Bipolar check-in #59

Hope you have found it by now. I literally panic if I can't find my phone so I fully understand that!

Did you take the prn Gabapentin??

Oh good grief with this GP already

I hear you on the poor shoes for walking vs the hiking boots. I plan to try a couple pairs of sneakers I have just back and forth to the pasture before I go a long distance. I really was worried id break my ankle or something !

Ok as far as buying jeans online?? I am glad you found something that actually fits ! I bought a pair earlier in the year I was so in need of them and I also got lucky that they indeed fit great ! Better luck buying those than years of trying so many on in a store to find out that Meh nothing fit right.

Yes, we had to take the mattress completely off the bed and then we found it. I probably could have done that in the night if I'd been willing to take the blankets off but I didn't think about it. My mattress is memory foam so it's quite heavy and I didn't think about my weighted blanket adding 20 lbs.

I did take the gabapentin but I was awake until about 5. I hope I get to sleep early tonight since I didn't get a chance for a nap.

I'm so glad to have it back. It's hard to believe we once relied on landlines (which I don't have so I was phoneless) and now it's hard to not have a phone in hand 100% of the time..

Rainy day here, we're supposed to get 40+mph winds later on. I've been taking the thorazine 3x a day, and it's reall been helping me settle down. I hope the Invega kicks in soon though so I don't need to be on three antipsychotics.

Ooooooooooooo I hear you on the memory foam being so damn heavy and a weighed blanket ? Yup way to heavy. Glad you found it. Yes I remember keeping a roll of dimes in my car to have for payphones if I needed to call anyone while I was out.. Wow has time changed I think the last payphone in my town was removed a couple years ago. Yes scary to not have a way to contact someone if something were to happen.

I so hope tonight you get a wonderful sleep

I got some big wind yesterday late after noon as a cold front finally hit us fully. Do you normally have wind like that often? I took Invega years ago. It was weight neutral and I think I started to notice it about 2 weeks in. Hope it kicks in quickly for you too.

Well damn ! Y'a'll my days are way to Looong

My sleep has truly gone back to pure garbage. I really shouldn't be upset I have had this problem my entire life but its such a struggle right now. There is not any real help. I know I need to just accept the fact it is what it is

Hope everyone is finding some peace in our hectic lives

We don't have wind like that down here too much, but the wind gets fierce up in the mountains. It'll be interesting to see what the Mt. Washington observatory reports once it's here. Right now it's 52 up there. Nothing here yet. I'm mildly concerned we're going to lose power (and our generator is broken!!) I'm going on shot number 3 of invega, pnurse said it'd take about 3 months so any day now. Did you get any side effects from it?

Tonight I go glaze the pieces I threw two weeks ago. Hopefully I won’t get so messy as I did then. I’m kind of wondering if my prices all survived the kiln? They were pretty uneven. 😃 not sure what I’ll do with them since they look like toddler art. But still I’m looking forward to the art time. Seriously thinking of becoming a member so I can just keep throwing until I manage to produce something recognizable.

Awesome! Hope you have fun

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina Ooooooooooooo I hear you on the memory foam being so damn heavy and a weighed blanket ? Yup way to heavy. Glad you found it. Yes I remember keeping a roll of dimes in my car to have for payphones if I needed to call anyone while I was out.. Wow has time changed I think the last payphone in my town was removed a couple years ago. Yes scary to not have a way to contact someone if something were to happen. I so hope tonight you get a wonderful sleep

I remember going on dates and always having two dimes in my purse just in case. The inference was that I would need to be picked up by my mom if my date "got fresh" with me. LOL!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Tonight I go glaze the pieces I threw two weeks ago. Hopefully I won’t get so messy as I did then. I’m kind of wondering if my prices all survived the kiln? They were pretty uneven. 😃 not sure what I’ll do with them since they look like toddler art. But still I’m looking forward to the art time. Seriously thinking of becoming a member so I can just keep throwing until I manage to produce something recognizable.

That sounds like such fun!

Nammu, your adventures inspire me and perk me up. Thank you for sharing them.

I had such a bad therapy session today that I’m about to go to bed. She says she is going to report elderly abuse OF ME. I’m a senior citizen (I don’t think so) and I’ve hurt my back and arm caring for them and they take advantage of me therefore it’s abuse. She said it’s my fault I’m injured. I allowed it. Even my daughter blames me she said. These are all the milder things she said. I’m trying to heal and be a better person. To make things worse, the screen froze as we were signing off so there was no closure. I’m just so upset right now. I don’t see how I can work with her now. It was going well up until now. I would gently steer her away from the topic of my family but couldn’t today. I feel so bad.

Oh Jennifer!

Oooo what a small world we live in. The art instructor grew up here and his brother is deaf and went to the state school for the deaf but his family was told like my family was not to sign. I am 10 years younger than his brother and was the first person mainstreamed in my hometown. His wife is an interpreter! I showed him pictures of my hand building pieces and he said I should show! Ha ha I only showed him the good pieces! 😃 but I’m very interested in becoming a member and being able to get into clay again. But now I’m challenged to use the wheel, who knew it was so hard! I’m wondering how I could finance it? Taking an art class here and there I can swing but membership would be expensive.

