurance regarding the surgery. I have therapy tomorrow and I do legit need to see her and I am looking forward to it. I have all the stuff from this past week to discuss with her. I do not plan on taking a Valium. My appointment is at 10 and I feel like I’ll be able to wait. I get so zoned out when I take a Valium and I want to focus tomorrow and be productive.

But I’m still glad I cancelled last Thursday and I would have needed to cancel anyways since my ultrasound was moved to when our session would have taken place. I know she won’t be much of a help but it will be nice to voice my concerns and vent to someone.

But last night I took one melatonin early. Then I waited as long as I possibly could before taking my 180mil Geodon. And then I fell asleep pretty fast. That particular Saturday of the month is usually the worst night for me.

Edit: I feel better now. I’m not sure if it was the Valium or the zucchini. My sister and her family are coming over for dinner I found out, so I took a shower and changed my clothes for the first time in 2 days. I found a cool new podcast to listen to. It’s called internet urban legends and that kind of stuff is right up my alley. So I’m sure discovering that has majorly distracted me from what’s going on.

[Daonnachd]

@Innerzone - I'm glad you're recovery nicely. Take care of yourself.

I don't normally work on Sundays but I'm doing a client a favor today. So at least for a bit I will be distracted. Then it's home again and lots of laundry and yard work. I wish I could sit and read but that was most of yesterday. ...and not as distracting, anyhow. Anybody else find themselves suffering with parallel thoughts? One the thing that needs doing while simultaneously stuck on something that decidedly does not?

[Brentus]

Hi everyone,
I hope everyone is doing well. Today has been fine thus far, I’ve not been awake too long. I took my low-dose Seroquel last night to help me get to sleep and stay asleep, and boy does it do its job lol. I slept well and woke up about 6:30, used the bathroom, and went back to bed until about 11:30am. No real plans for the day, just going to relax, maybe read, find something to keep my mind busy. I’ll figure it out as I go. I’m still really perplexed about my medicines right now. That is, the uneasiness emotionally/physically I feel a few hours after taking it, only to feel much better hour after. I don’t really have the words to describe it, but it’s definitely worth it if it works! The thing is kind of classical conditioning, I’m associating time/displeasure with it, and I kind start dreading having to take it. I’m making it out to be a bigger thing that it has to be – you got to prick your finger to read your blood sugar. You got to get a shot to have some thing administered. A little while of unpleasantness is something I’ll have to work around. I am hoping if a higher dose is needed later, it doesn’t exacerbate that though.
I really wish I did understand brain chemistry a lot better than I do. I find it really fascinating about how drugs work on the body. I’ve always had this problem where my interests are too varied and my focus is too broad lol. If I could redo my life, I might be a pharmacist, or a mathematician, or a pilot, or a lawyer, or a web developer, or a priest, or a taxicab driver…. You’re getting my point 😊.

My mind has been super focused on the better mood I have. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced in a long time, and never by way of taking medicines. I honestly am still in amazement the improvement it’s caused thus far, when all else has more or less failed. It’s like I told my psychiatrist – my problems haven’t not changed but my whole outlook and perspective has, which in turn, changes every one of my problems. I don’t feel so overwhelmed anymore. My medicines are tackling all issues I was experiencing, even if they aren’t so geared towards it, like anxiety. I know I sound like I’m peddling snake oil or a panacea, but for me, it’s made such a difference at this point. I’m just so relieved.

My diagnoses have been on my mind lately too. They constantly seem to evolve and change (this is natural in a lot of ways, as things develop/progress or change, or via differential diagnosis), but I never feel comfortable talking about, or asking about, them. My input should mean something, but at the end of the day, I’m not a professional in the field. Some people don’t like labels, some therapists are pretty adamant about, lets just do therapies that address your symptoms and concerns, leave labels for insurance/billing only. Personally, I like to feel I’m not alone. I like to realize; others can understand and deal with the same as me. Course, one-on-one therapy isn’t really where I’d find that. Label or not, a forum such as this, or friends, group therapy etc is where I may find more of that. But because criteria for disorders are vague and general, it’s kind of what makes it hard to sometimes see a fit, or to feel it represents the full picture of you. I guess I really wish I felt the full picture was presented more fully.