I can’t sleep and it’s late. Much later then I’m usually up. I just took my 4th 10 mil melatonin and I took a 5th Valium. I’ve been trying to drink a zero sugar Gatorade. I had my music on for 2 hours. I’ve had white noise on for 40 minutes. No clue why I can’t sleep but I’m losing my patience. I have therapy very early and she will know something is up if I don’t get a somewhat restful nights sleep with all the crap I took.

Edit: I slept for just about an hour. I feel decent physically. Not totally ok but not in danger either. I turned off my fan and got under my other blanket. I cut way back on the caffeine I’ve had so maybe that’s my problem. That or the topamax are the only things I can think of.

I see my new psychologist today. Wish me luck, I am a bit nervous about starting over with someone new and not knowing what to expect. I am not in the greatest place mentally and I am afraid of being hurt. Keep me in your thoughts.

Sending good vibes your way Winds!

I did it! Instead of cozying down in bed I got up and went swimming. One of the big changing rooms was available so I could lock the door. It wasn’t bad at all. All that fear about changing there and it’s nothing!

It looks like I’ll be for sure staying at the hotel for thanksgiving after the group message my cousin just sent out. It was a strange message in general but she sent it to that one cousin I didn’t get along with even before I came out. My mom is actually fine with me staying at the hotel. She’s just as confused by the message as I am since it was only sent to the cousins. But that’s actually kind of a relief that she’s fine with me staying at the hotel. No one has replied to my cousin though. So I don’t even know at this point what’s even going on.

I found out today my therapist is the same age as me. I thought she was about 10 years older. She looks older. I like her a lot so I guess it doesn’t matter but it feels strange having a therapist the exact same age as me. The second she told me her age I instantly felt weird. She acknowledged we were the same age and that she doesn’t tell everyone her age. She’s super professional though. Would the age thing bother anyone else?

Our session was good though. I fell asleep around 10 last night and my black out curtains helped me sleep until almost 8. So I didn’t have much time to dwell on my session at all. I basically just took a shower and watched 15 minutes of The today show before leaving.

I feel decent today although I’m a bit anxious but I had a small coffee and a diet Dr. Pepper.

I'm glad to read that you have a good impression of your new therapist. I have never minded a therapist being my age. In fact, there can sometimes be some key advantages of being from the same generation. I will say having a younger therapist than me never really worked out. For one thing, I wouldn't want a younger therapist looking at me as being "as old as their mother'. Also, I think that some generational differences can cause complications, but of course that wouldn't mean they were not up to the task of providing good therapy.

I’ve been nauseated these last 2 days. I also have some external pain and very light spotting. I don’t know if it’s the topamax or not causing the nausea. My mom says it shows on my face that I’m not feeling good. I don’t have a fever though.

I’ve only taken one melatonin tonight and I haven’t taken my 160 mil geodon yet. I majorly cut down on soda so I’m wondering if my body is just getting used to the lower amounts of caffeine. I also cut down on tea but I’m not replacing it with as much water as I should be drinking. I don’t think I’m having like reactions or complications to the surgery or anything like that.

Sometimes I feel like I’m having some post op depression. I talked about it in therapy today about how I feel like I’m not doing anything with my life. And my therapist told me that I’m doing a lot with my life just by working on getting better and healthy. And my mom agreed and she said to think of where I was last year at this time. And last year I was dealing with transference with a therapist that wasn’t right for me and doing those telesessions that were wearing me down terribly and I was dealing with legit severe post op depression and S thoughts almost every night and being assessed weekly for IP or IOP where I eventually ended up. So yeah things are better now then they were last year. I don’t know. Maybe I just have a bug. I just don’t feel good. But I didn’t take anything extra because I for one don’t feel the need to and for another thing im scared to take anything extra tonight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Oooo what a small world we live in. The art instructor grew up here and his brother is deaf and went to the state school for the deaf but his family was told like my family was not to sign. I am 10 years younger than his brother and was the first person mainstreamed in my hometown. His wife is an interpreter! I showed him pictures of my hand building pieces and he said I should show! Ha ha I only showed him the good pieces! 😃 but I’m very interested in becoming a member and being able to get into clay again. But now I’m challenged to use the wheel, who knew it was so hard! I’m wondering how I could finance it? Taking an art class here and there I can swing but membership would be expensive.

Nammu, why do they tell your family not to sign?

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow I see my new psychologist today. Wish me luck, I am a bit nervous about starting over with someone new and not knowing what to expect. I am not in the greatest place mentally and I am afraid of being hurt. Keep me in your thoughts.

Starting with a new pdoc isn't easy. One thing I've found is to give it at least 2 sessions before making a decision about whether the pdoc is a good fit.