So, I guess in a way I am semi-obsessed with my mental health, but it’s positive at the moment. I’m reaching out for help – I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, I am taking meds, I’m trying to be a contribution and take benefit from this forum, for example. They are all steps into getting better. I do fixate on stuff, and delve deep. Usually, academic subjects or something new in my life… but for now it’s this. It beats the alternative I usually experience, anhedonia and inability to get out of bed. Right?

I do have some homework from my therapist I should probably get started on. I won’t see her for another two weeks though. I should take advantage of my positive moods and get a head start, it’ll even give me some time to reflect/think on it all and offer anything I can to the conversation.

Thanks for reading.
WtB

[Moose72]

I went out and got the package from fwb's Amazon locker earlier. I wasn't too sure where the drugstore is but I found it. And then the locker that the package was in was the very top left one and I couldn't reach the package- my fingers kept pushing it back until I asked somebody working in the pharmacy for help. So now I have a new battery charger and two new batteries for my camera. I plan on taking photos of the kids. Today is our Disney trip meeting too.

[MuddyBoots]

Back from IP. Now I'm on:
thorazine
invega+invega sustenna
vraylar
lithium
valium
propranolol
cogentin

It's working well, but I'm going to have troubles again getting the prescriptions filled. They gave me a week's supply of the new meds (thorazine, vraylar, invega) and I really wish I had a functional support specialist or case manager or whoever to help me out. Just the two versions of invega and vraylar without insurance (I have insurance and they don't want to cover it) would cost $8000 which is really, really ****ed up.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Back from IP. Now I'm on:
thorazine
invega+invega sustenna
vraylar
lithium
valium
propranolol
cogentin

It's working well, but I'm going to have troubles again getting the prescriptions filled. They gave me a week's supply of the new meds (thorazine, vraylar, invega) and I really wish I had a functional support specialist or case manager or whoever to help me out. Just the two versions of invega and vraylar without insurance (I have insurance and they don't want to cover it) would cost $8000 which is really, really ****ed up.

Have you checked into patient assistance programs? I get my meds that my insurance won't cover through them. Even if you technically don't qualify you can just include a letter with the application that explains your insurance doesn't cover it and you can't afford to pay $8000 out of pocket monthly. I've never been rejected and I've done this for a lot of meds.

Welcome back!

[Mountaindewed]

Is there a thing called dress your age but also dress the age you look like? I’m 28 but I look like I’m 18. So I wear North Face hoodies and Hollister jeans and t shirts because I feel like the stuff 30 year olds wear is too old for how I look. I mean is this even a thing?

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Is there a thing called dress your age but also dress the age you look like? I’m 28 but I look like I’m 18. So I wear North Face hoodies and Hollister jeans and t shirts because I feel like the stuff 30 year olds wear is too old for how I look. I mean is this even a thing?

I love this question. My thought is wear whatever you want and to thine own self be true.

[Blue_Bird]

@WindsThatBlow , I’m really glad you’re feeling so happy/positive , that’s wonderful!

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[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Back from IP. Now I'm on:
thorazine
invega+invega sustenna
vraylar
lithium
valium
propranolol
cogentin

It's working well, but I'm going to have troubles again getting the prescriptions filled. They gave me a week's supply of the new meds (thorazine, vraylar, invega) and I really wish I had a functional support specialist or case manager or whoever to help me out. Just the two versions of invega and vraylar without insurance (I have insurance and they don't want to cover it) would cost $8000 which is really, really ****ed up.

Welcome back I’m glad the meds are helpful. I hope you’re able to figure out the med situation

I agree with the other person about applying for patient assistance, that can help get your meds for free I think if your insurance denies covering them and you’re unable to pay for them. I think my care manager helped me with that when I was on invega sustenna.

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